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Victoria Javadi didn't get sick very often. She was never allowed to, not as a child, although as a medical student, she was given some freedom to use her own judgement on the matter, the expectation was stellar attendance. Fainting on her first day was as close to calling out sick as she ever got, and her mom never learned about that (Victoria knew, if she had, Victoria would have heard an earful of yelling about it). The beginning of a tickle in her throat could be ignored and suppressed just as it had been throughout her accelerated childhood, "You better not be coming down with something, Victoria! We don't work such long hours only for your immune system to -" the memory of Mom's yelling worked to suppress the urge to cough, at least at first. When they could no longer be suppressed, Victoria retreated to the safety of the female employee restroom.
She would end up relieved the next day was an off one for her but her parents had more ordinary schedules. Victoria didn't know how she would explain the bloody leaves she was coughing up to her parents when she didn't yet have an explanation for herself. The most obvious explanation was Mateo. Victoria still felt like she was in Utah sometimes around him.
And, like in Utah, Victoria's parents were in no way helping the situation. Mom routinely made herself a presence at The Pitt, ironically doing more patient consults than before Victoria started her rotation at PTMC. Dana had joked at one point that, had Victoria been assigned to Presby, surgical consults in the ED might have only seen Dr. Garcia, which was blatantly against hospital protocol but also absolutely the type of bullshit Victoria could see her mom pulling. Dad was different, encouraging, trying to relate to Victoria despite endocrinology and emergency medicine being such different fields.
Victoria had heard of hanahaki, indeed, she had always known it was a possibility, that her mom sometimes had to conduct that horrific surgery where people excised the roots within them and the memories growing through the plants they coughed up. She just had never had a crush before recently, and still was not entirely sure what she had was anything more than a crush, certainly nothing strong enough to potentially kill her.
Hanahaki was deadly, Victoria knew that even as she tried to work like nothing was wrong, swallowing leaves and feigning sneezes and leaving trails of dead ivy under her sneakers. Deadly for her, but Victoria was still young enough to believe she was somewhat invincible, like if she smiled and caffeinated herself enough she could fool the entire world the way she fooled her dad. She tried avoiding Mateo, but half the time her Mom would be consulting on cases so she would scope out Chairs to escape and end up around the nurse just because he was often also on Chairs duty.
Victoria had never heard of hanahaki being caused by anything other than romantic love. She couldn't help but wonder if what she felt for Mateo was really love, though. Maybe it wasn't. Victoria could see glimpses of another life sometimes, watching patients interact with their families, families so very different from her own. Not to mention Victoria also babysat Harrison now. Harrison was the same age Victoria had been when she was taking practice MCATs and all the AP junior classes she could.
Harrison was still in middle school, was trying out for the soccer team, had enough free time that one afternoon he invited his girl friend over and the two of them decided they would start a band, only the only instrument they had was Harrison's guitar and the girl's flute, so it sounded dreadful. Victoria badly feigned enjoyment, while Cassie, when she returned, completely genuinely laughed at her son, only for said laughter to eventually end up being shared with him. Victoria couldn't help but remember her own extracurricular interests, how if they were unrelated to medicine they were not even worthy of mockery. After leaving McKay's, Victoria coughed up an entire vine and she was sobbing by the time the roots left her.
Cassie never saw any plants exit the medical student, but having seen Victoria with Harrison, McKay recognized untreated hanahaki when she saw it. The swallowed coughs and unshed tears at seeing Cassie allowing her son to be bad at an activity he enjoyed were signs Victoria was pretty obviously suffering, and the only disease Cassie could picture the medical student being in denial about was hanahaki, since said disease occurred via using denial as a defense mechanism unsustainably. McKay just didn't know what to say, how to bring the topic up naturally, so she let the med student maintain her privacy for a bit longer.
Victoria was struggling. She was growing snappier with patients, coworkers, and even Robby. Nobody could get a word out about what was wrong with her, but she started using protective wear like masks more routinely than anyone else did in The Pitt. McKay eventually became concerned enough that she pulled the med student aside.
"Victoria, Javadi, I know you know you cannot be treating patients' families with the level of attitude you have been."
Victoria opened her mouth, only instead of words, the shame and self-loathing inside her morphed into yet more leaves crawling up her esophagus. She had to take her mask off and dispose of the whole mess in the biohazards bin.
"Oh, sweetheart, if you're suffering that badly, maybe you should stick to charting, since it's less strenuous on the lungs."
"I'm not -" another cough forced Victoria to admit defeat. "Yeah, okay." Victoria didn't know what to do, how to fix her hanahaki when she wasn't entirely even certain of the cause. But she could follow instructions when they were given, so she spent the rest of that shift at a desk near Dana, who always spent her shift at the nurse's station as Charge Nurse. Although Dana was kind enough to not try and make conversation at the moment, other staff members weren't so kind.
"So, Crash, rumor has it you're on desk duty due to hanahaki."
