Chapter Text
Karen came to see him a week after he told her the truth about being Daredevil.
It was New Year’s Eve, and Matt was trying to be open with her from now on. That had been the promise he made to himself the moment he showed her the mask. She had announced her visit on short notice, catching him off guard. He hadn’t made any plans for the night. He never had any for New Year's Eve. The police were way more present during that particular night. If he’d known, he would have prepared something. Maybe bought her favorite food or a bottle of wine. Something that showed he’d been thinking about her.
Still, he would take whatever chance he got to explain to Karen more clearly. The fact that she was here at all meant a lot to him. Her reaction hadn’t been to go to the police, to get him arrested, and Foggy disbarred. For the past week, he had been on edge, sleeping badly because he thought the police could break down his door at any moment to arrest him.
But Karen kept his secret.
He had told Foggy that he’d shown her the mask. Foggy had applauded him for his bravery, tried to assure him that she wouldn’t turn him in. But Matt could hear the doubt in his voice and heart.
The thought of police storming his apartment made it even clearer that he shouldn’t keep being Daredevil forever. He wanted to be a lawyer even if that meant working alone now. Even if that meant letting go of the part of himself that felt most free. He needed to make that clear to Karen.
He took her hand and placed it over his heart. His hand over hers.
"I don't need Daredevil to be a part of me anymore," he said confidently.
He desperately tried to convince himself he didn’t need that part, but his heartbeat betrayed him. It didn’t sound convincing at all. Daredevil meant freedom to him, something Karen couldn’t understand. She couldn’t feel the truth in his chest, and for once, he was grateful for that.
"I don't think Daredevil is the problem, Matt," Karen replied softly. "You and Daredevil are the same person."
Karen pulled her hand back, but his remained on his heart a moment longer. Her words hurt more than he wanted to admit. He had lied to her for so long. The only thing he could offer her was honesty.
Matt lowered his head. "I know,” he said sheepishly. " I'm here, Karen. Ask me anything you want. I mean it."
Karen threw her head back and took a deep breath, considering it. She crossed the room, pulled off her coat, and sat down on the couch.
“Okay, I see you are trying,” she admitted. “And yes, I do have a lot of questions.”
First, Matt took his time to close and lock the closet door again. He listened. The lights were still off, Karen hadn’t turned them on when she came in.
“Ask away,” he said. “But first, shouldn't I turn on the lights?”
Karen shook her head. “Billboard light is fine. But I could use another drink for this.”
Matt nodded, took her empty glass, and refilled it. He poured himself a glass of water instead. He needed to be sober for this conversation.
«How could you tell the lights were off?” she asked. It sounded genuinely like curiosity, no anger behind it.
“I can hear it buzzing, just like the billboard outside,” he explained. “And when you stepped inside, you headed straight to the window. I didn’t hear the light switch being turned on.”
Karen nodded. "Makes sense if you say it like that."
Matt handed her the glass and sat down in the armchair opposite her. Her heartbeat was slightly elevated. Whatever was on her mind, it had to be important to her.
“During the Castle trial, I came here,” she began slowly, “There was a woman in your bed. And an old man, someone who appeared to be blind. But now I’m not so sure. Who were they?”
The reminder of Elektra stung, but it made sense that Karen wanted answers. He hadn’t had time to explain back then when Karen spotted her in his bed. Any excuse he could have offered would have been terrible.
“The woman was Elektra Natchios,” Matt began. “She was in my bed because she was critically wounded. There was nothing between us.” He hesitated. “Well… not at the time.”
Karen leaned forward. "What do you mean?"
Matt fought very hard to suppress the tears from forming, trying not to think of Elektra dying in his arms.
"She was my college girlfriend,” he said quietly. “But she died a few days ago in my arms. We fought the hand together. The same night you were taken hostage. He took a deep breath. “It's complicated."
Karen’s heart reacted instantly.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Karen replied, and he could hear that she meant it. “You clearly cared about her. If there’s a grave, I’d go with you.”
