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"Hey," Jackie says one day, right after soccer practice.
Nat glances up from tying her shoelaces to see Jackie hovering around her, "Yeah? Wait, where's your shadow?"
There's no sign of Shauna in the vicinity, or anyone else actually. They're alone in the locker rooms, a first.
Jackie kicks at the ground, "Uh, I got my license, so she doesn't drive me anymore."
"Cool?" Nat finishes tying her shoelaces and swings her bag over her shoulder.
"Do you, uh," Jackie looks up, big hazel eyes trained on Nat, "do you want to get food? On me."
Nat pauses, debating. On one hand, she wants nothing more than to collapse in her bed after a grueling scrimmage. On the other hand, she's never been one to turn down free food, and plus, then she doesn't have to walk home in the cold. So, after a moment, Nat nods. Jackie lights up like a Christmas tree, a blush spreading across her cheeks like wildfire. A little squeak escapes her mouth, which Nat raises an eyebrow at, before Jackie claps her hands together.
"Great! I mean, cool, I mean," Jackie clears her throat, attempting blaise, "cool."
Nat just nods again, awkwardly shifting her weight from side to side, "Let's go?"
"Yeah! Wait, let me grab your bag," Jackie reaches a hand out.
"Why?" Nat's suspicious again.
"Because I want to," Jackie's answer is simple.
Nat blinks at her, then hands the bag over. As soon as Nat's bag is in her hands, Jackie brightens even more. There's a smile tugging at her cheeks that Jackie is desperately trying to bite back, but Nat can see right through her facade. It doesn't seem like a joke, or a bet, or some kind of charity thing, though. Jackie just seems to be more flustered than usual. Nat can't figure out why, but she trails after her into the parking lot and Jackie's brand-new sedan. It's a baby blue, and it fits her.
Jackie fills the air with small talk, talking enthusiastically with one hand while the other stays on the wheel. Nat hums at the right moments, not finding a point to interject, as they drive. Instead, she takes the time to look out the window at the blanket of snow covering Wiskayok. Before long, they arrive at their destination, a quaint diner on the outskirts of town.
"Wait there," Jackie says as soon as the car is put into park and turned off. Nat raises a quizzical eyebrow, but obeys, as Jackie hops out of the car and races around the other side to open her door. Nat snorts at the absurdity of it all, but gets out and mock bows.
"Oh, dearest Jackie," she teases, "what would I have done if not for you? I'd have to open my own door."
"You never have to again," Jackie says simply, "if you don't want to."
"You offering to be my personal door servant?" Nat snorts.
Jackie cocks her head, "Something like that."
Nat stares up at her; the few inches of height that Jackie has on her makes it seem like a mile. Jackie, normally so expressive, doesn't give anything away now. Her eyes are bright, though, bright and shining with something else there. For the life of her, Nat can't figure out what.
"Come on," Jackie breaks the silence, "it's cold."
She reaches a hand out, hesitant. Nat looks down at it and then back up to Jackie like she's grown another head. In response, she gets a sheepish smile, a silent laugh, and an embarrassed smile. Jackie turns on her heel and enters the diner, and Nat can only follow. They find a table easily and order without any drama. As soon as the waitress leaves, conversation flows like a stream. Jackie steers it, but Nat does her best to answer and follow along on Jackie's long-winded rambles. And look, sure, they've been on a team for years, but they had never been closed. Nat can count the number of times they'd been alone together, and today was by far the longest.
Still, Nat doesn't regret her decision. Jackie's like...cool. Not cool, but cooler than Nat expected. Less stuck up, less snobby, everything that Nat thought she was, Jackie disproves. Sure, she's a little naive and childish, but aren't they all? That's the beauty of being sixteen: it feels like you have power while also having the rest of your life ahead of you. So many possibilities, so many paths to travel, so many people to meet and learn from and love or leave behind.
