Work Text:
1 year and 2 months. That's how long it had been, yet Mike’s words still haunted Will every waking second.
“It's not my fault you don't like girls!”
No matter how many times Will tried to forget them, to move past the dread pooling deep in his stomach every time Mike spoke to him, to force the memory away into the darkness of the past few years, somehow he always felt the effect of Mike’s words even stronger the next time.
That night was horrible. Will had come to accept the reality that Mike would never love him the way he loved Mike, but this hurt even worse than yearning from afar.
Will had always believed he was a mistake but to hear Mike vocalize the same ideas as his father, hurt worse than any physical pain could ever. Mike was always the one who saw him at his worst, yet still chose to be his friend. All those nights when going home to Lonnie seemed impossible to bear, Mike slept with Will on the floor of his basement. Just the two of them curled in the soft blankets with little dinosaurs or Star Wars characters on them.
Watching that version of his childhood fade away, to Will, felt like losing a part of himself. It really was Mike’s fault Will didn’t like girls. The pain of those words stung deeper and seeped into every cautious word that Will dared to utter.
Now trying to get ready for sleep in Mike’s freezer of a room, in his thin Hellfire Club tee shirt, right next to Mike, all made Will feel like he was either going to explode from nervous excitement or vomit out of the rehashing of these feelings.
Will tried to bring himself back to the present moment and look around Mike’s room a bit while he waited for Mike to get out of the shower.
His bed was on the left side of the room, right across from the bedroom door. To the left the closet with a “One Way” street sign pointing into it. On the walls there were numerous band posters including 2 posters of the Smiths, Louder than Bombs and Hatful of Hollow.
There was also a bulletin board with a few photos and drawings hung up with small red push-pins.
The first picture was of Will, Mike, Lucas, and Dustin on Halloween two years ago. All of them dressed alike in Ghostbusters uniforms. The next picture was a polaroid of Will in the same costume. He was smiling blissfully and was giving the camera two thumbs up. Will instantly remembered this picture, only because Mike had been the one to take it.
The drawings were small and a few looked torn from other sheets of paper. One was of all of the party’s D&D characters lined up and prepared for battle. Others were of animals they had seen, Mrs. Wheeler’s pancakes she would always make when Will stayed the night, and one of an apple.
There was one photo that was different from the rest, because it was just him and Mike. The picture was taken next to the moving van that was packed near a year ago to move the Byers to Lenora, California. It was a picture of their last hug.
Will had known that Jonathan was taking pictures, but why would he give this one to Mike?
The rest of the room was pretty plain. The bed had a worn out plaid comforter that was obviously too big for a full size bed. Mike’s nightstand contained an array of trinkets like notes from the rest of the party, his D&D figurine, and some dice.
To Will, Mike’s room felt like coming home again. It was nostalgic and bittersweet in a way that reminded him why he loves Mike.
Just as Will was about to lay back and count the number of glow-in-the-dark stars Mike had stuck on his ceiling over the years, something caught his eye.
Under the mirror on the dresser, sat a small yellow envelope. It was addressed to Will in Mike’s scribbly handwriting with a stamp and everything.
Will turned the letter over in his hands, feeling how thin it was. He finally worked up the courage to open it.
If Mike hadn’t wanted Will to read it, why would it be stamped?
Honestly, it was a simple letter written on notebook paper. Although, to Will it was more than enough.
“Hey Will,
I know I’m coming to visit soon but I just wanted to write to you. I miss you a lot and I can never get a hold of you over the phone so I’m sending this letter.
I’ve been trying to write this letter since November and I’ve failed a lot but I’m gonna send this one for sure.
Please don’t tell anyone else about this letter for now, I want to talk with El first. This seems weird to say in a letter but I want to tell you before I come to Cali.
I love you, Will. Like I’m in love with you. I don’t think I’ve ever really loved El in the way she hoped I would. For me, it’s always been you. I might not send this for sure but it feels good to write it out again. I miss you so much and I just want to be with you again. I’m so sorry about the summer. I’ll make it up to you, promise
I guess I’ll see you soon though. Only 7 more days.
