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Christ, it’s freezing in here. Steve never would’ve guessed that the Upside Down version of Hawkin’s lab would have such a draft. Then again, it’s not like he had many guesses about the Upside Down in general.
“What the hell is that?”
Steve turns to see what Jonathan is talking about, eyebrows raising.
There’s a giant -and he means giant- metal box of some sort tucked against the wall on the right side of the room. It stands out like a sore thumb.
“Looks like some kind of generator.” Dustin supplies, because of course he would know. The kid steps ahead of the group and approaches the box. It’s taller than his full height.
“It’s active.” Dustin says with wonder, “That makes no sense.”
“A generator that has power. That’s shocking, why?” Steve asks with a healthy dose of attitude.
Dustin looks over at Steve, expression unimpressed, “Last I checked, there wasn’t electricity in the Upside Down.”
Right. Right, yeah. Duh.
“I want to get a closer look.” Dustin announces.
… But doesn’t move.
“So what are you waiting for?” Steve raises a brow and shakes his head slightly.
Dustin sighs and gestures to a box on the wall. Inside, right behind a glass door, is a giant dial marked Voltage.
Well that’s embarrassing.
“Obviously.” Steve laughs, trying not to blush. He heads for the box and opens the door, “I know, I was just… testing you.”
“If you don’t turn it all the way off-”
“You’ll fry, I know.” Steve cuts Dustin off, repeating Robin’s words from back at the radio station, “I got it.”
He turns the dial all the way to off and closes the glass door, “Okay! It’s off, you’re good to-”
“ARGH!”
Dustin’s scream sends a white-hot chill down his spine. He turns and feels his heart drop instantly to the pit of his stomach. His blood goes ice cold.
Because there’s Dustin, one hand on the generator and whole body completely stiff and locked up. He’s vibrating and his eyes are rolling back into his head, drool starting to flow down his chin. Why isn’t he letting go?!
“DUSTIN!” Jonathan screams and charges at him, about to grab him when Nancy yanks him back.
“Don’t touch him! It’ll shock you too!” She yells, and then frantically looks around the space, “We need an insulator! Hurry!”
Steve is still frozen in place as Nancy and Jonathan run around looking for something they can use. He can’t stop staring. He… he turned off the voltage. How did this happen? How is this happening?
“Steve! Help me!” Nancy yells. She throws a lab coat down length-wise in front of Dustin’s feet, being careful not to touch him. She grabs one end and looks up at Steve expectantly.
He finally gets with it and drops to his knees, grabs the rope from the other side. They tug hard at the same time and Dustin comes crashing down backwards to the floor with a thud.
“Oh my God, Dustin!” She yells, scrambling up to his face. She taps his cheek, tries to wake him up.
Steve stares wide-eyed, fear settling deep into his bones.
“Dustin?!” He tries, shaking his shoulder desperately, “Dustin!”
“He’s not breathing.” Nancy sounds almost haunted. Her pitch jumps and becomes audibly panicked as she repeats in a much higher volume, “He’s not breathing!”
“Move!” Jonathan crashes down next to Nancy, pushing her away from Dustin with force. She lands awkwardly on her hands and ass, but quickly shuffles to Dustin’s other side.
Jonathan starts doing chest compressions.
Steve feels the weight of the world come down full-force on his shoulders. It feels like his body is getting crushed by the air. This can’t be happening. Two seconds ago, the kid was fine! He was breathing, joking, being a little shit. Now he’s… No, no, no, no…
Steve watches as Jonathan pinches Dustin’s nose and blows air into his mouth. He remains unmoving. Eyes closed, mouth slack.
“Oh my God.” Steve whispers, bringing a hand up to his mouth and covering it. It’s like watching a horror movie unfold before his eyes.
“Come on, Dustin!” Jonathon shouts, voice desperate and determined. He begins the next set of compressions.
“Please, Dustin.” Nancy pleads. She rubs her palms against the thighs of her pants anxiously. Her fingernails are still stained with her mother’s blood.
More air. More compressions.
Steve can’t breathe. He can’t breathe.
More air. More compressions.
“Come on! Come back!” Jonathon screams again.
Steve stares at Dustin -pale and unconscious- and he feels like the whole world is hanging in the balance. He needs to wake up, he needs to wake up.
“Please, Henderson!” His voice cracks, “Come on, man!”
