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Despite all his tossing and turning, Wise can’t seem to quiet his thoughts enough to sleep tonight.
It’s strange, now that he thinks about it. He hasn’t felt this restless in a long time. Ever since he arrived at Suibian Temple and came under Yixuan Shifu’s care, the strict routines and dietary rules has done wonders for him—though they definitely took some getting used to. Even his perpetually dark eye bags have faded. Who would’ve thought that regular exercise, trading instant noodles for Yinhu’s homemade cooking, and finally committing to a decent sleep schedule can make such a difference?
Rolling onto his back, Wise pushes the blanket off his legs, letting the cool air settle over him. His gaze drifts to the ornate ceiling above, where the carved patterns seem to almost shift in the dim light.
The Exaltists have been unusually active lately. Shifu’s briefing last week, drawing on Ferox’s statements, confirms that their overseer created the Miasmic Fiend. There are still no leads on the overseer’s identity, and it’s hard to say when they will make their next move.
Shifu has been noticeably worn down by it all. Ferox is captured, but deciding what to do with him has gone nowhere. The debacle with Porcelumex and the aftermath in Lemnian Hollow only adds to her stress. Beyond offering support and helping around the Temple, there’s little he can do.
Adding to the burden, Manato is still dealing with the lingering injuries. Yuzuha and Alice are thankfully alright, but Manato bore the brunt of the investigation. The last time Wise spoke to him, he was still nursing a bruised shoulder, three broken ribs, and a battered spine from Ferox’s lackeys. It was all to protect Yuzuha, but the frustration of being unable to prevent it is palpable.
Wise still has a long way to go. If Shifu hadn’t intervened when she did, the Miasmic Fiend would have wiped them out ages ago. The sheer adrenaline and the chaos of what had happened in the Hollow consumed him. In the thick of it, he hadn't considered what Belle must have gone through watching everything unfold from the outside, had the situation gone dire. He didn't realize this had frightened her so deeply that she felt compelled to secretly train with Senior Fufu from that day forward. The full weight of her distress only dawns on Wise later, when he learns about it by asking Senior Fufu directly.
Even though Shifu had already taught Belle the perception technique, she is still having a hard time perfecting it. In fact, Belle has been struggling to control her etheric powers for quite a while now.
Senior Fufu told Wise that everyone learns at different rates, but that didn’t stop him from worrying about her. Still, he figures it’s best to let Belle handle it on her own. Being too overbearing will only do more harm than good, and he knows Belle is a strong girl.
A familiar throb begins to pulse behind Wise’s eyes, signaling the rising tide of his own stress. He pushes himself up from the bed.
Maybe he really does need a break; Wise has been overdue for a vacation. Yuzuha, Manato, and Alice should be finished with finals by midday tomorrow, and according to Yuzuha, there are a surplus of vacation spots on Inter-knot worth checking out.
As tempting as it is to fall back into old habits and pull an all-nighter scrolling through his phone, it’s probably better for him to find something that might help him get back to sleep.
Slipping into his slippers at the foot of the bed, Wise pads to the doorway and steps into the courtyard.
The temple is shrouded in darkness tonight, swallowing the moonlight in a river of black clouds. Soft glowing lamps stretched across the path, their yellow-orange light guiding him towards the central courtyard. From there, he eases open the kitchen door and switches on the lights.
It's quiet, a little empty without Senior Yinhu bustling around, cooking something savory and fragrant. Still, he supposes he can look forward to whatever Yinhu will make later in the morning.
Wise opens the cabinet on the top shelf and finds a collection of loose tea leaves and dried fruit. Fingers brushing over the jars, he settles on jujube and goji berries. Pan Yinhu had once discussed the properties of different teas during a shopping trip, though the details were now hazy, half-remembered steps. He doesn’t want to wake Yinhu for such a small question; the details will surely surface soon.
Setting the jars on the counter, Wise moves to the lower cabinet, retrieving a large bowl and filling it with water. He unscrews the lid of Jujubes, dropping a handful into the bowl to soak. In a separate bowl, he does the same with goji berries.
Once the water takes on an amber hue, Wise drains and discards it, transferring the softened fruit to a clean bowl. He rubs each piece gently between his thumbs, feeling the wrinkles loosen and any dirt lift away. Then, with a paring knife, he carefully slices into the center of each fruit to remove the core.
