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Groaning softly as his eyes blinked awake, Suguru took in his room. Sunlight was starting to peak through the window, casting a soft glow onto the floor. Unwashed clothes lay on the floor, the sheets from his bed falling off of the edge as if they were melting. Papers covered his desk and the floor, further enhancing the chaos and reminding him of his numerous assignments he had to do.
He had to shower. Clean. Complete his work. Call back Satoru.
Oh shit, Satoru.
Recalling the man whose messages he had ignored last night, he quickly scrambled to find his phone. Moving around his sheets, he found it tangled and holding a battery percentage that was approaching zero. Sighing, he plugged it into the charger draped over his nightstand and began to read the messages from his best friend.
Laughing softly to himself, he read Satoru’s messages that started with details as to how much alcohol Shoko bought, and ended with an incoherent string of drunken thoughts he couldn’t decipher. His heart clenched when he read the final message, a simple ‘I miss you’. They hadn’t seen each other in a few days, Suguru busy with his PhD work and Satoru off doing god knows what in the physics department. Shoko always teased them, calling them “codependent” and “insufferable”. But it was true. Suguru always felt a little emptier when the white haired male wasn’t around to crack stupid jokes or be so painfully clingy that it was hard to tell where Satoru ended and Suguru began.
After replying to a few of his messages, he left the chat. Huh, Shoko also sent him a few messages. It was odd, considering they would both usually just use Satoru’s phone when the two were together.
It was only two, a photo and a caption reading “u better get ur man lol”. Frowning, Suguru clicked on the picture.
It was Satoru, of course it was, given how Shoko’s teasing mainly revolved around his and Suguru’s relationship. However, looking a little closer, it became apparent that he was talking to someone. The man had blond stringy hair and was looking at Satoru like he wanted him. The familiar feeling of dread rose in Suguru’s stomach, and he quickly set the phone down.
That’s why he didn’t go last night. He couldn’t take it anymore
Satoru was obviously attractive. Despite their endless bickering, whenever Satoru brought it up he had no choice to agree. His soft white hair always contrasted the blue of his irises, reminding Suguru of winter. Oftentimes he was caught staring, trying to take in every detail of Satoru’s face as he talked about whatever the conversation had veered towards. During their sleepovers, Suguru often awoke first and used those first few precious moments to look at the soft face that lay next to him. He really would give up anything to be next to him, stand by his side no matter what label their relationship had.
It was so hard though.
To watch others talk with him, only one goal in mind. Every time he had to watch Satoru at a party, his chest would clench with the knowledge that others were watching too. Strangers would touch him, stare at him, and be too close for Suguru’s comfort.
And they didn’t even know him.
They didn’t know the way he took his coffee. The way he hated getting up early and would always beg for a few more minutes. His favorite snack from the corner store that had a million alternatives but he would swear by the specific brand. The way he would get his migraines if he wasn’t told to take a break from studying. How he would always put off doing laundry in their shared apartment, but would do it with no hesitation when he could tell Suguru was having a rough day.
Growing up, Suguru had always thought he would hate to have a mundane life.
Turns out that he would easily take the domesticity of routine as long as Satoru would be there with him.
Sighing, he rubbed his eyes, attempting to clear the remnants of sleep from them. He knew Satoru was in the room over, and was also likely going to wake up with a pounding headache. Taking a moment to stretch, he slipped out of bed and put on the first pair of pants he found on the floor. Ambling over to the kitchen, he began to get out breakfast ingredients and medication, which he left on the counter along with a glass of water.
Only a few minutes into cooking pancakes (Satoru’s favorite way, loaded with chocolate chips), he heard the telltale sound of the other bedroom door opening and a soft yawn. Before he could even comprehend it, a cold face was being pressed into the corner of his neck, and he shivered at the sensation. Arms wrapped around his waist, effectively caging him in.
“Morning,” Satoru whispered, sound muted as it was muttered into his skin. Laughing softly, Suguru turned the stove off and turned around, allowing the one-sided hug to be reciprocated. Getting situated, Satoru once again made his face at home in the nook of Suguru’s neck, mumbling about how his head hurt.
“Meds are over on the counter, water too,” Suguru started, “go sit and I’ll give you breakfast.” The white haired man shuffled off, finding a seat at their table. Facing Suguru, he rested his head on the palm of his hand, elbow propped up on the counter.
“I want extra chips.”
“Don’t be a brat.”
Serving him the plate (extra chips included), Satoru began to inhale the food. Suguru grabbed some for himself and stood while he ate, content to just watch Satoru’s face from across the counter. Despite his massive appetite, Satoru’s body was toned and athletic, the two frequenting the gym enough that it was evident on both of their bodies.
When the two had finished and plates had been put away, they moved to the couch. It being a Saturday, they had nothing to do but lounge around. It was Suguru’s favorite time of the week, just being able to enjoy Satoru’s presence and revel in the domesticity of it all.
Grabbing the remote, Satoru began to look through the movie options, selecting a god awful looking action flick that Suguru knew would bore him in about ten minutes. Satisfied with his choice, the white haired man sat down next to Suguru, leaning on his shoulder. The two got comfortable, utilizing the fluffy blanket Satoru had gotten Suguru for Christmas a few years back.
After a few minutes, Suguru doing his glances moving towards Satoru’s face instead of the movie. The flashing screens were reflected in blue eyes, illuminating his face in a soft glow. His hair, still slightly messy from last nights sleep, curled around his ears and nape. At scenes he deemed amusing, his lips would part and a light huff of air would leave quietly.