“Please.” Nancy begs. She looks absolutely terrified. Her lips are trembling and her eyes shine with water.
More air. More compressions.
“Please, Dustin, please.” Nancy reaches for Dustin’s limp hand and brings it up to her chest, holds it there and squeezes it tightly. She’s starting to cry.
More air. More compressions.
This can’t be happening. This cannot be happening right now. They haven’t even had to face a demogorgon or bat down here. Dustin can’t get taken out by a fucking generator. A generator Steve was supposed to shut down. No way. No way. It can’t end this way. They can’t lose someone this way. Especially not Dustin.
More air. More compressions.
Jonathan is running out of breath. Sweat is breaking out on his forehead and his cheeks are turning red. Steve should be helping. He should be doing the compressions, or giving mouth to mouth, or telling Nancy it’ll be okay. Something.
More air. More compressions.
It’s not working. He’s not waking up. He looks freaking dead. How long can someone withstand that kind of electricity before they’re heart stops? Maybe it’s too late.
More air. More compressions.
“Dustin, you stay with us! You come back!” Jonathan’s voice cracks. A bead of sweat drips from his face onto Dustin’s forehead.
It’s been several minutes of CPR now. If he was going to wake up, he would’ve by now, right? Nancy is shaking and Steve feels like he’s going to pass out.
More air.
More compressions.
Steve backs away, dragging his body along the floor. Everything is in slow motion. His ears are ringing so loudly. His heart is pounding. Suddenly he’s standing up and bending over the counter, hands gripping the edge so tightly that his knuckles turn bright white.
Images of Dustin -of young, innocent, goofy Dustin- flash through his mind. The way he looked sitting in his passengers’ seat on the night of the dance. The smile he donned when they reunited after camp. The confidence and joy on his face when he figured out there was a gate in Lover’s Lake.
He trusted him to turn off the voltage. He trusted him.
It’s Steve’s fault. He did something wrong. He didn’t turn it off correctly and now Dustin is dead. He’s so, so, so stupid. Robin showed him how to do this, what did he forget? Dustin trusted him. He trusted him! And now it’s cost him his life.
He can’t breathe, he can’t see, he can’t hear. It’s like a massive ocean wave knocked him underwater and he can’t get back up to the surface.
It’s his fault. Dustin Henderson… one of his best friends in the world… isn’t going to be there anymore. No chance to redeem their friendship. No chance to get over the grief of Eddie. No chance for college, or marriage, or a future. What is he going to tell Mike, Lucus, El, and Will? Robin? Erica?
He throws up. Barely adjusts in time so it hits the floor and not his shoes.
Steve is supposed to protect the kids. That’s always been his job, his purpose. He was supposed to protect Dustin. He failed. On his watch, Dustin got killed. Steve got him killed. He practically pulled the fucking trigger. Jesus Christ, what is he going to tell his mom?
He gags again. Nothing comes up, but the bile stings his esophagus. His eyes burn. His throat burns. His stomach burns.
This can’t be happening. This can’t be real. He starts to shudder as the emotions hit him one after another. Fear, anger, sadness, confusion, grief. Denial.
What is he going to do? Who is he going to call now? Who is he going to see movies with? Who’s gonna make him smile, make him laugh? Who’s going to figure out Vecna’s plan and a way to defeat him?
Why is this happening? This can’t be happening. He can’t lose Dustin. He can’t lose him. He can’t. But he is. How is he going to live with that?
“Steve!”
It’s Nancy. He can hear her voice but it’s far away, barely breaking through the fog.
He won’t look at her. He can’t. He can’t look at her and see the loss on her face, see that it’s really over and that he’s gone. He won’t. He can’t do it.
He shakes his head rapidly back and forth, lips starting to tremble and face scrunching up as tears become an imminent threat. He sways slightly, keeping his grip on the counter tight.
“Hey! Steve. Look at me.” She tries again. He feels her grab onto his shoulder and squeeze.
It’s his last straw. The tears come pouring down his face and a sound of anguish escapes his mouth.
He let him down. He got him killed. He’s gone and it’s all Steve’s fault. He’ll never hear his voice again, see his smile, give him shit over random trivia-
“Steve, he’s alive!” Nancy shouts, shaking his shoulder more aggressively. She sounds so desperate and shaken, “He’s alive! He’s okay. You need to stay with us, come on!”
