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CONTINUE? 9… 8… 7…
(A)
It was about three days after the fight with Gideon. Scott and Ramona were finally done moving him into her place and his first day at work is in a week. His life was finally starting.
It felt… weird. Like, he thought it’d never happen. He thought that after all of this time, he’d get stuck on the same level forever. But here he was! Together with Ramona, living it up adult style! He dramatically falls onto the couch, letting out a heavy sigh from all that hard work.
Ramona laughs, “Come on, dude. We moved like two boxes. What are you sighing about?” She pushes Scott’s legs out of the way for her to sit down.
“Well, they were heavy boxes,” Scott half-jokes, “and there’s a lot of stuff happening. New place, new job, beat G-Man, back with you...”
“Alright, alright,” Ramona rolls her eyes, “I see your point.” She thinks for a moment, pushing into the couch cushion as she does so.
She asks as casually as she can, “Have you given any thought on what you’ll go by at work?”
“Huh?” Scott looks up from his half-laying-down position, “I mean, I’m fine with whatever. I’ll just have to see how things go.”
Ramona nods, “Yeah, I get that. Well, if you ever want to try anything with me, feel free.”
“Uh, yeah. Of course.” Scott replies, not sure what she meant by ‘try anything’. Like nicknames? Isn’t that something people make for you?
The conversation stalls. Neither person is exactly sure what else to say. “You know I’m here for you, right?” Ramona asks.
“Yeah, I know…”
“You know everything that’s happened, it doesn’t change anything between us, right?”
“Well, yeah…” Scott adjusts how he’s sitting, oddly uncomfortable now. Ramona looks at him, waiting for something but she doesn’t seem to find it. She gets up, walks over to kiss Scott on the forehead and then walk into the kitchen. Scott lays there, feeling a comforting haze of joy.
He made it. He won at being an adult. He got the girl, a job, a nice place to stay and soon, he can start buying his own games! Things should be perfect!
They should be perfect, but they’re not. Something doesn’t feel right and Scott couldn’t figure out what. Ramona has been acting weird ever since the fight. Like there’s a surprise party coming up but it’s not his birthday! With that said, Ramona acting different didn’t feel like the problem. He was still getting to know her. It’s been what, two months? So, it was fine that there was something different. He still loves her and is super happy living with her, but that confusing ‘something’ still bugs him.
He's happy. He just forgets to be sometimes and right now, he feels like this should be it. This should be the time that being happy isn’t a challenge. But something is missing and he can’t let it go.
Scott has enough experience to know what being in a relationship is like. It’s a ‘yeah, this is nice’ sorta thing. Two people standing next to each other a lot, holding hands, kissing, sex, all that. Ramona, she’s more. She’s pulling him into her life, the adventure that it is, and he just worries that he isn’t enough.
She promises that he is. He’s never convinced she means it. What was there to like about him? He was just some guy, a nerd that’s pretty good at fighting and because of that, he got the girl? He just wishes the credits would roll and he could get to the good part.
“Scooott, hey, come on.” Ramona nudges Scott out of his stupor. “You there, Scott?
“Yeah, I’m here…” Scott pulls his body up into a sitting position as his head took its time getting back to him.
Ramona just laughed, admiring how cute Scott was being, “Cutie”
Scott tenses, “Huh? I’m not cute, Ramona! I’m a tough guy!” He had to protect his mancred!
Ramona blinks, as if needing to recheck what she heard. “Guy?”
“What? Yeah, I’m a guy, Ramona. Did you think I was a girl this whole time!?” The betrayal! The gaul, “You said I was the nicest guy you’ve ever dated!”
“Yeah,” Ramona says slowly, looking to Scott with complete and utter bafflement, “And then you said you were ‘in lesbians’ with me.”
“I meant love. I meant to say love.” Scott rushes to say and only after does he feel like it was a mistake, like he was tearing posters off the wall.
“Okay… alright. Uh, sorry.” Ramona shakes her head, getting out of her prior assumptions, “I just heard that and figured you were trans.”
