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The cold was frighteningly---annoyingly---insufferable. Thick sheets of snow hugged everything it could touch, plastered across the entirety of the land nearby. It sprinkled gently---almost tentatively---from the hands of the sky, as if it was absolutely terrified of hurting the soil and---well---everything that towered above it.
It was weirdly...unique.
The snow was considerate, like it wanted to ask permission to land. The snow was freezing, unsettlingly deadly, yet strangely warm---friendly---like you could fall asleep in its arms and haven't a regret once you finally awoke. The snow was embracing, like it encouraged you to stay just a little while longer.
Snow couldn't be any less similar to rain.
You hated the rain.
The fire had been murmuring, just barely a wisp, seeing the end of its life dawn over it. The flames had the strength of a candle with how they fanned anything in their wake. You almost felt guilty, seeing the life slowly drain from its eyes; you hauled another log of firewood into the fireplace.
December twenty-fifth. One of the best, happiest worst days of the year. It didn't really mean much to you; you weren't religious, nor did you know many people to share it with. Despite that, it was a...generally nice day. Things were quaint and loose and quiet, like even time itself seemed to slow down to admire the beauty and collective, willing contentedness it brought.
You leaned over the edge of the coffee table that pressed itself into the wall, right below the low, rectangular window that displayed the outside. It had to have been eight in the morning at the least, seeing that the sky was a pale, gentle azure. Miniature blotches of snow slid off of the glass from where they clung, like starfish, and it gradually fluttered downward, gracefully, from the firmament above.
You didn't remember nature being so...devastatingly beautiful. So sickeningly entrancing---engrossing---like it had the privilege to be that way. Everything worked in tandem, as though it was meant to be that way, the script engraved into stone.
You could only stare, falling in love with how your surroundings seemed to adorn the environment, for so long, though. Because somebody knocked on your cabin's door.
The sound wasn't exactly heavy, or...intimidating. It seemed almost hesitant, like it was unsure if it was trespassing or not by doing so.
Your limbs felt like molasses, lead, or thick syrup; you couldn't get yourself to move. It seemed almost as though you were participating in a losing battle---but then you decided that you probably should answer the door.
You took much longer than you should've to slip out from the chair.
"I swear to fuck," You unsteadily ran a hand through your hair, and an insult just barely clung to the lining of your throat. "I have a gun. If I answer this door and end up being greeted by some asshole that just decided it was a good time to ruin my week---on Christmas---I will not hesitate to shoot a motherfucker---"
You lazily swing open the door and pry open your eyes, only to be met by the kind gaze and hesitant, subtle easiness of an old friend.
"...d...ead."
The words hung loosely from your lips, as if second-guessing whether or not to completely fall.
"What the fuck are you doing here."
Lucy could only let out a nervous chuckle. "Surprise?" She chirped between an awkward smile.
You didn't---couldn't---respond.
"Look, I just thought it'd be nice if I visited you, since it's been a while, and I, um..."
She averted her gaze from you and made an offering gesture.
"I could leave?"
"No, dumbass, come in." You sneered at the thought, and held open the door. "What the hell, man? Am I really that much of a dick? Don't go, man, it's fine."
"Well, no, I just..." Lucy couldn't seem to place the words, and instead sputtered as she entered the cabin. "You know!"
You could only scoff and shake your head at that. "Sure. What are you carrying---I thought red was my color."
"It is."
"So what is that?"
Lucy extended the stupid, childish Santa Claus themed hat towards you with open hands. "I thought it'd be funny. I would put it on you myself, but, uh..."
You stared at her in sheer, morbid amusement---the kind of expression that smiled yet still said "holy shit you are genuinely dumb." Despite your unbridled, sardonic judgement, you almost felt a little guilty, seeing the expression of chagrin plastered on her face.
"No, no...Come on! Put away the fuckin' puppy face---god DAMN-NIT!"
In spite of your discouragement, she didn't quit. Her eyes only seemed to triple in size, and it looked like she was about to cry.
Swallowing your pride, you snagged the accessory from her hands and firmly planted it on your head. You could confidently predict you looked absolutely ridiculous in a Santa themed cap with a white rim and stupidly large ball of cotton, but...you could at least make an effort to entertain her antics.
She instantly began to childishly giggle and broke out into laughter once you put it on, and lunged at you for a hug. You stiffened---your muscles became insufferably taut---and it took longer than it should've for you to adjust to the touch. Your arms hung uselessly---awkwardly---in the air.
"You look so stupid, and I'm there for it." She gasped between incessant laughter.
"Fuck you."
"Save the crap for another day, Andy."
...
Maybe she was right. It could be better that way.
Why was your foster sister always right?
Contradicting your own behavior, she seemed so certain---so sure---that she wanted to hug you. Her grasp was firm and tight; were you not any larger she would've cut off your respiratory system.
It was almost...endearing. As much as you hated to think that way.
She changed. For better or worse---you didn't deserve to dictate---but... Something shifted.
