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"It's Not What You Think"
"It's not what you think," Ed said as Roy stared at the scene in his living room, somewhat baffled. His boyfriend was wearing an old-fashioned hoop dress, hair up in a messy bun, and what Roy strongly suspected was Winry Rockbell's behind was sticking out from underneath.
"To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure what I think at this point," Roy said. He didn't even know what to do with his facial expressions.
The worst part was that the dress actually looked sort of...nice on Ed. The color flattered his tan skin and bright hair, and his collarbone and shoulders looked absolutely delicious in the low-cut neckline and off-shoulder sleeves. And it really accentuated his waist.
Roy had never understood the appeal of men in dresses before, but he thought he was beginning to now.
"It's for one of Winry's friends down in Rush Valley, it's supposed to be a surprise and apparently we have a similar build, and why the fuck are you looking at me like that?" Ed said all in a rush, glaring furiously. If he was wearing a corset underneath the dress, it's entirely possible he couldn't breathe anyway. If there was any kind deity left in the universe, he almost certainly was wearing a corset.
"Looking at you like what?" Roy asked, carefully forcing his expression into something more neutral.
"You fucking pervert," Ed growled, his face turning bright red. "You like this, don't you?"
"There are some things I don't need to know about your sex life!" Winry's voice called from underneath the dress, muffled by layers of fabric. "Save your discussion until I'm done fixing this!"
Ed's face burned even brighter. Roy coughed awkwardly into his hand, at least partly to hide the grin fighting its way onto his face, and smoothly turned to leave the room again.
"Why don't I just go start dinner?" he offered brightly. "Do you think you'll be staying to eat, Winry?"
"You'd better feed me after subjecting me to those mental images!" Winry yelled.
"Would you stop fucking talking about it?" Ed snarled. "Fuck. This is even more embarrassing than putting the damn thing on. I hate my life."
Undercover
“You’re home early,” Roy said.
His calm voice didn’t hide how his eyes had widened just slightly in surprise as Ed walked in, and Ed dropped his bookbag next to the doorway with a loud thunk. He gave Roy’s outfit—what there was of it—a long look, eyes lingering at the top of his thighs. There was a surprising amount of leg to look at. There was a surprising amount of everything to look at.
“I thought I told you to run your kinks by me before you wanted to actually try them,” Ed said, hoping to embarrass him while his guard was down. Roy barely even had the decency to blush, even though he was surrounded by his team and Havoc nearly swallowed his ever-present cigarette trying not to laugh.
Ed turned a glare on Havoc, momentarily distracted. “You’d better not be fucking smoking in my house!”
“No, sir!” Havoc said, straightening his back. “Wouldn’t dream of it, sir!”
“Please don’t terrify my men, darling,” Roy sighed. “And this isn’t for a kink, though I wouldn’t exactly say no if you wanted to try it out.” He winked at Ed. Ed, unlike his husband, was capable of shame, and blushed.
“Then what the fuck are you doing in that thing?” he snarled, storming over to tug the bottom of the garment down. “And why the hell is it so—are you wearing a garter?”
Roy grinned at him, slow and warm. The fucker was wearing heels too, which meant he was even taller than usual, and he leaned over when he cupped Ed’s face. “The garter makes sure the thigh-highs don’t fall down,” he said in his most seductive voice, which worked better than Ed would ever admit. “And is that a hint of jealousy I detect in your voice, my love?”
Ed snorted. “Whatever jackass takes you from me deserves what’s coming for him,” he said darkly. Whether that was Ed’s fist or Roy just being himself remained to be seen. “Again: why are you wearing this?”
“We’ve been trying to catch a man for a few weeks and, simply put, I’m the bait,” Roy answered with clear reluctance. Ed scowled.
“Aren’t you a bit high in rank for that, lieutenant?” he snarled angrily. “Out of all your fucking men—”
“I best fit the profile of his victims,” Roy interrupted calmly. “I’ll have my best team at my back, as you can see. Do you really think any of them will let me come to harm?”
“Well, no,” Ed bit out grudgingly. Hawkeye in particular would die before she let Roy get kidnapped or killed or whatever the criminal they were after was doing to people. “Still gonna worry, though.”
“I know, beautiful, but I’ll be much safer than anyone else was,” Roy assured him, kissing him on the forehead. Then he leaned in close to Ed’s ear and murmured quietly so nobody else in the room would hear, “And once I do get home, maybe we could explore how you feel about this dress, hm?”
An image of Roy’s long legs, made longer by the heels, popped into Ed’s head, and his breath caught. “I guess we could do that,” he conceded, slipping his thumbs under the hem of the dress to run them down the garter straps.
“Lieutenant,” Hawkeye’s flat voice said from somewhere behind Roy, “it’s time to go.”
“Your timing is impeccable as ever, Riza,” Roy sighed. He kissed Ed briefly before he pulled away, gathering the rest of his belongings and men together.
Ed watched him go, heart in his throat. The back of Roy’s dress was longer than the front had been, and it swished dramatically around his legs as he moved. It also clung lovingly to his ass, framing it so everyone could easily see how utterly perfect it was, and Ed had to bite his lip to prevent a sound of pure want from coming out.
It was going to be a long damn night waiting for that bastard to get home.