Matt couldn’t find the words to express his emotions, so he just nodded. Karen was being far kinder than he felt he deserved. After everything that had happened between them.
“Why did she come back?” Karen asked.
Matt sighed. "It's complicated."
“Try me,” she said, folding her arms. “We’ve got time.”
She was right. If he was going to do this, he had to do it properly. But being open wasn’t coming easily to him.
"Okay, for that, I have to start much earlier. The old man you saw is called Stick," Matt replied. "He's blind like me. Well, almost like me. He can’t hear heartbeats, and I don’t know how enhanced his other senses are.”
"Stick…His eyes aren't like yours," Karen said. "They are…milky."
He never knew that. In another moment, he might have asked what he looked like. Maybe he will get a chance in the future.
“Good to know,” he said instead. “Unlike me, he was born blind. Anyway, he found me at the orphanage –”
“Orphanage?” Karen interrupted, confused.
Matt winced. They had spent so much time together, yet his childhood had never come up. Then again, Karen never shared anything from her childhood either. There was so much he could tell her. It would take forever
Matt frowned. "Yeah. I grew up in a catholic orphanage after my dad died,” he clarified. “I never knew my mother. I was nine at the time. I thought you knew."
Karen’s mouth fell open, and her breathing hitched.
"I'm sorry," Karen said quietly. “I feel like I should have known that. But… you’ve got a good friend in Foggy. He doesn’t spill your secrets.”
Good point, Matt was not nearly as supportive. No wonder Foggy left the firm.
Matt shook his head firmly. "Don't feel bad for me, Karen,” Matt said firmly. “It’s not something you could’ve changed. And it’s not your fault.”
Karen nodded. "I nodded...which you already know."
"Yeah, I can tell, but I have to focus,” Matt admitted. “Focus on letting everything in. That's where Stick comes in. After the accident that blinded me, at first, I could handle it. It was loud, but my dad kept me grounded. But after he died, it became too much. I would just lie in bed at the orphanage, covering my ears."
Matt took a deep breath, steadying himself. "I couldn't handle all the input. And then Stick showed up when I thought I had no one. I don’t know how he found me, but I’m glad he did.”
"How did he help?" Karen asked, curious.
This time, Matt chose his words more carefully than he had with Foggy. His mind was clearer now, in much better shape, not half dead like last time after his fight with Nobu.
“He told me that my blindness wasn't a disability. He taught me how to sort and filter what I was perceiving. Stick explained it. Scents, heartbeats, body temperature. Like when someone’s body temperature was high, I thought they were sick, but I didn't consider the whole picture, the scent, the heart. Not sick, but in love."
Karen hummed in response. "Fascinating!" Karen mumbled. "And kind of invasive."
Neither Karen nor Foggy understood. He remembers what it was like to see. Sight provided a lot of input that was now lost on him.
"I can't change what I perceive," Matt argued. “You look at people and draw conclusions from what you can see. No one asks you to stop.”
Karen scoffed and tipped her head back, staring at the ceiling. “You really do argue for a living.”
Matt chuckled. "Stick trained me how to fight. He said it was for some war. I was ten at the time and didn't question it. He made sure I understood that mind and body were connected. But he was there for me, when no one else was. He helped me deal with my heightened senses."
"I guess…with sticks?" Karen deadpanned.
“Correct,” Matt said. “And how to get out of holds. Out of chains. Things like that.”
“Did he train you for many years?" Karen asked.
For the first time, Matt turned his face fully toward her. “No. Only a couple of months. But what he taught me stayed with me.”
Karen was quiet for a moment, taking a sip of her drink.
“Why did he stop?” she asked at last. “You don’t portray him as the kind of guy who would just… walk away from an unfinished training.”
Karen had a talent for finding the gaps in a story. It was part of what made her so good at what she did, and so difficult to lie to
“You’re right,” Matt said. “He wanted to train me more. Teach me how to fight with knives. But I grew too attached to him. He bought me an ice cream on the first day we met. I made him a bracelet out of the wrapper. Then he left. He told me I wanted a father -"
He couldn't speak further. He never discussed it with anyone. Tears rolled down his face.
