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“I’m sorry, Rafayel. But I must do this” That was your last words you said to him one night, kissing him on the forehead one last time before disappearing into the night. He had not stopped you, finding it’ll be a useless attempt to stop you for doing something you are so determined about. You are a stubborn one, just like him but more. Maybe that’s why he let you go that night.
That happened 7 years ago, 7 years of your disappearance, 7 years of loneliness to add to his 800 years of loneliness. It shouldn’t hurt, he waited for her longer than this, but his heart won’t let him be at peace without its other half.
A day feels like a year. Days blurred all together. Everyday feels like the same day on repeat. Though he keeps himself busy with painting, taking in more work than he usually takes, which made Thomas worried with the amount of work he was doing, the days blurred. He only remembers bits of things; Thomas’s concerned face, aunt Talia’s sad gaze, the sea, blood, his messy room. The past will repeat itself yet again.
Rafayel tried looking for you like he did before, you were not hard to find. But every attempt was met by dead ends. No one knows where you are, not even that stupid lizard. It was as if you were gone from the face of Earth.
He knows you are not dead. You are a capable fighter and a very strong woman. With your memories restored, he doubts there’s anyone who could match your skills now. But that didn’t stop his brain from imagining the worst scenarios. Sometimes those scenarios felt so real he couldn’t fall asleep for days, drinking a few bottles to help numb the feelings and maybe fall to sleep if he was lucky.
As years go by, Rafayel still waits for you to surprise him in front of his door, tackling him to the ground in a crushing hug, and smiling at him with the most beautiful smile. You would then drag him to his kitchen where all his favorite meals are prepared and cooked by you and you’ll force him to tell you about his day. After the meal, you would refuse to let him go and cuddle him until both of you fall asleep listening to each other’s heart beats. He misses you so badly, he misses his days filled by you. He hopes you will return and stay by his side soon, wherever you are.
One night, his prayers have finally been answered.
Rafayel was asleep at first, having passed himself out by drinking. Then his heart pulse, once, twice. And he was up and walking faster than he could register. His legs take him downstairs, steps hurried and desperate going down the stairs. His eyes searched in the darkness for his other half, before his eyes found their target. His steps stop just a few distance, his eyes wide and hopeful as he looks at the person in front of him.
You look different than before, that is to be expected since people change all the time. You look skinnier for comfort. He can almost see your bones. Your skin is paler than it already is. Your eyes are dimmer, gone was there cheerful glow you always have around him. Your hair has grown, now tied to a high ponytail that covers your back. You’re wearing a dark clock, and on your back is a blade he has never seen before. Your smell is also different. There’s a faint scent of blood and salt. You must have hunted some prey on the way here.
You stood before him, hood fallen from your head as you looked at him. He looks like a mess. His eyes are red, his body is skinnier, there’s dark circles under his beautiful eyes, his skin’s paler, his hair’s messy, his smell reeks of alcohol, and you can faintly see red lines on his arms. Did he-
“Cutie…” his voice draws your eyes back to his eyes. Those blue-pink sunset eyes stare at you with so much emotions you miss so much. His voice, though a little raspy, still has the smoothing effect it has on you. You will never get tired of hearing his voice.
“It’s you, right, Cutie?” he takes a step closer, one hand trembling to reach for you as a smile slowly blooms on his lips and light returns to his eyes with hope. “Cutie” he called you again, getting closer to you by the minute.
You let yourself still as warm, familiar arms pulled you into an embrace. His body pressed against yours, his arms warped around your waist, and his head leaned on your shoulder. You can feel his shaky breath near your ear as he holds you close, body slightly trembling and shaking. He feels so warm. You miss his warmth.
You don’t yourself hug him back. No matter how much your soul aches to hold him, you don’t give in. You can’t, not with your tainted hands.
Rafayel pulls you a little to take a better look at your face. One hand goes up to your face, his thumb brushing over a dried blood on your cheek. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? Where have you been all this time?”
