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“I’ve never lost a wingman,” Rooster confessed, back hunched as he sat in a chair in the dark room. If not for his voice, Maverick wouldn’t have even realized that his godson was standing in there.
Despite their earlier explosive argument, Maverick only felt fondness for him. Rooster may be a grown man now, but all Maverick could see when he looked at him was that little boy that used to follow him around like a lost duckling. They did everything together for the longest time, until Rooster went away to basic training and his dreams of becoming a pilot became more and more palpable. Maverick would never forget the fear he felt when Rooster announced he was enlisting in the flight academy, just like Maverick once had all those years ago.
The rest was broken history.
“And I hope you never do,” Maverick found himself responding. It was the truth, whether or not either one wanted to admit it. Had Maverick been too hard on Rooster through his training? Perhaps. But he needed to know what would happen if he made a single mistake. Maverick had learned that the hard way, and wanted to protect Rooster from the same fate if at all possible.
As though cruel twist of fate, Warlock entered the room behind Maverick. The seasoned pilot could hear him even before he approached, and yet also seemed to know exactly what he was going to say. It didn’t stop the churning in his stomach as Warlock merely said his name, which was all it took for Maverick’s entire world to collapse.
“He’s dead, isn’t he?”
The rest of the conversation was a whirlwind for both Maverick and Rooster. The young Bradshaw hauled himself from his seat and clustered behind Maverick, listening feverishly as Warlock shared the news no one was expecting. He saw his godfather’s face reveal nothing even once Warlock left, the silence deafening.
“I need to go,” was all Maverick said as he left the room as quietly as he appeared. Rooster found himself following without hesitation. A few minutes ago he was certain he wouldn’t have cared if Maverick dropped dead right then and there. However, the realization of Iceman’s death changed everything.
Maverick quickened his pace with Rooster doing the same. Rooster felt himself break into a hearty jog, turning the corner as they honed in towards the elevator. Normally Rooster was the first one to take the stairs, but he could tell that Maverick needed a moment without anyone else threatening to interrupt him. Rooster briefly considered letting Maverick board the elevator on his own, but he knew he couldn’t just blatantly leave his godfather when they were probably going to the same place.
The moment the elevator dinged and the door eased open, Maverick stepped through with Rooster only giving a brief hesitation before following. The two took opposite ends of the elevator, as far away from one another as possible. Neither spoke as Rooster selected the first floor on the keypad, the elevator groaning as the doors eased closed.
Rooster tapped his foot impatiently as the elevator started downwards. It didn’t take long before a creak filled their ears, followed by the elevator grounding to a sudden halt. Rooster slammed against the wall before tumbling to the floor as not even his lighting fast reflexes could stop him. Maverick managed to stay on his feet, though his attention was on the key panel instead of Rooster laying sprawled on the floor.
“What the fuck,” Rooster groaned as he sat up, rubbing the back of his head, already feeling a small bump protruding against his fingers.
“Shit,” Maverick hissed. He slammed a fist hard against the buttons to no avail. “Multibillion dollar government run military organization and the damn elevator can’t even take us a few floors? Fuck!” Maverick kicked at the corner of the elevator, which did nothing besides cause the elevator to emit a low grating groan as if two pieces of metal were rubbed together.
Rooster narrowed his eyes as he sat back against the wall of the elevator, legs outstretched. “You really think that’s going to help things?”
Maverick turned to Rooster, his eyes blazing. Rooster had seen Maverick upset and frustrated before, but never enough that Rooster felt a tremor of apprehension travel through his own body. He was often the one who lashed out at Maverick instead of the other way around. He knew that Maverick could have a short fuse with Admirals, but not to this degree with him. It send a shiver down Rooster’s spine as he fought to hold Maverick’s gaze.
“I need to see him before they…..” Maverick drew off, bitterness seeping into every word. “What am I saying? You don’t care.”
“What!” A feel of incredulous rose within Rooster, sharper than the pang of pain from his skull. “How can you say that? I cared about him just as much as you!”
“Just as much as me?” There was pure venom dipping from Maverick’s mouth. A smile unlike one Rooster had ever seen stretched across Maverick’s face, causing Rooster to scrunch himself ever closer against the elevator wall. “He was my everything. He…..fuck and no one will ever know.”
Coldness passed over Rooster as though he was submerged in the ocean. He craned his head forward, confusion lighting in his gaze. “No, that’s not possible. You two practically raised me and did everything together. How could no one know?”
