Chapter Text
“Did you find a movie yet?”
“No,not yet-Oh,wait!”
…
“Yep,got it”
Springs at the Tsukishimas always had a peaceful and cozy vibe.It was chill Friday evenings like this one that really set the tone.The sun peeked through dainty,fluffy clouds,painting the sky in orange and pink hues.It casted a golden light that seeped through the window blinds into the living room.The faint sound of the AC could be heard throughout the halls,bringing a cold yet comfortable breeze.And the citrusy, ocean-like smell of the house from the mother's cleaning products somehow reeked of nostalgia.
Akiteru was washing the dishes from the dinner table,looking at the pretty sunset through the window above the kitchen sink.The little basketball court in their backyard brought him back to memories of when he and his little brother would spend their whole day outside playing volleyball.Their mom and uncle would sit on the back porch, chuckling to themselves as they watched the brothers practice spikes and serves, occasionally yelling at eachother if they hit the ball too hard.
But now, as Akiteru glanced at the worn-out volleyball in the yard and the empty chairs where his family would usually sit at to drink their morning coffee and discuss mundane, boring adult topics, an overwhelming sadness washed over him as he realized him and his brother were all grown-up now,and that all of their memories together were becoming lost fragments of the past.Eventually,his mind returned to the present,where he refocused his attention to the tasks at hand.
Because their mom was out of town to visit their grandma, the older brother was left in charge of all the more “important” chores inside the house.Clean the rooms,prepare breakfast lunch and dinner,wash dishes and iron clothes.She assured him they'd be fine since it was only a 3 day trip,but Akiteru would like to argue that “it felt more like 3 years”instead.But in the end he wouldn't want to complain too much.The memories and familiarity of the home brought him comfort.It really couldn't be compared to the busy city life he has to live everyday at his apartment in Sendai.
Just as he finished washing all the plates and glasses,Akiteru quickly flopped down onto the couch cushion next to his little brother with a bowl of buttery popcorn in his hands.Since they were home alone, they agreed to watch a movie as a way to spend “quality time" with eachother, much to Kei’s delight.
Ok,that sounds a little mean.
Kei didn't *hate* spending time with his brother,as much as it seemed like it.He wanted to hang out with him, he really did! But Aki’s attempts at having a conversation or "bonding" every time he came home to visit felt a bit..suffocating.And awkward.
He admits that as they grew older, they both started distancing themselves.It was unintentional at first,but after a while it just became apparent they didn't like eachother anymore.And the "cheerleader incident"(as Kei now liked dubbing it for his amusement) really wasn't helping their case.They also had this weird thing going on where they wouldn't utter a single word to one another.It went for about 2 months before their mom got tired of it and forcefully sat them down to make them fix their relationship.It was bad.
But ever since Kei had graduated middle school,it seemed like he *tried* to reconnect with his older brother again.And while they are doing way better now,things still felt *juust* a tiny bit stiff and tense.But then again,he did promise his mom he would *try* to hang out with Aki while she's gone,and in the end, this wasn't as bad as he had imagined at first.
“So whaddya pick?” Akiteru asked as he brought a handful of popcorn to his mouth.
“I don't know,some type of early 2000’s coming of age story?Let me find the name”
“Wow,didn't think you'd be into that type of thing..seems a little too *cheesy* for you “
Kei shot him a glare “Stop talking.”
“Okkk,my baddd.." he apologized while raising his hands in the air as a way to retreat from his statement
“So it's called “Pilot Jones” and it's about a guy who has a crush on his best friend but he's too scared to admit his feelings so he sets up his friend with a classmate of theirs.”
“Damn”
“Yeah,pretty cheesy stuff, but it was either this or “Spongebob:The movie” so…”
“Hey! I like Spongebob!!”
Kei looked at him with an amused look “You would..”
“Whatever man,just play the movie”Aki said in defeat as Kei took the remote from the coffee table
...
Akiteru always had a bad habit of talking during movies,over analyzing the scenes and dialogue or just yapping about a completely unrelated topic.But sometimes if he wasn't all that interested in the plot, he would forget character's names and get lost in the action.And tonight was one of those times.
“What’s this guy's name again?”
“You mean the main character that was introduced 20 minutes ago?”
…
“Shit,i think i forgot to pay my phone bill.”
“...and you remembered this *now*?”
…
“Wait,the main guy likes his best friend?”
“That's literally the plot of the movie…I read it out loud to you before we started!”Kei's hands flew to his head to rub his temples,answering his brother's dumb question with a hint of frustration in his voice.It was silly moments like these that made Kei want to understand how Akiteru managed to survive for this long on planet Earth.
“Well,i mean yeah,but..i didn't realize the best friend was a guy.”
