Chapter Text
Rafael sat on the bar stool looking at his watch. Trevor was late. Again. Sighing he sipped on his scotch. It seemed like Trevor had something better to do than meet up with him at the bar. It seemed like everyone around him was settling down, while he was the one who didn’t have any luck in finding someone.
The bell over the door rang.
He didn’t even bother to look up. It had already been wasted energy the last few times, so he wouldn’t repeat it.
“Hey, sorry—I know. I’m late.”
Rafael looked up, raising an eyebrow. “I won’t even ask what it is this time.” he muttered, while Trevor greeted him with a short kiss on the cheek.
Trevor sighed and looked at him. “I am really sorry. And I know it's time to be honest with you.”
“You don’t even have to tell me.”
“What? Was it this obvious?”
Rafael couldn’t help himself but laugh. “My job is to read people. You, my friend, have been so happy for the last couple of weeks, it was almost disgusting. That and you coming late or canceling our meetings, have been a pretty good indicator for me.”
Trevor laughed. Trying not to get lost in his own thoughts Rafael spent the next two hours listening to the other man, speaking about the new love in his life.
It felt pathetic.
Rafael couldn’t help but wonder how it felt to really love someone. Judging from the brightness of Trevor's eyes, as well as the huge smile, it had to be an incredible feeling.
When they finally said goodbye. He reminded Trevor to not forget about him, even if he was happy with his new boyfriend.
Outside the bar they parted.
For a moment he just stayed still, looking up to the clear sky. There was no cloud to be seen. It was crystal clear and the stars were shining brightly. The air was cold, but at least it wasn't raining or snowing. He pulled the collar of his coat up a bit.
It was the first Sunday of advent, it was peaceful. The city was shimmering brightly with all the Christmas decorations. He looked around while he was walking home. The people around him were chattering delightedly, enjoying the atmosphere.
It was beautiful.
It felt light.
A full contrast to the pain and agony he saw every day at work.
When he came by a small choir, he stopped. Listening to the singing. It sounded really good and he was someone who appreciated good music. Those singers seemed to be pretty talented. They had a hat on the pavement collecting money. Smiling, he took out his wallet. He nodded goodbye when he continued his way home.
Pulling his shoulders higher to protect himself a bit from the cold, he wandered through the streets, when he saw Santa Clause at the side of the street, ringing a bell and collecting money.
Well, it was not Santa Clause himself of course.
He stopped, pulling out his wallet again.
“Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas.”
Rafael looked at the man. The beard looked natural, the costume was pretty good too, as well as the deep voice greeting him. It looked like they had spent good money on this Santa.
“Merry Christmas,” he said softly, putting a few dollars in the collection jar.
“What do you wish for, young man?” Rafael chuckled a bit.
Young man.
He was barely able to hold back a snort.
That had a nice touch, though.
“I think I'm a bit too old for Santa to grant me a wish.” He said, but played along.
The man laughed, looking at him intently. He had kind eyes. Rafael felt like he was looking directly into his soul.
“It is never too late for Santa to grant you a wish.”
Rafael thought about it for a moment. He wasn’t eager to tell some stranger his secret wishes, but otherwise he couldn’t help himself. The calm he felt in the other man’s presence was unsettling in the best way, like an exhale he hadn’t realized he’d been holding for years.
“I want… something real,” he said quietly. “Not perfect. Just honest. Someone who stays.”
It wouldn’t hurt admitting it out loud.
Would it?
“If Santa would still grant me a wish, I would wish for feeling love and being loved for real,” he admitted, finally. His own voice was soft, revealing a vulnerability he barely recognized in himself.
The words lingered between them, fragile and honest. Rafael half-expected the other man to smile politely or deflect, the way people did when confronted with something too real. Instead, there was only warmth in his expression—quiet, unwavering.
“That’s not a small wish,” the man said gently.
Rafael let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “No,” he agreed. “But it’s the one I’ve wanted the longest.”
The expression on ‘Santa’s’ face grew soft. “That isn’t a wish I hear often.”
Rafael snorted. “Oh yeah. I bet.”