Tears threatened to spill from Maverick’s eyes. He started to pace away in the small space, nearly ricocheting off of each wall only to propel himself back to do it all over again. “It wasn’t safe. It was never safe! They’d take everything away from us…from him! They couldn’t know. No one could know.” Maverick’s hand went to fiddle with his ring finger on his left hand. It was only then that Rooster realized there was nothing there.
“Your ring…..” Rooster trailed off, unable to finish his thought.
Maverick suddenly collapsed to the floor, entire body seeming to twitch as his arms briefly flailed out at his side. He pulled his knees to his chest as he started to sob quietly, yet the sound felt deafening in the small space. Rooster was completely taken off guard as memories began to fill his mind of how Maverick and Ice would never hold hands in public, or show any other type of affection. They kept things purely platonic unless they were at home together. Although, now that Rooster thought back, Maverick always kept his apartment and used that as his permanent address if anyone ever asked. Everything was kept as separate as possible despite their lives being forever interwoven.
“Things are different now,” Rooster encouraged, hardly believing his own words. “No one would care if an Admiral was in love with a Captain.”
“I can’t tarnish Ice’s reputation, not when there are so many that would never look at his memory the same way just because of me.” Each word sounded like Maverick was choking, voice breaking at speaking them out loud. “They’d hate him for what I am.”
Rooster had never heard Maverick speak like this before. His relationship with Ice had always been a private one, even from Rooster himself. He knew how deeply Maverick cared for him, even if the rest of the world was seemingly unaware. That didn’t mean that what he was blurting out was any easier to decipher. Everything that he knew about them felt as though it was vanishing like mist, and all Rooster could do was watch it dissipate.
“He was your husband—“
“And no one will ever know!” Maverick’s voice rose in desperation once more. “They can’t and they won’t know. He will never know.” Maverick’s head bowed back down to his knees, shaking and shivering against the waves of grief that seemed to be a lifetime in the making that were finally released.
To say that Rooster felt out of his element was an understatement. His grief for Ice didn’t feel as though it had set in yet. Perhaps it was shock, or the general exhaustion that the rigorous training at Top Gun Academy placed him through, but numbness was the emotion at the forefront of his mind. His anger for what Maverick did was still stewing more than Rooter would ever care to admit. However, this was about Maverick now, not himself. Still, he felt the tension in the air crackle like lightning piercing the sky.
“Did he know?”
The moment the words were out of Rooster’s mouth he regretted them. They tore free before he had time to even anticipate what they may mean. Perhaps he would’ve been able to ignore it if Maverick hadn’t lifted his head and fixed Rooster with a confused stare.
“What?”
Rooster’s blood went cold. He was no coward, that was for certain, and now that he started, he needed to see it through. He staggered to his feet so that he towered over the smaller man, still seated against the opposite wall of the elevator. “Did he know about my papers? I know my…..knew my uncle and I don’t believe he would’ve let you if he’d known.”
Whatever grief that overwhelmed Maverick prior seemed to disappear as he lifted his head, tear stains on his cheeks. “What the fuck did you just say?”
There was no going back now. Rooster’s impulsiveness had made sure of that.
“I’m just saying that I knew Uncle Ice and I don’t believe he would’ve gone through with you pulling my files if he would’ve known is all.” Rooster fumbled through the entire sentence, voice quivering when Maverick rose to his full height. He may have been still shorter than Rooster himself, but there was more fury in his small body than Rooster thought possible. “Ice wouldn’t—“
Rooster was cut off as Maverick began laughing. It was maniacal, guttural as though pulled from his very soul. The sound grated on Rooster’s ear as as he took a step back, cool metal meeting his back.
“Ice wouldn’t,” Maverick mocked. “Yeah, because you knew him ‘so well’. Did you feel that same way when you left the way that you did?”
The anger was back, brighter than ever, stealing the words Rooster needed to keep to himself. “He wasn’t the reason I left. It was you!”
“I know! You think I don’t fucking know?”
The laughter returned a moment later with Maverick shaking his head, a few stray tears dripping onto his shoulders. “You don’t know shit, you know that? You’re still just a kid—an immature kid that doesn’t know shit and never will. Ice told me this would happen and I didn’t believe him.”
“Told you what?” Rooster crowded closer to his godfather. The hairs along the back of his neck stood on end, practically bristling. “What did he tell you?”
“That you couldn’t handle this. That you never could handle this.”
“Maybe I could if you would just tell me! God, this is why I left in the first place. You can’t even acknowledge what you did. I knew this was a bad idea.” All the hurtful things that Rooster always wanted to say burst to the surface, bubbling and brewing until it overflowed. “Dad would’ve never.”
