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Samira was annoyed. Since she had lost her Appa as a teen she had focused all of her time and attention on being the best doctor. She didn’t bother with friends or crushes like all of her peers did. She was able to avoid all distraction, until now.
Despite years of avoidance, Jack Abbot had become a distraction.
Samira vividly remembered the first time she saw Dr. Abbot. She was taken aback by how her body reacted. As cliche as it was, her stomach felt full of butterflies and her heart clenched. She felt like the message these feeling were relaying was, “I know you.”
As she looked him over she immediately clocked the wedding ring and dismissed her reaction as nerves and a lack of sleep. Samira Mohan didn’t get butterflies. While there was no denying he was attractive, Jack Abbot belonged to someone. He so fiercely belonged to someone that he never removed the ring, even after Sarah Abbot tragically passed away 6 months into Samira’s first year at PTMC.
Samira had learned how to compartmentalize soon after her Appa’s death. So, she took this feeling, packed it up and placed it in the back of the filing cabinet she had created in her brain. She hadn’t thought of Dr. Abbot in that way since.
That is, until last week.
Samira entered the emergency department and noticed Ellis and Shen at the hub having a heated discussion.
“Speak of the devil!” Parker grinned at her as she approached.
“Oh, what did I do now?” Samira asked, jokingly. She felt calm and assured with the night shift staff. They didn’t hover and trusted her to do her job. She might even be friends with Parker and John.
Shen wickedly smirked, “We’ve been debating who the attending’s favorites are and how you are obviously Abbot’s.”
Samira waved him off, “Oh, whatever. We’ve just bonded over our love of medical journals and our propensity to work doubles. Parker is definitely his favorite.”
Samira moved around the hub and got settled at a computer, exiting the conversation. She’d had 48 hours off and was champing at the bit to jump into a case.
John and Parker shared a skeptical glance. Shen pushed himself off the counter and headed to an exam room. Parker moved around the hub and leaned on the counter in front of Samira’s station.
Samira glanced up. Parker seemed unsure, but quickly made a decision.
“Do you really think you aren’t his favorite?” Parker asked gently.
Samira looked puzzled as she had already moved on from the previous conversation. Once she recalled it, she answered, “You’re clearly his protege, Parker.”
“Maybe.” Parker conceded. “But, he’s never body slammed Walsh so I could do a procedure only one other person had ever done.”
Samira rolled her eyes, “He did not body slam her.” She grabbed her water to take a drink and hopefully end this conversation.
Parker gave her a teasing grin. “Whatever you say, Mohan. But you can’t deny the flirting via medical journals and coffee.”
Samira nearly choked on her water. She roughly swallowed the drink and cleared her throat. “Uhm, flirting?” Samira asked, genuinely puzzled.
Parker looked at her as if she had grown another head. “Yes, flirting. Don’t tell me you didn’t realize he’s head over heels for you?” She raised an eyebrow, skeptically.
Samira was flustered, not sure how to respond. “We’re just friends, Parker. He’s never said or done anything to imply otherwise.”
“Are you sure about that?” Parker asked kindly before being pulled away to review a patients lab results.
Samira collapsed into bed, exhausted. She loved working doubles, but sometimes they took everything out of her. It didn’t help that she had heard Parker’s voice in her head all night and day. “Are you sure about that?”
Well, she had been! But, now, as Samira lay in bed she let herself think about Jack Abbot. Had he been flirting with her? When did that start? Maybe Ellis was right and Pittfest had been his way of flirting with her. She’d certainly done some teasing of her own earlier in the night.
She hadn’t let herself imagine a world where he was interested in her. Sure, they exchanged journal articles covered in annotations. Samira didn’t think that should count as a “move”. They’d been doing that since her second week of night shifts. Both of them deeply committed to staying up to date on medical advancements.
He had started bringing her drinks at some point. Coffee when they were working a night shift together and her favorite tea when he was coming in as she was leaving. She really hadn’t thought anything of that. They were friends. Really good friends. Oh, god. Jack Abbot was her best friend.
She would never deny she found him attractive. But, in contrast to that first meeting, now she knew him. He was kind, honest, and competent. They were a great pair at work, almost completely in sync. It’s like he had a sixth sense for when she needed him and vice versa.
Samira suddenly felt like she was drowning. Jack Abbot is her best friend. She is in love with her best friend.
She had spent years with blinders on concerning Jack Abbot, he was completely off limits.
When had he started flirting with her? The MCI? Before? Parker seemed sure about the MCI, so she could deduce at least since then. Samira wracked her brain for any interactions that stood out. She surmises it’s likely been happening for over a year. Even before the MCI.
Samira was baffled. All this time? He’d never even hinted at making an actual move. They’d been alone together plenty, be it an after shift breakfast, or research at their apartments. Maybe it wasn’t a situation where he wanted to make a move. Perhaps it was just lighthearted teasing. Unfortunately for Samira, she knew she’d never be able to file away and ignore being in love with Jack Abbot.
Samira had made it a point to avoid relationships of all kinds since losing her Appa. No close friends, no romantic relationships, no family really either. She and her mother had this wedge of grief between them that they had yet to remove, both avoiding all of the conversations that needed to happen.