“No. It wasn’t meant like this. Most people wish for fortune or material things in general. They don’t even think about human relationships. I like your wish. Especially since you wished not only for someone who loves you, but also for someone for you to love. It shows that you have a kind and genuine heart.”
First he thought the other man was laughing at him. Knowing how pathetic it sounded in his own head. But the other man just looked at him with gentle and understanding eyes.
“Th-Thanks.” he stammered, overwhelmed by all the kindness this stranger was giving him. It seemed like the right one was hired to play Santa.
“I’ll see what I can do for you.”
Did Santa just wink at him?
He shook his head. Now he was imagining things. “Have a nice evening.” he said his goodbye.
The conversation kept replaying in his mind. He had the feeling he was missing something out here. But to be honest, he couldn’t care less. With everything he saw at work, why should he be questioning a nice conversation with a nice old man? The world was already sharp enough. This moment felt soft, and he wanted—just for once—to let it stay that way.
He smiled a bit to himself. Asked about it he would absolutely deny it. But still, this small conversation had given him a nice feeling. For the first time in months, he felt like a small weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
Rafael opened the door to his apartment and switched the light on. At first he didn’t even look up, putting his briefcase by the side of the chair. He went to his kitchen taking out his scotch.
When he turned he let out a yelp. The bottle fell on the ground breaking into a thousand pieces.
“What the–?”
In the middle of his living room stood a stranger, watching him with a familiarity that made Rafael’s chest tighten.
The first thing Rafael noticed were the blue eyes. They were clear like the ocean.
He took in the appearance of the stranger. Tall and incredibly sexy. He shook his head. How the hell was that his first thought, when apparently someone had broken into his apartment.
Rafael should be panicking.
Should be scared.
But he didn’t feel anything in that direction. Which made no sense at all. He was an ADA—trained to assess threats, conditioned to expect them. A visible target for criminals with grudges and long memories.
And yet, standing there in his own living room, facing a stranger who did not belong, the fear simply never came. For some reason he didn’t understand he felt a strange calm.
There seemed to be an aura around him. The air around the man seemed to buzz with a strange kind of energy.
“Who are you?” he asked. “What are you doing in my apartment?”
The other man looked like a deer in the headlights, but didn’t answer. It seemed like he was weighing his options. But strangely he didn’t even look in the direction of the door. It seemed like he wasn’t planning on leaving.
Rafael knew there was no way he would stand a chance in a fight. Even without the spike of fear he expected, instinct kicked in, urging him to prepare for the worst. If this went badly, his only option would be to talk—stall, de-escalate, survive.
“I am not here to hurt you,” the stranger said calmly.
“So you actually have a voice.”
Dammit, Rafael. So much for talking himself out of danger.
“Sorry, I was just surprised you were able to see me.”
Rafael’s eyebrows shot up, nearly reaching his hair.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
His eyes swept over the man again, taking in every detail with a prosecutor’s precision. No visible weapon. No tense posture, no telltale signs of someone ready to strike. That had to count for something. A good sign—at least for now.
“I think you should sit down, I'm pretty sure you wouldn’t believe me, even if I told you.”
“What if I don’t sit down?” Testing the waters seemed to be about right, given the situation.
“Then just don't, I don't care.” the stranger answered right away.
Again.
A good sign.
“So what is this about? Why would you be surprised about me seeing you?”
The stranger smirked a bit. “Typical ADA. Straight to the point.”
God, was that a gorgeous smile, or what?
“What about giving answers? I really would like to know why you are in my apartment and why you think that I wouldn’t be able to see you.”
Silence.
Arms crossed, he waited for an answer.
“I am your Guardian Angel.”
Rafael snorted. “That's new even for me and I have heard a lot dumb excuses for burglary.”
“Oh come on. I know you're cynical, but now you're just being mean.”
He decided to ignore the frustration. “Well, give me a better explanation. Right now I am pretty sure I'll call the cops on you.”
A laugh.
“I would certainly like to see you try.”
Well, wasn’t this a sassy guy?
“Wait a second. I'll show you.”
In the blink of an eye the blue eyed stranger disappeared and reappeared next to him. Rafael flinched hard, nearly hitting the kitchen counter with his body.