Karen quickly got up, wrapping her arms around him. "I feel terrible that you had to go through all of this. But why was he here with you now?"
Matt sniffed and took a deep breath. "Turns out he trained Elektra, too. Sent her to spy on me.” He huffed. “I told you it's complicated."
“Clearly,” she murmured.
Matt sighed. “She overheard us talking about the medical examiner during the Castle trial,” Matt continued. “She was the one who beat him up. I swear, I never told her anything.”
"Thanks for telling me,” Karen responded. “I want to be angry with you for lying to me for so long. But you make it difficult,” she admitted. “I guess that’s why Foggy left you in the bathroom. He found out about Elektra.”
Matt nodded. “She was the secret client. That big payment was from her. And when I left you two at the hospital, I went with her.”
Karen huffed. "To go where?"
"Some gala," he admitted. "She needed me to break into a safe, so she could steal a ledger about criminal activities in New York. We -"
Karen shook her head. "Stop, please, you don't have to explain everything."
She stood up and headed to the kitchen. She filled her glass with water before she spoke again.
“Okay. Let’s not linger on those instances. That’s for another day,” she insisted. “Tell me, what was Elektra like?”
The question caught him off guard. “You really want to know?”
She nodded and came back to the couch. “Yeah. She mattered to you a lot. And now she’s gone. You’re grieving her. So… tell me.”
Matt smiled. “She always knew how to make herself noticeable, well, attractive to me. I don’t even know how she did it. I felt more alive and free with her than with anyone else. I loved her, and she loved me for the same reasons. We both love to...fight...the thrill of it. I never had to explain to her."
“How did you two meet? During classes?”
Matt shook his head. “Foggy and I tried to sneak into fancy faculty parties during college to eat the fancy food and drink some of their expensive champagne. We really didn’t belong there. We were often kicked out. People were talking about their businesses and yachts. I was searching for alcohol when I noticed Elektra.”
“By her fancy perfume?” Karen guessed
Matt raised his eyebrows. “Not just that,” Matt replied. “She wore ring bracelets that she kept playing with. She made this sound with her glass, when you’re running your finger along the rim of a glass. Her breathing. The way her clothes sounded and moved against her skin.”
“Sound of the clothes?” Karen asked.
Matt nodded. “Yeah, so soft and smooth. That’s not a Matt Murdock thing, it’s a blind thing, I swear.”
Karen exhaled. “Okay, I’ll take your word for it. So, she made herself visible to you. What happened next? Did you bump into her on purpose to get her attention?
Matt laughed. “I could have, but no. I got caught by security and was asked to leave.”
Karen chuckled. “Oh, no!”
“But then Elektra stopped him,” Matt continued. “She told the guy, I’m with her. We talked for a bit. I must’ve impressed her, because then we left.”
“You left Foggy behind?” Karen asked
Matt nodded. “Yeah. He didn’t like that at all.”
Foggy went looking for him and got caught, too. Unlike Matt, he wasn’t rescued.
“So what were you two up to?” Karen asked. “If you don’t mind sharing.”
Matt huffed. “As a law student, I should have recognized the signs. But I guess her charm blinded me. She led me to this expensive convertible, which she drove me around the city. She’d stolen the keys at the party, and I could tell she was going way over the speed limit.”
“I’m guessing that was not the only time.”
Matt shook his head. “No. We did a lot of breaking and entering. She stole constantly, I could tell, but I never said anything. It was thrilling. I loved the edge. I made sure we were never spotted. She had her own penthouse. Coming from an orphanage… I was impressed.” His voice softened. “I was in love for the first time. She kept dragging me away from classes. I stopped studying. My grades dropped. I nearly failed my classes because of her. And because she was connected to Stick, she already knew about my senses.”
Karen was the first he shared his senses with out of his free will.
“You didn't have to hide with her. Could just be and be...rebellious," she noted. "Did she…challenge you to reveal them?”
Matt appreciated Karen in that moment. Instead of being judgmental, she just listened and asked questions.
