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Todd knocks on the dark red door three times exactly, readjusting the heavy bag on his shoulder. It was becoming a major inconvenience, even when he only had to carry it on his way from the car. The contents were minimal—just a singular box wrapped perfectly in green and red wrapping paper.
Charlie had been begging for the group to have a Christmas-style party since September, and once everyone else had caught up to speed a couple months later, he made it his sole purpose to organize the perfect event. Cliche as it was, he figured it was easiest for the group to do a sort of ‘secret santa’ gift exchange, to help limit the amount of spending everyone would be doing. That was easy for everyone to agree on. Ironically enough, though, Charlie didn’t have the means to actually host the party, deciding to put the weight onto Meeks, who hesitantly offered when the rest of them remained silent. Todd wasn’t sure how Meeks was going to pull off a hangout when his house was almost always chaotic—but Todd trusted him and his process.
He can tell by the chorus of gasps and cheers that follow his knocking that they’ve likely been waiting for him. I’m only two minutes late, he thinks to himself anxiously, they’ve got no reason to make such noise.
Meeks swings the door open, a smirk plastered on his face. Todd smiles warmly at the sight of him, and immediately steps inside.
“Merry Christmas,” he says a little too quietly, then, clearing his throat, “I hope I’m not too late.”
Meeks releases a huff of laughter.
“Merry Christmas, Todd. You’re not the last one here.”
Todd nods slowly, settling himself in. He’d been to Meeks’ house a couple times before over the summer, so he felt comfortable enough to slip off his shoes and hang his thick winter coat on the overcrowded rack that stood just to the left of the entryway.
“Your parents and sisters here?” Todd asked. Meeks shook his head, absentmindedly pushing his glasses up his nose.
“They went out for the night. I told them you guys were coming and they didn’t want to make a fuss.”
“That’s sweet of them,” Todd commented softly.
“Yeah, even I was shocked,” Meeks responded. Todd laughed quietly and walked into the living room, where everyone else was already congregated, invested in what seemed to be intense arguments.
“So if I’m not last, then I’m second to last?” Todd asked, to which Meeks nodded in confirmation. He shoots him a little grin.
“Your boyfriend has yet to arrive,” he says, his voice a bit quiet. Todd flushes immediately, shooting Meeks an irritated look. Meeks seems to enjoy his embarrassment, but Todd quickly defends himself.
“He’s not my boyfriend. You would be the first to know.”
Meeks shrugs, deciding to peek over at Todd’s bag.
“You can set it with the others. Try not to make it obvious who it’s for, though.”
Just as Todd is setting his gift right in line with the others of all shapes and sizes, the doorbell rings again, prompting Meeks to scurry back towards the entrance.
He looks up immediately when Meeks opens the door, revealing none other than Todd’s school roommate and closest friend, Neil Perry. Well, closest friend was a bit of a subjective statement, as Todd normally figured that Charlie took that spot. Neil and Todd were friends, sure, but that wasn’t the only thing there. At least, for Todd. It was very early on in their relationship that Todd came to the realization that there was a little something more than friendship in their bond. Whether or not that went both ways was practically the question of the century.
Todd’s not one to put things into odds, but he figured his odds of getting Neil Perry to fall in love with him were pretty damn low.
Nevertheless, it seemed the whole entire group was aware to some extent that the nature of their friendship very frequently toed the line between platonic and romantic. Meeks and Pitts were the only ones with verbal confirmation, and yet, it seemed obvious to everyone else.
Tonight, Todd eventually found out, was no exception.
After Neil finally settled himself in, the group wasted no time jumping right into festivities. Meeks led the other six into the dining hall, where a few of the boys had pitched in for dinner. It admittedly felt nice to catch up—Todd had grown so accustomed to talking to each of them every day, and had felt almost out of place when he had time to himself. Even the little annoyances like Charlie’s constant instrument playing or Meeks and Pitts practically banging pots and pans over whatever creation they had their mind set to were things Todd had begun to miss.
The so-called ‘secret santa’ was the event most of the boys were looking forward to, though, and they jumped right back into the cozy living room to exchange the gifts.
“Alright, who’s going first?” Charlie asked, plopping down on the couch. They all looked around at each other.
“What, so we’re just revealing who we bought for?” Knox asked.
“I dunno,” Charlie shrugged. “I just kinda figured we’d have a plan for that.”
Meeks ended up taking matters into his own hands, squatting down by the collection of gifts to squint at the tags. “Charlie, we’ll do yours first, it’s got your name on it.”
Charlie leaned forward, and his eyebrows shot up. “Who’s it from?”
Meeks shrugged. “They can reveal themselves once you’ve opened it.”
Charlie seemed a little disappointed, but nevertheless ripped open his gift to reveal yet another box. Todd began to realize he probably should’ve just put it in a bag so it wasn’t such a hassle to open, but it was a little too late now. He was thankful that Charlie was able to maneuver the box open, and he pulled out his gift—a soft but thick red sweater, which made his eyes light up.
“Holy shit, this thing feels fancy,” he comments, sizing it up to himself.