A small pile of cut-out jujubes begins to grow on the cutting board as Wise works steadily. Then he hears it—a soft click from the kitchen door. It shuts almost silently.
Wise snaps his head towards the doorway, squinting against the dim, burnt-umber light to discern who had entered at such a late hour. He braces himself for Pan Yinhu, but the approaching footsteps are too light to be his. Wise’s eyes widen as the figure steps into the overhead light, recognition hitting him.
“Senior?” Wise blurts out, surprised. In all his months at Suibian Temple, Wise rarely sees Shiyuan up this late, and it throws him off that he isn’t wearing his usual clothes. Instead, he's wearing a simple zhongyi, and his hair, usually tied back, has fallen loose over his shoulders. If not for his glasses, Wise might have mistaken him for a stranger.
“Junior Wise, I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” Shiyuan replies, coming to stand beside him. Wise’s hands slow their work on the jujubes as he turns toward his Senior.
“Neither did I,” Wise admits. “I thought Senior Yinhu had you and Senior Fufu barred from the kitchen.”
It’s a slip of the tongue. Wise probably shouldn’t have said that, not as his Junior, but Shiyuan merely offers a quiet, almost amused smile. “Oh, so Senior Yinhu mentioned that? Don’t worry. I don’t intend to cause any trouble tonight.”
Shiyuan’s gaze drifts to the prepared jujubes as Wise carries the other bowl over to the sink, rinsing the goji berries. “I just wanted some tea,” he says, “but it seems you’ve gotten to it first.”
“Then you’re in luck.” Wise offers. “Would you like some with me, Senior? I’ve still got a little more to finish, but I’ll be happy to pour you a cup.”
“I’d love to,” Shiyuan accepts, moving to the lower cabinet on the opposite side of the kitchen to fetch a small pot for the stove. “You’re brewing Hong Zao, aren’t you?”
“Yeah,” Wise confirms, waiting for Shiyuan to pour four cups of water into the pot before adding the jujubes and goji berries. “Senior Yinhu said red dates are good for calming the nerves. He also told me they help fortify the Qi and settle the mind when you’ve been thinking too much.”
“I see,” Shiyuan murmurs, adjusting his glasses with two fingers. “Then it appears we’re dealing with the same ailment tonight.”
They wait for the water to reach a boil, the fragrance curling in rich, fruity spirals before turning the heat down to medium-low for ten minutes.
Wise strains the tea into two cups, adds a pinch of brown sugar, and stirs. He hands one cup to Shiyuan. “Careful, it’s hot.”
Shiyuan accepts it, cradling the cup in both hands. He pauses for a moment, savoring the aroma before taking a tentative sip. “It’s delicious. Well done, it seems Yinhu has taught you well.”
Wise smiles, a little embarrassed. “I’m really flattered. I’m glad I can live up to my Senior’s standards.”
They take their seats at the table, drinking their tea in companionable silence for a short while.
“I’m just being honest,” Shiyuan says at last, warmth threading through his matter-of-fact tone. He draws their cups a little closer together, as if preparing to take them to the sink. “You’ve improved since the last time you brewed tea for our Shifu. Now, let’s get these washed up before Yinhu finds them sitting out.”
They take their time tidying the kitchen, rinsing the dishes, discarding the used jujubes and goji berries, and returning everything to the shelves before stepping back out to the central courtyard of the temple.
The air presses close, humid and restless, heavy with the taste of rain. High overhead, the clouds split with flickering light, and thunder rolls in trembling waves.
Wise slows his steps, letting the space between them widen just enough to observe the line of his back, and the way the loose strands of his hair catch the intermittent light. There's a quietude about him now that feels different from his usual composure, and Wise can't quite gauge the emotion behind it.
Shiyuan stops, and Wise halts beside him.
“I’m heading back to my room,” Shiyuan says, gesturing towards the door. “We’re heading our separate ways, but… if you don’t mind the detour, you’re welcome to join me.”
“I don’t mind at all. Of course, I’ll accompany you,” Wise says, falling back into step as Shiyuan resumes walking towards his room.
Shiyuan opens the door, revealing a room washed in amber from a lamp on the dresser behind a divider. It’s smaller than Wise’s, with a similar layout, save for a few personal decorations neatly arranged on the dresser.
Wise walks just inside the threshold, letting Shiyuan lead the way. This is new. Shiyuan has never invited him to his room before, not even when they were both up late to outline the details of an ongoing mission laid out by their Shifu. The other late-night encounters have always been with the other members of Yunkui Summit whether it was to practice their combat skills out in the courtyard or just to take a stroll around Waifei.