“You’re good.” Matt raised his eyebrows. “That’s exactly what she did.”
Karen nodded. “Fits her style from what you told me. What did she do?”
Matt smirked. “Any guesses?”
Karen was quiet, studying him. “Throw something at you? No, you would not have caught it. It has to be bigger. Maybe you heard something you weren’t supposed to…” She shook her head. “I clearly have no clue.”
Matt shook his head. “Then I need to back up even more. Hang on. I showed her Fogwell’s –«
Karen burst out laughing. “You showed the rich kid, the run-down Fogwells?”
“It’s still important to me,” Matt clarified. “Anyway, we talked. I told her about my dad being a boxer. About watching his matches. About how I wasn’t always blind…And about the man who killed him.”
Karen shifted, her heartbeat quickening. She covered her eyes. “Your father was killed, and you knew who it was? How?”
Matt lowered his head. “I didn’t know if he pulled the trigger or just gave the order back then,” he admitted. “When I was nine, I used to learn to read Braille at Fogwell’s. I overheard him talking to my dad. They offered him a big fight, huge prize money. But to make it work, my dad had to go down in the fifth. A lot of matches were fixed back then.”
“Your dad agreed?” Karen asked carefully.
Matt shook his head. “At first, he declined. This was only a couple of months after I lost my sight. He thought he had to be there for me. Then they started threatening him. And he said yes.”
Karen breathed in deeply. “Something tells me you weren’t supposed to hear all that.”
“I was eavesdropping,” Matt admitted. “So, a few weeks later, we got a package at home. His walk-in robe for the match. I encouraged him to win, told him Murdock’s always get back up. He went quiet and listened to me.”
He imagined countless times what could have been if he hadn’t said that. Would he still be here? But that was not what he had to share with Karen.
“Do you still have the robe?” Karen asked.
Matt smiled brightly. “Yes. I left it with my Daredevil gear for a reminder. My Dad never wanted me to fight. But I didn’t want it to get dirty; therefore, I moved it.
Matt got up and headed into the bedroom to get it.
When he returned, he carefully laid it on the coffee table, with the lettering facing up. He took a moment to trace the letters.
Karen placed her hands over his. “It’s beautiful,” she replied softly. “But how does this connect to Elektra?”
Matt grinned. “I thought you wanted to know how she challenged me? We are trailing off.”
Karen nodded. “True. Tell me.”
Matt took a deep breath, bracing himself.
“Elektra stepped into the ring and then mentioned how she noticed how I moved around the past weeks. I was maybe a bit more careless around her, but not in a way that would have tipped her off. I was more open with her than with everyone else in my life at that point, though. So I followed her in. As soon as I stepped into the ring, she spun and kicked at me. I ducked instinctively. Then we fought.”
Karen nodded. “Yep, bigger than throwing something at you.”
"After that, we sparred a few more times. For the first and last time, I had a sparring partner. As I said, I felt more alive with her," Matt admitted. "Most of the time it lead to... other things."
Karen huffed. "I appreciate you being open, Matt, but I don't have to know everything."
Matt raised his eyebrows. “Here is where it gets ugly,” Matt continued.
“The breakup,” Karen assumed. “Can’t be nice with Elektra.”
Matt sniffed. Talking about this was hard. It still haunted him. “At Fogwell’s, I told her about my Dad’s killer, Roscoe Sweeney,” he recounted, “One day, she drove me around again. She went farther than usual. Somewhere upstate in a suburb with a lot of mansions. We were breaking and entering again. I was only momentarily hesitant, asking if the owner was home. She told me he was on vacation.”
“Let me guess, they weren’t.”
“He wasn’t home,” Matt said. “But he was about to be.”
Karen winced.
“So we drank their expensive champagne,” Matt went on.
“Wait,” Karen interrupted, holding up a hand. “You just told me you can hear heartbeats. You can tell when someone’s lying. You didn’t hear her lie?”
Matt went quiet; that was so true. He never considered it. “I trusted her, so I didn’t need to listen to it. And besides, I’m not always focusing on it.”
“Okay, good to know. Go on.”
