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Frank was trying his absolute best to not fall deeper into the spiral that had already consumed him. Having Robby pulled him aside a couple weeks ago, saying how he saw that he hadn’t taken off any of the time around the latter part of December. Having to admit to his Attending that with the custody agreement he wasn’t allowed to see his kids for Christmas until he was three years sober. Only allowed a phone call on Christmas Eve and one during Christmas day, the look of shock that had washed over Robby’s face made him shrink more into himself.
“Okay, so not seeing the kiddos this year. Any other family in the Pittsburgh area?” The Attending crossed his arms, carefully watching Frank as he stumbled over his thoughts and words.
“Ah-ahem well, no. We moved out here for Abby so she could be closer to her family.” He trailed off, picking at the dry skin around his fingernails. Feeling as if he was a lab result Robby didn’t have a good feeling about.
Another sigh escaped Robby. Rubbing at his face before conceding to whatever he was thinking about. “Alright. You will be coming with me and Jack then.” A thousand different things had crossed the blackboard that was Frank’s brain, before he could get a single word out the older man continued. “We have a cabin we rent out from one of Jack’s battle buddies, it’s a bit out there but the air is cleaner and still has cell reception in case anything happens.”
Against his better judgment he nodded, “Yeah that-that sounds really good.” Giving a bit of a weak smile to others before they were pulled back into the fray of work.
-
Three days ago he had received a message from Dr. Abbot, a surprisingly lengthy message about what he should pack and bring for the trip. Having a set time schedule on when he should be over at Robby’s house, when they would be leaving to go to the cabin and then set times of heading back to Pittsburg. At the very end a question on if he had any preferences on food, whether it being snacks or meals. As well as if he had any food restrictions, allergies or straight up dislikes. It warmed Frank when he had first read it after coming back to his apartment from the rough shift.
The packing was uneventful, after he had moved in properly after getting out of rehab he had in a moment of pure stress unpacked all of his boxes. Needing some form of control of something in his life, he carefully put everything away making sure they had their set spots. Breaking down all of the cardboard and packing paper to be taken out later.
Pulling the suitcase out from under his bed and putting in everything Abbot had recommended. From packing for his kids for several years, he as well he packed two extra outfits just in case. The never ending fear of not having enough underwear or getting something so horribly stained it he just ended up throwing it away. He had thankfully learned from Epcot.
In his backpack he shoved in the more on hand items he may need, his medications (Antidepressants, azstarys, over the counter allergy meds and iron.) A book he had been trying to read for over the past year but had so little time for, the diary his therapist insisted he write in every day and Mr. Leap. An adorable well loved tree frog plush that Tanner had given him for Rehab. Stating how since he was going to be away so long that Mr. Leap would be there and keep him company. He had grown attached and now couldn’t sleep without the little guy tucked under his chin or in his arms.
-
How he ended up in this whole situation was tough for him to even comprehend. Shifting in the back seat of Abbot’s Jeep as he watched the snow dusted trees pass by in the window. Biting at his bottom lip at trying to sort everything that had gone on to lead him here.
Coming back from Rehab was hard, feeling as if he was a puzzle piece that had fallen under the couch and once it was brought back to the table again finding out he no longer had a spot to fill.
Feeling as if he was taking up too much space was something he was used to. But it had never bled into his job before, he was always ‘ER Ken’ or Robby’s right hand man. When he had finally stepped back into the emergency department, seeing how much had changed and moved on without him was like a sucker punch to the gut. As if reminding him that the people around him could say how much they missed him, but yet they didn’t seem to have noticed his absence.
Being around Robby was rough. He didn’t expect the older man to visit him in rehab of course, the line between professional and personal could not be more blurred than it already was. Knowing the HR shitstorm he was in already for needing to take off during the middle of his residency was bad enough. Part of him waited though, maybe for a call or a letter from his mentor. Nothing came, a piece of him that had been broken still hadn’t healed even though it had been half a year since he had returned.
The man didn’t avoid him, just seemed to keep himself busy enough that he wasn’t in Langdon’s presence for longer than necessary. Only filling in to help with codes, look over patients when Frank had asked, or ordering him on what to do next before promptly disappearing into the rush of the ED. It had felt like he was a medical student again on his rotation, searching for his attending but never really finding him.