When their food arrives, Nat watches as Jackie fills every single hole in her waffle with syrup. And no, not in one single pour, more like a hundred mini-pours. By the time she's done, the waffle is drenched in strawberry syrup, and Nat isn't sure whether to be impressed by her meticulousness or disgusted by the amount of sugar on it. Feeling her judgment, Jackie looks up and merely pokes her tongue out.
"It's better this way," Jackie starts, and Nat just smirks, egging her on.
Jackie falls into her trap, beginning a rant to end all rants. Fork in hand, she gestures, waving the metal utensil around. Unconsciously, Nat leans in and rests her head on her hand, content to just watch her. Jackie had always been animated, but here, backlit by the dying, winter sun, she really comes alive. There's light in her voice, light in her eyes, and light surrounding her. It...it makes Nat's heart skip a beat, for reasons she doesn't want to think about. And, yeah, she's always thought Jackie was pretty, but in a way that's more like a decoration. Something to be admired from afar, something never to touch. But this close? Jackie feels...real, and raw, and human, and it only makes her more beautiful.
Nat shakes her head at the intrusive thought. They're barely friends, and Jackie is straight, so it would never work out. Nat doesn't want anything more, after all.
Time passes in the blink of an eye, and when they're done eating, Jackie pays for everything as promised. There's a skip in the other girl's step as they leave, that Nat doesn't question. Outside of the car, Jackie turns to her, wringing her hands together.
"I had fun today," Jackie starts, clearly nervous.
"Me too," Nat admits, shoving her hands into her pockets.
Jackie nods, biting her lip, "Would you...would you want to do this again?"
What's the harm? They're two friends hanging out.
"Sure, Jack," Nat says.
And with the smile Jackie gives her, mischievous but bright like the sun, Nat feels like she somehow won the lottery. That feeling, that sudden warmth, stays in her stomach the entire drive home and the rest of the night. Later, when she's laying in bed, she can't help but replay their hangout. When she closes her eyes, she swears she can see Jackie's smile.
Weird. Whatever.
A few nights later, in the warm, safe haven that Lottie's place has become, everyone's gathered for a sleepover. Taissa and Van are curled up on the loveseat, so entangled with one another that it's hard to tell where one girl begins and the other ends. Shauna is next to Lottie and Laura Lee, absentmindedly looking between the movie and her phone. Jackie, on the other hand, has decided her new spot is right in front of Nat. It's strange, the sudden clinginess that Jackie has developed toward her. Sure, they weren't mortal enemies before the diner, but they weren't exactly close. Nat had her friends - Van, Lottie, sometimes Laura Lee - while Jackie had her own. In a crowded room, Jackie never sought Nat out. Now, it's the complete opposite.
Nat's legs are sprawled in front of her, to the side of Jackie. They don't say anything as the movie drones on, and Nat keeps her eyes locked on the screen even though she can feel Jackie's curious eyes. Nat feels her skin prickle, the desire to look back at her thrumming in her chest. Still, she resists the urge. She keeps her gaze forward, and then, only then, does Jackie decide to move. Before Nat can even notice, Jackie has leaned back, pressing her cheek against Nat's thigh. It's soft pressure, barely there and hesitant, but it startles Nat all the same.
"What-" Nat hisses, then lowers her voice, "what are you doing?"
Jackie turns her head completely, resting her chin on the couch cushion, but keeping her other cheek against Nat's leg. She raises an eyebrow, not daring, but something else.
"Getting comfy," Jackie tells her, "is that okay?"
Nat hesitates for a second. It's only platonic after all, she's seen Jackie cuddle with the others. But for some reason, her heart's beating against her rib cage so hard that she fears it might break through the bones and fall out of her chest. She manages a nod. Jackie smiles up at her, that little crooked grin, then turns back to the movie. Her left cheek presses against her thigh, and then a moment later, Nat feels an arm wrap around her calf. The embrace isn't strong; Nat could break it if she wanted.
She doesn't.
It takes her a moment to remember how to breathe, though.
Beside her, she hears quiet laughter. Nat turns her head to see Van looking at her, smiling ear-to-ear.