He doesn’t even process the words at first. It doesn’t make sense. He watched him get electrocuted, he watched the CPR fail. How could he be alive? No… this is a trick. A cruel, evil trick. More tears flow down his face.
“He’s alive.” Nancy repeats, her voice trembling, “He’s gonna be okay. He’s alive, Steve.”
Steve takes a chance and tilts his head so he can meet Nancy’s gaze. Her face is blotchy and her eyes are bloodshot. Her forehead is all crinkled with concern. But there’s a small smile on her face, a hint of relief in her expression. There are no fresh tears.
Dustin’s… alive?
He turns his full body around slowly.
“Good.” Nancy praises him gently, rubbing his back.
He sees Dustin still prone on the floor, head now resting on Jonathan’s lap. He still looks fucking dead, pale and unmoving. But then…
But then by some miracle, Steve sees him blink. His eyes are open. He’s blinking. Holy shit, he’s alive.
He takes off running at the kid. He falls to his knees beside Dustin and immediately grabs at his face, tilts it towards himself so he can see those eyes. They’re barely open, and look confused as hell, but they’re unmistakably Dustin’s. Steve feels the relief slam into him. He hangs his head low for a second as he takes a deep breath and lets out a massive sigh.
“See?” Nancy kneels down next to Steve and reaches for his unoccupied hand. She moves it gently to Dustin’s stomach so he can feel the rise and fall, “He’s breathing. We got him back.”
“Holy shit.” He exasperates, shaking his head in disbelief. His voice trembles as he looks Dustin in the eyes, “Scared the shit out of us, kid”
There’s no response and his heart clenches again. He taps Dustin’s cheek and asks frantically, “Hey, are you alright? Can you hear me?”
Dustin just blinks at him, clearly still dazed. Then he starts to wiggle, moving his head around to get a better look at Steve. His eyebrows furrow.
“Easy.” Jonathan reprimands, “Take it slow.”
Dustin opens his mouth. His throat bobs like he’s trying to say something, but all that comes out is a strained, raspy breath.
Steve just smiles tightly and pets Dustin’s hair, “Jonathon’s right, take your time. Don’t try to talk.”
Dustin lets his head fall back again and closes his mouth. God, he’s so pale. Steve takes in a shuddering breath.
That was way, way, way too close.
What did he do wrong? Why didn’t the voltage turn off? They almost lost the kid and it would’ve been his fault entirely. Hell, based on the way Dustin looks, they might still lose him.
He stands up before he can think. He can’t look at Dustin like this any longer. He can’t take it.
“Gonna get some air.” He announces to the trio before walking down the hallway.
“Steve!” Nancy calls out after him, but at least she’s smart enough not to follow. Not yet, anyway.
He stumbles down the hallway until his chest starts to tighten and the dizziness hits. Then he leans against the wall with both hands and takes several deep breaths, closing his eyes and counting to ten.
When his heart rate calms down a bit, he turns around so his back is against the wall. Then he lets his legs collapse and his body slide down to the floor. He sits with his legs straight out in front of him, arms loose by his sides.
He can’t get the image of Dustin laying there, not breathing, out of his head. He can’t stop seeing him fall to the ground. Jonathan screaming at him, begging him to stay with them. Can’t stop hearing that scream of pain. Nancy’s begging and crying.
He squeezes his eyes closed tightly and brings a hand up to his forehead, rubs at his skull.
They were this close to losing him. If they had been a second later pulling him away from that generator… They would be burying him in a grave right next to Eddie’s.
Fuck, Eddie. The guy Dustin watched bleed to death in his arms. The poor kid has been through more in his short lifetime than anyone ever should. How did Steve fail him this badly? How did he let these things happen?
“Hey.”
He looks up and sees Nancy standing above him, arms crossed in front of her body.
“Is he okay?” He asks first, swallowing around the giant lump in his throat.
“He’s okay. Slowly coming back.” Nancy nods, “Are you?”
“We should be getting him to a hospital.” Steve sighs, “Just cause he’s awake doesn’t mean he’s okay.”
“I know. And we will take care of him to the best of our ability. But you also matter here, so tell me. Are you okay?”
Steve shakes his head, vision blurring with tears, “I almost killed him. I mean, what the hell are we doing bringing a kid down to this place? We never should’ve driven through that gate with him in the car. I’m supposed to keep him safe, not throw him into an alternate fucking dimension where anything can go wrong. It’s all my damn fault.”