Frank tried his absolute best to hide how much it hurt. How the pit in his stomach sank. The impending feeling of doom never really went away. He didn’t slip back into his usual cockiness that he knew Santos was expecting. He didn’t joke around with the nurses or other doctors as much, thinking about it before just giving a half there smile. He knew he was broken down and remolded, that it would take time to find his footing again.
People warmed up, people stopped being so obvious about watching him dispense meds. Being filled in on department wide jokes he had missed out on, feeling a part of the team again. Robby had also stayed around longer, shooting the shit with others in front of Langdon without fleeing. Frank felt like he wasn’t walking on a mix of eggshells and hot coals anymore.
A few times he had caught Robby’s gaze, surprised to find the other man was looking at him already. Getting a reassuring glance before the Attending went back to whatever he was doing.
He couldn’t reasonably comprehend how he ended up in Jack Abbot’s personal vehicle, Robby sat beside him humming along to some CD’s he had popped into the radio system. Frank didn’t feel like they had forgiven him enough to invite him along to such an intimate trip. But yet here he was, in the warm Jeep as they drove up to the Cabin Jack was renting.
Knowing that the two Attendings were in a relationship was common knowledge in the ED, well everyone except for Gloria. Frank felt as if he was intruding on their long weekend, not that he mentioned how he felt to the two men. Not wanting to touch that conversation even within a 10 foot pole. Interlocking his hands and rubbing his thumbs in a rhythmic circle, trying to soothe the spiral he had been slipping into for the past week.
Blinking out of his thoughts, looking out the window intently as the scenery around them changed to farm land and then mountains. Glancing at the clock seeing they had been driving for about two hours straight. Scolding himself for getting lost within his thoughts for so long, popping his neck as he nestled into the seat of the Jeep more.
-
After a bathroom break in the closest town to the actual cabin. The drive up to it was nearly picturesque. Finding the driveway was a bit hard for Robby, Jack the whole while being not entirely helpful choosing to make snide but light hearted comments. Robby eventually found the logging road that went from pavement to gravel.
Breaking the untouched snow as they finally landed at their destination. The Cabin itself was small but homely looking, and from the exterior construction he could tell that it wouldn’t be like the ones usually depicted in horror movies. It was well maintained and sturdy. It is within a small clearing, having a shed nestled to the back of it. The trees encasing the surrounding felt protective instead of smothering.
Robby finally parked, turning off the Jeep and stretching in the driver's seat groaning obscenely as he popped his neck and upper back. Flushing a bit, he unbuckled himself to keep himself busy. Praising past him for packing his sneakers into his suitcase and wearing Doc Martens in the car.
Grabbing his backpack, along with the cooler containing some of the food. The snow crunching under his boots as he steps out into the chilly air. Robby was right, the air was cleaner and almost brighter somehow.
“Hey, you didn’t need to grab that.” Jack appeared at his side, both his and Robby’s backpack thrown over his shoulders. He walked up to the lock box near the building, doing the code and grabbing the keys to the cabin twirling them between his fingers.
“Ah it's fine, I mean gotta make myself useful.” Frank shrugged, following behind the night attending. Shifting his weight from foot to foot a bit anxiously. His comment got an exasperated huff from Jack.
“You don’t need to make yourself useful Langdon.” The gruff voice of Robby responded. The man placed a reusable grocery bag on the wooden front porch along with Frank’s suitcase. Jumping a bit at Robby having surprisingly snuck up on the two of them.
Finally unlocking the door, pushing through and turning on the lights. The main room was cozy, even though there was no current heating. All of the floors were a nice stained wood minus the kitchen which had red brick. The living room had a large carpet, a lazy boy, a couch and a short rectangle coffee table.
Jack quickly deposited the two backpacks on to the one recliner. There was an older wood stove that faced the living room, a dresser and mirror with a door next to it that clearly led to the bathroom. Another door that was just a crack open which led to the main bedroom.
The kitchen from what he could see had lovely granite counter tops. A warm accented wood for all of the cabinets. A slightly dated fridge with a small freezer and a dishwasher. The sink being a double stainless steel one that looked more out of a professional kitchen. Lastly the dining room table was pushed against the far left wall, three mismatched chairs around it.
