Chapter Text
It's been 2 years since she... abstracted. I always wonder if I had something to do with it. Everyone is always so sad on the anniversary of her abstraction... Except for me! Obviously. Why would I be sad.
I hear someone walk up beside me.
"Jax? Are you doing alright?"
It was Ragatha. Dumb caring Ragatha. She always comes to her door on the anniversaries. The month anniversaries, the year anniversaries, heck, sometimes the week anniversaries!
"Fine! I'm just fine, doll face."
"Are you sure? Your sitting at her door step. You don't usually."
I WAS infact sitting at her door step. I did care. I missed her. But no one can know that.
"Dolly I'm fine."
"Alright. Can I join you? It's become my tradition."
" 's free country"
She sat down beside me and pulled out one candle and a photo of her.
"Pomni was an amazing friend wasn't she?"
"Yeah. She really was."
Why would I say that!?
She smiled at me softly. She knew I cared. I didn't want her to but she did.
It was silent for a little bit. I drowned in my own thoughts. Was it my fault? If I hadn't have said that. If I hadn't have done that.
"Do you think it was that time I yelled at Caine and made her question the made her abstract?"
She looked at me blankly like I had said something absurd. And I did. Why did I say th- "no."
"What?"
"It wasn't your fault Jax."
"But-"
"Jax. It wasn't you."
Gosh, why was she so reassuring.
"I think it was the things your... Confrontation... brought up played a part, but no, it was never your fault."
Pomni seemed so worried about the name thing after what we call "the good ending adventure". She locked herself in her room for.. what, a week?.. after that. She missed her mother and her annoying co-workers, she wouldn't stop talking about it.
Ragatha started muttering something under her breath.
"May you find peace and hope. May you be free. May you find warmth."
She continued on for a minute or two and than sat up, eyes watering but not fully crying.
"What was that?" I asked.
"I send her good wishes so she doesn't feel alone. I know she can't hear me but it sooths my conscience."
Conscience? Does she...
"Do you... Blame yourself?"
"Only sometimes. I feel like I couldn't have been there for her more. Could have done more. Could have prevented it."
"We all feel that way. But we can't always prevent abstraction; that's up to the one abstracting. Whether or not they want to give in or keep on. It's only up to them."
We sat in silence for a while until I spoke.
"Often time I can still hear our argument. She asked what I would do if she abstracted, I said I'd move on and forget about her. I said I didn't care about her. I called her my plaything and told her I enjoyed making her suffer. Which couldn't be far enough from the truth. I hurt her. I'll never forgive myself."