You look at his eyes and sigh. Lying to him is pointless, but being honest right now is something you can’t do. The words won’t come out, always stuck in your throat. Being honest to him wasn’t a problem before, you used to pour all your emotions and feelings to him everyday, but right now, honesty doesn’t come easily to you.
Hearing no answer from you, the artist leans in and gives a soft kiss on the top of your head. “You don’t have to answer right now” he patted the spot he kissed. “What matters right now is that you’re here”
No, it matters. You can’t just disappear on him for 7 years and return to him then let things go back to normal again as if everything you did in the past years didn’t happen. He needs to know, he has the right to know. What will happen after he knows…you can deal with that later.
You step back from his hold, your soul already aching his touch. You look at his concerned eyes at your step back, his hands ready to hold you as they hover close to you. You close your eyes to steady yourself for what you are about to say. This will hurt, but this is necessary.
“Rafayel” you begin and open your eyes, keeping your eyes on his expression. “I’m not the same person you knew” you said, keeping your voice as steady as possible. “I am not your bright and gentle bride” you said again, hands clenching on your side. “I am not the bride you knew before” you lower your head a bit, not wanting to let him see your trembling lips. You look up to him through your bangs, seeing his confused yet still concerned face. “Would you still fall in love with me again if you knew all I’ve done? The things I can not change” you straighten up and place a hand above your heart where your bond pulse faintly. “I am not the bride you knew. I know that you’ve been waiting for love”
Rafayel’s face is conflicted. He is confused and curious at your sudden confession. What kind of things that you did to make you say the person in front of him is not his bride that he knows inside out. He knows his sight has been switching on and off for the past years because of his own neglect of his health but he’s very certain that the person in front of him is his bride. If he can’t see you, then he can feel you.
“What kind of things did you do?”
You turn your back on him, arranging your next words carefully. He might hate you after he hears you. “Left a trail of blood in every land, as I traded friends as items I could use” memories of thousands of people screaming help flashes in your head. “Hurt more lives that can count on my hands” you take a deep breath and turn back at him again. “But all of that was to bring me back to you” you take a step forward, hand fisted on the clock above your heart. “ So tell me, would you fall in love with me again if you knew all I’ve done? The things I can’t undo. I am not the bride you knew. I know that you’ve been waiting, waiting for love”
It’s done, you confessed your deeds. He will surely hate you now. You know you can’t lie to him about anything. It is in your heart that you can not say a single lie to him. Even if you did lie, he would instantly know. So telling him the truth now is for the best. This way, he will know the true color of you and will not just blindly love you because of your bond with him.
“I don’t care”
“Huh?”
You blink at him, disbelief of his answer to your confession. You know he’s also tainted by blood in his hands–heck he’s even an active assassin. But unlike you, he killed for a reason and for justice to his people. While you, on the other hand, kill many innocents for your own survival and selfish desire for power. You used their soul to get the power you needed to get your revenge, and ended up annihilating an entire city because of it. So, his tainted hands are cleaner than yours in a way. He shouldn’t be together with you-
“Cutie”
You open your eyes you don’t remember closing and are instantly greeted by blue-pink sunset eyes just a few inches from you. He has grabbed both of your wrists with his hands, preventing you from moving away from him. His gaze pin you in place, staring deep into your soul.
“I will fall in love with you, over and over again. I don’t care how, where, or when. No matter how long it’s been, you're mine!”
“Rafayel-”
“Don’t tell me you’re not the same person. You’re always my bride and I’ve been waiting,”
“ Rafa-”
“Waiting,” his voice
“But-”
“Waiting,” his hands
“Rafayel”
“Waiting,” his warmth
“Waiting,” his pain
“Waiting,” his longing
“Waiting,” his sadness
“Waiting,” his love
“For you” himself
You can’t take it anymore. With one hard pull, you crash your lips against his, pouring all your feelings and emotions into the kiss. You kiss like a thirsty woman, trying to get every last drop of him until there’s nothing left. Because you miss him, you miss him so much that you feel like you can’t continue living without him. It’s selfish, you know it’s selfish, but you don’t want anything else other than him and only him, revenge be damned. As long as he’s by your side, your life will be enough.