Shuffling in, placing his backpack on the floor next to the recliner. Robby had gone back to the jeep to grab the rest of the bags, doubling back he grabbed the grocery bag, bringing the two to the kitchen. Stumbling around a moment in the dimness to find the light switch. Looking over, Jack easily picks up some of the heavier bags. Meeting his eyes briefly and grinning widely, showing off on how much he could lift like it was nothing. Frank gasped then smothering the noise by biting his lip, hoping that the other man didn’t notice.
Flustered, Frank started to put the groceries away. Neatly packing the cold food into their designated spots in the fridge, as well as putting some of the frozen vacuumed sealed bags of food the two attendings had prepped. Carefully depositing the grocery bag full of dry goods right next to the fridge for easy grab and go when cooking.
“Hey thanks Frankie.” Jack reappeared, a lopsided smile across his face. Arms crossed over his front. Taking a moment to study him, Jack was wearing a crew neck sweater with a thicker dark green flannel over the top, his usual cargo pants and some zip up boots. Ones that surprisingly were able to fit his prosthetic, which when Frank had arrived at Robby's house he had shown off.
“Jack Honey, come grab your shit please.” Robby gave a laugh setting down the final bag, in his other hand was Jack’s stubborn crutches. The shorter man gave a small light hearted curse under his breath before going over and grabbing them from his boyfriend. As well as grabbing his rolling suitcase.
Maneuvering around the two to check the porch, confused on where his own suitcase was only to see Robby had already pulled it in.
“Alright so some bad news uh.” Robby rubbed at the back of his neck staring at the floor then cautiously meeting Frank’s eyes. “So Benny, the owner of the place didn’t bring another bed so it’s just the main bedroom and the couch.” Scratching at his scalp before rubbing at the tight muscles of his neck, eyes flickering away with anxiety.
“Well shit.” Picking at the skin around his finger nails, not at all wanting to complain about the situation but knowing how badly he would be in pain if he did sleep on the couch. No matter how comfortable it would be, he knew with his height he would have to curl up.
Along with the idea of both Jack and Robby witnessing him having to lay on the floor as he waited for his back muscles to finally relax enough. Or even worse, being in so much pain he lost feeling from the hips down. He couldn’t risk it, couldn’t let them see how bad it was. Addiction was one thing, but with how debilitating his injury was. Robby could outright after the trip put him on leave, or have him fired.
“Yeah, the only thing he did was get a new bed. It's an Alaskan King.” Robby watched him, seeing Frank cock his head in confusion. “Here just- follow me.” Robby sighs and deflates a little, guiding him to the bedroom to see what he meant.
The room’s walls were mainly natural stained wood, with the one behind the bed being a painted warm forest green. The bed having a stunningly carved frame housed an almost overwhelmingly large bed, one that currently had Jack sitting upon the left side. The pillow cases were a nice flannel, the blankets on top were wool blankets to try and keep warmth away from the wood burning stove.
On either side of the beds there were night stands with some hilarious duck themed lamps. A few hunting photos and paintings were hung upon the walls, a large antique dresser and a small closet door. A thick fluffy animal fur rug that Frank couldn’t make out that was on the floor.
Jack was sitting there, having looked up to see them enter, giving a sheepish smile at the current sleeping arrangement before going back to check on his leg. Having taken off the prosthetic, inspecting the nub to see if there were any new injuries and such. Frank tried to gauge how they would all sleep on the bed.
Knowing the couple would most likely want to be close to each other, So Jack on the far left, Robby in the middle and Frank on the far right. Of course Frank knew that he would have to be hyper vigilant while sleeping. Keeping to his side of the bed, giving the older attendings as much space as possible so they didn’t get uncomfortable with him.
“Soooo.” His attending trailed off, looking even more nervous at his silence.
“Oh um I mean, I don’t mind sharing if you guys are as well. I usually just lay flat on my back and then I'm out like a light.” Frank hissed slightly, looking down at his cuticles seeing he had picked off the dry skin so much he had started bleeding. Sticking his thumb in his mouth to stop the blood from leaking too much, meeting Robby’s eyes again to see the man with a flush growing on his cheeks and ears.