Whipped, Van mouths. Nat just furrows her brows in response, then turns back to the tv. Jackie's doing what she always does; she just chose Nat to be her victim tonight. And sure, Nat is blunt and sarcastic and sometimes mean, but she isn't that cruel. No reason to pull away, really.
A week later, Jackie shows up on her doorstep, playing with the strap of her backpack. Nat's still groggy from sleep, and it takes her a moment to place the visitor on her doorstep.
"Jack?" Nat grumbles, "What are you doing here?"
"Here to drive you to school, silly," Jackie reaches in, boops her on the nose, and her finger is gone just as quickly.
Nat blinks at her, the touch taking a while to register, "Huh?"
"Come on, we're gonna be late," Jackie does a half-turn, then spins back, "ooh, wait, let me take your bag."
Dumbly, Nat hands it over without fanfare, her fingers already cold. The walk over to Jackie's car is short, and as soon as the doors open, Nat is hit with a blast of hot air. It's glorious.
"Why are you doing this?" Nat asks, a few minutes later, when her brain is finally working.
Jackie hesitates. Nat watches her fingers flex around the wheel before turning away.
"I wanted to," Jackie says, softly, as if it's a secret, "you shouldn't have to walk. Not when I'm around."
"Chauffer and personal door opener? You spoil me," Nat grins.
Jackie lets out a quiet laugh, then goes quiet. The car fills with thick silence, as if that's not the answer Jackie was looking for, or even wanted. Nat feels like she did something wrong, even though she hasn't a clue what. Still, when they get to school, Jackie dutifully gets out and opens her door. Nat thanks her quietly, then gets out.
"See you at practice?" Nat offers an olive branch.
"Save me a seat at lunch?" Jackie responds, raising the bar.
Nat nods, it's the least she can do for the other girl, and then they walk into school together before going their separate ways. At her locker, Van is already there, a knowing look on her face.
"You and Taylor?" Van teases.
"She drove me," Nat shrugs, "says it's going to start to become a thing."
"As if it isn't a thing," Van nudges her, "I can't believe you."
"What?" Nat turns, confused.
Van's eyebrows raise, "You don't have to act sly, man. Congrats."
Before Nat can question her further, the bell rings, and Van waves before darting off. Nat's left staring after her best friend, dumbfounded.
The fuck?
January passes in a blur, but as the days go on, Nat notices two things. The increased presence of Jackie Taylor and the increased questions about her and Jackie. Well, okay, not like that. It's little, harmless questions. If Jackie is late to lunch, the questions about her whereabouts are directed to Nat. If there's a party later, Nat gets asked if she and Jackie are going. Quickly, they've become a matched set. Nat isn't sure how to feel about that. It's not necessarily bad; she doesn't really mind it, but it's strange. Their group always had their little pairs. Van and Taissa. Laura Lee and Lottie. Jackie and Shauna. Now, Shauna seemed to be the odd man out, while Jackie and Nat became a pair. If Shauna's upset about it, she doesn't show it. Nat'll have to ask her about it later.
At the end of January, Jackie invites her over for a sleepover. Nat agrees, not like she had other plans, which leads her to her current conundrum.
They're in Jackie's bed, hips pressed together, a laptop over their laps, and some shitty 2000s movie playing. Which, in itself, isn't that bad. The bad thing is, Jackie fell asleep. On Nat. Jackie has one arm thrown casually around Nat's waist, her head buried in Nat's shoulder. She can feel the warm exhales leaving Jackie's mouth, and it makes the hair on her arms stand up. This close, Nat can smell her shampoo - vanilla and cinnamon - and it floods her nervous system. She feels abnormally twitchy. As quietly as she can, Nat shuts the movie off and puts the laptop aside.
