Chapter Text
The howling wasn't wolves. It was wind.
You tugged your beanie over your ears, trudging through the sheets of white behind the group. Abby was walking first and walking with determination. You didn't find it in you to hurry your legs up to catch up with her. It didn't look like she wanted to talk to you anyway.
Just a 2 weeks ago, she told you about a lead. Somewhere in Wyoming. A communist town. She was confused when you expressed your disapproval. You saw what Joel did. Saw her hunched over her dad's body. You were so supportive, what changed?
Apparently it was time. You learned how to mourn for the losses. She didn't. She joined the WLF with you and the others and trained like there was no tomorrow. She wasn't the Abby you knew a few years ago. Not only taller, but stronger. Her back was wide and her face cold. Unlike the innocent nature she held before. She'd come to your room late, tired from the gym to fall into bed with you, only to do the same thing the next day unless she had a run to do. She was still your girlfriend, still loved you and let you hold her through her nightmares, but it hurt seeing her drive for something so violent. It felt like she was slipping away.
"It's too dangerous Abby. You don't know what they have there. And what if he's not there—"
"What if he is? Let's say he is in Jackson and we don't get him. We lose our chance and let him go kill other people."
"And if you kill him? Someone's gonna be after you. It's a cycle, can't you see?!"
She rolled her eyes at your frown.
"Have you been living under a rock? This is life now."
You couldn't even throw the argument of "I'm worried about you losing your mind" because she threw her hands up and let them fall to her sides.
"If you don't support what I'm doing, you don't have to come. I've already talked with the others, they're coming."
The argument wasn't really an all-or-nothing sort of thing, but her conversations turned limited afterward. It was only a few days later when you started packing too, scared for her and your relationship. You wanted Abby to find peace, and if this was it, you'd let her have it.
You all stopped by some old warehouse. Owen started a fire as you found a place to put your sleeping bag for the night. The space was quiet, except for the quiet talk between Manny and Abby. It wasn't long before two heavy boots made their way to you. Her blue eyes glanced down at you as you sat on the ground. Her face was hesitant, as if putting in more effort to talk to you was equivalent to barbed wire in her throat.
"I appreciate you coming along. This means alot to me."
How professional of her. Your eyes met hers as you shrugged, tone much more casual and relaxed.
"No worries. I did say I'd be here, years ago."
She nodded, sitting down next to you and trying to get warmth into her hands.
"Sorry I haven't been...talking recently. I guess the days coming up to this got me all nervous."
You parroted her nod, taking off your beanie to shake off the snow on it.
The silence between you hurt. With weather like this the two of you used to curl up and read to eachother. Now, there was only the fire crackling and the wind slamming against the walls.
You felt her eyes on you, guilty. Awkwardly, she leaned over to press a kiss to your cheek before getting up, joints popping. It was her way of letting you know she was still in there, small, but there.
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That night, you were up by a pillar. Manny had fallen asleep when he was supposed to be, in his words, "protecting the pack". You decided to cover him, not being able to sleep much.
To your side, Abby was in her sleeping back, shifting. Her brows were furrowed as her body curled for heat. You remember when she used to place her sleeping back right next to yours, sometimes even sharing one, despite how burly she was. Now, she keeps to herself awkwardly, as if she wants to be closer but stops herself.
Eventually she started tossing and turning, making small noises of distress. You made your way over quietly, kneeling by her shape. Usually she was able to wake herself up, but it seemed like she needed a bit of help this time.
Carefully, your hand stroked her shoulder.
"Abs... Hey...you're dreaming..." No shit. She was still whimpering and shifting. Your hand found its way to her cheek easily. Her eyes snapped open, sitting up to make out your face.
"Abby? Shh.. you're safe."
"Right..right.. yeah, I know. That was nothing."
You didn't believe her one bit. Ever since she got news of a lead she had been more nervous, waking up in the night a lot more, even after a long gym session.
You kept your hand on her, now rubbing her back. She didn't pull you away so you kept doing it. Hands tugged on your hips, sitting you on her lap. Her breath hit your shoulder as her head fell with it.
"I really hope he's there. I want to sleep peacefully again."