Warm brown eyes focused intently on his mouth and lips. Frank just raised an eyebrow in questioning. “Well if you can handle Mikey rolling around like a rotisserie chicken in bed then we should be fine.” Jack quipped, not even looking up. Grabbing his bag and pulling out a pair of thicker hiking socks, having big foot walking with gay flag printed on them.
Pulling his thumb out of his mouth to laugh, getting taken over by giggles at the imagery of Robby rolling around in bed trying to get comfortable. Seeing the man huff, cheeks still slightly pink as he crossed his arms and shook his head. Filled with affection for his boyfriend but also exasperated at being called out on his sleeping habits.
“Alright, I'm glad we sorted that all out. How about we get started on dinner?”
-
Pulling out the dining room table so they could all maneuver around it. Frank busied himself as he set up placemats and napkins that Jack had brought along, them being cute winter scenes that reminded Frank of the ones his grandma would bring down from the attic. After he was done, he sat down watching the couple move around each other in the kitchen. A well oiled machine as they seamlessly filled in, Jack stirring the pot of pasta sauce so it wouldn’t burn while Robby grabbed something from the fridge he had forgotten.
They worked so well together, and seeing the pure domestic-ness of the scene made him sick with stress. Shooting a half hearted smile to Abbot when he checked in with him. Frank knew that he wasn’t welcome, that he was interrupting them with his presence. Picking at the skin around his cuticles more, knowing by the end of the trip they will all be open and bleeding. Thank g-d he carried a box of finger band aids around with him everywhere.
The feeling of walking in on an intimate moment was overwhelming, as it was a strong smell. Something that made your skin feel as if it was too tight and as if you shouldn’t be there. He knew that both of his Attendings were just pitying him by having him join them on their weekend, he could easily recall the look in Robby’s eyes. Pity in a way of ‘oh poor you’, Frank felt pathetic.
Waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Abbot or Robby to make a comment to him about how much he had fucked up to lead to him having only phone calls with his kids. Whatever else he had done when he was out of work that could lead to him not even having custody. Of course he could try and explain that his wife’s family had paid for her lawyer. How her mom had even hired a fucking private investigator to follow him around, taking photos to make him seem even fucking worse.
Looking down at his fingers, seeing that a couple of them were stained with drying blood from the subconscious picking. Huffing and getting up, giving another reassuringly fake smile to Robby as he got up.
“Sorry, just gotta head to the bathroom.” Waving off the curious look in the attending's eyes and the raised eyebrow. Walking over and stopping at his backpack to pull out his phone charger and to slip some of the finger bandages into his pocket. Setting the charger on the coffee table and hastily making his way into the small cold bathroom.
The walls were the palest blue with stripes going downwards, the smaller stripes seemingly humming birds and some nondescript vine plants. A shower stall that went floor to ceiling that seemed to have been built by the owner. It was not a typical one that only had shower tile to the average height. The entirety of the actual area of the shower was tiled to prevent water damage.
Three sets of towels were on the antique dresser, all of different colors. A washed out pink, a washed out orange and a pale yellow. Extra rolls of toilet paper and a small basket full of condoms. Feeling a bit sick at the sight of them, grabbing the basket and showing it into one of the empty pull out drawers. Finally the sink and toilet being some well taken care of porcelain. The mirror had an ornate metal casting around it that once again held flowers, humming birds and vine like plants. It screamed grandmother's house in the midwest to Frank.
Closing the door behind himself, feeling the stares of the two older men burning into his back judging. Shoulders finally relaxed a bit as he sighed trying to relieve some of the pressure that was pressing down on his chest. Using the bathroom quickly after actually taking into account how full his bladder was.
He couldn’t look at himself in the mirror. He rarely did anymore due to everything that had happened. At Rehab all of the mirrors were in the single stall bathrooms. No where else, several of them had been previously shattered, only leaving a pillow case over the unpainted part of the wall. Washing his hands thoroughly, thankful that the pipes hadn’t frozen like Abbot was worried about.