“Your Dad isn’t here!” Maverick shouted so loud that Rooster felt his bones rattle in his body. “He’s dead, Bradley. He’s dead and gone, so we don’t know what he would’ve wanted for you! We—Ice and I—did the best that we could and maybe it wasn’t good enough for you, but that’s all that we had.”
“And you expect me to be grateful?”
“I expect you to be that same kid that respected us, yeah, I do.”
Rooster scoffed. “And who’s fault was that? You lost whatever respect I had for you the moment you pulled my papers. I still can’t believe Uncle Ice didn’t stop you.”
With a sudden howl, Maverick launched himself for Rooster. The younger pilot pinned himself against the corner of the elevator, the huge metal container seeming to rock under their sudden shift in weight. His eyes widened in shock as Maverick slammed his fists into the wall on either side of Rooster, panting hard. When he finally met Rooster’s gaze, Rooster didn’t recognize the man.
‘I pushed him past the breaking point,’ Rooster realized, feeling suddenly hollow. ‘Why the hell did I bring up Dad?’
“It was his decision!”
Silence filled the space. The only sound that could be heard were the ragged breaths Rooster and Maverick exchanged. It took longer than Rooster would ever admit for the words to truly sink in, for him to grasp exactly what his godfather was telling him.
“What,” Rooster croaked.
Maverick tore himself away from his godson, shoulders sagging. “Ice was the one who decided to pull your papers to the academy….not me.”
Hollowness filled Rooster until he no longer felt attached to his own body. It was as though he was hovering right in front of himself, able to see without feeling connected. A sickening feeling filled him until he was sure that he was going to be sick. The world suddenly tilted as he reached for his heart and kneeled against the floor, head sagging against the cool meter to stop his thoughts from racing out of control. His eyes drifted closed to stop the tears from burning their way down his face.
“He….he couldn’t bear to see the same thing happen to you that happened to Goose. I briefly tried to talk him out of it, but you know how stubborn he could be.” Maverick forced a weak chuckle. “I didn’t even know he did it until afterwards.”
“You went all this time without telling me.” Rooster couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes, afraid that seeing his uncle’s face would shatter whatever strength he still possessed. “Why?”
“I never wanted you to look at Ice the same way you looked at me afterwards. I could handle however you wanted to treat me; I know that he couldn’t.”
Iceman was one of the strongest men that Rooster had ever met. Everyone treated him with respect and fear, no matter what he did. Rooster himself had been slightly terrified of him when he first started spending time at Ice’s house once the two practically lived together. It hadn’t taken Rooster long to realize that it was all a facade. Ice was more sensitive than he realized and flourished off of admiration and affection. Facing Rooster’s distain may have broken him more than he would ever have confessed to anyone, Rooster realized.
“You went all these years with me hating you for something you didn’t do?” This time when Rooster opened his eyes, he saw Maverick kneeling beside him. His face was all but devoid of emotion in a way that Rooster hadn’t seen before and had no idea how to combat.
Maverick forced a smile, one that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I could handle it, kiddo, if it meant the love of my life didn’t havre to.”
Rooster opened his mouth to respond only for the elevator give a sudden lurch. The two looked upwards as the ground finally began to move and it dinged a moment later. The door slowly eased open to reveal a group of people murmuring and staring when the two pilots stood to make their way out of the metal box that once contained them.
“Are you alright, sir,” a young man questioned as Maverick stepped out first, shaking his shoulders as though attempting to shake off the entire ordeal. He looked like the same cool and cocky Maverick that the Navy was used to seeing that Rooster felt a flicker of jealousy, knowing that he looked every bit the mess that he felt.
Maverick didn’t even bother looking over his shoulder as he answered. “Fine. I’m fine.”
With that he disappeared down the hall as though nothing happened.
Rooster was left scrambling to his feet and attempting to brush the dirt on his pants. He was certain that everyone could tell that he had been crying, and he didn’t have the time nor desire to try and explain that it wasn’t because he was afraid of being in the elevator. He barely had time to dry his eyes as people began to flock around him, asking him questions about what happened and if he needed anything.
Rooster’s eyes were trained down the hallway to where Maverick pointedly escaped. The realization of what he told him felt realer than anything else and he felt like he couldn’t even begin to formulate how he felt.
‘I hate you,’ a tiny voice inside Rooster’s head thought.
‘But not as much as I hate myself.’