Unconscious, Jackie curls closer, tightening her grasp. It's not...unwanted touch, but it's nothing that Nat expected. Nat feels sparks under her skin, like a livewire, and that's dangerous territory. They've quickly bridged the gap from peers to friends to...this. Whatever this is. Whatever constitutes daily car rides and being joined at the hip and sleepovers in the same bed, all seemingly overnight. It should feel like friendship, should feel like even becoming best friends, but it doesn't. Sometimes, when Jackie thinks Nat isn't looking, Nat can feel Jackie's eyes on her. It's a soft, gentle thing, nothing but a sparkle in her eyes. But it doesn't feel like friendship. It feels like more. It feels like they're in a weird in-between. Like they're something but nothing. And look, everything between them has been purely platonic. Sure, Jackie kissed her on the cheek the other day during lunch, which definitely did not make Nat's face red like a tomato, but Jackie's done that before to Lottie and Shauna, and Nat's seen it. So, again, not really foreign Jackie Taylor behavior.
Jackie is different from what she thought. She's more put-together than Nat expected, smarter too, and even more hardworking. Nat notices these things now, watching her across the field at practice and the way Jackie dissects plays like a surgeon. She's not the fastest or the strongest player, but she makes up for it. In all the quiet moments, in all the moments where Jackie thinks no one is watching, Nat sees her, truly sees her. And she's...well, she's light.
It's nothing like Nat expected from her, and maybe that's her own fault for putting Jackie on a shitty pedestal and expecting the worst. Sue her, that's what she's been used to all of her life.
"Nat?" Jackie mumbles, breaking Nat out of her thoughts.
"Yes, Jack?" Nat responds, not recognizing her own voice for a second. Her tone is...soft, too soft for the moment. There's too much emotion there; she can hear her own yearning in her voice.
"'m sleepy," Jackie says.
Hesitantly, Nat reaches an arm out and curls it around Jackie's back. Not bringing her closer, not pushing her away. Just keeping her where she is.
"Go to bed," Nat teases, but there's no bite.
"Will you stay?" Jackie asks, too much weight in her voice.
It causes Nat to stiffen for a second. She's not sure if she just misread the tone, or if her own exhaustion is getting to her.
"Of course," Nat tells her.
Jackie hums, cuddling closer, and Nat is helpless to do anything but let her. Within minutes, Jackie is out again, her breath rising and falling rhythmically. Silently, Nat just watches. The night feels weird, like they're on the precipice of something, like one wrong move and she's going to fall.
Jackie tightens her grip. Nat's not sure falling would be so bad.
"Where's your better half?" Taissa snarks one day at lunch.
Nat just shrugs her off, not thinking anything of the comment, "Jack? Probably still in Chem. She stays after sometimes."
Nat's hyper-focused on her phone, reading her last text to Jackie, and misses the knowing looks between Taissa and Van.
"We should all hang sometime," Van says, casually, "me, you, Jackie, Tai."
"Sure," Nat shrugs again, unbothered, "ask Jack when she's free."
"What about you?" Tai presses.
"I'm usually free. Or with her," Nat answers, still concentrated on her phone.
Someone gasps at the table. Probably Lottie. Nat still doesn't register the noise. A minute passes before a body sits next to her, and then, only then, does Nat look up.
"Hey, Jack," Nat greets, "saved you a seat."
"Like usual," Jackie teases, "thank you."
Jackie squeezes her hand, affectionate as always, and Nat just smiles, not a full-blown one, just something small, before turning to her food.
"What the fuck," Shauna whisper-yells.
"Problem, Shipman?" Nat's never one to back down from a fight.
Shauna doesn't even seem phased, easy grin on her lips, "Nope. Nope. Shutting up. Good for you, Jax."
"Thanks," Jackie grins, wide.
"What'd ya do?" Nat turns.
Jackie just rolls her eyes, no heat behind it, "Don't worry about it."
Nat just believes her and turns back to her food.
The week of Valentine's Day comes just like any other week. Unbridled, slow, and nothing of occasion. That is, until on Monday, four days before Valentine's Day, Jackie picks her up with a single rose in her hand. Nat takes it, twirling it between her fingers.
"What's the occasion?" Nat asks as Jackie pulls out of the trailer park.
"Wanted to. Besides, Valentine's Day is this week," Jackie grins.
"Yeah, and?" Nat raises an eyebrow.