Shaking away the thoughts and memories that seemed so keen on crawling their way back from the parts of his mind he tried to smother. Washing off the grossness of the day from his hands. The sweat, the dirt and grease from running his fingers through his hair anxiously. Along with the dried reddish brown blood, inspecting the skin around his fingernails seeing how he had picked through several layers. The roughness of the skin there from it drying out and reopening old wounds, hissing at the grounding feeling it left him with.
Drying his hands carefully with the old orange hand towel, claiming the color as his own. Making sure he didn’t get too much blood on the fibers, not wanting the other two to notice or have Benny the man they were renting from complaining to Jack. Pulling out the band aids, opening one at a time as he put them on each of the fingers that were bleeding. Sighing at needing to wrap up three on his left hand and one on his right.
The typical excuse writing over the blackboard that was his brain. Words, phrases and comments he pre-scripted to have on hand just in case someone asked too personal of a question. ‘Oh, just the cold and then all of the warm air conditioning of the winter dries out my skin y'know?’ Well-practiced phrase to the point where no one questioned it anymore, not even Dana.
Putting the scraps of trash away, unlocking the door and making his way back to the main room. Not entirely prepared for the rest of the day and night to come. Only hoping that both Jack and Robby wouldn't probe too much into how Frank was doing, he already dealt with it enough at work and with his mandatory therapist.
-
Dinner was fine, the talk mainly surrounding what they would want to do the next two days. How there was a small snow park a little drive away that the locals maintained. It had a covered part where people took off their boots and jackets to enjoy some baked goods, coffee and hot coco over the large fire pit and wood stove built into the structure.
Along with a winter market where people brought out crafts they had worked on all year, preserves and baked goods. Of course it was mainly all Christmas themed, when he had asked Robby if he was comfortable going knowing the man was Jewish. Robby just shrugged and said he had been dragged along to several Christmas markets with Jack, even though the man himself didn’t even celebrate Christmas as well.
Much to his surprise, Jack celebrated Yule. He simply chuckled, saying how Christmas was just repackaged Yule, Robby rolling his eyes lightheartedly, a fond smile across his face showing that he had heard the rant several times over from his partner. Frank didn’t know a whole bunch about Hanukkah or Yule, feeling a bit nervous about even asking any questions about the two holidays.
Thankfully they soon moved onward in the conversation, complimenting the cooking from the two older men. The sauce was incredibly well seasoned that he didn’t even need to add too much more salt into the mixture. Happily taking seconds of the meal, as well enjoying the ground turkey that was added into red sauce. Much better than what he typically planned on the fly after coming home dead tired from his shift.
Once they had cleared their plates, he got up. Collecting all of the dirtied dishes, bringing them to the sink along with the used pots and pans. Missing the shared worried looks between Jack and Robby at his silent cleaning up after dinner.
Taking everything out of the sink, setting up a kitchen towel on the other counter to put the clean dishes that couldn’t fit in the dishwasher. Going through the calming process of actually doing the dishes, using it to try and calm himself the best he could, cursing himself at forgetting about his bandages but simply trucking through. Feeling as if he just kept making one mistake after another.
Jumping a little at hearing Robby behind him. Pulling out plastic deli containers he had brought to put in leftovers. Stacking the rest of the dirty dishes on the counter a couple inches away, going over to slide them closer to add to what else he needed to finish, a hand rested firmly on his shoulder.
“Hey, I got the rest of the dishes. You’re supposed to be relaxing, not doing chores like a good housewife.” Robby spoke in a softer tone, thumb softly rubbing circles into his long sleeve. Frank could barely feel the heat seeping off of his mentor, him being closer to a heater than a normal human. Gulping a bit, nodding, washing the soap off of his hands.
Pulling them closer to his body, the towel he had set aside for hand drying being right in front of Robby. Motioning his elbow to the other, expressing he needed to move over. The man chuckled a bit nervously about being so overwhelmingly in Frank’s personal space. Drying his hands as quickly as possible to get out of Robby's way feeling the intense gaze follow him.
-
Through some boardgames the two had brought, along with an older hunting puzzle Benny had left. Enjoying the warmth of the wood burning stove, which Jack had meticulously set up so they didn't need to mess with it so much. Enjoying some hot cocoa and tea while they all relaxed around each other.