They eventually settle onto the couch by the window, letting the silence stretch out between them.
It feels a little awkward now that Wise has been sitting here, and he can't figure out why. He doesn’t know if it’s Shiyuan’s status as Senior, or the invitation itself, that leaves him feeling so off-balance. Still, if Shiyuan had invited him, there has to be a reason.
“Senior,” Wise says, breaking the quiet. He tries to ignore the frantic thrumming in his chest rising in octaves. “If I remember correctly, you mentioned having trouble sleeping because of your night terrors. Are they acting up again?”
“They are,” Shiyuan admits. “The medicine has helped for a while, but the episodes have been more frequent lately.”
Wise hesitates, then asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”
For a brief moment, Shiyuan seems to consider it, but he ultimately shakes his head.
“I appreciate the offer. But just having you here to share this quiet moment is enough,” Shiyuan’s voice remains calm, though a slight twitch of his ears betrays the weight of his thoughts. “If I may, I have a question I’d like to ask.”
Wise straightens his posture, shaking off the faint disappointment “Of course, Senior. What did you want to ask?”
“I trust this isn’t too forward, given my earlier response. I’ve been reflecting on what our Shifu shared before you arrival at Waifei. It made me wonder about the relationship you and your sister had with your Teacher back then.”
Wise blinks, caught off guard by the question. He hasn't spoken about what he really thought of his Teacher to anyone but Belle in a long time. The possibility that she might still be alive somewhere in Lemnian Hollow, according to Mayor Mayflower’s intel, feels both relieving and nerve-racking. He doesn’t know what to do with that information; his investigations had led nowhere so far, but he is certain he’d find answers. And when that day comes… what would he even say to her?
On any other day, Wise might have avoided sharing the details altogether. It isn’t embarrassment that holds him back, but the unfamiliarity of placing the weight of his past onto someone else. Some memories had been his constant companions for so long that speaking them aloud feels like a monumental task. Still, the past has undeniably shaped him and continue to drive the choices he makes today.
“Our Teacher raised us and taught us so much. I don’t know why she was blamed for the fall of the capital, or what role she plays in all of this. But even so, a part of me will always believe she wants what’s best for us. It’s been eleven years since we last saw her, but that doesn’t change how much I love and care for her. Belle and I have always held onto that. It’s what carried us through the hardest days.”
Wise exhales slowly. He hadn’t expect to reveal so much; the drowsy hush of Shiyuan’s room seems to coax the truth from him, gentle yet unrelenting.
Shiyuan’s gaze lingers on him, red eyes sharp in the lamp light. “If you had the chance to change things… would you take it? No matter the cost?”
“I won’t lie—I’ve thought about it more than once. There were times I wished I could go back and follow where that giant hand took my Teacher. I was reckless in my search for her, and in some ways, I still am. But I never want that recklessness to come at the cost of the safety or comfort of others in New Eridu.”
“But even then,” he continues, his voice softer. “Through all of it, I always had Belle. I don’t know how I would have managed if I’d lost her during the Fall of the old Capital too. I’ve… never been good at handling my own emotions. Without Belle grounding me at my lowest, I think things might have turned out very differently.”
“Family like that keeps you steady,” Shiyuan says. “But it also means knowing when to keep things to yourself, and when it’s still worth taking the risk. If I had lost my sister… I also don’t know if I would have managed.”
The desk lamp’s light sharpens the line of Shiyuan’s jaw, highlighting the tension clenched there. Wise doesn’t know the details of Shiyuan’s nightmares, only that he’d lost his parents during the fall. But he understands the absolute, unquestioning loyalty in Shiyuan’s voice when he speaks of his sister. It resonates with something he knows all too well.
“Senior,” Wise begins, his voice a little hesitant. “I don’t want to overstep, but it feels like you’re hinting at something I don’t quite understand. Maybe it’s too bold of me, being your junior, but… would you consider relying on me? I wouldn’t mind taking on some of this burden with you.”
“Wise, you already do. As a member of Yunkui Summit, we all have a duty to care for each other like family. I rely on you just as much as you rely on me.”
Wise presses his lips together, fighting the urge to frown. There's not much he can do if Shiyuan doesn’t want to talk. If his friends were going through something and didn’t want to share, Wise respects that. Everyone processes their feelings differently, and it is their choice whether to open up. Wise will never force anyone.