“It actually wasn’t too expensive, but I hoped the quality would be okay,” Todd can’t help himself from responding. Charlie whipped in his direction, his mouth popping open.
“Todd! You got this?”
He laughed a bit nervously. “It’s okay, right?”
Charlie nodded emphatically. “It’s great! You’re the best, Anderson.”
Todd smiled. “Thanks.”
It didn’t take much longer until the boys abandoned the one at the time rule, and Meeks simply began to hand out the remainder of the presents. It was a joy to just watch—Todd felt enough happiness just seeing his friends happy, seeing them show each other love through a gift, even if they were objectively subpar and cheap.
When Charlie prompted Todd to open his own gift, he looked down just in front of him to the small and neatly wrapped present. With a little smile, he carefully removed the wrapping paper, feeling a bit unfortunate to ruin the work of whoever the gift was from.
And whoever it was seemed to practically listen to every word Todd said, because the gift underneath the wrapping paper was a perfectly printed and pristine hardback book of poetry. Sure, this was a pretty obvious gift given his deemed role in the friend group as the poet, but Todd clearly remembered just off-handedly mentioning a desire for an actual book full of it. He felt a distinct rush of affection at this.
“Well at least give us some reaction!” Meeks laughed from across the room, prompting Todd to snap his head up at the group, a wide smile on his face.
“I love it,” he said. “Whoever got this must’ve heard me mention it.”
“I did, and you actually mentioned it twice.”
Todd looked up, and of course the voice belonged to Neil. Of course it did. They locked eyes for a moment, and Todd tried to convey all the gratitude he had for the gift and all the feelings he had surrounding it and just Neil in general. All through a look. He figured that’d be impossible to do, but as the moment dragged and Neil’s mouth curled into a smile that wasn’t just excited or just friendly but something even more, the chances seemed a little brighter.
The look was interrupted by an overly-loud wolf whistle. Neil’s face scrunched up as he turned to glare at Charlie, who had inevitably made the noise. Todd stayed quiet, his face burning up. God, what were you thinking?
Todd attempted to ignore the little incident as the night went on, and the gift exchanging ended, opening up more and more conversation among the group, which felt all the more natural to them anyways.
He’d almost forgotten about all of it until he actually talked to Neil again. It wasn’t the talking itself that brought it back to the forefront, but rather…the location.
“I’m actually really excited to know what it’ll be, it’s like a big reveal every time,” Neil was saying, as they reached the topic of the spring play at Henley Hall, which Neil would inevitably participate in despite his father’s contempt.
“Do they always do a Shakespeare one?” Todd asked.
“Typically, yeah. Don’t see them drawing away from tradition.”
“You’ll probably get the lead no matter the play,” he said easily. Neil raised his eyes with that eager smile of his.
“You think so?”
“‘Course. You’re a much better actor than the others there.”
Neil scoffed. “Ah, I wouldn’t get too far ahead of yourself. I’m still a bit inexperienced.”
“Whatever you say.”
Neil leaned back against the doorframe with a shrug.
“I’d look up if I were you!” called a voice from the kitchen. Todd looked over to locate Knox, Charlie, and Cameron, who all seemed to be preoccupied with something going on by him and Neil. His eyes followed theres to the space between him and Neil, where an unassuming plant hung from the overpass.
“Good lord.” Neil mumbled under his breath before walking towards the kitchen near the three of them.
Todd, feeling a bit more awkward and all the more aware of Neil’s discomfort to these teases, looked to the opposite side where Meeks and Pitts stood in the living room side by side, giving Todd sort of apologetic looks. Todd easily approached the couple. Meeks immediately apologizes.
“Yeah, you guys haven't really caught a break all night,” he admits. “I’d like to personally apologize.”
Todd shrugs sheepishly. “I don’t mind it too much honestly. It’s not like I’m in denial. It’s just weird ‘cause I don’t know if he feels the same. I don’t want to ruin our perfectly functional friendship.”
“I wouldn’t knock the idea of him feeling the same way,” Pitts says. “You never know until you ask.”
“As if I’d ever do that,” Todd comments dryly.
“I did,” Meeks points out. Pitts scoffs.
“No, you didn’t,” he shoots back. “You just kinda dropped it on me.”
Meeks smiles mischievously. “Well I’m lucky you felt the same.”
“That you are,” Pitts smirks and kisses his cheek. Todd sighs heavily.
“That was painfully cheesy,” he says jokingly. “It’s almost hard to watch.”
Pitts waves a finger. “Sure, but you’re also in love with Neil. He’d be the same way. Probably worse.”
Todd fights the smile tugging on his mouth. “That’s different.”
Meeks quirks an eyebrow. “Sure it is.”
Todd waves a hand dismissively and begins to head towards the kitchen, hopefully to talk to Neil, but he doesn’t say that to Meeks or Pitts. What stops him in his tracks just as he’s about to turn the corner into the dining room is the unmistakable sound of Neil’s voice.
“You guys haven’t been very subtle about it!” he exclaims. Todd naturally hides behind the wall, guiltily listening in. He cranes his head just enough to look in on the scene.