Of course, the moment Frank was dreading the most finally happened, bed time. Jack had taken first dibs on the shower, preferring to take one before bed. While he had learned that Robby usually showered in the morning, taking note of it to make sure he didn’t interrupt either one's routine for the time they all had together. He had simply shrugged when he was asked, stating how he typically switched between the two, morning or night showering depending on how gross he felt after a shift.
“Oh by the way I claimed the orange towels!” He had called over his shoulder, as him and Robby tried to find the last pieces that fit in the puzzle. Confused and slightly frustrated, wondering if they had fallen into the carpet, lost in the box or had simply vanished. The pieces they did have which they knew belonged to the puzzle not fitting in any of the empty spots.
Jack had come out of the shower, towel around his waist and his sleeping shirt. Crutches wedged between his arms as he maneuvered, Frank just about to jump to his feet to go help the other man. Only to have Robby ask the same question.
“Oh no Hun, don’t worry I'm good! Thank you for asking like always.” Jack gives a sickly-sweet happy smile to his boyfriend, genuinely Thankful to have Robby check in whenever. Frank felt as if he was practically invisible to the older men. Hunching over where he was sitting, pretending as if he was searching for the last pieces of the puzzle instead of trying to stop himself from being sick.
Robby carried all of their cups to the sink, shushing him saying that no it was fine if the mugs stayed in the sink. Yeah hot water could be put into them so they could soak but they really didn’t need to be washed. The man then went into the bedroom as well, changing into some thicker flannel sleep pants that had snow hares running across the snowy ground, pine trees here and there. As well as a worn t-shirt.
Frank had slipped his suitcase onto its back, pulling out the sleeping items he typically wore. Knowing that sleeping in only his boxers and t-shirt was a no go. A pair of sleep shorts with surprisingly deep pockets, a pair of ankle length compression socks and a D&D shirt.
Jack gave a snicker at his clothing choices. Blushing, grabbing the items in his hands awkwardly, shuffling over to the room's door. “Where are you going?” He said, lacking back on the bed, leg stretched out as he scrolled on his phone. Wearing some basketball shorts that had enough room in them to protect his leg without hindering it.
“Uh? Bathroom, I need to change.” Cocking his head to the side a bit confused, Jack looked at him before looking at Robby. Leaving them be, and scuttling off to the bathroom. Changing into his pajamas as quickly as he could. The items that were dirty he turned them inside out before rolling them up, and shoving them under his arm.
Walking back out, closing the door quietly to not be too loud. Catching the ending part of the conversation between the two attendings. “Did you not tell him yet? Mikey- c’mon”
Making sure he hit the floorboards he knew squeaked in the cabin, the voices cutting off mid sentence as he walked back in, clothes under his arm as he yawned. Even though he didn’t drive it had sapped all of his energy. Smiling back at Robby who was looking at him fondly, “Yeah I feel that. How about we all head to bed?”
Jack on the farthest left, a firmer pillow he had brought along from his house that he placed under his amputated leg. Robby in the middle as close to Jack as he could without completely laying on top of him, clearly quite the cuddler.
Shutting off the lights to the room and closing the door, making sure his phone was plugged in and that his med container was out with his water bottle so he could take them the moment he woke up. Noticing that it had been moved when he had gone to the bathroom, the pit in his stomach grew even wider. They were going to bed, he couldn’t ask if Robby had snooped through his medication, the idea of the fight that it would cause made him wish he could just walk out into the snow without the other two even noticing.
Stiffly getting into the bed, taking in the smell of clean sheets. Flicking off the light and staring up at the ceiling as he listened to the sounds of Robby and Jack winding down. The shuffling of sheets as Robby rolled to his side, back to Frank. How he could tell that Jack had an arm around Robby and was petting his arm or back.
It took approximately ten minutes for Jack to fall asleep and roughly forty five for Robby too. It had left Frank to go over every moment of his day like he usually would. Going through every motion, word spoken and action he had taken as if fast forwarding through a tv show. Stopping to rewind whenever something ever so slightly wasn’t right or he wished he had done better.
Biting down on his dry lips, closing his eyes tightly at the sting of tears. He couldn’t cry, the possibility of waking up the other men was too great. They combined drove four hours and made dinner, they needed sleep.
