Work Text:
Gilbert.
Oh, Gilbert.
You were like a fire,
like a candle
with its newly lit flame
illuminating lonely in the dark room that was your life.
You were like a snowdrop
making your way through the cold, barren ice,
to bloom from the snow
hoping to see the end of a harsh winter
and the beginning of a joyful spring.
Gilbert.
Oh, Gilbert.
My beloved Gilbert.
Crackling in the dark;
in the middle of the garden, fragrant.
My Gilbert.
Oh, my Gilbert.
You were the deepest pain in my heart,
the most intense longing of my body,
the strongest thought in my mind...
that someone who I did not know
was missing from me
and who completed me
not knowing, even I, that I needed it.
Gilbert,
my soulmate,
my other half.
Gilbert.
Oh…
my Gilbert.
Hidden treasure in plain sight—crown of nobility melted again gold;
disassembled, with all your pieces scattered, you are still beautiful.
Gilbert.
So precious, so similar,
so impossible for me not to look at...
My Gilbert:
so wanted, so rejected;
so strong, so fragile;
so complex, so broken;
so mine, and so others’;
as comforting as it is painful...
My Gilbert
who was a dream and a nightmare to love,
but who I will never regret
and who I will always miss
for a whole life, a whole eternity.
For me, you will always live.
The wind that in the trees stirs their branches
reminds so much of the you that shook my world,
to all my “me”.
Like a kiss that steals my breath,
like your arms that close around my body,
scaring me with those sad expert lips.
What a more naive little “me”.
Gilbert,
sweet fantasy
fitting me perfectly,
stirring my heart
that warm body that joined mine under the covers
to chase away your fear,
ease your pain
and calm my concern a little bit.
Gilbert.
But,
ooh,
Gilbert.
You were so easy to wither
and at the same time,
so capable of sprouting again on your own
completely indifferent to sterility around.
Gilbert.
You were like a flame,
like a spark just lit
illuminating in the dark
while everything around you was burning.
You were like a winter flower
that, latent and frozen in the cold wasteland,
little by little, from the snow it grew
giving your surroundings the illusion of finally seeing
a petal of hope, something to drink, to calm the thirst.
But your beauty so delicate
was just waiting for its peak
just hoped to be noticed, admired,
and then deflowered
thus leaving a bitter torment
and your vitality completely stripped away.
My Gilbert.
My loved,
loved
and neglected...
Gilbert…
Gilbert.
Snowdrop,
hope on ice
alone in the snow,
what wounds cover you
so completely it hurts.
And your life burns so intensely
as if it were never possible to extinguish it,
as if it were not possible for the petals to fall from that flower;
burns
so warmly
that I couldn't even think of leaving it.
And I laid with you,
Gilbert,
to soothe your pain,
to discover against your body so exciting
inexperienced
and comforting feeling…
Because…
oh,
dear Gilbert...
You were nothing more,
and nothing less,
that my most fervent,
first,
and only eternal love.