"Dr. Garcia, please don't - Javadi is fine, really." Trinity's nickname had caught on, at least with Dr. Yolanda Garcia, who was under Victoria's mom in the O. R. Victoria on occasion would be negatively compared to Dr. Garcia by her mother, would wonder if maybe Dr. Shamsi would have preferred her as a daughter. Or maybe she just liked Garcia more because the woman wasn't her daughter. Maybe Victoria was never going to be loved the way she occasionally witnessed other parents love their children, and she had to learn to be okay with that.
"Are you fine, though?" Victoria nodded, blinking rapidly, suppressing the urge to cry or cough. Dr. Garcia had patients waiting for her upstairs so she couldn't waste time trying to get the truth out of the young woman, but she let Santos know her friend was pretty clearly struggling.
"Hey, Crash, who put you on desk duty?" Dr. Santos was far from subtle, meaning it was pretty damn obvious Dr. Garcia had found a way to express her worries to the intern.
"McKay. Could I maybe go to your place after work? I need to talk to someone before I literally die from this -"
"Sure, but if you're going to confess your love for me, prepare to die, babe. You're cute, but not that cute."
"Yeah, not happening. I'm not entirely sure this hell is romance-related in the first place."
"Intriguing. Talk later, Crash." The hours passed and eventually later had arrived, Victoria riding in the backseat of a car Dennis drove, as Trinity always called shotgun so she could control the music. Victoria was more than okay with Trinity singing along to the soundtrack of Mean Girls: the musical movie, if not somewhat surprised. It added some welcome levity to what she knew would be an embarrassing discussion once they were at the shared apartment, Dennis retreating to his bathroom to wash the stench of hospital off of him as he did after every shift.
The commute was a half-hour, and Victoria coughed up two leaves she was hiding under her tongue since she was not about to spit in a coworker's car - her mom's shaming tone punctuated the mere thought of conducting herself in such a matter, resulting in another hacking cough of a stem. Victoria was going to die, she was almost certain. She let Trinity and Dennis go ahaead of her and spat the disgusting shame-created leaves and stem onto the asphalt of the parking lot. Hopefully it would be mistaken for dog vomit or something. Victoria then hurried inside.
"So, Crash, you said you wanted to talk, and I'm guessing it's related to the whole leaf lung aesthetic you've been adding to our hospital?"
"Yeah, that's about right." The background noise of Huckleberry singing to himself in the shower weirdly calmed Victoria. "From what I've learned by treating patients, apparently it can be caused by other kinds of unrequited emotions, like that guy whose son tried to murder him we treated a few weeks ago - before that, I had always thought hanahaki had to be caused by romantic feelings. But now, I - I don't know the cause so I can't find the cure."
"Do you have romantic feelings strong enough to be killing you?" Victoria shook her head. Trinity then questioned further. "Alright, what about other kinds of love? Everyone's seen how hard your mom can be on you in the emergency room, is she like that at home too?"
"At home, she's worse. She can't exactly yell or urge my dad into also being angry with me in the Emergency Department, at home," Victoria had to stop, cough and cough as another piece of ivy exited. Trinity grabbed a bowl from the kitchen before placing it in front of the sick twenty year old. "She probably did this to me, I guess. Look, you have a terrible relationship with your mother but you're not dying, can you maybe help me?"
"I cut contact with my mom and moved across the country, plus I had hanahaki surgery as a teen which means I can't contract it again."
"Oh, shit. Must have been some teenage love, then, to warrant surgery."
"Obviously, my vector wasn't any more of a love than the way your mom treats you. Which may be love, in a twisted form, but is also blatantly emotionally abusive."
"W-what? I mean, that's-" Victoria swallowed, not feeling any leaves or plant matter in her lungs or throat at all. Almost as though all she had needed to learn how to cope with her mom's treatment was the correct word for it. "I can't feel anything, any leaves or pieces of vines - maybe you cured me!" Victoria started laughing with relief, for the first time in a month able to laugh without feeling like she would be emitting something else with it.
"You know what, if just talking to me has you feeling cured, how would you feel about moving in with us?"
"I'd feel weird about it, but I wouldn't say no. We could do a trial run? Sleepover first?"
"Yeah, good plan." Victoria kept taking deep breaths. Her mom did love her, she just didn't know how to express it other than through emotional abuse. Victoria had learned about the cycle of abuse in med school, everyone did, but she never dared to use the terms to consider her own experiences through. Not until now, and somehow just having that framework, that knowledge Victoria wasn't uniquely terrible at being a daughter but her parents' expectations were simply too high, helped. Victoria's cough wouldn't be completely cured that afternoon or evening, but the worst of her disease would be over when she called her father to let him know she wouldn't be home that evening, or the following. She had friends who wanted her to stay over, and they lived closer to PTMC than the Javadi-Shamsi family did, which was what convinced her dad to accept this was happening. Realistically, she was already at Trinity and Dennis' apartment, he couldn't stop her from staying.
Victoria's hanahaki had been caused by her parents' suffocating control, and therefore the cure was escaping their constant influence, their ability to control her. By the time her rotation at The Pitt had finished, Victoria would be sharing a room with Trinity.