“No.” Nancy says firmly. She drops so she’s sitting across from him, “You and I both know how stubborn those kids are, Dustin especially. And after Eddie… There’s nothing we could have said or done to stop him from coming along. And he’s not much younger than we were when we first got into all of this. Who are we to tell him he can’t come along? We all make our own choices and we all accept the risks.”
Steve stares ahead at his shoes, “But the generator-”
“The voltage was off, Steve. I checked. Something else overrode it, or the switch is dead. Maybe it never even worked to begin with. I don’t know. But it wasn’t your fault.”
The dam threatens to break. The words hit him like bullets.
“It wasn’t your fault.” Nancy says again, even more certain.
Steve closes his eyes and the tears come pouring once again. He drops his face into his open palm as he starts to shake with the force of the emotions coursing through him.
“Come here.” Nancy scoots over to him and reaches out with both arms. He immediately falls into her embrace and holds on tight, fists gripping onto the fabric of her jacket for dear life. He buries his face in the crook of her neck as he cries silently. She pets at his hair gently.
“He’s okay.” She whispers again, and Steve nods rapidly in acknowledgement.
It takes a minute, but eventually he gets the tears under control and pulls away. He wipes at his eyes with his sleeve and takes a deep breath, blushes.
“I’m sorry.” He says to Nancy. It’s embarrassing, falling apart on her like this.
“Don’t you dare apologize for that shit.” She scoffs, giving him a little punch on the arm, “You know, the old Steve would have never let himself cry in front of me like that. Would never show how much he cared about Dustin.”
“I was a douchebag, I know.”
“That’s not what I’m saying.” Nancy looks him dead in the eye, “I’m really, really proud of you.”
It hits him deep. He hasn’t heard anyone say those words in a hell of a long time. And from Nancy? It means the world.
“Thank you.” He says sincerely.
“Are you ready to head back or do you need another minute?” She asks it gently, like she’ll truly understand and accept either answer.
He wants to see Dustin.
So he stands up and then offers a hand to help her rise too. She gives him an unimpressed look at the gesture, but accepts the hand regardless as she stands.
They walk back in a comfortable silence.
When they turn the corner into the room, Steve notices that Dustin is now sitting -or really slouching- against the wall rather than laying down. Jonathan is standing near him, pacing, clearly keeping an eye.
“Hey, kid.” Steve greets as he approaches. He takes in Dustin’s appearance -how pale he is, how every feature screams exhaustion- and tries to put on a brave face, “Returning to the land of the living?”
Dustin blinks slowly and then sighs and speaks in a small voice, “Nothing like a good old fashioned electrocution to make you feel alive.”
Steve laughs wetly. God, it’s so good just to hear his voice. There was a moment there when he thought he may never hear it again.
“Fuck, I’m glad you’re okay.” Steve breathes out before leaning forward and giving Dustin the most gentle hug he possibly can. The kid grunts and winces but manages to lift an arm and place it on Steve’s lower back.
“You crying?” Dustin asks, disbelieving.
“Thought we lost you, man. For good.”
“Drama queen.” Dustin teases. Maybe he’s trying to lighten the mood, or maybe he’s pretending to be brave.
“Dustin, you were unconscious for over 4 minutes.” Nancy frowns.
“Seriously, it did not look good.” Steve shakes his head, stomach churning with the memory.
Steve pulls away from the hug but keeps a hand on Dustin’s arm. He looks him up and down, notes that some color seems to be returning to his face.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize you little shit, I was supposed to turn off the voltage.”
“You did.” Dustin sighs, head lolling to the side, “I wouldn’t have touched the thing if I doubted that. I could tell it was off.”
“How is that possible?” Nancy asks.
“S-Something turned it back on. After I touched it.”
“Vecna can control power now?” Jonathon raises his brows.
“Doubt it was him, not his MO.” Dustin squirms a little, “Either way, I think it means we’re going close to something important. We gotta keep moving.”
“Well, hang on a minute.” Steve squeezes his arm, “You almost just died, man. I mean, seriously. What would I… what would we have done? We can take a second, get you back on your feet. How are you even feeling right now?”
“Weird as shit.” Dustin answers honestly, “But I’ll be fine. We need to get to Holly.”
He tries to get up but immediately gasps in pain. Steve pulls him back down.
