Chapter Text
It felt cold— Empty.
Vivid BAD SQUAD had just finished off another one of their commonly occurring late-afternoon practice sessions. But usually, Toya felt warm and invigorated afterwards.
So why did he feel like there was a heavy weight pulling down at his chest?
Toya was always the sort of person to put a lot of work into the things he was passionate about, to the point of perfection. But for some reason— his singing, dancing, everything ‘Vivid BAD SQUAD related’ he did, had all been… off.
He didn't know why this was happening, when it started, or even what it was.
Everything he seemed to do within Vivid BAD SQUAD was filled with mistakes. Ones he had never made before.
He had been trying his best to practice and practice until these mistakes stopped appearing, but as soon as he perfected one, another one arose.
—And it wasn't just affecting the rest of Vivid BAD SQUAD, it was clearly taking a toll on Toya’s mental state. —Whether he chose to accept it or not.
Toya couldn't help but get a little worried about it, Vivid BAD SQUAD had a very important event coming up, one they might just be able to surpass RAD WEEKEND with.
Well, the event was tomorrow, and Toya was falling behind on so much.
“Toya.” Akito deadpanned, he did not sound happy…
If Toya was falling behind and at risk of dragging the rest of Vivid BAD SQUAD down, then there was no way it would get past Akito. And to be honest— Toya was pretty scared of what Akito might do if Toya screwed up and diminished Vivid BAD SQUAD’s name.
…Toya could tell Akito was already starting to notice something was off with him. Or maybe he had been noticing it for a while.
Well, either way, Akito was not hiding his displeasure very well. Toya had caught Akito giving him the dirtiest side-eye he had ever seen Akito give someone at least 5 times this past week.
“You alright?” Akito continued, making his way over to Toya, not a whole ton of emotion behind his face or words.
“Yes, I’m good, why?” Toya knew exactly why— this was Akito’s way of calling him out for the excessive amount of mistakes he had been making recently.
He really was such a failure of a partner… he should have just left for good that day, instead of letting Akito drag him back into the world of street music. There was no chance they could surpass RAD WEEKEND now…
“You’ve seemed quieter lately— not that you’re the loudest of people anyways but you know what I mean.” Akito sighed, before continuing. “And you’re messing up more often.” He bluntly added.
Toya knew it was coming, but it still hurt a little bit hearing it straight from his partner.
“You're a little behind on certain queues and fumbling on a couple words in the rap areas. You're dancing seems a little tense too.” Akito walked over to where his bag and other belongings were sat on a nearby table, messily slung his bag over one shoulder and made his way to WEEKEND GARAGE’s exit. Kohane quickly following after him.
“The events tomorrow, Toya.” Akito paused with one hand on the door, his back to Toya. “Try not to fall behind any more.” Akito added, before pushing open the door and leaving WEEKEND GARAGE and Toya behind for the day.
“I know we can't just leave it be…” Kohane started, as she and Akito started to make their way home together back from WEEKEND GARAGE. “But don't you think you were a little harsh on Toya back there? He seems to be going through something at the moment…”
Kohane was right— Something clearly was up with Toya, but he had to be a little harsh. If they left it alone any longer something might happen to this event. Their once-in-a-lifetime chance to finally surpass RAD WEEKEND.
Akito couldn't help but think he might've left it too long already. He was scared for what might happen in tomorrow’s event.
“If he’s goin’ through something, we’ve always told him to talk to us. —And he’s chosen not to.” Akito huffed, stuffing both his hands in his pockets. “We can't afford to screw up this event. And if that means being a little harsh at the last minute then that's what I'll do.”
“Ok then…” Kohane sighed, she seemed worried for Toya, they all were, judging that he wasn't talking to any of them about what was going on. Apparently, even the VOCALOIDS had no clue what was up with him.
The VOCALOIDS had just said they could feel a certain ‘unease’ from Toya. Along with something else… unrecognisable. Something a lot deeper.
Before they knew it the two were already at Kohane’s house.
“Let's just hope tomorrow’s event goes well. Good luck!” Kohane smiled up at Akito sweetly, before giving him a small wave and disappearing behind her house’s front door.
“Yeah. Let’s hope…” Akito muttered to himself, before turning away from the girl’s door and making his own way home.
“You… alright, Toya?” An’s voice was full of worry as she walked over into Toya’s line of sight.
An only seemed to get more concerned as Toya continued to stare into nothingness opposite him, only looking over towards An a good 30 seconds after she spoke.
“Yeah, I’m good…” Toya hesitantly replied, he didn't mean to hesitate… So why did he hesitate? Well no matter the reason he clearly didn't convince An.
“Look…” An walked closer to Toya and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Akito just wants this event to go as well as it can, so do the rest of us, but don't feel pressured. I’m sure you’ll do great!”