Jackie rolls her eyes, "You know why."
Nat definitely doesn't. She feels like she's missing something, but she's too prideful to admit it. So instead, she just nods and goes quiet, still looking down at the rose. It's white, more original, and Nat's never been a flowers girl before, but it makes her hands shake a little, and her heart beat a little faster.
"Thanks, Jack," Nat finally says as they park in the parking lot.
"Anything for you," Jackie murmurs, and it's too much for seven a.m., too much care in her words, so Nat bolts as soon as her door's opened.
As soon as she's in the clear, Nat slows down, her grip tightening on the rose. The fuck?
On Wednesday, Jackie joins her at her locker. Nat's in the middle of putting her things away when Jackie clears her throat, as if Nat hadn't felt her presence minutes before.
"Yeah?" Nat asks, eyes still on her books.
"So...what are you doing for Valentine's Day?" Jackie asks, bouncing on the tip of her toes.
"Uh, jack shit like usual," Nat slams her locker closed.
"I mean...really?" Jackie suddenly looks smaller, her hand rubbing at the back of her neck, "We're not going to do anything?"
"Why would we?" Nat's eyebrows furrow together.
Jackie's face flushes red, and she looks away, "Because it's our first one together."
Nat swears her brain short-circuits, "What?"
Jackie goes still, like a statue. After a moment, her eyes meet Nat's, "Y-yeah, I mean-"
"Together as friends, you mean," Nat's deeply confused, "we can like, catch a movie or something if you want."
It's the wrong answer, evidently. Nat watches, as if the moment is slowed, as Jackie's expression goes blank. The sparkle in her eyes is no longer there. Jackie clutches her books closer to her chest, her nervous fidgeting completely stilling. This close, Nat can see the way Jackie's bottom lip wobbles. She wishes there were more space between them.
"Oh," Jackie's crestfallen, closing herself so fast that Nat can't even think of a way to salvage the moment, "I-, uh, sorry. I must've-, I should, I should go."
"Jack-" Nat reaches for her, a second too late, as Jackie retreats and runs away.
Nat stares after her, feeling a mixture of guilt and confusion. Why would we spend Valentine's Day together? We're not dating.
She knows the truth, that they're not together, even though her heart wants another thing. She doesn't know why Jackie would react the way she did. Still, still, she wishes she could turn back time, flip the hourglass over again, or shove the grains of sand back in. It feels like a loss, Jackie not being by her side, and it had only been a few minutes. She doesn't know what to do.
"I think I hurt Jackie," are the first words out of Nat's mouth as she sits down at the cafeteria table.
Immediately, Lottie and Laura Lee snap out of their little love bubble, turning their attention to her. No one else is here yet, so Nat needs to get a handle on the situation quickly, before the others arrive and see her spiraling.
"What happened?" Laura Lee asks.
"She asked about my plans for Valentine's Day," Nat starts, guilt creeping back in, "I said I wasn't going to do anything, and she got really upset and was like, 'but it's our first one,' and I was like, 'as friends?' and-"
"You fuckin' dumbass," Lottie bemoans, beginning to knock her forehead against the metal table.
Nat stops herself, eyes wide, "What?"
"Nat," Laura Lee begins, sickly sweet, "why would you say that to your girlfriend?"
"Huh? She isn't my girlfriend," Nat's still deeply, deeply confused.
"Holy shit," Lottie groans, this time rubbing a hand over her face, "cut the act!"
"What act?" Nat's voice rises in frustration.
"We know you're both together," Laura Lee says, more calmly, "you don't have to pretend."
"But...we aren't," Nat answers.
A second passes. Laura Lee and Lottie blink at her simultaneously.
"You're...not?" Lottie says in disbelief.
"I mean, yeah, nothing's been made official. We haven't gone on any dates or anything. We haven't even kissed," Nat supplies.
"Natalie Scatorccio," Lottie starts slowly, "even if it's not official, you truly, deeply believe you guys aren't dating."
"Uh, yeah?"