“Take. A. Breath.” Nancy enunciates, clearly still shaken from all of the recent events, “Your heart stopped, do you get that? Jonathan brought you back. To. Life. For the love of God, please take a second for yourself. We’re no good to Holly if we’re worried about you. Okay?”
“How are you?” Steve pushes, “Really.”
Dustin closes his eyes and leans his head back against the wall.
“I’m all tingly and numb at the same time. My head hurts. My hand hurts.” He breathes in and then immediately winces, “Pretty sure my ribs are broken.”
“Sorry.” Jonathan waves awkwardly.
Steve looks down at Dustin’s hand and sees a fat, angry, raised red burn spread over his fingers and palm.
“It’s all normal symptoms of electric shock, guys.” Dustin sighs, “They’ll wear off. I’m okay. Holly doesn’t have as much time.”
“We should be taking your ass to an ER.” Steve grumbles.
“And they’d tell you exactly what I just did.”
Steve knows he’s probably right. The kid is always fucking right. He’s just so scared.
“Just trust me, alright?” Dustin looks Steve in the eye.
And honestly? It’s once again noticing the raw bruises spread over his face that send Steve over the edge.
“Trust you? On injuries?”
“Steve…”
“No, you lied to me about how you got hurt! You lied to your friends. Why am I supposed to trust your judgement on this now? Let’s face it, kid, you haven’t exactly been careful about your own wellbeing. Actually, you’ve been outright-”
“Reckless, I know.” Dustin cuts him off. He shakes his head slightly, “That was different. I’m telling the truth about this.”
“How?” Nancy asks before Steve can, “Explain it to us. How is this different?”
“That wasn’t worth it! I pissed them off and they beat me up. That’s what happens to kids like me. None of you get that, none of you were unpopular in the same way. It wasn’t worth worrying anyone. I handled it.”
“You handled it.” Steve scoffs, “They could’ve killed you.”
“Come on.” Dustin rolls his eyes.
“You think I’m kidding? Those guys aren’t a joke, Dustin.” Steve shakes his head. He’s so mad and so scared. He can’t lose this kid.
“I need you to start valuing your own life.” Steve asserts, starting to choke up, “We all love you. We all need you. We all want you safe and alive. You can’t keep throwing yourself in danger, and you can’t keep acting like you're fine when you’re not. I’m not going to listen to mo-”
“Okay! I get it.” Dustin snaps. He flinches and then takes a deep breath, winces at that too. He says quieter, more sincerely, “I do, alright? I get it.”
Steve swallows and looks down at the ground, “I can’t lose you.”
“None of us can.” Nancy adds, “My brother and your friends included.”
“I’m not planning on dying, alright?” Dustin says, and his voice is slightly shaky, “I didn’t… I didn’t realize how much you all cared. I’m sorry. I’ll be better.”
Steve wants to push. To challenge that Dustin should damn well know how much they’ve always cared.
But that's not the point.
“Thank you.” Is all Steve says. He meets Dustin’s eyes and more silent words are exchanged. He smiles softly, heart racing.
Dustin squirms and reaches out for Steve, “Help me up?”
Steve looks at him warily.
“Please. If it’s too much, we’ll stop. Promise.”
Steve sighs but holds out his hand regardless. He slowly rises to his feet and, surprisingly enough, Dustin is able to come up right along with him.
He immediately hunches over and presses an arm close to his chest, but he’s up. He’s stable.
“I got this.” Dustin nods, “Scout’s honor.”
Jonathan comes over and gives him a hug, followed immediately by Nancy. Dustin awkwardly blinks back tears and pats her on the back.
“Tell us if you need a break, okay?” Nancy demands.
“I will.” Dustin nods. Then he looks over to Steve and repeats even more certainly, “I will.”
Steve’s heart clenches. He remembers what Eddie said about the kid looking up to him, and it threatens to make the tears flow over again. He exhales to push them back.
“Alright then.” He clears his throat and walks up to Dustin, gives him a pat on the head, “Let’s keep moving.”
Dustin’s jaw drops. He’s clearly surprised at Steve’s willingness to keep going. But then he quickly closes his mouth and smiles as they start to move.
It’s the first real smile Steve’s seen from him in months. Maybe there is hope for him, for them, when all of this is over.
College, marriage, a future. A chance to repair their friendship. To kill Vecna and save their friends. It’s all back on the table.
Steve will be damn sure not to waste it.