Samira felt that the distance she kept between herself and others was practical and reasonable. If you don’t get close to anybody, losing them won’t tilt your axis. Her entire life had changed after losing her Appa. So, she had spent the time since ensuring that never happened to her again.
Samira curled up in her bed, chest aching with all she wanted that she could never have. The cabinet in her mind had burst open and every want and desire that wasn’t career related returned.
Samira was becoming increasingly frustrated. Despite successfully avoiding him in the last two weeks, she couldn’t get Jack Abbot out of her head.
Samira Mohan, who locked all of her hearts desires away in a file cabinet had felt that cabinet fall over and spill everything out. She had become consumed with excruciating want.
She wanted to run her fingers through his curls, sink her teeth into his shoulder, and feel his large, capable hands everywhere. She wanted to wake up next to him, hold him through nightmares, and spend days lazing about reading medical journals.
It didn’t help that he was covering a day shift for Robby today. As soon as she would manage to get her focus back on work, he walk by or ask a question and she’d fall right back down the rabbit hole.
As the shift came to an end, she saw him sneak off and head to the roof. It had been a relatively calm shift, so now seemed as good a time as any to have it out. The limbo she had found herself in simply would not do. She had to get rid of the tension, the want, the ache.
She took her time trudging up the stairs in an effort to gather her thoughts before she confronted this problem. As she approached the door, Samira took a deep breath and pulled it open.
There in front of her was Jack Abbot, on the safe side of the railing thankfully. The morning sun had his hair shining as if it were spun from silver and copper. She gave herself a moment to take him in.
As she took a step towards him, Jack turned his head, saw it was her, and grinned.
“Dr. Mohan. To what do I owe the pleasure?”
Samira did her best to ignore the warmth in her body that the word pleasure ignited. She ignored his greeting, rushing out the question, “Who’s your favorite resident?”
She wanted to bury her face in her hands. Real smooth, Mohan. You were supposed to smoothly segue into that.
Jack turned to face her, a puzzled expression on his face. His brow creased as he took in her anxious countenance.
“You, Mohan.” He replied sincerely, “You’re the smartest doctor I’ve ever worked with. You’re going to change the future of medicine.”
The breath whooshed from Samira’s body. She definitely hadn’t been expecting that response.
“That’s the nicest thing anybody has ever said to me,” she whispered. She decided then that she couldn’t make a move. She could not risk her friendship with Jack over something as complicated and fickle as love.
Abbot shrugged casually, but she noticed the concern still swimming in his eyes.
“It’s the truth. You deserve to know that. You deserve someone who will tell you everyday how incredible you are.” He sounded pained and frustrated.
“Are you volunteering?” Samira could flirt. She would flirt and not confess her love and nothing would have to change. Right?
Jack’s eyes darkened and he moved closer to her, looking like he was about to speak.
“You’ve been flirting with me.” The words flew out of Samira’s mouth before she could even debate saying them. It was as if someone else had taken over her body. She would make a decision, and then say something that went directly against that. Still, she did not break her gaze from his.
Jack froze, placed his hands in his pockets, and took a step back. He inhaled deeply and simply said, “Yes, I have been.”
Samira furrowed her brow. She stared at him, taking in every feature and aspect of him. He began to look uncomfortable, rocking on his heels, and a blush slowly headed from his neck to his ears.
Samira moved forward, stopping directly in front of him. He met her eyes immediately. She is mesmerized with the various colors swirling in his irises. As she takes in his demeanor and the hungry look in his eyes, it all becomes clear to her. She knows.
“Why haven’t you tried to kissed me?” Samira asked, gaze unwavering.
She watches as Jack’s blush moves from the tip of his ears to his entire face. He looked away.
“A lot of factors. Work. Our ages. Our friendship.” He seemed to have something to add but hesitated. Jack cleared his throat and looked back into her eyes. “Mostly I was afraid that if I knew what it was like to kiss you that I may never be able to stop.”
Samira’s eyes softened as some of the defensiveness left her and she softly spoke, “I’ve been lovesick. I was lovesick the first time I saw you and I stuck it in a box and shoved it in the back of a file cabinet in my brain. I never thought of you as anything other than a colleague from that day on. Then, the other day Ellis says you’ve been flirting with me and the floodgates burst open. I have this cavern in my chest that is just aching for you –“
Jack’s arm shoots out and wraps around her waist and Samira is abruptly cut off as Jack finally kisses her. She freezes initially, but is quickly caught up to speed. Her fingers bury themselves in his curls as she deepens the kiss. He groans into the kiss and reluctantly breaks it, pulling his mouth away but keeping his forehead against hers.
Jack confesses, eyes still closed, “I didn’t ever think you’d want me too.”
The ache in her chest disperses and all she feels is warmth.
“I’ve wanted you since the first time I saw you.” Samira breathes out. She feels a sense of peace she hasn’t known since before her Appa died. There is also a comfort creeping through her bones, a sense of belonging, as if her soul is sighing: “home at last.”
Jack opens his eyes and pulls back. Samira meets his gaze and watches as the look in his eye shifts from devotion to mirth. She raises an eyebrow in cautious curiosity. He traces his thumb across her kiss swollen lips as a smirk forms on his own.
“So, lovesick from day one, huh?”