Yet, for some inexplicable reason, he feels a strong pull to understand Shiyuan better. The more Shiyuan raises his guard, the more Wise has the urge to break them down. It’s strange. He is usually so adept at letting things be, but Wise finds it harder than usual to hold back this time.
Perhaps, it's because Shiyuan reminds him of himself. Wise isn't the type to make the first move, but all the nerves inside him refuse to stay quiet.
Slowly, Wise shifts close to Shiyuan on the couch until their shoulders brush. He slides a hand between them, fingers hovering just short of Shiyuan’s. “I wasn’t talking about that,” he murmurs, “I meant this.”
Shiyuan's breath hitches. He adjusts his glasses with a sudden, jerky movement, his eyes darting away as heat floods his cheeks. The restless flick of his tail and the way his fingers curl tightly together doesn’t escape Wise’s notice. It’s undeniably cute seeing Shiyuan so flustered, and a strong urge rises within him to close the distance and coax out even more of these expressions.
Then, the flick of his tail stills. Shiyuan squeezes his eyes shut to regain his composure, and for a long moment, he doesn't say anything. The confession hangs in the air, heavy and charged, and Wise feels the anticipation coil to his bones.
Finally, with visible effort, Shiyuan opens his eyes. He doesn't meet Wise's gaze, but the way his voice tightens with reluctance feels like a physical blow. "Forgive me, Wise," he says. "But I can't accept your confession."
Wise forces a smile, a little too quick, his shoulders hunching as he shifts away, creating distance. He keeps his gaze fixed on the nick of wood on the dresser. “Hah… was it that obvious?"
A few raindrops tap against the rooftop, a hesitant preamble before the steady, unrelenting rhythm of the rain sets in.
Much to Wise’s surprise, Shiyuan closes the distance back again—not all the way, but enough that his voice can be heard above the drumming downpour.
“Please don’t be ashamed,” Shiyuan murmurs, his voice tinged with wistful regret. His gaze drops to where their pinkies brush. Then, tentatively, they hook together. “Your feelings are your own, and you have every right to them. I’m grateful for your sincerity. If things were different… I would have liked to explore that possibility with you.”
Wise draws in a trembling breath. “Then why can’t we? I know there’s more going on than what you're telling me. Life will never be simple, and there will always be challenges. But I care about you enough to try anyway and face the hard parts together.”
The grip on Wise's pinky tightens for a moment before releasing. “If I said yes, I’d only end up disappointing you. That’s not something I can do. You deserve someone who can meet you where you are.”
There it is again, that familiar closing-off Wise knows all too well. The pity in those words, masked by a polite smile. Shiyuan has always been a closed book, especially about his personal life. Even when he appears open, a part of him remains out of reach whenever the conversation turns to his own feelings. He can never really tell what Shiyuan is truly thinking, and he often wonders if he ever will.
It’s ironic, being on the receiving end of this treatment when it was his own habit for so long. Wise has spent the past year keeping some of his friends at arm’s length, a practice initially born from his own fear of revealing his proxy identity as Phaethon. It felt like a necessary measure at the time. But now, looking back, he can’t be sure of the true reason for doing that. Was it simply that he’d forgotten how to express his own feelings after so long? Or was it the lingering distrust, sown by witnessing his Teacher unjustly blamed for the Fall of the old capital, that made him question who he can possibly confide in?
“Wise,” Shiyuan says, his voice softer than usual. “There is one thing I would like to ask of you.”
“Sure, what is it?” Wise replies, his voice a little strained. The sting of the recent rejection is still raw, and Shiyuan’s tail curling around his waist only intensifies the ache.
The moonlight has long since surrendered to the rain, washing the color from Shiyuan’s hair until it is as dark as midnight. When he slides his glasses off, Wise is caught by the depth of those crimson eyes, an unspoken apology that resonates deeper than any words.
“Should you ever find yourself on the opposing side of my decisions, where my actions appear contradictory to the trust you’ve given me... I will ask one thing of you. I want you to know that every choice I’ve made, and every risk I continue to take, is born of the same deep current of love and overwhelming fear that you and Belle hold for each other. As an older brother, I pray that you, of all people, can grant me that sole measure of understanding.”
— Vulnerability is the last thing I want you to see in me, but the first thing I look for in you.