Chapter Text
Soft light was falling through the window onto the Remus' face when he was tried to hide it in Sirius' shoulder, just to escape the early sunrise. Sirius only muttered something unintelligible in return.
Snow was falling slowly outside the window, the weather was windless and sunny, just like the perfect picture of the best winter day you could imagine. At this hour Hogwarts was so quiet. Almost all the students had left the castle for the Christmas holidays, leaving all the corridors empty. It was only one day until Christmas, and the Great Hall and house rooms were full of decorations in anticipation of the celebration for those who had decided to stay.
Peter and James had left them alone to celebrate with their families, even though James had tried to convince Sirius and Remus so many times to join him and his lovely parents, who would have been really happy to host the boys at their place for the holidays, as in all those years before. But both Remus and Sirius wanted those calm days just for themselves, when the Gryffindor living room was so free and they could just fall asleep cuddling each other while Remus' book had already fallen somewhere on the floor. It's not that they couldn't do that with the other Marauders here, but sometimes it had already started to look weird that they spent so much time with each other. James had wanted to ask Sirius about it a few times, but every time Sirius just started to play dumb and James never brought that topic up again, waiting until Sirius would open up that part of his life when he will be ready. Maybe because even Sirius couldn't find an answer to that question by himself. But also there was another reason why they decided to stay - the full moon on Christmas Day.
Remus continued to toss and turn in bed again and again, preventing Sirius' peaceful sleep.
"Moony, please, just lie down and don't move already. It's too early for the day to start," murmured Sirius with a rough voice, still not fully awake after sleep, burying his face in Remus' hair. "You smell like cigarettes. Have you been sneaking from bed in the middle of the night to smoke again?" Sirius hugged him a little tighter, barely opening his eyes just to look down at the top of Remus' head, knowing how Remus really felt right now.
-I couldn't sleep because of nightmares again. Remus heavy sighed hiding his eyes because it wasn't the first time when nightmares haunt him through the night, especially before the full moon. The beast inside him will never let him free. -Yeah I know I should have to wake you up, but I really didn't want to bother you. Said Remus quietly and with a little guilty intonation.
"You are an idiot, Moony." Sirius moved closer and kissed his forehead, trying to comfort him and take the tension away.
But this moment of their closeness was interrupted by a tapping at the window. Remus shifted slightly at the sudden sound. Sirius stood up from the bed, opened the window, and felt the fresh, cold air on his skin.
"Hello, sweetie. Long time no see." A big white owl flew into the room and landed on Sirius's forearm. Sirius smiled and patted the bird gently. The bird leaned into the touches and hooted quietly with pleasure. It was the Potters' owl. In her talon was an envelope with a big red stamp in the center. Sirius took the envelope and gave it to Remus to read out loud, while he was busy spoiling his favorite girl.
"Sometimes I think that you like her more than me." Remus smiled softly without any real sign of jealousy. He took the envelope and started to open it carefully. He pulled out two letters, placed the envelope aside, and after unfolding one piece of paper, he started to read.
Remus finished one letter and started to unfold another one, reading it.
Sirius and Remus couldn't help but smile warmly, reading the last sentence. Both of them were almost a part of the Potters' family, even if neither of them would admit it out loud. Euphemia always looked forward to their visits. Sirius had happened to spend a few summers at their place after he ran away from his own nightmare - the Black family's place. He was really grateful that they had accepted him without any questions or doubts. And he would never forget how Euphemia took care of him two years ago when he got sick. In that moment he thought he was dying. That holy woman hadn't left his side even for a few minutes when he was delirious because of the strong fever. After that night, Sirius started to trust her so much, even though he was really afraid to do so again, especially after everything that had happened to him.
“So… what do you think about a little walk? If we need to go to Diagon Alley, we can also sneak into Muggle London afterward. I need a new Queen vinyl record, and there is also a place that should have mulled wine. James showed me that place when we were there last time. Why can’t the wizarding world take the idea of making heated wine with spices? I don’t get it!” Sirius smiled at the thought of the warm drink that he loved so much. He patted the owl gently once again and gave her a snack that he had probably saved for her visit. Sirius placed her on his shoulder and took a new, empty parchment with a feather and ink to send the answer to James. He wrote a quick note that they would be glad to take a walk around Diagon Alley to pick up presents and wished him a Merry Christmas. After he finished, he tied the note to the owl’ paw and pecked the top of her head.
