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Hakari never meant to talk about his ex. It just slipped out sometimes, usually when Kirara was already pressed to his side, arms looped around his shoulder like she was claiming territory she’d never admit she wanted.
“Yeah, God when she used to-”
Kirara’s grip tightened. Hakari didn’t notice, or pretended not to. His hand dropped without thought, settling where it always did when he was tired and comfortable: the soft curve of her hip, sliding lower until his fingers rested over the top of her ass. Like it was a perfectly normal thing to do.
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” she muttered, voice sharp in a way she tried to hide. “She sucked.”
Hakari huffed a laugh, “That’s fair, I guess.”His thumb brushed back and forth over her hip absentmindedly.
She swallowed hard.
Hakari didn’t keep girls around, didn’t let them close unless he wanted something temporary. But with Kirara, he didn’t flirt and he didn’t try anything slick. He just was, loud and shameless and comfortable. Too comfortable.
She leaned into him more because she couldn’t help herself. “You should stop talking about her, y’know.”
“Why?” he said lazily. “You jealous?”
Kirara froze. Her stomach flipped in the worst possible way. If she said yes, he’d laugh. If she said no, he’d believe her. He believed in everything she said, that’s how she’s gone so long keeping her secret.
“No,” she lied.
Hakari snorted. “You cling like hell for someone who’s not jealous.”
Kirara’s cheeks burned, she pouted slightly. Maybe it really was pathetic, being so close, wanting so much, and knowing he’d never actually want her. Not like that. Not when she wasn’t born the way he probably expected women to be. And she hated herself for even thinking it, but the thought was always there like a bruise. She kept pressing it every time she found herself to be fantasizing about what they could be. She couldn’t give him the things someone who was born not-like-her could. Someone who made sense, to bring home and bear children.
Hakari shifted, turning his body toward hers. His hand stayed exactly where it was, warm and steady. “You good?” he asked, and there was no teasing now. Just concern, something she had to remind herself that he would show to all his friends. Even though she’s only seen it directed so often towards her. Maybe Hakari just preferred getting personal with his friends in private. But probably with every other one of his friends because he would stop and check up on Kirara in front of anyone if he found it necessary.
Kirara nodded too quickly. “Yeah. Just tired.”
“You don’t look just tired.” He nudged her knee with his.
Her breath caught. “You’re imagining things.”
Hakari stared at her for a long second, eyes narrowing. “You know you’re one of my favorite people, right?” he said finally. Softly.
Kirara’s heart clenched. She forced a laugh. “I’m sure you say that to all the girls.”
Hakari blinked. “No. I don’t.” He said it so plainly, like it was the most obvious truth that could have been spoken. And then, because he didn’t understand the weight of his own actions, because he trusted her and relied on her and didn’t see how badly she wanted something she thought she couldn’t have, he tugged her closer until she was basically on his lap. “Stay a little, yeah?” he said. “I like when you’re here.”
She did. Because she always would. Even if he never, ever saw her the way she wanted him to.