Love, Mike”
Just as Will had finished reading the last few words, The bathroom door on the other side of the wall clicked open.
He didn't have enough time to pretend like he hadn't read Mike’s letter. Will braces himself for the inevitable conversation once Mike finds out.
—
Mike felt the water dripping from his hair onto his shoulders as he saw Will standing in front of his dresser with the letter.
The Back to the Future tee shirt was too thin to soak up the frigid drops as Mike stood there, unmoving, staring at Will’s frame.
Shit, he wasn’t supposed to read that now.
“Mike? Do you really mean all of this?” Will’s voice was tentative and questioning.
“Will-”
“Do you really love me, Mike? Last night I was sobbing because I thought you hated me. Your actions really don’t show your thoughts if you're in love with me.” Will was pacing now with the letter in his outstretched hands.
“Ive spent the last year trying to stop loving you because of what you said last summer,” Will explained.
“That really fucking hurt, Mike. Why didn't you try to fix things?" There were tears in Will’s eyes now that were threatening to spill over. He was a foot away from Mike, staring into his eyes as if to search for the answer.
Will’s voice broke as the tears spilled down his face, “Why weren’t you there for me?”
All those times when Mike wanted to be there for Will had come back to haunt him after all. The fear of the rest of the party finding out and hating him for liking Will burned holes in the only friendship he should have cared about.
Mike had wanted to be there for Will when he was having all those flashbacks and panic attacks. Being there for Will on Halloween after Will had another episode felt glorious. Mike had felt like he was allowed to help and care for Will.
Mike had wanted to be there for Will when he was feeling left out during the summer. If only his own fears of fitting a standard hadn't held him back. Staying with El was torture. He loved El more than anything, but not in the way he felt he should. Mike wanted to be there with Will, huddled together in his bed just reading comics while Will dozed off while drawing.
That summer changed Mike. He hadn’t fully grasped the feeling of butterflies in his stomach around Will being associated with the feeling of longing for him to be close. On those summer nights when he was sprawled out on his mattress in the warm blanket of July heat, Mike discovered something interesting. Kissing El was fine he guessed, but only if he imagined it had been Will.
Mike began to notice the little things about Will more and more. The freckle on the left of his neck, the dip in his cupid’s bow, the green bits of his eyes, how when he got warm his hair would fluff up into a more wavy way, his porcelain skin, and the color that filled his face when Mike got too close. Mike thought Will was mesmerizing.
At the airport that spring, Mike was shaking the whole plane ride to Lenora. He had originally brought the flowers for El as a way to soften the blow of breaking up with her but after seeing the excitment on her face, he couldn’t do it that day.
As soon as he saw Will in that blue flannel button-up Mike felt the heat rise in his face and his thoughts jumbled together. His enthusiastic and slightly flustered smile turned Mike’s stomach in a way he had never felt before.
That day at the roller rink had been horrible. Seeing Will’s face after Mike tried to convince himself that he was still in love with El hurt more than the last year combined. The way his eyes changed from the hope of “What about us?” to the disappointment of Mike’s words like a slap to the face.
Mike had never wanted to hurt Will with his words, He was honestly only trying to convince himself that he was the normal one. In reality, Mike would never admit how much he thought of Will all those sleepless nights.
In that Surfer Boy Pizza van, after Will showed Mike the painting, Mike had in fact heard Will sobbing against the window. His heart ached for a time when Will might have accepted the comfort of Mike’s embrace. Though after their fight at Rink-o-Mania, Mike doubted himself and their relationship more and more everyday.
During the last week, Mike had felt as if he was walking on eggshells trying to avoid showing how Will had been the only thought on his mind for the past few months.
Mike had thought a lot about telling someone about his recent self developments to help take the weight off of his mind. The only person who would be the most understanding and could never judge Mike in any way is Will. Telling Will would be difficult in a different way from telling anyone else though.