An offered him a reassuring smile.
Tomorrow's event… It was nice to know at least An had some sort of confidence in him. But still, with how he’s been doing lately he really couldn't imagine this event going all that well…
Toya walked over to where he had placed his bag earlier, and grabbed hold of it. “Thank you… An.”
“No problem!” An watched as Toya made his way over to the WEEKEND GARAGE doors. “—Wait… Toya.”
An’s voice sounded hesitant, as if she was wondering what words to use. She was looking down at her feet as well.
“If you have something going on… and wanna talk about it or something… like— make sure to tell us. We all care about you, even if Akito’s a little harsh at times…” An let out a small laugh at the end, but then looked up at Toya, and threw him a big cheesy grin.
Before Toya could even fully process anything that An had just told him, she had already gathered up her stuff and started to push Toya out of the door.
“Let’s head home then dummy.” An— still smiling widely— elbowed Toya in the stomach and half-ran ahead of him, before turning around and signaling to him to hurry up.
An was always so happy…
No. She was probably just masking how disappointed she was in him… for bringing down Vivid BAD SQUAD.
Toya gently smiled at An, before slowly making his way over to the impatient An waiting ahead of him.
“That hurt y’know” Toya muttered to An, pointing to where she had elbowed him in the stomach.
“You deserved it for not relying on us more!!” An puffed out both her cheeks and crossed her arms over her chest in an attempt to make herself look angry. But she only ended up making herself look like a cute, little hamster. Kind of Kohane-like actually…
It was already dark outside, and even though Toya walked home from practice with An quite a lot, the rare silent moments between them like this felt special.
Toya wondered what it would be like to walk home with the rest of Vivid BAD SQUAD— All 4 of them, together…
Would it feel as calm and peaceful as it currently did with An?
Or would it be a little louder, and more chaotic. —But still warm and friendly.
Well, if they could all walk back together, they definitely would have tried by now. It was a shame Toya and An lived in the opposite direction to where Kohane and Akito lived…
Maybe if this event went well Toya could convince the others to all have a sleepover at someone's house, and they could all walk home together from WEEKEND GARAGE…
That would be so nice…
“Well, see ‘ya tomorrow Toya! Make sure to get a good amount of rest!” Toya hadn't even noticed they had made it to An’s house, but he managed to quickly return An’s wave before she disappeared into her house, leaving Toya all alone in the now cold and lonely night.
The night felt completely different when he was alone.
It was no longer a peaceful silence— more of a suffocating one, one where all his thoughts had the freedom to invade his mind, no An or Kohane or Akito to snap him out of them.
He had to do this most nights… yet it felt so much more unbearable tonight.
He was almost home. And then he could just try his best to relax before whatever tomorrow decided to throw at him.
Hopefully— something good.
Toya felt stuck.
He was just lying on his back in his bed… doing nothing. All his stupid thoughts catching up to him.
And he couldn't do anything about it.
He was completely stuck. Just lying there, as his body refused to move.
He probably should have changed into some pajamas, or at least some clothes that were a little more fit for sleeping, rather than just staying in his show outfit that he wore to practice today.
He probably should have eaten something for dinner, even if it wasn't anything substantial. He probably should've brushed his teeth before getting into bed…
And he probably should've tidied his room long ago… Seriously though, there was no chance he could ever clean his room anymore… It was too big of a job and it overwhelmed Toya just thinking about it. His room genuinely looked like a tip.
His stomach wouldn't stop growling, and his mouth had a vile acidic-y taste that had been lingering there for 2 or so days now. But he had no motivation to get up and sort either of them out.
He could feel his phone vibrate on his bedside table next to him, and it lit up his room as it automatically turned on from the notifications, but for some reason his body wouldn't let him lift his arm up to check the notifications.
It was probably messages from An or the Vivid BAD SQUAD group chat about tomorrow’s event…
What would happen if Toya just… never turned up to the event tomorrow..?
Would the other 3 just do the event without him? Would they postpone the event? Would An come and drag Toya out of his house? Would they just… forget about him and move on like nothing happened…?
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…Toya shouldn't be thinking about things like that!
The more Toya shook his head and tried to shove all the stupid thoughts out of his head, the more that came rushing in.
“N-No… Shut up!” Toya shouted to himself, and buried his head underneath his bed sheets, trying to drown out all the horrible thoughts.
Before he knew it— Tears were falling down his face, and he was choking on his own saliva.
No! He would never dream of just leaving Vivid BAD SQUAD out of nowhere!
Even if he was just a burden to them, and his singing and dancing was less than ideal compared to their levels of skill, he could still never just disappear for no reason.
He would only ever abandon them if all shreds of hope that they might just still want or need him there were clearly thrown away.
Yeah… they still wanted him there… for now… right?