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NEED HELP. MEET ME IN MY OFFICE ASAP.
Xu frowns at her pager as Squall’s clipped words blink insistently back at her. This does not bode well; whenever Leonhart calls her to his office (and that’s way more often than she’d like), it’s either because a mission went horribly wrong or there’s a shit-ton of paperwork he needed done before yesterday.
Whatever it is, she supposes there’s no point in delaying the inevitable.
With a tired sigh, Xu spins away from her chair and takes the elevator up to the third floor. Once she reaches the Commander’s office, she steps up to the door and knocks twice to announce herself.
“Come in,” Squall’s monotone voice calls from inside.
When Xu pushes through the door, Squall is leaning against his desk, arms crossed tightly over his chest, wearing that unmistakable please kill me NOW expression.
Oh, how she’d love to oblige. There are few things she loathes more than having to answer to this grumpy brat and endure his surly attitude all day; or maybe she’s just still bitter that Cid appointed him as Commander when she was clearly far better suited for the job. Either way, Xu knows full well that fantasizing about stepping on his balls right now isn’t going to help.
Spine straight, she gives the Commander a quick SeeD salute—then falters halfway through when she realizes they’re not alone. In fact, there are two more people standing right in the middle of the room: Quistis Trepe, child prodigy and war hero, and Seifer Almasy, Garden’s resident asshole and reformed war criminal.
It’s not even their presence that stuns her so much as the look on their faces: Quistis seems slightly flustered, while Almasy’s expression mirrors Leonhart’s exactly, making it clear he’d rather be anywhere else but here.
Xu doesn’t even know what’s going on—and yet, she can already relate.
Mouth set into a tight line, she turns stiffly to Squall.
“You called for me?”
“Yes,” he says, uncrossing his arms only to grip the edge of the desk until his knuckles turn white. “We have a… somewhat serious matter to handle. Oh, Hyne—sorry. Bad choice of words.”
The choked little sound that escapes Squall’s mouth sounds suspiciously like a snort, which is basically Squall’s version of a hearty laugh. That’s new, too, and definitely shocking in its own right.
“What can I do for you, Commander?” Xu asks, resisting the urge to tap her foot.
Honestly, she still has a ton of paperwork to finish, and zero intention of being late for her date with Nida later this evening.
“We had a complaint,” Squall begins, rubbing his forehead tiredly. “From the HR department. Someone made a harassment claim, and apparently we’re expected to address these kinds of things.”
Xu suppresses the urge to snort out loud. Firstly, “we” usually means “she” when it comes to dealing with boring administrative nonsense. Secondly, she doesn’t even know the specifics yet, but the mere fact that Almasy is here already guarantees he’s the culprit. Why Quistis is here, though… that is another matter entirely. Xu’s guess is she was probably the one who caught him harassing some poor cadet in the hall and reported it.
“Shouldn’t the new Disciplinary Committee take care of it?” Xu asks, frowning. “This isn’t usually something HR handles. Unless…”
“Unless there’s sexual harassment involved,” Squall finishes for her.
The color drains from Xu’s face all at once—right before all the blood rushes to her head in one hot, boiling wave. Her head snaps sharply toward Seifer, who’s still looking like he’d rather be anywhere else—except, this time, he’s got very good reasons to.
“What the hell did you do?” she growls, low and deadly.
“Xu, this isn’t—”
“Did you say indecent things to her?” she barrels on, heedless of Squall’s attempt to stop her.
“No.”
Seifer’s deadpan reply comes sharp and fast. He even looks mildly offended she’d suggest such a thing, but he’s still Seifer, and Xu isn’t done fishing for answers.
“Did you grope her?” she asks, narrowing her eyes.
Seifer just scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. Xu is a moment away from striding over and decking him when Quistis takes a step forward.
“Permission to speak, Commander.”
“Granted,” Squall says wearily. “Please explain the situation.”
Xu glares at Seifer for another second before finally turning to Quistis. Class A SeeD, child prodigy Quistis Trepe, renowned war hero and head instructor of Balamb Garden—now fidgeting like a schoolgirl caught shoplifting cheap nail polish from the drugstore.
“Well,” she starts, stealing a quick glance at Seifer and immediately blushing before turning away. Suddenly, she seems to find the corner of the room truly fascinating.