But Frank couldn't rest, he knew that he needed Mr. Leap in his arms cuddling him. Knew that the blankets weren’t heavy enough to soothe his racing mind, and that if he moved too much that it would cause the bed to whine. He wanted to rub his feet together akin to a cricket to feel the lovely texture of the flannel sheets but he couldn’t. Staying stock still in the bed, hoping that at any moment the exhaustion would come crashing down and drag him into sleep.
He didn’t notice himself shaking, or the small sniffles he let out. The feeling of inner cold seeped into all of his limbs, not an actual feeling of cold but pure disconnection from reality and his own body.
Frank knew that both Abbot and Robby only had him here because they took pity on him. Needing to supervise him over the weekend because otherwise no one would, to make sure maybe that he wasn’t using again even though all of his samples came back clean. Or that he was too thin and worn down looking. Needing to be coddled watched constantly to make sure he didn’t fuck up more than he already was.
A sharp gasp escaped him as a warm hand shook his shoulder. Successfully for once completely throwing him out of his endless spiral. Clicking back into place of his body for the first time of the day. Noticing how wet his cheeks were with tears, how he was both entirely too cold and warm all at once, chest heaving up and down too quickly.
“Shit, Frankie-, you’re okay we're here.” Robby’s voice rumbled out, the edges of sleep slipping away. Worry so evidently on display that it shook him to his core. Frank couldn’t focus, kicking the blankets off of himself. Them feeling suddenly way too heavy on his body, instead of them being flannel blankets the suffocating sensation of three slabs of concrete on top of his body.
Scrambling out of the bed, falling into the floor. Rushing over to his back pack and ripping it open. Fishing out Mr. Leap and press him in the crook of his neck under his jaw. Rubbing the felt like fabric of the tree-frog’s paw between his thumb and pointer finger.
The dark room is filled with the yellow light from Jack’s nightstand. Between watery eyes, looking to the Alaskan king bed to see both Jack and Michael staring with concerned eyes.
“Come back to bed Frankie. The floor must be freezing.” Jack cooed softly, as if coaxing a puppy out of its cage from its first trip to the vet. Silently getting up, padding over to the bed and sitting on the farthest edge of the mattress. It wheezed softly under his weight as he stared at them, awaiting a comment yelling or accusations.
“What’s their name?” Robby spoke slowly, moving a bit closer but keeping an eye on Frank’s body language. Making sure it was okay before he did anything.
“Mr-mr. Leap” Frank stuttered out, sinking back into his body from the panic attack. How his lungs hurt from wheeze crying, the dry tackiness on his cheeks and how his eyes stung horribly. “G-g-d I'm so sorry for waking you guys up. I know that- I just.” He sighed trying to sort out what he was trying to get across. Neither of them commented, simply letting him process as he squeezed the plushie more in his arms.
“I know I'm fucking up your guy's trip. I know that I'm in the way and intruding and I just wish that you both would just. I guess admit it? Instead of trying to slyly hint that you don’t want me here.” Deflating, the feeling of taking up too much space intensified. As if all of the air had been sucked out of the room by his comment, as if the play was stopped mid act.
“Oh fuck. Frank no- Jesus christ.” Robby scrambled over in the bed, nearly frantic with it as he had sat half kneeled in front of him. Blocking his view from the rest of the half-lit room, Robby looked positively wrecked. Both tired from the long day, but his eyes were slightly red with emotions. Lines looking deeper and eyebrows pressed together so hard it looked like his face was cramping.
A large warm hand rested on his knee, thumb stroking ever so softly at the skin there. Noticing the goosebumps forming, he started to pull away before Frank stopped him. He didn’t even realize it, but he pressed Robby’s hand into his knee more, silently telling him that it was fine.
“Frank, I well, we invited you because we wanted you here. G-d I wanted to do this better when we all had gotten some rest but-.” Robby took a deep breath, clearing out his thoughts for a moment, looking over to Jack for support. Seeing the curly haired man nod, Jack perched up in the bed looking just as frazzled and worried about what he had woken up too. “Uh we wanted to purpose you, ahem joining me and Jack.”
Record scratch. What?
“Huh?”