“We had our fun, destroying glasses and stuff. Then I heard the owner arrive in another part of the house. She told me she would handle it. I let her go, but then she attacked him in a chokehold.”
“Him?” Karen asked. “Who?”
“Roscoe Sweeney,” Matt explained quietly. “He owned the house.”
Karen sucked in a sharp breath. “She found him. Oh, Matt.”
“She tied him to a chair.”
Karen dragged a hand through her hair.
“I confronted him,” Matt continued. “Told him he killed my dad. You know what he said?”
Karen shook her head. She was tense, and her heartbeat racing. She feared the answer.
“I killed a lot of boys’ Dads,” Matt recounted. “I heard the truth in that statement. He was the one.
“Oh, no,” Karen whispered, covering her eyes.
Matt breathed in deeply. He wished he had his glasses, because he could feel tears in his eyes again. “I never told that to anyone, alright,” Matt admitted quietly. “Elektra said my name, and then he caught on, figured out who I was. Taunted me, he would do it all over again, without any hesitation.”
“What did you do?” Karen asked quietly, voice strained. “Please don’t tell me you killed him.
Matt’s eyes went big. “I would never do that, Karen, “he said fiercely. “I beat him up,” Matt admitted. “This was the first guy I ever beat up in a…Daredevil style. I mean, I got into fights with the boys at the orphanage…”
Karen exhaled when the realization hit her. But her guess, that he could have killed, came remarkably fast, even though he told her before that he wasn’t a killer.
“I get it,” Karen pressed. “What then?”
Matt let out a shaky breath.
“Sweeney was unconscious. Elektra pressed a knife into my hands…telling me to slit his throat. I had a chance at revenge."
He breathed in deeply to control his breath, but the tears still came.
The sentence hung in the air. Karen got up and came crouching next to his seat, taking his hand in hers and tracing his hand with her thumb. “But you didn’t,” she said softly.
Matt shook his head and lowered his head. “Elektra and Stick tempted me, but I stayed strong. I refused, and she left. I called the police from the house,” he continued. “Now it’s your time to judge me. For following her in all the crimes.”
Karen lifted his chin and took both of his hands. “I won’t say any of that. She seduced and manipulated you. This was clearly a test by that Stick guy.”
Matt nodded.
“As we say, love is blind. And you, Matt, showed true character that day. I don’t know if I could’ve done the same… if my father’s killer was right in front of me.”
Her heartbeat told him she meant it. He was surprised by her statement.
“How did you get home?” she asked.
“I walked for a while in the direction we came from, hoping I would find a payphone to call a cab,” Matt explained. “That was before I had a phone. But a payphone wouldn’t have helped anyway. I didn’t know where I was. Eventually, I found a bus stop and asked for directions.”
Karen nodded. “So the two of you mostly did illegal things?”
“Mostly. And a lot of sex. In my recklessness, there were a few things I wanted to do,” Matt admitted. “Things she wouldn’t let me do, even though I suggested them more than once.”
“What exactly?”
Matt considered his next words. “After that day at Fogwell’s, I stopped pretending around her. I wanted to stop using the cane altogether. But she told me to keep it. I also suggested I should try to drive a car, she always told me later. I think if I went through with killing Sweeney, she would have let me.”
“Could you?” Karen asked quietly.
Matt shrugged. “Never tried. Probably to an extent.”
Karen sat back down on the couch. “So you made it back to the dorm. How did Foggy react?”
Matt winced. “Didn’t tell him at first. But he noticed I came back for classes. Never told him any specifics, just that it didn’t work out.”
Karen nodded. “He probably knew more than he let on, but didn’t push you.”
“Probably,” Matt agreed. “I had to work hard not to get kicked out of Columbia. But I managed.”
Out of the blue, Karen let out a laugh. Matt frowned, but waited for Karen to explain.
“Speaking of college,” Karen continued, “Foggy once told me a story about moving all your furniture across the hall. Do you want to tell your side?”
Matt felt relieved that Karen decided to move on and chose a lighter topic. He felt himself relax.