“Oh Hyne… this is so embarrassing,” she mutters, pushing her glasses up her nose in that little way she always does when she’s uncomfortable.
“Don’t worry, Quistis. This is a safe space,” Xu offers helpfully. “Nobody’s going to judge you. Or harm you.”
She throws a pointed glare Seifer’s way, but he still looks wholly unbothered… which makes it very hard not to harm him instead.
“Those complaints were about… uuh, me, actually,” Quistis admits sheepishly.
Xu blinks a few times, frowning in confusion.
“What? How?!”
“I groped him. There, I said it,” Quistis blurts out, way too quickly, like ripping off a bandaid.
“I’m sorry,” Xu says calmly. “You’re going to have to repeat that more slowly so I can fully process what you just said.”
Quistis’ mouth tightens. She takes a deep breath, then looks straight at Xu and Squall.
“He didn’t grope me in public. I did,” she says simply.
“What do you mean, you groped him?!” Xu asks, incredulous.
Quistis sighs, spreading her arms helplessly. “I grabbed his mighty pecs. His massive manboobs. His lovely tatas. His—”
“Alright, I’m outta here. Xu, deal with this.”
In the blink of an eye, Squall closes the distance between his desk and the door, slamming it shut behind him—leaving Xu alone with Quistis, Seifer, and whatever absurdity is unfolding in this room.
Xu swears under her breath as she moves to stand where Squall was moments earlier. She shoots a quick look at Seifer, still off to the side with his arms folded, before turning back to Quistis.
“Explain,” Xu says flatly.
Quistis lets out a nervous laugh so unlike her that it leaves Xu momentarily stunned.
“I can’t believe I’m telling you this…” she mutters, staring down at her boots. “It’s a coping mechanism, alright?”
“What is?”
“Touching Seifer’s manboobs,” she replies calmly, like she’s commenting on the weather.
“How is that a coping mechanism?” Xu asks, incredulous.
“How is it not? I mean—have you seen those things?!” Quistis fires back, dead serious.
Xu follows her pointing finger to where Seifer is very deliberately shielding his chest with his forearms.
“Sometimes I even faceplant in them,” Quistis adds, staring dreamily at Seifer's pecs. “They’re so big and hard and—”
“Okay, stop. That is way too much information,” Xu groans, leaning back against Squall’s desk and pinching the bridge of her nose to ward off an incoming migraine. “Can either of you please tell me what the hell I’m missing here? Because I am clearly missing something.”
That’s when Seifer finally speaks.
“She had a bad day,” he says flatly. “Ran into me in the hall and just… crashed. Hands first.”
“And what does HR have to do with this?” Xu asks, gesturing between them.
“Some Trepies lurking around the corner saw the whole scene,” he replies. “They somehow got the idea I was groping her,” he adds, throwing Quistis a heated glare, “instead of the other way around.”
Quistis’ shoulders sag immediately. Before Xu can say anything, she launches into a rambling apology that would make even Zell feel inexperienced.
“I’m so sorry… I know how hard you’re working to rebuild your reputation, and I just ruined it,” she says miserably.
“Nah, not really. My reputation was already shit to begin with.”
“But I made it worse!” Quistis insists, lifting her chin in that familiar, stubborn way. “Look, I’ll deal with the Trepies myself. I’ll go to HR and explain everything. It was my fault... I don’t want you paying for it.”
She looks so genuinely crushed that Xu almost reaches out to comfort her—except Seifer beats her to it.
His whole demeanor softens as he lets out a deep breath, opening his arms. “Come here.”
Quistis hesitates for barely a second before stepping forward and burying her face in his chest, uttering a sound that’s half ragged pain, half relief.
“There, there,” Seifer murmurs, patting her back gently.
Honestly, the whole thing would almost be endearing if it weren’t so blatantly absurd. Xu can only stare at them for a few dumb seconds before deciding she’s had enough.
“Excuse me,” she says dryly, clearing her throat and pointing at herself. “Hello? Still here.”
That seems to do the trick. Seifer’s arms fall limply to his sides and Quistis immediately pulls away, cheeks heating as she hastily returns to her spot beside him.
“So,” Xu says, eyeing them warily, “safe to assume you didn’t really grope him?”