Kei’s slightly annoyed expression from before shifted into one of surprise and worry,as he became more aware of what his brother actually just said.His jaw clenched as his brows furrowed
Obviously from his reaction,Kei didn't actually know Akiteru’s opinions on queer people.And from the way he spoke it didn't sound like he was disgusted by it or something.And though he didn't believe he'd be homophobic, the younger brother still had a few doubts he just had to shut down permanently
"...And is that a problem..?”Kei asked him then cauciously, with a hint of concern in his voice
“Oh,god no!! Obviously not! I was just caught by surprise,that's all.Though,heh..i'd probably have known earlier on had i actually payed attention? Haha!”Aki jokingly said so as to ease the tension he created by accident
“Oh..”
“No but seriously,I think it's actually pretty neat!I do find the teenage guy in love with his girl bestfriend trope a *tad* bit overused.”
“...I see..”Kei, now looking at his hands, had a weary expression on his face.Aki's words replayed in his mind,his focus on the movie long gone by then.He only hoped his brother wouldn't notice as he didn't have the energy to answer his questions.But after a few minutes,Akiteru turned towards his brother
“Hey,is uhm…is something wrong?”
“..No...?Why do you ask..?” Kei mumbled
“I don't know,you just seem a little…upset.You're not even paying attention to the movie anymore."
So he did notice.
Kei now trying to deviate from the subject answered his brother mockingly
"Right,and *you are*? You had to ask me for the main character's name 20 minutes in."
"Pfft,yeah,fair enough.But,my point still stands.You know you can talk to me if something's botherin’ you.”Akiteru softened his gaze,reassuring his brother
“Yeah,i-..(ugh) i know.I told you,i’m fine.So,quit asking!”kei snapped back
“Oh-kay…just checking.” he said as he backed down
A few more minutes pass and Akiteru starts talking again,in an attempt pry his brother open from the invisible shield he put up.
“How’s Tadashi by the way?I haven't seen him around here at all this week!”
“He’s fine..He’s just been pretty busy preparing for high school since we're starting next week.”The mention of his best friend brought butterflies in his stomach
“Oh yeah,right.Good to hear he’s still around though!At least you're going to Karasuno together,as friends!..You guys *are* still friends…right?”
Kei rolled his eyes and looked at him with a blank face.
“Don't be stupid.Of course we're still friends.”
“Okay,just wondering,don't have to be an ass about it…”his brother said, a slight smirk growing on his face.
Kei scoffs at that remark.
The mood was different.Compared to the chill and cozy vibe from the beginning,the atmosphere now became awkward and tense.And even though Akiteru never intended to make it like that,Kei couldn't help but feel like there was pressure put under him.
Because he has a huge secret he's been keeping for a while,never too sure of when to bring it up.
Kei is queer.
He’s actually known for quite a long time,ever since he was 12.Nobody else knows,not even his best friend.And it's not that he's ashamed of it.It just never came up in conversations.But he can't really deny the fact that he does feel a bit uneasy whenever the topic is brought up.And that's pretty much what Akiteru did tonight,unintentionally some would argue, when he asked that dumb question since he didn't pay enough attention to the movie.
But then again,it's Kei’s fault for choosing the gayest movie ever from the list.Why the hell did he choose it ?! It really wasn't some authentic masterpiece of a movie.It just seemed like a fun title and figured they'd crack a few jokes here and there about the poor quality and cringy writing.
In his defense,when he read the synopsis he didn't think much of it and assumed Akiteru wouldn't mind.And he doesn't! So that's great!
…
So then why does he feel so tense?
It should be fine.It’s his brother after all.Even if they're not exactly on great terms they still talk and hang out.They're doing it right now! So,if he were to tell him the truth,things would be fine..right?
Kei swallowed the invisible nod from his throat and tried to act normal so as to not raise anymore questions from his bro.He’s been contemplating for a while if he should tell him or not,since he and their mom have been bugging him about geting a girlfriend or falling in love since "he's at that age now".But given that Aki doesn't mind the subject,he might as well go ahead and spill it out.
But it's hard.It’s hard for him to open up.Come out of his shell.He’s just been difficult like that his whole life.It wouldn't necessarily be an issue if he were to talk to a stranger about it.But it's different when it comes to his brother,his mom,hell even his friend!They know him on a deeper level.They know his wishes,his regrets,his weakness and strenghts it's just..It's different.It’s especially difficult for him to be so vulnerable and show the sides of him nobody's ever really seen.
But maybe that's the thrill of it.Maybe this is exactly what he needs.To be open,not shy away from his emotions.To give out his 100%
It felt silly to ask for signs,but the universe might've somehow read his mind because at that exact moment the character on-screen came out to his older sister in a very emotional gesture.It was honestly quite cheesy and Kei thought to himself unamused (what are the chances..).He did find it heartwarming but still a little cringy.But it seemed like Akiteru had a whole different reaction.He was really moved by it because he became very focused on the tv.