Scott blinks, as if needing time to process what Ramona said. “Huh? What’s that?”
“You don’t know what being transgender is?” Ramona double checks, to which Scott nods, “But you’re friends with Wallace and Stephen.”
“What does they have to do with being transgender? Isn’t Wallace gay?” Scott vaguely recalls Wallace using the word ‘transsexual’, but he can’t remember the context.
“Wha- no. It…” Ramona sighs, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Here, sit down.”
Ramona and Scott sit on the couch. Ramona takes Scott’s hand. She takes a deep breath and begins.
“Being trans or transgender,” Wow, she did not expect to be the one to explain this, “it means your gender doesn’t align with… the body you were born with. So, for example, you might have been born a guy, but later in life, you realize that you’re actually a girl.”
Scott takes a moment to process all of that. That seems so… impossible. But he is a guy, so what does this have to do with him? “What? Do people just
“No, it’s more of something you’re born with. You realize it, but it’s always been the case.”
“Oh…” Scott replies rather dejected.
“What is it?”
“Well, I wasn’t born with transgender.”
Ramona sighs, “born trans or ‘not transgender’. It’s not a… whatever.” Ramona stands up, “It’s fine. I love you as a guy or girl. It’s one of the perks of being bi. Now come on, I’m trying to figure out what to eat.”
Scott stands up, following Ramona into the kitchen. He asks aloud, “Wait, you’re still sexy?”
“Scott, I’m always sexy.”
Scott has been thinking about the concept of transgender people for the past week at a rate between ‘only when bored’ and ‘every waking moment’.
It’s not a question if he’s trans. That’s settled. But… it was weird that Ramona thought he was trans.
And would it be so bad if he was? That he was actually trans? Is that something he can do? Wallace has been trying to make him gay for years. So, maybe? Maybe he can be trans.
But instead of an answer or conclusion to the thought, the door just opens into an empty void.
What then? What does that mean? It’s like all thoughts just leave his head as soon as the topic drifts to gender.
He’s a guy. Still, totally a guy.
But that doesn’t change the fact he wouldn’t mind being a girl.
It’s late one night once him and Ramona both turn in. Ramona’s bed was quite spacious so even with the two of them, they had plenty of room.
He’s staring up at the ceiling as the words tumbling around in his head finally slip out. “Ramona, what would you think if I was a girl?”
Ramona shifts her weight to face Scott. He doesn’t dare look at her. Not yet. “Well, considering the fact I already thought that,” she says with a tease before slipping into sincerity, “I wouldn’t mind at all.”
Silence. Scott doesn’t know what to say and Ramona isn’t sure if that was it or if Scott has more. He doesn’t know either.
After a very long pause, Scott asks another question, “What would I need to do to…. Be a girl?”
“Mmm,” Ramona hums for a moment, giving a touch of thought. “Well, all you’d have to do is say you’re trans, and like… tell people.”
“Like this?” Scott asks, putting a hand to his chest. The way he looks at Ramona, a desperate uncertainty. The rest of his question can be inferred. Can I become a girl while I look like this?
Ramona moves a bit closer, putting a hand to Scott’s wrist as her soft fingers move up to hold his hand. “There’s medication… and surgeries and training and… a whole new wardrobe and…” Okay, Scott’s getting stressed again.
Ramona uses her free hand to make Scott look at her, “But you only need to do that if you want and you can do it at your own pace.”
Ramona waits for Scott to respond. He nods. So, she continues, “We can start with just the two of us. No one else needs to know…”
After the fight with Gideon, Ramona had started reading up on how to help trans women that are starting out. Scott clearly needed it and now, she could put it into practice.
Scott sighs, “Okay… uh,” He still had to say it, right? “I’m uh… I think I’m a girl. O-or I want to be a girl. Way more than I want to be a guy.”
“Alright, cool.” Ramona laughs briefly, leaning in to kiss Scott on the lips, “I’ll be here to help every step of the way.”