Fuck, he was just so beautiful.
Suguru felt pure want spread through his body, every inch of him aching to touch Satoru, to hold him more than he already was. To pepper kisses across his face and treat every part of his body with pure affection.
Instead he bit his cheek.
“Did you have fun last night?” He asked, hoping to calm his heart to the point that its rapid beating wouldn’t be heard. Satoru nodded, the movement causing the blanket to fall off his shoulder slightly. Suguru picked it back up without hesitation.
“Shoko brought this mystery juice,” he started, still facing the movie screen. “It tasted so bad. Haibara drank most of it, though. Nanami had to carry him home.”
Suguru chuckled, imagining the scene. “I’m sure Haibara enjoyed that.” Laughing softly, Satoru nodded his agreement.
Then, Suguru remembered the picture Shoko sent him. His heart sank, and every intuition he had told him to ignore it, to not mention that stupid picture he hated so much.
His thoughts won, however.
“Shoko sent me a picture. Uh. Of you.”
Nice. Real smooth Suguru.
Satoru laughed, eyes still not leaving the screen. “Did I look bad or something?”
Quickly, Suguru shook his head. “No, you didn’t. You never could. You were just talking to someone, and I was wondering if.. y’know, you…” he trailed off, unsure of what to say next.
For the first time, Satoru’s eyes left the screen. “If I what?” He asked, question spoken into the quiet of the apartment. He turned off the movie, directing the full force of his attention on the black haired man. His eyebrows knit together, confusion and concern bleeding into his features. Suddenly, Suguru was all too aware of how close they were, how warm Satoru was. There was no going back, he had already said part of what he’d been thinking for the greater part of his life. Swallowing, he finished his sentence.
“If you met someone you wanted.”
The words left his mouth sooner than he could rethink them, soft because only one person really needed to hear them.
Satoru’s confused expression increased.
“Met.. someone I wanted? Suguru, what? What do you mean by that?” His tone was pleading, asking for answers. His eyes were searching Suguru’s face, as though he may find his answer in wide purple irises.
Fuck it.
“Met someone you wanted to date,” he clarified, “someone you wanted to be with.”
“And this… bothers you? Is that why you sound disappointed?”
Suguru expects him to be annoyed, or upset. His best friend of years has practically just put his feelings out, potentially damaging their relationship to the point of no repair. Suguru waits, expecting him to get up, to brush it off as a joke. To settle back in their original positions and continue on with the movie like nothing happened.
But that’s not what happens.
Satoru’s face is beaming, smile tugging at his lips in an expression that makes Suguru want to take out his phone and capture it, engrave it into his memory.
Suguru nods.
And goes for it.
“Satoru, I’ve loved you longer than I can even think back to,” he starts, and oh shit that may be a little too forward, but Satoru’s eyes only widen and grin only increases so he keeps going. “And all I’ve ever wanted to do was be next to you. And for the longest time, I thought that it was ok. I could be close to you and be your best friend because anything I could get was enough, but…” he swallows, “I can’t anymore.”
“I want to hold you close, Satoru. I want to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep with you every night. When we go out, I want to be able to call you mine. Satoru, you’re beautiful. I know you know that, and I know you could have anyone. And I know you might not-“.
He’s cut off by a pair of soft lips pressing against his own.
Satoru pulls away before he can fully comprehend what’s happening.
“Suguru,” Satoru starts, smile so big and bright Suguru is surprised it can fit on his face.
“I never wanted anyone other than you.”
He must be dreaming. Affection flows through his veins and his nervousness bleeds away, leaving only euphoria. He moves to kiss Satoru again, but is blocked by a hand pressed to his lips.
Satoru, ever the brat, has an impish grin.
“Only if you beg,” he says, likely expecting Suguru to just manhandle him into compliance.
“Please,” Suguru murmurs, slowly moving Satoru’s hand and intertwining it with his own. “Please baby. I’ve wanted this for so long, please let me kiss you.”
Eyes widening, Satoru just moves forward.
Their lips slot together with intent this time. Suguru’s hands finding purchase on Satoru’s cheeks. He has to bite back a whimper when he feels Satoru gasp into the kiss, the sound going directly to his head.
They aren’t close enough, Suguru realizes.
He leans back, maneuvering so that he’s in a lying position and Satoru is on top of him. The white haired man pulls back as a result of being jostled, and Suguru instantly mourns the loss of lips on his.
“Satoru, please,” he starts again, prepared to beg. He won’t be able to live without this anymore, he realizes, the feeling of Satoru against his chest.
Satoru smiles, rubbing his thumb across Suguru’s cheek. He kisses him again, likely reveling in the compliance Suguru gives him without even thinking.
Eventually, the kisses turn softer and Satoru’s eyes begin to droop, his lack of sleep catching up to him.
“Go to sleep,” Suguru mutters, pressing his lips to his forehead as he maneuvers Satoru’s head to rest in the crook of his neck. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”
A quiet hum of affirmation from Satoru is all he gets before the man is lights out.
Suguru just watches the other man sleep, content to marvel at the white as snow lashes and flushed cheeks resting on his chest. He had been waiting for this all his life, and now that he finally had the man he loved, something in his chest felt complete.
The additional warmth on him caused a wave of sleepiness to fall over him, eyes slowly shutting as he joined Satoru in the world of sleep.
God, he couldn’t wait to tell Shoko about this.