“That's so…sweet.Isn't it? Being able to open up about it..to talk so freely, especially to his sister..It feels comforting almost..hah” Akiteru spoke up,and Kei swore he saw a few tears forming into his eyes.
So he found it sweet? The tears might've been a bit much but as over-emotional as the scene may have been Kei actually reflected on it.He tried imagining himself and Akiteru as the brother and sister.And it seemed..ok ? A pretty successful outcome almost
Maybe that was his cue.Maybe now is the perfect time to bring it up.It still took him some time to find the courage in him to begin talking
“Hey…uhm,remember 30 minutes ago when you asked me if i was alright and i told you i was?”
"Yeah...?"
"Well, I lied."
"Oh."
"Yeah.It's just..It's a bit awkward to bring it up.Especially now."
"Wha-"
"You'll understand eventually.But yeah..it's a bit weird.I just don't really know where to start."
Akiteru turned his head towards his brother and you could tell his demeanor changed in an instant just as his little brother finished his sentence
“Are you ok?Did something happen?”
"Not exactly.Uh..it's nothing bad it's just...damn(Ok,here goes)..so uhm,i know you’ve already said it like a million times,that i can always tell you anything and that you're here for me but uh..it's pretty hard for me to talk about anything to anyone, and well..i just-
Akiteru remained quiet,looking at him with anticipation but still patiently waiting for him to continue his thought
“I guess I'm just not sure how *you* would react if i told you this,even though you’d probably be fine with it.But I've never really had to talk to anyone about this before so i just feel a little out of my comfort zone and..Shit..this is ..weird-”
“Hey, hey..it's cool.Take your time,i’m listening.”Aki’s gaze softened as he placed a reassuring hand on Kei’s shoulder
This was really weird for him.He was always calm and collected, even in panic induced situations.Some might say he was "the pessimistic voice of reason".But he was never nervous about saying the wrong thing or stumbling on his words.In essence,Kei was a very well-spoken guy.But now he was looking like a kicked puppy, very anxious and almost afraid of saying anything that might give Akiteru the wrong impression.
“okay.” Kei swallowed once again,hard
"It's gonna sound really silly but..You know how in the movie the main character, Mike, like..his parents would pester him about getting a girlfriend and he would always feel uncomfortable about that because, well, he was..y'know...
And yeah,well,i guess when i look at those moments it just sorta reminds me of..us.
You and mom have been pestering me about getting a girlfriend or falling in love for quite sometime now,and while i find it annoying and i always try to shut it down i just..it's silly to think about because..because i know you guys mean well but...I guess when you also ask me about having relationships with a girl i just feel this pressure settling on my shoulders,like a drop of rain falling right before a really big storm...Because i know that your wish of me finding comfort in being with a girl is not real..
I'm..i'm never gonna meet up to your expectations because.."
Kei took a deep breath in,trying to calm himself so that the words will come out properly(like himself)
...
“Uhm…I’m gay.”
...
“Oh.”
It took Aki a minute to register Kei’s sentence but after a bit of an awkward silence,he finally spoke up
“Okay.”
…
HUH??THAT'S IT???
“uhm..Okay??That's *all* you gotta say..?”
“Well,i’m still trying to process it honestly…
But I'm very proud of you!”
“I-..”
“How’d you find out?Don’t tell me *this* was your big revelation.”he said,while gesturing at the tv screen
“wha-No!I’ve known for a while now..I've known since i was 12..”kei said looking down at his lap out of embarrassment
“Wow,that long..?And did you tell anyone else?”Akiteru asked with curiosity
“No.You’re the first one to know,actually.”
Akiteru formed a new expression that could only be described as pure surprise
“Oh!!...”Tears of gratitude started forming into his eyes
“Okay,now it just feels like you're dragging it”said Kei in a teasing tone
“No,no..it's just..i didn't expect you would come to *me* first with..well,this!”Aki began saying,while wiping the little tears formed in the corners of his eyes
“Right..well,now i’m starting to regret it.”
“pfftt”they both began chuckling,the lighthearted,cozy mood settling in once more
“Alright,so..we’re good?”Kei asked
“Yeah,more than good.We're great!”
“Cool.”
“Are you planning on telling mom soon?”Aki asked once again out of sheer curiosity
“I don't know.I might.I think i still need time to process *our* conversation first,so..”kei began fiddling with his fingers in an attempt to focus on something else for now
“Right,yeah,no pressure.”Akiteru gave him a reassuring smile
“Hey..bro?”Kei began
“Thanks.”He returned the smile to his brother as a way of showing his gratitude
“Anytime.”Akiteru pulled his brother into a quick hug,Kei not willing to fight him on it just *this* time
As the movie came to an end Aki asked the most important question of all
“So is there a guy you like or-”
“Alright,you ruined it.”Kei got up from the couch to go upstairs and take a shower before heading to bed
“Hey! That was a very honest question!”
.
.
.