Mike wasn’t afraid that Will would hate him. No, never Will. He was too kind and caring to ever hate anything about Mike. There was always this acceptance in their friendship that felt wonderful because neither of them could be afraid of telling the other something.
Will’s question echoed in Mike’s mind as the very same thing he had tried to find the answer to. The only conclusion that would describe the separation is how everything they had been through together had torn a hole in their delicate bubble of friendship.
“I-I’m honestly not sure why I wasn’t there Will. I wanted to be there for you,” Mike’s eyes began to wet with the mix of emotions of the past year streaming down his face. “I felt worse by not being there for you, but I was supposed to have exactly what I wanted with El.”
Mike’s breathing began to form shallow inhales as Will turned to face Mike, cross-legged on the bed. “Will, I was miserable because I felt like I was breaking,” Mike stopped to take a breath because his jaw was shaking so much from trying to talk while crying. “-two other people’s hearts. At the same time I was blaming myself for failing at 2 relationships. ”
Mike finally finished his sentence after taking breaks to try and regain enough composure to spill out a few more words. Through bleery eyes, Mike saw Will was trying to pull him closer. This time, Mike began to accept Will’s embrace. Will leaned his forehead on Mike’s shoulder and held Mike as the sobs racked his lanky frame.
Will was warm like the sun during spring. His hair smelled of the lemon scented shampoo they had picked up a few days prior. Will’s soft hair on Mike’s forehead was a welcome sensation. The wispy locks of hair tickled a little bit, but Mike enjoyed the closeness of Will. The fabric of Mike’s own Hellfire t-shirt felt comforting and worn-in as he felt the collar of the shirt from grasping it.
“Mike, it's not your fault,” Will whispered in Mike’s ear softly. As Mike pulled away to wipe his tearstained face, he saw Will’s faint smile.
God, he’s so beautiful.
—
Mike’s teary eyes and awestruck expression looked so beautiful to Will. To him, there was nothing more beautiful than Mike’s puppy dog eyes.
He looked pale but ethereal, as if Mike was in a painting. His hair was messy and still a little wet but to Will, Mike’s disheveled hair has always been endearing. Mike has always looked pretty when he cried. No matter how hard Will had tried to push these thoughts away before, they always came back when he cried himself to sleep every night in Lenora.
Those nights were the worst he had ever felt. The pain of loneliness was worse than any amount of pain he had felt in the Upside Down.
There were still reminders of those days. Across his wrists. The red mauve line on both his wrists, just enough to end where his veins disappeared. No one noticed the bandages emptying faster. No one noticed the long sleeves.
It was the only way Will learned to cope with the tormented feeling of heartache that had stayed consistent for the past 3 years. He began to hope that if he made the pain physical, the mental distress wouldn’t continue to eat him alive.
He hadn’t done it for about 7 months. Being with Mike helped more than anything had before. Seeing how happy Mike was that Will had moved in made a huge impact on how he saw himself.
Looking at Mike now made Will’s heart hurt in a painful guilty way.
Mike’s slender hands rested on the inside of Will’s forearms. Mike broke the tender eye contact and glanced down at Will’s arms.
Shit, shit, shit! No, please don’t say anything. Please don’t notice them.
“Will? What are those?” Mike’s voice trembled as he moved his pointer finger down to the inside of his wrist. Mike’s delicate touch gazed over the thin lines. “Did you do this?”
“Mike-” Will felt vision getting blurry. The tears rolled down his cheeks as he blinked. They felt warm and reminiscent of the sting of the scars.
“It’s ok Will. I’m not mad at you. I could never be mad at you.” Mike was gentle as he moved his hand to intertwine his fingers with Will’s.
“I-I didn’t mean for them to get t-that deep. I f-felt so alone in C-California. I just w-wanted to be with y-you again.” Will tried so desperately to speak through the tightness in his throat from the tears.