Neil has his back to him, to Todd’s luck. But he doesn’t get so lucky when he locks eyes with Charlie very directly. He’s very subtle about it, and keeps talking to Neil as if he’d never seen him, but Todd knows she did.
“Why don’t you just tell him?” Charlie asks genuinely, making a quick glance in Todd’s direction that gives him the impression that the question is somewhat related to him. Todd doesn’t get his hopes up.
Neil releases a heavy sigh. “I’ve already got such a good friendship with him. I’m too scared that I’ll confess my feelings, and he won’t feel the same, and then he doesn’t want to be my friend at all, and then I’ll have ruined everything—”
“I think you’re getting ahead of yourself,” Charlie stops him softly. “I don’t think Todd will stop wanting to be your friend, even if he doesn’t feel the same way.”
“That’s the thing, Charlie. When it all comes down to it, I’m terrified of just that. I mean, I’ve never felt this much about a single person maybe ever. And I’m just consumed with the possibility that I could be getting it all wrong.”
Todd releases a quiet huff of air, nearly falling over with dizziness. His mind begins to buzz with the revelation, creating a mix of anxiety, excitement, and shock. More shock than anything. Because, of all people, Neil had feelings for him? It felt like an impossibility to Todd for as long as he could recall, because he always considered just the general idea of someone reciprocating feelings to be like an odds system. If you were in love with someone, it’d be kinda unlikely that they loved you back, because there were so many other people in the world and only one person you were going for. At least, that’s what Todd had tried to convince himself when he fell in love. It was a coping mechanism of sorts. To predict disappointment before it happened. He was good at that.
But now?
Charlie is quiet for a moment. “I know, Neil. That’s how love feels. I know we've been sort of obnoxious about it all night, but it’s not just because of you. You’re not the only one showing signs.”
With that, Charlie turns on a heel and starts walking out of the kitchen. He passes right by Todd, only slowing down slightly to whisper a short few words to him, very directly.
“I would do something about that if I were you.”
It’s so fast and quiet that Todd almost misses it. He’s glad he doesn’t. A few seconds after Charlie is out of earshot, Todd walks into the kitchen, his heart practically beating out of his chest.
Neil notices him approaching immediately, and his eyebrows shoot up in some form of surprise. Todd takes his spot next to him, clutching the counter with his hand to stabilize himself from his shakiness.
“Hey, Todd, sorry about all the teasing. I didn’t mean for them to do that tonight,” Neil begins, seemingly noticing Todd’s anxious demeanor. He always does. Just not for the right reason this time. Todd’s body seems to relax all at once, and a smile comes naturally.
“Oh, I don’t mind it that much,” he replies easily.
“Are you sure?” Neil asks. Todd nods quickly, and Neil nervously runs a hand through his hair. “Uh, about that, anyway, since we were on the topic. Um, I wanted to…um…talk to you about it.”
Todd releases a soft breath, and looks up slightly to meet Neil’s gaze. “I know.”
Neil furrows his eyebrows. “You know what?”
“I heard you and Charlie earlier. Actually, I sort of eavesdropped.”
Neil widens his eyes, looking very intently at Todd. His mouth came slightly ajar, and he seemed to deflate a bit, as if in disappointment or even acceptance. “Oh.”
Todd’s heart continues to beat out of his chest, his words failing to come through. God, for someone who writes poetry all the time, this is really ironic, he thought to himself bitterly. There was a charged beat of silence between them, and Todd almost huffed a breath of relief when Neil continued to talk about.
“I’m so sorry, Todd,” he exhaled, his voice moving faster than before. “I didn’t think you were listening, and I wouldn’t have said anything if I knew, I wasn’t trying to make things weird, I promise.”
Todd releases a sort of breathy laugh, which makes Neil pause his rambling for a moment to look at him with anticipation. Todd felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
“I…feel the same way,” he breathed, internally cursing himself for failing to create a better wording. Neil blinked.
“You do?”
“Yeah, I mean,” Todd nervously rubbed the back of his neck, “Who wouldn’t?”
When Neil still couldn’t find the words to respond, Todd finally worked up the courage to, as Charlie put it, do something about it.
In a motion that’s quick and probably even unnoticeable, he leans in to kiss Neil. It’s short, and Todd pulls back almost immediately out of both fear and inexperience. Neil just looks at him, his mouth just barely tugging into a smile.
“Oh my god, Todd,” he mumbles, barely above a whisper. Now it’s Todd who’s speechless, waiting for Neil to give an actual confirmation that this is what he wants. Todd can never be sure.
So he’s lucky that Neil leans right back in to bring his lips to Todd’s. This time it’s a bit more real, and they’re not caught up in an adrenaline rush, or a lingering anxiety of reciprocation. This time, it feels more emotional, more impactful. Like a tidal wave of joy and love and apprehension all rolled into one.
The look on Neil’s face when they finally break apart is free from worry, and full of pure relief. And that expression is enough for Todd to pretty much change his entire perception of his chances of getting Neil to fall in love with him. Because it seemed now that the odds were pretty high.