“Oh. No, I absolutely did,” Quistis confirms, nodding vigorously. “But he was on board with it, I swear!”
“And just why the hell would he be?” Xu groans, the familiar throb of a migraine finally settling in.
Seifer shoots Quistis a look. “You wanna tell her, or should I?”
Quistis sighs, her shoulders slumping in defeat.
“No, it’s fine. I’ll tell her,” she says, turning to Xu. “Seifer and I… we’re a thing. Have been for a while, actually,” she adds, blushing furiously.
“Yeah, I assumed as much,” Xu deadpans. “What kind of thing, though, I’m still not sure.”
“That makes three of us,” Quistis admits, risking a quick glance Seifer’s way. To Xu’s surprise, his lips quirk up; not in one of his usual infuriating smirks, either, but in an honest-to-Hyne smile.
“Whatever it is, though… I need it. It makes me happy, and frankly, it helps me stay sane,” Quistis adds quietly, smiling back at him in a way that makes Xu suddenly feel like the intruding third wheel.
“You mean you need to—what, squeeze his chest to stay sane?” Xu asks, fully aware of how crazy it sounds, but still feeling the urge to break the awkward moment.
“Yes,” Quistis says solemnly. “I do believe I need to hold on to Seifer’s tits or I will end up completely losing it, and possibly murdering someone.”
Xu frowns, considering Quistis’ words. “Hmm. That… makes sense, I guess.”
“Feeling kinda objectified right now, by the way,” Seifer mutters, but Xu isn’t listening anymore.
Because as ludicrous as this whole thing is, it’s not the most illogical way Quistis could have chosen to cope with her everyday stress. Xu is painfully aware of how much the post-war notoriety has been taking its toll on her: interviews on local TV, her flock of Trepies tripling in number, and the added weight of her new role as head instructor. Xu had worried about her friend; had even gone so far as to suggest a sabbatical, just to slow things down a little.
Quistis had adamantly refused, of course, insisting she needed another outlet for all that day-to-day stress piling up.
And, apparently, she’s found it; just not in any way Xu would have ever thought to consider.
“Look, Xu,” Quistis starts. “I know you don’t approve of this, but I can assure you—”
“Actually, I think it’s great.”
Quistis gapes at her, while Seifer just raises an eyebrow in silent questioning.
“You—what? Really?”
Xu shrugs, pushing away from the desk and brushing off her uniform skirt. “If this—whatever this is—is working for both of you, then I’ve got no qualms about it. I’ll notify HR there was no breach of rules. You’re free to go.”
“That’s it?” Quistis asks, frowning.
“Did you expect me to lecture you?” Xu says with a short laugh.
“Well… yeah. Kind of,” Quistis admits, glancing at Seifer. “I know you two aren’t exactly on the best of terms, to put it mildly.”
“Oh, I still think he’s an asshole,” Xu says, ignoring Seifer’s scowl.
“Go on. Just keep talking about me like I’m not even here, I don’t mind,” he mutters.
Quistis gives him a sympathetic smile and reaches out to squeeze his arm reassuringly. Or at least, that’s how it starts. But then her touch lingers and grows bolder, her eyes glazing over enough that Xu feels compelled to intervene.
“Eyes to me, Trepe,” she says, a little louder than necessary.
Quistis’ gaze snaps toward her, but her hand doesn’t move. Suddenly, her eyes gleam with something sharp and dangerous, like one of those fiercely protective lionesses you see in documentaries; the kind that will tear you apart if you so much as hint at threatening their mate. It makes Xu’s hair stand on end… but it also sparks an idea so delightfully perverse she nearly congratulates herself on her own wickedness.
“You know what? I’ve got things to do and places to be, so… I’ll leave you two to it,” Xu says lightly.
She flashes them a sweet smile as she opens the door, lingering on the threshold long enough to glance back.
”Just don’t break any furniture,” she adds with mock innocence. “The Commander would be very upset.”
Quistis looks puzzled. Seifer, on the other hand, catches on almost immediately.
“Gotcha,” he says with a smirk. “Thanks, by the way.”
“Less talking, more action, Almasy.”
Xu only catches Quistis’ muffled gasp and the scrape of chairs as the door closes behind her.
A slow, Grinch-like smile spreads across her face as she heads for the elevator.
Petty revenge has never tasted so sweet.