Chapter Text
What do I do now?
After seeing Lady Rozemyne and Lord Ferdinand off, I could no longer hold back all of the emotions that were still raging inside of me. So much had happened in one day, it was near impossible to wrap my head around. When I had caught Jonsara yet again going after my mother’s feystone this morning, I hadn’t thought it would come to this. I had prayed to the gods countless times for some way to stop her. That it would eventually come by my own hands, was… hard to accept.
Though I had been granted power over her as the head of the house, I did not feel powerful. Just this morning, when I spoke out against her, she beat me with her schtappe and locked me in a closet. My only saving grace had been an unfortunate choice of lie, and the fact that Damuel could sense my mana. She was gone now. So were my bruises. But my heart still ached from the nights spent under her tyranny, and from the worries about what would happen to Konrad.
He only just barely had enough mana to become a laynoble. Really, he had only been baptised because mother had known how little time she had left, and she wanted to see it happen. As Lady Rozemyne’s retainer, I was already scheduled to receive the opportunity to learn her compression method. I wanted to ask about Konrad, because he desperately needed more mana, but I simply could not afford the price of the contract for him. It was only my service to Lady Rozemyne that meant I did not need to pay for myself.
In fact, I would struggle to pay for a great number of things, now. Konrad aside, I was unsure if my retainer income was enough to cover both my household expenses and my continued education. Neither were cheap, and though Lady Rozemyne paid generously, and allowed me to complete crest work at the Academy to earn an extra income, I would need to spend days familiarising myself with my family’s finances just to come to a conclusion.
And then there was the matter of my father… I couldn’t forgive him for being so permissive with Jonsara. She had seen fit to trample over my mother’s legacy at every opportunity, and only worsened with the birth of her son. Yet Father had never intervened, even allowing her to use the income I had brought back home to aid our family on personal expenses and trends. I simply did not know what to do.
So I sat on the floor of the parlor for a while, idly toying with the hem of Damuel’s cape as I dwelled on my thoughts. Gods above, that had been so embarrassing. It had hardly been that long since I had put my hair up, so it wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen me with my hair down before. But the difference between my hair being down and my hair being untied, as it had been when he found me was mortifying, even after so short a period. I was grateful for him, of course. Who know when I would have been let out of that closet had he not kicked the door down? I’d been terrified at first, until I’d seen him bravely standing above me, and he’d offered me my modesty with his cape. And when I could not stand from the pain in my limbs that Jonsara had inflicted upon me, he’d held me ever so gently…
I heard the door open next to me and I jumped.
“Sorry!” Damuel called out, “I’m sorry. I should have knocked.”
He had left to give me a moment of privacy, and had returned, apparently, with tea. He set it down on the nearby table, and then offered me a hand to help me to my feet. For an awkward moment, I wondered if he intended to escort me. To my surprise, he did. Once he had guided me to my seat, he took his just across from me. He was close enough to reach out to.
“I should-”
“My-”
We both started speaking at the same time, and I couldn’t help but blush from the awkwardness. Still, he smiled at me.
“Please go ahead, Lady Melvius. It is your home.” Damuel said. I still wasn’t quite sure how to feel about that title. To me, it had always belonged to Mother. Father was the acting patriarch, and… well I wasn’t even sure where the confusion had begun at this point. Father, Jonsara, both of them had contributed to it in small ways. But I had simply never had the confidence to think I would succeed my mother.
“Just… just Philine, please, Damuel,” I said, and he nodded, “I was going to say that I should give you back your cape. I believe it has served your intended purpose for it now.”
I raised my hand to the clasp that was holding it in place about my shoulders, and Damuel raised his own to stop me.
“Any comfort my cape can provide, I am glad for it to give,” He said, sounding exactly like the protagonist of a love story, “In fact, I was going to apologise. I’m no attendant, so unfortunately my tea isn’t very good.”
As if to emphasise his point, he took the teapot and quickly poured two steaming cups. He placed one in front of me, before taking his own and sipping.
“Well,” He muttered, “That certainly counts as tea.”
I picked up the tea cup he’d placed in front of me, and took a sip myself. He was right to say it wasn’t very good. After being exposed to the kinds of teas Lady Rozemyne would regularly drink, I could confidently say that this did not fall in that same exalted category. But it was simpler. Humbler. It wasn’t bad.
After a long stretch of silence, I spoke up, “I should check on Konrad.”
“He is taking some time to himself in his chambers.” Damuel said. I couldn’t really hide my surprise at that.
“You checked on him?” I asked.
“I was simply ensuring that Lady Jonsara and Lady Eineira were indeed spending their time packing.” Damuel said. Still, I couldn’t help but think of it as sweet of him. When he’d come to save me, he’d looked as if he was a knight in shining armour. It seemed he shared some of the traits with one, too.
“Thank you.” I said, and he just shook his head.
“Think nothing of it. Lady Rozemyne has tasked me with ensuring things here proceed smoothly, so that she no longer worries,” Damuel said, though the mention of his worries was a little deflating, “Though… I was a little concerned. Does Konrad not have a hidden room?”
Oh.
“He doesn’t,” I shook my head, “Mother wasn’t able to make one with him, and Father was always too busy. And Konrad… is not exactly mana rich.” I said. It hurt a little, honestly. With Mother gone, Konrad hadn’t had that same experience I had, that all nobles had with their parents. That first hidden room wasn’t just a reprieve, it was a sign that you were growing up. That you were trusted to have a space entirely for yourself. And for laynobles on the weaker end, like my family was, making your first hidden room with a parent wasn’t just that familial moment – it lessened the mana burden. Konrad needed to save everything he could for the Academy, so wasting his mana on making a hidden room all by himself was just something he couldn’t afford.