“You wanted to be with me?” Will blinked away the tears as Mike’s fingers tightened slightly around his hand. It felt like such an obvious question that Will just stared at Mike’s confused expression.
“Mike, all I have ever wanted is to be with you,” Will stated. “I feel like I should be asking you that question first.” Will giggled a little as his free hand reached to rub the tears out of his eyes.
“So both of us never noticed how much we loved each other? Seriously how did we go this long without noticing?” Mike was laughing now, but he never let go of Will’s hand.
It felt like their sleepover from when they were little. All huddled together among blankets and pillows, whispering secrets to each other that would never be told again. When they fell asleep with their faces close together, when they used to hold hands on the playground, when it was the two of them against the whole world.
As they laughed for a while, Mike’s hand found its way to Will’s exposed shoulder. The Hellfire t-shirt had been stretched from the quick mornings. Will didn’t mind though. Mike’s hand was cool against Will’s warm skin. It felt electric.
Will inched so close to Mike that he was almost in his lap.
Mike’s hand moved slowly up to Will’s jaw. Will was certain his stomach did a backflip. His eyes flicked to Will’s lips. Will was never as blind as Mike had thought. He saw every glance and sweet look. Every simple touch and every soft smile. To Will, Mike was home.
Will’s breath hitched as Mike tilted his head to press their lips together. He felt breathless.
His eyelids closed softly as he melted into Mike. The way Mike’s hand guided his jaw upwards slightly was tentative, but Will wouldn’t change it for the world.
All those times Will had imagined kissing Mike would never compare to the warm pressure of their lips meeting.
But as soon as it had started, Mike pulled away.
“Oh God, Will! I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have done that! Fuck! I’m so sorry Will!” “Mike-” “I can leave now and sleep on the couch downstairs if you want me to-” “Mike.” “I’m so so so sor-”
Will worked up enough courage to grab a fistful of Mike’s shirt and kiss him again. He feels Mike melt into him. That thought turns butterflies in his stomach.
Mike is so warm. The warmth is addicting. It feels like the warm summer sun.
Mike moves his hand up to Will’s neck. He feels Mike touch the hair at the bottom of his head. It's soothing to feel Mike all around him.
The way his lips moved with Mike’s felt so intoxicating. Will would never want to stop. He wanted to move closer to Mike, but the only way to be closer was to sit in his lap.
A year ago, Will would have never expected that Mike would let Will sit in his lap while they were kissing. But, here they were.
It was comforting and gentle to be held by Mike. His hand traveled down Will’s back to reach his waist. This set off a new set of summersaulting feelings in Will’s stomach.
Will pulled away to look at Mike. His lips were red, his eyes were wide, and a shade of pink dusted his cheekbones.
How can he be so gorgeous?
Mike moved in to kiss the top of Will’s nose. “I love you, Will. I’m sorry it took so long for me to realize that.”
Will wrapped his arms around Mike’s neck and whispered softly, “I love you too, Mike.”
Mike leaned back onto his pillows as he slightly guided Will to lay on him. They stayed in each other's arms for a long while. Will breathed with the rise and fall of Mike’s chest. The hand Mike had around Will’s waist traced circles into Will’s delicate skin.
“Have you always loved me?” Will’s voice came barely above a whisper.
“I think so,” Mike replied. “I ignored it for a long time but I only accepted it this year. Have you always loved me, Will?”
“Honest answer?”
“Always.”
“I’m pretty sure I’ve loved you from the moment I met you.” Will moved his hand to rest on Mike’s collarbone. “There was always something special about you that made me believe that there was no one else I could ever love as much as I loved you.”
Will yawned as Mike placed a kiss on the top of Will’s head. “Well, now we have all the time we want to talk about everything. I will never leave you again Will, I promise.”
Mike glanced down to see Will’s eyes had already closed.
How could I ever get so lucky?
Mike dozed off soon after to the sound of Will’s familiar breathing.
Both of them felt like they had gone crazy. But, they could be crazy together.