"Oh my god!" Lottie's hands reach out, fast as a bullet, and clutch onto Nat's shoulders. She begins to shake her and Nat pries at her, but Lottie has a surprisingly strong grip.
"Baby, baby, please stop," Laura Lee puts a hand on Lottie's shoulder.
As fast as Lottie reached out, the hands were gone. Lottie takes a deep breath, "Nat. She holds your hand in public. She has kissed you on the cheek in front of all of us. She clings to you like a koala. The last sleepover, you both fell asleep cuddling."
"And? She does that to everyone," Nat responds, eyebrows furrowed.
"To who?" Lottie shrieks, "When was the last time she did that?"
"Uh..."
Come to think of it, Nat can't remember a specific date. She just knows she remembers seeing it before.
"Okay, so she's really affectionate, and?"
"My dear, stupid, stupid friend. You text her nonstop. You sleep over at her house, in the same bed, like every other night. She drives you everywhere you want, she opens your door, no matter where you're going. She buys you things, you buy her things! You talk about her like she wrote the Bible," Laura Lee says, a little kinder, "you two are literally dating."
"But we've never been on a date," Nat says feebly.
Lottie groans again, "Nat. Recount how you two became friends again."
"Uh, Jack asked if I wanted to get food when we were alone in the locker room. She said she'd pay and-...oh," Nat stops herself, completely short-circuiting.
The tiny, intimate moments they've shared pass through her head like a slideshow. Jackie holding her hand before a game and squeezing three times. Jackie clinging to her arm at a party. Jackie always opening her door, always carrying her bag for her.
I wanted to. Anything for you.
Would...would you want to do this again?
"Holy shit," Nat breathes.
"Yeah, you fuckin' idiot," Lottie hisses, "you guys have been dating for like, a month now. Literally everyone else has realized this, except you."
"I'm going to go die in a hole now," Nat hides her head in her hands, "oh my god, oh my god, oh my god-"
"I think an apology is better, first and foremost. Then, if it doesn't go well, you can go die in a hole," Laura Lee says brightly.
"Fuck, what the hell do I get a girl for Valentine's Day?" Nat bemoans.
Laura Lee and Lottie share a decisive look, "We can help."
Nat raises her eyes, just slightly, with a pleading look in her eyes. Lottie just grins.
Which leads to now, at 12 am the day of Valentine's Day, with Nat standing on Jackie's lawn, an overpriced portable speaker in hand. There's only one light on in the house, coming from Jackie's bedroom, and Nat thanks whatever god there is that she knows Jackie's parents are out of town. Nat takes a deep breath in, her hands shaking, and then presses play on her phone.
Seconds later, The Alchemy by Taylor fuckin Swift starts playing. Nat is internally cringing out of her skin, but Jackie loves that song, and she's been playing it on repeat every drive for the last week. Yeah, Nat really should've seen the signs earlier. Nat feels twitchy all over, rocking back and forth and hoping for any sort of response. And look, the music is loud. If a nosey neighbor doesn't scream at her in the next few minutes, then it's a minor victory in itself.
Luckily for her, she doesn't have to entertain that thought because the curtains on Jackie's window get whipped open. Nat sees a familiar head of brunette hair peek out, and her body relaxes on instinct. She must look ridiculous, a balloon tied to her arm, a bouquet in one hand, and the speaker in the other. Jackie peeks her head out and says nothing as her mouth drops open.
"Can we talk?" Nat yells.
No response. Jackie keeps glaring at her.
"Please?" Nat asks, a little weaker.
The curtains get closed. Nat still stands on the lawn, but deflates. She waits a little longer before she turns on her heel. She's ready to call this attempt a failure and go ask someone else for advice. Her shoulders slump, and she stops the music on the speaker.
"Hey, I like that song," a soft, slightly hoarse voice chimes in.
Nat whirls on her heels, eyes wide, to see Jackie Taylor leaning against her doorframe, the front door wide open. Her feet move without her thinking, and then Nat is racing toward her.
"I'm sorry," Nat starts, not even crossing the threshold as she shoves the flowers forward, "I got these for you."