“I see. That is a shame. I think he could use some space.” Damuel said. It was so strange to hear Damuel putting so much thought into Konrad’s wellbeing. Jonsara never had. Father often forgot all about him. Oftentimes, it felt like I was the only one who even cared whether he lived or died.
“I think I could use some too,” I sighed, “But I have responsibilities, I suppose. I need to figure out how I’m going to talk to my father about all of this, and then… Figure out money. It might be disrespectful of me, but I’ve often wondered if my life would have been easier if I was a commoner. For the most part, all that would change would be that I wouldn’t have to worry about mana and politics. My household expenses would certainly be cheaper.”
A wry smile spread across my lips as I spoke. I hadn’t a clue why I was being so honest in front of Damuel, but he took it in stride.
“I definitely thought so after I first met Frieda. My family was struggling for so long, and yet all of our financial problems could be solved just by helping out a sickly girl who liked counting her money.” He chuckled. I found myself laughing, too. I’d spoken with Frieda a number of times at the Academy, enough that I thought we were actually quite close, and her particularities had been quite apparent. Of course, I was in a distinctly different situation than Damuel’s family had been, but it was a nice thought.
“Mm, but of course, with Lady Rozemyne as an example, our perspectives might be skewed.” I smiled at him. I might have been imagining things, but I thought I saw the faintest reddening in his cheeks. It quickly disappeared thought, and was replaced by a markedly more serious expression.
“Philine, I have to ask, are your finances truly so dire?” Damuel said. I had to take a moment to ponder it. While I wasn’t regularly exposed to the household budget, I’d helped Father with paperwork as part of my scholar’s training, so I had a general idea. He didn’t make much. Before I found work, he made just barely enough to cover our expenses, and that was when we only had the cooks in the kitchens for a few bells, and our nice outfits were limited to that which we wore to the castle, or in my case, the Academy, for special events and winter socialising. At home I mostly wore what could be considered commoner clothing – indeed, that had been partly why I was so grateful for Damuel’s cape.
But now… Jonsara hadn’t been contributing for a long while. Not since before she’d fallen pregnant. Eineira had been an active drain on the household, but one that had, at least occasionally, contributed something. Father… if he reacted poorly, and I lost his income too, I had no idea if we’d be able to survive.
“I think that depends on my father.” I told him, honestly, and he frowned.
“I do not think he will take kindly to the fact that you have evicted his second wife and child… Philine, may I be honest? Even if it may seem hurtful?” Damuel asked. I…
“Yes. I think I need help, Damuel. I have no idea if I can do this on my own.”
Damuel sighed.
“That’s what I’m worried about. Frankly, I believe your Father should remain with his new son, even if only as a kindness to the child. If not having his income to contribute to your household means you will be in dire straits, then I am concerned that that will become a weakness people try to exploit to either harm you, or Lady Rozemyne. I do not want that to happen.” Damuel said. In all honesty, I hadn’t even thought about that yet. I’d been so focussed on everything else, the thought that someone else might use this as an opportunity to exploit me hadn’t even crossed my mind.
“Do you have a suggestion, in that regard? I worry I’m to fraught to think clearly at the moment.” I said.
If only I had someone to support me like Lord Ferdinand supports Lady Rozemyne…
“I do. But if you are feeling strained, I do not wish to add to that. We could postpone any further discussion until you’ve had a chance to meet with your father?” Damuel asked, but I shook my head. The more I thought about it, the more I knew he wasn’t going to stay here. Either I would kick him out for enabling Jonsara, he would leave voluntarily to support his new son wherever Jonsara went, or both. Probably both.
“No. Now is better, so I can go into that discussion with everything possible.” I said, and Damuel nodded.
“There is a way for my family to give yours financial support,” He said, cautiously, “And it would prevent further exploitation from others.”
That sounds perfect!
“What, exactly?” I asked, and Damuel blushed.
“Well, if you and I were engaged-”
Pop!
I didn’t hear the rest of what Damuel said, as it felt like my mind had just burst from embarrassment with that statement alone. Me and Damuel? Engaged? He was… I mean he was… He was amazing. He was kind, and patient, and a little handsome, and he had saved me. Plus all of the other benefits that he was probably explaining while I was entirely elsewhere. I’d never put much thought into marriage, because I had always assumed that Father would arrange it for me, as was the norm for every other girl I knew. I’d never thought… well I suppose it didn’t really matter. It was my choice now. If I wanted to get engaged to Damuel, all I actually needed was his brother’s approval.
And Lady Rozemyne’s assent. It’s only proper to ask one’s lady about their marriage, lest it impact her negatively.
“Damuel,” I said, inadvertently cutting him off, “Are you sure?”
It took just a moment for him to nod.
“After shaming you as I did earlier today, it is the least I can offer.” He said.
That had better not be your motivation for this!
“Is that why you’re doing this?” I asked, letting a little bit of my emotion carry into my tone, “Just because you feel you shamed me?”
“I… No,” He blushed, “I admit it is more complicated than that.”
I had to admit, Damuel was kind of cute when he was bashful.
“So then, do you bear a rafel for me?”
He looked away, “I would not be opposed to nurturing one. For now, perhaps it would be better to say that I admire your embroidery.”
I smiled over at him, even if he seemed resolve not to meet my eyes. I had spent this entire conversation wrapped in his cape, hadn’t I? He’d offered it to me as comfort even before talks of engagement had come up. I think all of the other reasons, though important, didn’t matter in the end. I accepted because he was kind.
“Then, should your family be agreeable, I would be happy to add some to you cape.”