“What in heaven's sake?”
The angel snickered. “That's a really funny thing to say to an angel, don't you think?”
“Oh my God!”
The angel burst into laughter, nearly doubling over. “You really are putting your foot in your mouth tonight, aren’t you?”
“I thought it would be enough that I'm already surrounded by idiots at work. There's no need to have this,” he gestured to the angel, “around me, when I'm at home.”
“Now you're just being rude.”
Barba sighed. “I’m too old for this shit,” he muttered, dropping onto the couch and dragging a hand down his face in pure exhaustion.
Since he was fairly certain burglaries didn’t involve teleportation—or angels with a sense of humor—he settled on guardian angel as the most reasonable explanation available.
His day had been too long, too draining, to question it any further. Right now, accepting the impossible felt easier than fighting it.
“And what now? You show me my past, present and future?”
The Angel looked at him in an oddly accusatory way, arms crossed in front of his chest. It looked ridiculous. Now Rafael was the one to snicker taking in the sight.
“I am not a ghost.”
Was he really offended by Rafael’s assumption—or was that just another thing his tired brain was inventing?
“What is your name?” Rafael finally asked when the angel didn’t make any move to answer his question.
“Dominick Carisi Jr., but everyone calls me Sonny.”
“Sonny?” Rafael echoed, one eyebrow arching. “Does anyone actually call you that, or are you just trying very hard to make it happen?”
He got an offended look, again.
“Okay, Sonny it is.” he said softly, taking in Sonny's appearance again. There was a strange calm inside of him. Still no sign of freaking out about what was happening here. “That explains the golden shimmer in the air around you.”
Sonny smiled sheepishly, actually blushing a bit by his comment. Apparently the other man took it as a compliment.
Despite being exhausted from his day at work, his mind was sharp. The thoughts running through his mind.
“If you are my Guardian Angel,” he thought aloud. “have you been around me my whole life?”
Nodding softly, Sonny threw him an apologetic look. “I did my best to protect you, but we aren't allowed to actually interfere in human actions. So I wasn’t able to protect you from the violence and the pain.”
Rafael stayed silent for a long moment, letting the words sink in. This… man standing in front of him was apologizing for things his father had done.
A lump formed in his throat at the thought that this—this simple, sincere apology—was more than either of his parents had ever given him.
He had waited his whole life to hear those words.
Words no one had ever said to him before.
Now this man, or angel, was standing in front of him saying it, although he wasn’t the one to blame.
Memories rushed into his head.
Memories he had suppressed for most of his life.
Inside of his mind he saw himself as a child, hurting from his fathers belt and fists. The pain throbbing through his body, asking himself what he had done wrong to deserve this.
Then he remembered something else he had felt in that moment.
A warmth.
An unexplainable warm feeling, like someone holding him close, trying to ease his pain.
The sight of blue eyes.
Blue eyes looking at him, so gentle and caring.
He remembered the peace he felt in those moments.
Rafael's eyes widened when realization hit him. “You were the one holding me through the worst moments of my life.”
“Yeah.”
Nothing more.
Just this word. Sonny wasn’t even proud that he had been there for him.
No. Instead he was feeling bad for not being able to do more about it.
All his life Rafael had thought it had been his imagination. An escape to feel better about himself.
“Thank you. I don’t know how I'd have gotten through it, if it hadn't been for you.” he admitted quietly. “I remember the feeling of your arms around me. I felt like I was the loneliest person in the world until I suddenly saw you. Until I felt you.”
He realized Sonny was still standing in the middle of the room, awkwardly.
“Please take a seat.”
He gestured to the empty space on the sofa he was sitting on. Sonny smiled thankfully and sat down.
“Why are you visible to me now?” He asked, watching the angel sitting on the couch beside him.
“I am here to help you to get your Christmas wish.”
“Of course you heard that,” he mumbled. A flush of embarrassment creeping up his neck.
“I thought it was a cute wish. Just like Santa.”
He groaned. “Just shoot me now.”
Sonny laughed. “It will be fun. Maybe we'll be our own little version of Hitch - The Date Doctor.”
Rafael shot the angel a look.
What had he gotten himself into?