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In the dark of his room, the only illumination came from the moon, pouring in through the curtains. Laying across from him was a silhouette lightly snoring away. He could make out the shape clearly from the tufts of hair to his body gently rising as he inhaled, their steady heartbeats and breaths filling the silence of the room. He was supposed to be asleep yet his gaze was locked on the sleeping figure, silently taking in the feeling of warmth and movement beside him. It was a foreign feeling that brought great comfort and satisfaction. He felt safe. He felt as if he slept now, he would sleep through the night without being ridden with nightmares and his insecurities and fears being exploited without any control. For once in his life, he wasn’t alone anymore.
At times, temptation surfaced to the point of longing to brush his fingers against his freckled features or run his hands through his bright locks. He held himself back but the feeling seemed to swelled in his chest as time progressed. At times it was suffocating, choking him internally, his hard swallowing being unable to subside the smothering. His touches were welcomed from the other but he didn’t allow himself to give into his selfish tendencies.
He was holding himself back. For whatever reason, he didn’t have the answer. The strain was especially evident whenever unexpected contact happened. Physical contact didn’t bother him from murderous intent to late night sexual endeavors, there was some thrill behind the exposure. With his touch, it held a warm sense of unadulterated sincerity and endearment with every brush. It unraveled him bit by bit with every touch, evident with the shivers and prickling in alarm every time without decline. His natural reaction was one of fear.
Thinking he knew it all, he was proven wrong. His past never prepared him for life’s more tender moments. He never anticipated to have someone looking at him with adoring kind grey eyes and it was directed at him. The gaze was reserved for him and him alone. His smiles, the looks he gave at him, his hands intertwined with his own, it was all for him. These feelings that formed within him, these cravings and thoughts were all frightening.
“Mm, Zero…? You’re still awake?” His voice was coated in thickness of drowsiness. With their proximity of how close they actually were, he could barely see his lips move as he spoke and his eyes blink open. He idly rubbed at them, blinking more to sharpen his gaze but there wasn’t anything to see.
Zero didn’t respond. He turned his back towards the mage, closing his eye. Odin just lightly chuckled, throwing a tired arm over his waist, pressing his chest to his back. He instinctively held back his shutter, his body not used the intimacy by far. It only worsened with his lips being pressed to the base of his neck, pecking it briefly before nuzzling his face into the crease of his neck. He left out an exhale he didn’t realize he was holding in.
A hand started searching around for something by his side, blindly looking for something and not stopping until he found it. It was his hand. It stopped when finding the top and turning it over, joining their fingers together as one. He could feel Odin’s smile stretch and his eyes flutter shut against the base of his neck. He was beyond content, his steady heartbeat rising as the temperatures of his features did too. He lightly returned the grip between their fingers, staring ahead into the darkness.
“You know I love you, right?” He stifled a yawn, his face nuzzling into his skin. It sent more shivers throughout him in waves, tensing up slightly. Those words weighed inside of him, heavy enough to bring them down to the pit of his stomach. He felt as if he didn’t know the true meaning of those words, their severity, the feeling. He never experienced like ‘love’ before. What if his feelings weren’t love at all but was fooling Odin and himself. Something told him Odin would forgive him if that was the case.
“Mmm, I do.” Was all he could manage. Genuine affection was something he struggled with but the mage didn’t mind it. He found it rather cute and charming in his own way to be able to see Zero, the shamelessly crude archer a bit loss for words when it came to verbal affections. He usually struggled a tad before brushing it off with his own humor or frustration, changing the subject with much haste. They were rare moments but he very much enjoyed it.
Odin’s only response was one of a faint snore. He seemed to drift into peaceful slumbers with ease. How Zero wished he could do the same, a mixture of insomnia and thoughts keeping him awake. Even when he slept, he didn’t feel rested with most nights filled with nightmares haunting him tirelessly. Rest was something he truly never obtained at this age.
For once, he felt exhaustion beginning to sink in with his thoughts calm and quiet. He focused on the feeling of the serene heartbeat beating rhythmically with his own. They were insync to the point where their heartbeats matched each other. In his arms, he felt safe and grounded. He wasn’t alone and the feeling was real with a light snoring Odin pressed into his shoulder. His warmth radiating to him calmed him down immensely. Giving his hand another squeeze, he smiled to himself in the darkness.
“I love you too.” He spoke to himself, knowing well enough the other couldn’t hear him any longer. His own eye felt heavy, falling to a close to enjoy night. This was the closest thing he ever felt to true bliss.