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Dan and Phil have been married six months when they start to think about having another child.
Rowan is eight years old now and growing more and more each day. Dan thinks about how lucky he and Phil are to have such an incredibly bright, funny, and kind little girl. But he can still see the sadness in Phil’s eyes when he thinks about those years of Rowan’s life that he missed.
Not that it’s a good reason for having a child, but it’s also more than that. He sees the way Phil looks at babies when they’re out and about. The fondness with which he watches Rowan playing with other children on the playground. And Dan’s not immune to it either. He misses the days of soft baby cuddles. And Rowan would make such a good big sister.
Dan and Phil are hanging out in the lounge, watching some trashy reality tv series that they’ve recently been hooked on. Phil has his cold feet tucked under Dan’s thighs and he’d complain if he didn’t secretly love it.
“So, Phil, I’ve been thinking.” Dan begins.
“That’s new.” Phil retorts, eyes never leaving the screen.
“That’s- Phil, I’m trying to have a serious conversation.” Dan says, exasperated.
“Oh.” Phil turns off the TV. “Okay. What did you want to talk about?”
Dan takes a deep breath. “Do you want to have another kid?”
Phil’s eyes went wide. “Wow, where did this come from?”
“I’ve just been thinking…you’re so good with Rowan and I see the way you look at babies when you think I’m not looking.”
“I mean…” Phil hesitates. “I’d like to have another child, yes, but I only want it if you do. Don’t put this on the table if it’s not what you want, too.”
“Having a baby is a lot of hard work.” Dan admits. “And it was really hard raising Rowan by myself, even though I had help. But I want to do this, and I want to do this with you.” Phil smiles widely and Dan feels his heart skip a beat.
“So I guess we’re gonna try and have a baby?”
“Well I mean, since the surgery I can’t do that anymore, but we can certainly practice anyway.” He smirks.
Phil stands quickly and offers his hand for Dan to take. “Shall we?”
“We shall.” And the two men almost run to their bedroom.
2 Months Later
As it turns out, acquiring a child as a gay couple is hard work. They rule out surrogacy almost immediately; there’s too much that can go wrong and Dan doesn’t think his heart could handle it if it didn’t work out. Not to mention there are plenty of children that are already born who need a nice, loving home.
That leaves adoption. But before they can even begin to start the process, they still have one major thing they need to sort out.
Housing.
There’s not enough room for a baby in their flat, and they’d already been talking about moving since before they decided to adopt.
“Why is finding a house so hard?” Dan whines. He’s seated in front of his laptop, zoopla open and ready for him to browse.
“You could start by actually looking instead of browsing Twitter on your phone.” Phil says helpfully. Dan glares.
“Not helping.”
“It’s not my fault your standards are higher than our budget.”
Dan sighs. The stupid budget. Realistically, Dan knows their budget isn’t going to buy them their dream home. That will have to come later. Still, he wants to at least find something decent that he can show to an adoption agent.
“Actually, Dan, I have something I need to talk to you about.” Phil says nervously.
“Okay?” Dan raises an eyebrow.
“You know how my channel has kind of exploded in the last year?”
“Yeah?”
“Well the BBC called.” Phil says. “They want me to do a radio show.”
“Oh my god, Phil!” Dan’s face lit up with pride.
“The only thing is…we’d have to move to London.”
“Okay.” Dan nods. “Then we move to London. Start looking there.”
“Dan, are you sure?” Phil asks, furrowing his brow. “This is a big life changing decision. Not to mention, we’d be uprooting Rowan.”
“Do you want this job, Phil?”
Phil nods.
“Then I am behind you, one hundred percent.” Dan vows. “So we start looking in London.”
“We start looking in London.”
6 Months Later
Dan loves the new house.
He’s not quite sure how he feels about London yet, but the feeling he gets when he thinks about just how far he’s come is more than enough to counteract whatever feelings he has toward the city.
He’s a married man with a beautiful daughter and a beautiful house. Not to mention the beautiful husband. When he first had Rowan almost nine years ago he never would have expected that he’d end up here, not with Phil gone. But he has Phil now and his life is filled with so much joy.
Dan sits at the dining table, sipping at his coffee. Phil is out taking Rowan to school, giving Dan a few moments of peaceful silence. Dan hears his phone buzz.
Carla: good morning best friend
Dan: what do you want
Carla: are you telling me a girl can’t just text her best friend early in the morning?
Dan: …
Carla: ok so are you and phil still trying to acquire a new child?
Dan: why?
Carla: my sister’s preggers and she wants to give the baby up
Dan: are you serious???