“Mikey, less poetic and vague please.” Jack laughed a bit at Robby’s flustered state. Watching his partner’s cheeks and ears get red with a blush.
“Ever since you came back you’ve been different. No that's not what I meant.” Robby cut him off, holding up one finger to say continue to let me speak when Frank opened up his mouth. “Yes, you are struggling, finding your footing again. But also, you’re so much more you. Not needing to hide behind heavy walls. At first, I couldn’t handle it, being around you because I didn’t fucking understand what I was feeling.”
Robby took another breath, looking deep into Frank’s eyes checking in wordlessly before starting again. “I missed you. A fuck ton and seeing the new you hurt me so much because I regretted never writing a letter, never reaching out. How I didn’t want that to ever happen again, I wanted to be by your side through those moments. Not- as well your boss but as a lover.”
The older attending was now bright as a cherry. Without his glasses on he looked so much younger and boyish in his reactions. The confession hit Frank hard, feeling as if he was precariously sitting on the edge of a counter slowly swaying back and forth. Frank swallowed and looked over at Jack.
“We know it's a lot to take in, and well it took three months of you being gone for Robby to even break and admit how much he missed you. If you don’t want to say anything right now, we can wait until morning Hun.” Jack spoke, a warm comforting smile on his face looking as if he wanted to rub Frank’s shoulder. But due to the hugeness of the bed, he wasn’t able to.
“You like me? You both like me romantically. You're not shitting me right.” Frank stared blankly, looking between the two older men as if he was dreaming. Or he had suffocated in his sleep from lack of air and now was in some weird heaven or hell. Even weirder since he was a strong agnostic atheist.
“Yes, romantically for some time now.” The day attending spoke shyly, adverting his eyes from Frank’s finally. Seemingly preparing for the worse.
“Yup.” Jack popped the ‘p’ on the word. “Hearing Mikey’s stories about you working in the ED. How much he had admired you, both physically and because of your intelligence. We haven’t worked much together but seeing you work during that day really solidified it to me as well.” He hummed, squeezing Michael’s slightly shaking hand, not even needing to second guess the gesture before doing.
“Okay.” Frank said dumbly, blinking a couple times. Pulling Mr. Leap from his chest and look into the plastic eyes of the frog before moving closer to Robby.
The man stiffened for a moment of where he was sitting, allowing Frank to approach him but still hesitant. Doe brown eyes looking between Frank, the frog and then Frank’s lips. Closing his eyes and pressing a small dry kiss to Robby’s lips.
The hand on his knee gave a small reassuring squeeze. Moving back, watching Robby. His eyes slowly opened to being half lidded, not with lust but happiness and relief. Tension in his shoulders and frame slipping away, a wonderfully fond look as he stared back.
Frank turned and leaned over to Jack, giving a tilt to his head asking permission. Getting the confirmation he also presses a chaste kiss into Jack’s warm lips. “I'm an idiot- g-d. I'm so fucking sorry.”
“Oh hush. It's okay, really Frankie. You didn’t have the full picture and could only make your own guess of what was happening.” Jack’s other hand rubbed at the arm holding him up on the bed.
“Now since we all have confessed like lovesick teenagers can we get to bed? As much as I would love to have an in-depth emotional conversation right now, I'm about two minutes from passing out." Abbot chuckled, snuggling back into the bed as much as he could. Arms spread open wide to Frank asking for snuggles.
Warm laughter filled the room, a mix of Robby’s deep rich laughter and the snickers coming from Frank. Nodding in agreement, he curled up next to Jack. Sighing at how wonderfully warm and heavy Jack was. Arm thrown over his waist being the perfect pressure he needed.
Robby made a comment under his breath about Frank stealing his spot, leaning over to click the lamp off before as well snuggling down. Pulling the covers over the three of them and squishing in. Pressing himself against the entirety of Frank’s back, arm loosely around his hips and the other curled protectively around Frank’s head.
“Goodnight Mr. Leap, Goodnight lovie.” Robby mumbled into the skin of Frank’s neck sleepily, giving a squeeze around his hips to mean the pet name was in reference to him. Content and oh so happy to have his two boys with him cuddling.
“Night Michael.” Frank sighed, sleep finally taking over and guiding him effortlessly into his dreams.