Chapter Text
"LOOK AT ME!"
No response, only small tremors in your hand.
"Please ..." My voice pleaded ... "Open your eyes ... Please ... Open ..."
Tears welled up behind my eyes. I felt a tear escaping and making its trail down my cheek.
"No ..."
A whisper escpaed my lips as you let our your last breath.
This godforsaken planet went quiet; no more battlecries, no more clashing from metal on metal, no more silent cries for losing loved ones.
Only dust left, made into small swirls by the oncoming wind. My knees and back were hurting, but what did it matter?
Distant gunfire pulled me out of this haze I was in.
Shouting. Yelling. A man's voice. "CARTER!" More shouting "DOC!". Gunfire. No ... a staffblast.
I lifted my head, not letting go of you, your hand in mine. My eyes searching the horizon.
A couple of men running into the arena.
I took hold of the axe that layed beside you. Staffblasts and gunfire. The men running our way. I tightend my grip on the axe. My nerves exploding.
Again, the voice. "CARTER! DOC!". Only when he was right in front of me, I recognized him; he skidded to a halt. His eyes met mine, in worry. Then his eyes met you, your body. He kneeled down.
"Is she ... " he asked.
"Yes"; the words stuck in the back of my throat. He bowed his head, not saying a thing.
Next to him, Teal'c kneeled down, scooping your fragile body up into his arms.
I was vagely aware of our trip through the Gate, my feet hitting the ramp; knowing that we made it home ... But 'home' felt weird and farr off. 'We' wasn't complete.
Words spoken by Hammond dissapeared as soon as he saw your lifeless body. Eyes followed us, heads bowed, tears esxaped eyes.
And I ... I was unable to feel ... Numb...
The first night I didn't sleep at all. I went home.
Everything felt strange, out of place. I expected to start crying when I was finally alone, but I didn't.
No tears were building up, the numbness overtook my grief.
I closed the door behind me and stood in the hallway for an hour. Just standing there.
Feeling empty. Feeling lost. Feeling nothing at all.
I should talk to Cassie.
It suddenly hit me that she didn't know ... How could she? She was at college ...
I don't remember what I said to her on the phone, don't remember what she said either. She came back the next day.
I do remember taking her into my arms, letting her cry over the loss of you; she was devistated.
Cassie fell asleep on the couch, I watched over her through the night.
When the morning chased away the cold night, I shifted from under her head, heading towards the shower, putting on clothes and driving to the base.
O'Neill was the first one to spot me.
"What are you doing here? Go back home, be there for Cassie"
"I need to do something ... can't just sit around" was my weak protest.
He put his hand on my shoulder, repeating his word.
I was surprised by the real concern in his voice. He rarely showed his emotions, but this time it was shimmering through.
So I went back home, the emptiness was filling me up, surrounding me.
But I had to be strong, for Cassie.
When I was able to sleep, I dreamed about you.
Your face, cut up, bruised and battered. The constant noise in the background. Cries tearing through the air.
Every time I woke up screaming, your name burning on my lips.
I could feel the dry air that surrounded us for weeks, the dust setteling on our skin, in our cage.
It filled our lungs as we fought to stay alive ...
They had captured us, not long after we set foot on the planet; we asked for an explanation, but never got one.
We were never anything more to them as a source of entertainment.
They had lured us in, telling that 'only women were welcome for trade'; Daniel had tried to argue, but finally decided it would be best to send 'the 2 SG1 gals in'.
I laughed with O'Neills statement.
I agreed, seeing no harm in the expedition, you had your doubts.
Why they chose us, we will never know, but we got them the show they wanted.
All they had to do, was tortue one of us as leverage for the other to fight. Their usual strategy, I presumed; and it worked like a charm.
The audience loved us! They cheered as soon as we set foot in the arena; chills ran down my spine, every time.
Still now, I can feel the wind pulling on our clothes, the cheers carried away by the dust.
Our competitors were fierce, driven, deteremented to kill us off for their own glory.
You refused to let me fight, you had your mind set on protecting me. The audience loved that, it made us popular, it gave us a fighting chance.
It was only a couple of days after the memorial service that I met Karen.
Showing up at my doorstep, her gaze unsure. She gave me a letter. Said you asked her, 'just in case something would happen'.
When I asked her who she was, she said: "It doesn't matter who I am, not yet. Read the letter. If you want to talk, call me" and with those words, she haned me her businesscard.
She turned around on her heels and without another word, left.
My heart was pounding in my chest. Thoughts came rushing back. Tears treathening to spill.
A sound made me aware of Cassie's presence. A questioning look in her eyes.
So looked at hte letter in my hands.
"What's that?"
"A letter", I stated.
"O .. K ... from whom?" I could only react with a stare.
"I ... I can't ...", I put the letter down on the dinner table.
It dawned to her. "Is it from ..." she faltered. I simply nodded.
I was starting to lose it. "This isn't right ..."
"This ..." I pointed to the letter. "She ..."
I felt tears running down my cheeks.
"She ... she should be here ..." Cassie took me into a hug. "...and not being ..."
"I know", Cassie whispered. "I know ..."
From my cage, I could hear you scream. The hits you took that broke your ribs, the stabs that made you bleed. But you never caved, you never surrendered.
Until that last fight.
Captive for over two weeks now; fighting every day. Every day your injuries got worse, the previous ones didn't heal like they should.
I could see you crumble, falling to bits, but all you said was "It will be ok, they will come for us".
They took us away from our cell, right into the arena; I put up a fight, you willingly went with them, to tired for any form of resistance.
With the axe losely in your hand, you prepared for the fight: feet in wide stance, your energy drained, but I knew you would fight until your last breath; anything to make sure I was safe.
"You should read it".
I turned around, in the direction of his voice.
"What ... "
"Cassie told me about the letter"
"Ow ..."
"You should really read it."
"I ... no Danny, I can't ... I just ..."
"Why not?"
"It's just ... That letter is the last of her, you know ..."
He just nodded. He came closer, pulled me into a hug; the tears were bubbeling to the surface again, I could feel my heart breaking into a million pieces.
"I understand ..." he said, " ... but whatever she put down on paper, she wrote it for you and for you alone."
It all came crashing down, all at the same time.
The gunfire distracted us. Even before you knew what was happening, your opponent floored you with a suckerpunch. You landed flat on your back, kicking up dust as you knocked the back of your head on the ground.
I could hear myself scream "WATCH OUT!", but he was faster than you could avoind him.
He plunged the greatsword right in the middle of your abdomen.
You didn't even scream, only stared at the sky, your eyes wide; your one hand over the wound as he withdrew the sword, your other hand sprawled next to your head, only inches away from the axe.
The guy ran as soon as the gunfire came closer.
I sank to my knees, tried to stop the bleeding. Your eyes caught mine, I saw a smile on your lips; a tiny smile but it was there. Then you closed your eyes ...