Jackie's expression doesn't change from unimpressed, but she takes the flowers, "I need to get a vase."
Nat nods, unmoving as Jackie steps back into the house. A few feet away, Jackie stops, sighs, and glances over her shoulder, "Are you coming or not?"
"Right, right," Nat nods vigorously, rushing inside.
That, in itself, is a mistake. The balloon is floating a little too high and gets caught, causing her to stumble back a foot. Nat clears her throat, face red, as she grabs the balloon and then, only then, safely makes it inside. She closes the door behind her. Jackie doesn't look back at her, busying herself with finding a face and putting the flowers in it.
"You wanted to talk?" Jackie finally says what feels like years later.
"Yeah, I uh," Nat takes a deep breath, fiddling with the balloon string and untying it as she talks, "I wanted to apologize. Because I'm stupid and dumb and, uh, gay. Stupid and dumb and gay. I...did not realize we were dating. Not that I'm unhappy about it! Sorry, I mean, I'm like, really happy about it. It's...neat."
Neat? Neat? Are you fucking kidding me?
"I mean, it's awesome, and like, a dream come true. That we're dating. If we still are," Nat realizes she's getting ahead of herself, "I thought you treated all your friends like that. And you're obviously beautiful and amazing and funny and thoughtful, but I didn't wanna assume anything, and I also thought you were straight."
Silence. Jackie just crosses her arms, still looking unimpressed.
"Tough crowd," Nat jokes, only to get no response, "right. Right. I didn't realize the first time we hung out was a date. Because uh, I have never been on a date before. So I thought we were just hanging out, and then we became close,r and it was like, wow, so cool, but also I didn't want to cross a boundary. Right. I said that. Uh. Yeah. I'm really sorry."
"You thought I looked at all of our friends the way I look at you?" Jackie says dryly.
"I thought I was just imagining things! It...seemed too good to be true, I'm sorry," Nat repeats, scuffing her shoe against the ground.
Jackie still hasn't moved, but she looks a little less angry than before.
Time for the big guns.
"Uh, Lottie helped me make a poem. That I wrote. For you, obviously," Nat rambles, "so here goes. Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm dumb and stupid and a fool, but all I want is you. Will you date me, for real?"
Jackie blinks at her, "That last part didn't rhyme."
"Work in progress."
A second passes. Jackie shakes her head, but then she moves in the blink of an eye. She's crossing the room, and before Nat knows it, she's within arm's reach. Jackie looks down at her, thoughtfully, unhurried, before she reaches out and places a gentle hand on Nat's cheek. The sparks are instant, sending tingling through her entire skeleton, and Nat can't help but smile. Jackie softens at that, gently rubbing her thumb across Nat's cheekbone.
"You're stupid," Jackie says softly, the insult not fully landing, "and you really hurt me."
"Just because I'm dumb doesn't mean the moments weren't real," Nat tries to soothe, "but I'd really like to take you on a real date. And then maybe, if you like it, we could be, like, real girlfriends."
Her throat feels dry. Her mouth feels like cotton. Jackie's smile is a little sharp, "It was real to me."
"I'm stupid," Nat repeats, unsure of what else to say.
"I know," Jackie murmurs.
Before Nat can say anything else, Jackie leans forward, wordlessly pressing their lips together. It's soft, barely there pressure, but Nat feels her soul sing. Without hesitation, she reaches forward, wrapping a hand around Jackie's waist and bringing her closer. Their lips meet again, a little more sure, a little stronger. If Nat died now, she'd be happy.
"You're stupid," Jackie says, as she pulls away.
"I am," Nat agrees.
"But you're my idiot," Jackie's smile is just pure fondness, just pure adoration.
Nat feels her heart skip a beat, "You mean-?"
"Just kiss me again, dummy," Jackie rolls her eyes.
Nat doesn't hesitate and kisses her. Again and again and again. As many times as Jackie wants. Now that it's real, now that they're real. Or well, real to her. They've always been real to Jackie.