You hadn't seen Lucy in what felt like years. Her blonde curls were too long for your comfort, and her smile seemed to leave stronger grooves in her otherwise round, smoothened face. Her skin was more tan, and she looked...so much healthier.
Happier.
You were glad she could take care of herself, that she didn't need you. She never really did, but...
You wouldn't finish that thought. Not now.
"I'm so happy I get to see you again." She laughed through joyful tears, squeezing you just that much tighter before letting go. "With everything going on, I doubt I would've gotten to regardless if I requested to see you if I talked to your manager or not."
"It was, um..." You swallowed, pressing a thumb into your right palm. "...thoughtful."
"Come on! You still haven't grown out of Alexithymia?"
"You still haven't grown out of Alexithymia?" You spat back, and you pitched your voice up for good measure. "Screw you, dude; no---whatever---I'm sorry I struggle with social interaction and acknowledging my emotions."
She didn't seem to have a good reply thought out---because she only stared at you with an uncertain look of pity.
"Right, okay," Lucy nodded, and turned her gaze from you to the satchel slung across her torso. "Well, either-way, it's fine. I packed you winter gloves and a few packets of hot chocolate if you want them...?"
The implication trailed from her lips and seemed to stick and dribble down her chin with hesitance---uncertainty---whatever you made her feel that was just not quite right. Chagrin, maybe?
"...y'know what?" You muttered under your breath with a sigh, and uncomfortably fidgeted with your left hand. "Sure. I---um---don't see why not."
With a smile that could only belong to a mother, Lucy extended the gloves to you---thicker than your own casual ones, red, lined with white---and rummaged through the bag that clung to her hip. You hesitantly slipped them onto your hands, and, surprisingly, they felt like a perfect fit. You flexed your fingers in an attempt to move the sewn fabric to no avail. The cloth didn't irritate the wraps of your left hand.
Huh.
You were bothered by the silence that came next; the ambiguous, volatile whispers of the quiet freaked you out. They drove you to be too sane---even if you always were---and to doubt your reality as you perceived it. It haunted you, manipulated your every flexible joint, as though you were a marionette. You felt like a lance had been driven through the center of your skull.
And obviously you couldn't handle that.
"You're...uh...." You stumbled, sputtering words in an attempt to begin a conversation. "You're a mother and a---um---a barista, right? What's that like?"
"Well, no, I'm a waitress, but---yes. I have two kids: Sirius and Nailo. One boy, one girl. They look almost the exact same of the other, it's a little unnerving. Nailo is a few years older than his sister though---he's six. Ycul is watching them for a little while today."
"Oh, right, Sue, your babysitter," You trailed off and quickly lost the reins of your train of thought. "What's she like?"
"She can be a bit of a trouble, really," Lucy nervously chuckled, going through the motion of continuously stirring a cup. "She's maybe half of my age---seventeen. She told me she was a high-school drop-out. Apparently she struggles a lot with education and her health, but she's a bright kid. She's...um....I'm unsure. A unique person? She's got potential." She seemed unsure whether or not to add her next comment, yet she did regardless. "Ycul's at least nice enough to not smoke around my kids; I think she has a nicotine problem, but I feel like it's too rude to just directly ask."
That made two. You...really needed to go back to school.
"Hope she overcomes that," You muttered, even if you wouldn't get a reply. "Shit's tough, apparently."
"It's said to be. A lot of my patrons have been forced out of the place because they smuggled in some dumb nicotine product even though they wouldn't be able to smoke it. It's honestly so weird---why would you ever even..."
Sounds, noises, voices, they all faded in and out of your skull as your eyes seemed to gradually close. You shook yourself awake, yet your ears still deafened; it felt like you were underwater. Your vision---in your good eye---blurred. You forgot where you were. Everything ceased to be.
"But, anyways, that's enough about me." Lucy finished with a smile, and she slid two mugs onto your coffee table. "How's it been for you?"
"Nothing really happens, honestly," You muttered, chagrin poisoning your mouth. "Well, I still work at the pizza place; I hope to maybe go back to school so I can do something better. I wasn't really good in anything other than English---so, I, um...I'm unsure."
"Are you still dating Aurum?"
You felt a faint pull tug at your lips at the mention of her, and your face felt just a little warmer than before. "Yeah. I don't get to see her more than I did before, but we call a lot. She likes talking about meteorology and astrology most of the time, or, I don't know---gossiping about one of her coworkers. We sometimes play digital games. I find it sweet, even if I hardly listen. We go back and forth; sometimes I talk about my literary work. She seems so immersed in the world of books but never seems to have the time for it." You bitterly sighed, clicking your tongue. "We've been dating for a while now. Maybe---what---almost five years? The next time I visit her I...um...plan to---don't look at me like that, you shitbag---um...propose to her."
Lucy jumped up and squealed like a child. "Oh my god, this is amazing! You have been prolonging this for so long, and..."
You didn't really bother to listen after that. You just assumed that she was giving you shit for not just taking your shot, but... Slowness, even when painful, is usually so much more rewarding.