Carla: 100%
Dan calls Carla.
“Are you for fucking real?” He asks as soon as she picks up the phone.
“Yeah!” Carla replies.
“I’ll have to talk to Phil, but I think we might be able to do it.”
“Yes, talk to Phil.” She says. “I’ll talk to Becca. Just let me know what you decide and I can give you her number.”
“Please do.”
When they hang up, Dan punches the air in excitement. He can’t wait to tell Phil.
2 Months Later
Dan and Phil walk out of Becca’s ultrasound feeling like they are floating on air.
It’s a great feeling. Dan smiles wide and he swears he can see tears in Phil’s eyes. It was certainly much better than Dan’s first ultrasound.
“Are you crying?” Dan asks.
“Shut up. Your mum is crying.”
Dan lets out a laugh. “My mum would have a conniption fit if she saw us right now.” Phil squeezes Dan’s hand. It amazes Dan that he’s gotten to the point where he can think about his parents and not feel a ball of shame. They didn’t want him to have Rowan, and Dan wishes he could rub it in their faces just how amazing she really is. How amazing his life is. Without them.
“But really.” Phil says. “That was amazing! Our baby is the size of a lime!”
Dan’s heart skips a beat. He feels a warmth at seeing Phil so excited for the new baby.
“I remember when Rowan was that big.” Dan reminisces. “That was about when I found out I was pregnant and I was scared out of my mind. It’s hard to believe she’s already eight years old!”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” Phil says sadly.
“Well, you’re here now.” Dan replies. “Seriously, Phil, it’s not like you were walking around saying ‘please turn me into a pile of dust over skype in front of my partner so I don’t have to be a dad.’ When you came back, you showed up, and that’s what counts.”
“I just wish I could have been there.”
“I know, honey.” Dan squeezes Phil’s hand and Phil smiles softly at Dan.
The drive back to the house is quiet. Phil stares out the passenger side window as Dan drives.
“So when do we want to tell Rowan?” Phil asks as they take a seat at the dining table.
“Well…” Dan begins. “Probably soon, I guess. Becca’s out of the first trimester now.”
“Yeah.” Phil nods. “She’ll be so excited.”
“I hope so. She’s never been good at sharing.”
“Neither have you.” Phil says. “Didn’t you try to mail your brother to the hospital after he was born?”
“Oh god, now we have to worry about that.”
“She won’t.” Phil says with unearned confidence.
“And what makes you say that?”
“Because she has two dads who always make sure she knows that she’s loved. And we’ll make sure that she knows that even though there’s a new baby we still love her just as much as we did before.”
Dan smiles.
7 months later
It’s a boy.
It’s a boy and Dan’s heart is so full as he watches Phil hold their son for the very first time. He wipes away at the tears that are forming in his eyes. He’s so tiny and perfect and Dan is taken back to that moment where he met Rowan for the very first time.
“Hi, Jamey.” Phil whispers and Dan walks over, resting a hand on Phil’s shoulder.
“He’s so beautiful.” Dan says and Phil grins tearfully.
“He’s so small. What if I drop him?”
“You won’t drop him.”
“But what if I do?”
“Phil.” Dan squeezes Phil’s shoulder. Jamey coos and Dan feels his heart swell.
“Jamey Elliot Lester-Howell.” Dan says quietly. Phil beams up at him.
“Do you want to hold him, Dan?”
“I would be delighted.” He says, gently taking the baby from Phil’s arms.
One Year Later
“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear, Jamey! Happy birthday to you!”
Dan and Phil both blow out the candle on their son’s birthday cake as friends and relatives snap pictures. Rowan is standing off to the side with Carla, cheering so loudly that Dan actually flinches. He knows she’s just cheering for cake.
“Inside voice, buttercup!” Phil calls out and Dan smiles at him in gratitude.
The last year has been amazing, for lack of a better word. Rowan struggled with sharing Dan and Phil’s attention at first but has grown into such an amazing big sister. And Phil was- still is, an absolute rock star when it comes to baby Jamey. Dan’s heart is almost glowing with pure, unadulterated joy.
Dan pulls Carla off to the side as Phil’s mum gets Rowan settled with a slice of cake and Phil helps Jamey with his.
“What’s up?” She asks.
“Did you ever think when I showed up on your doorstep all those years ago that we’d wind up here?”
“Not exactly here, but happy? Absolutely.” Carla takes Dan’s hand and squeezes it.
“Not to be sappy on main, but, I think this is the happiest I’ve ever been.”
“Enjoy it.”
Dan intends to.