Picking up the full, cooled mug of hot chocolate and bringing it to your lips, the thoughts trapped inside of the back of your skull seemed to cease. The atmosphere was euphoric and easy enough, you were sure you could let your guard down. If not just for a little while.
Well of course until Lucy shrieked as the door to your cabin burst open.
"EEK!"
She fell backward out of her chair, and landed hard on the ground with a sickening crack of bone. Regardless, even if she froze in place in sheer astonishment, she didn't really express any pain.
"Boo, BITCH!"
Another friend of yours---Laila---happened to comically have kicked your door off its hinges in her dramatic entrance. She seemed to look a little worse than the mental image you held of what you remembered of her, but it was rude to assume anything. A large grin flashed on her face, and a scar that curved upward from her lip seemed to painfully stretch.
"What the fuck did my door do to you?!" You yelped, instantly dropping the cup and storming to what remained of your door. "I don't want to repair that shit for three hundred fuckin' dollars!"
"I can pay for it; I just thought it'd be funny to do." Laila casually commented, as if she did not just break the damn thing. "Hi. What's up."
With a scoff, you stepped away as she fully entered the cabin. In a hasty (additionally futile) attempt of some kind of repair, you just kind of leaned the unhinged door against the frame.
"What's going on in here? Ooh! Hot chocolate!" Laila perked up and leaned over the coffee table. "By the way---sorry about that, Lucy. I didn't exactly intend for you to come close to paralyzing yourself."
"It's...fine." Lucy muttered as she stood, and while in the process of doing so, set the chair upright again. She held a hand up to her right temple. "I can walk it off."
"Sweet!"
You did not expect your house to get intruded today, but...that was another thing off of your stupid encounters bucket list. After briefly dodging indulging in a conversation with your friends, you hauled another log of firewood into the fireplace. You know what---another one for good measure.
Even if you felt socially drained today---despite this being a frequent occurrence---you couldn't help but feel bad for leaving yourself out. Your friends did genuinely care about you, so...
Why couldn't you care about them?
Maybe it was your own issues that made it feel as though there was a glass wall between you and everyone you've interacted with in your life. Or maybe it wasn't. But...the wall was glass. You could surely break it, right?
You silently watched, anticipating dialogue or gestures, as both Laila and Lucy engaged in conversation. They still had the aura that made them feel like them---even after several years and even more stupid verbal arguments. They still poked fun at each-other, and still sometimes disagreed with each-other's moral opinions or life choices. They gossiped---they... They were human.
A heavy current of sonder washed over you, a hurricane in your mind; these were genuinely real people with real lives who were born and were soon to die. These were real, authentic people who had dreams and goals and great achievements or milestones in their life. They were so alien to you, yet so familiar. Despite everything, you guys hadn't split yet. Sure, maybe Laila could be avoidant or Lucy could be dense, but, that just kind of proved they were human. They were different from each-other---and they were different from you.
Human.
And so were you. Both of them helped you feel more and more that way.
Despite everything, they were still there. Even if you struggled to be. They were still supportive, and they had given you what you lacked. Times change and everyone is swept up in the breeze...yet it felt like all three of you had never really changed at all.
Despite everything, it's still you.
Clearing your throat and swallowing your pride like a sour pill, you approached both of the girls again.
Laila seemed to be defending her bad dental hygiene from what was Lucy's exaggerated vitriol.
"I know damn well you're not complaining about me having bad breath when your babysitter smokes!"
"How is that even relevant to our conversation?!"
"Because nicotine stains your breath this awful fucking stench; it's genuinely putrid. You are not saying I have worse breath than a smoker---be serious here!"
"It was just a comment about how horrible scents make me sick, you degenerate!"
"Wah, wah, wah, I don't know what to tell you."
"Shut the fuck up."
Both of them silenced at your prompt, one awkwardly stared like she was embarrassed she didn't see you and the other wore a smug smirk regardless of the fact she was being pulled out of any reason to be smug.
Okay, now: how did you display that you genuinely were thankful for the strenuous effort people go through to assist you and still do it even after several years? Was that a dialogue thing, or was it some cliche love letter exchange? You didn't fucking know.
So you just decided to cram both of them into a hug that instantly killed the entirety of your ego and self confidence. Playing with the bit, you impulsively decided to close your eyes. Lucy had hugged you back, and Laila stiffened. It was only after a few long, strained seconds of hesitance that she placed one of her arms around your back.
And with that, you instantly let go because holy fuck that was actually embarrassing what were you doing oh my g
"That made me feel strangely warm."
Your gaze snapped directly onto Lucy with that oddly weird comment, and Laila snickered, regardless of being so tense before.
"Speaking of warm, do you think you have any of that hot chocolate you could spare?"
Lucy had to consider her answer for a few seconds before ultimately remembering-- "Oh! Yeah; I brought three packets!"
With a tired smile, you nudged Lucy in the side with your elbow and ended up loudly gossiping about her with Laila directly in her face as she prepared the drink for her. And suddenly---like your world was flipped entirely upside down---Christmas seemed to get just a little bit better.