"You're really in love with her. Since when do owls and dogs get along so well?" Remus smiled, looking at their interaction.
“Oh, hush, Moony,” murmured Sirius. He patted her one last time and let her fly away back through the window. “I’ll miss her so much,” he said with exaggerated drama and lay down beside Remus. Remus could only roll his eyes in answer.
“What do you think about breakfast?” asked Sirius after a few minutes of lying in silence.
“Oh, let me guess, you want me to bring it for you, right?” Remus laid his head on Sirius’s chest, looking at him with adoration.
“Nope, I’ll go with you. Let’s go to the kitchen together and bring some food here. And I bet you could, well… let’s say, persuade a house-elf to make some gingerbread… Ahem…”
“You just want to use their kindness toward me, I swear.” Remus playfully covered Sirius’s face with the nearest pillow.
“Hey, hey, okay, guilty as charged. But it’s not my fault that all the house-elves in the magical world hate the Black family, and unfortunately, that’s my family name. Maybe I should change it to Bowie, for example.” Sirius started to laugh and removed the pillow that was an obstacle between their faces.
“Will you help me in this ‘crime’ about sanity and a well balanced le petit déjeuner?” Sirius grinned smugly.
“Now you’re using your French on me? Okay, unable to retreat, I can only surrender to your charm. Should we dress properly, or are you going to scare the poor leftover students with Muggle clothes?” There was a Kiss t-shirt on Sirius, featuring the original band lineup.
“Nah, I look great in this shirt.” Sirius hugged him and then started to stand up slowly, not entirely glad that he needed to leave the warm bed.
They made their way to the kitchen without any trouble. The house-elves were happy to fulfill Remus’ request, but they still threw a few unpleasant glances at Sirius, who was standing as far away as he could. When breakfast was finally done, Remus didn’t forget to thank the elves, Sirius did the same, but they probably hadn’t heard his soft, awkward murmurs. They took the food and went back to the Gryffindor tower. The corridors were empty, and the castle felt as if everyone had abandoned it. They reached the common room and placed everything on the table in front of the fireplace. Remus sat down on the sofa and took a hot mug of coffee. Sirius settled on the floor beside the table.
“Bon appétit!” said Sirius gratefully and started to eat, while Remus slowly enjoyed his drink. “And thank you again for asking. I know they probably wouldn’t have listened to me, especially since we missed breakfast in the Great Hall, and I don’t blame them, to be honest.”
Before Remus could say something, Sirius started to talk again:
“By the way, I have something for you.” Remus hadn’t a chance to answer him when Sirius disappeared into the living room. After a few minutes, Sirius returned with a box in his hand, it was a Chocolate Frog. “Here, take this.”
“Since when did you become so kind? Who are you, and where did you hide the real Sirius?” Remus chuckled without any real offense in his words and took the little box. “Thanks, Pads.”
“You’re welcome, Moony.” Sirius returned to his place where he had been sitting. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was a little nervous now, watching to see if Remus would open the box or not.
They continued their breakfast in comfortable silence, accompanied by the quiet sounds of the fire in the magical fireplace. Remus decided to save the Chocolate Frog for later. As soon as they finished their food, Remus returned the plates and glasses to the kitchen, thanking the elves again, while Sirius started to dress for the walk. After thirty minutes of arguing and Sirius’s dramatic gasps that he didn't want to go in a robe instead of his favorite lizard jacket, they finally managed to leave the castle and took their first step into Diagon Alley.
The alley was full of wizards, most of them here with their families and friends, all hurrying about their business. The whole place was rife with Christmas atmosphere. Familiar buildings were covered with decorations, some of them even magical. Sirius looked around and said:
“It’s really crowded here. Where should we go?” His voice held a hint of desperation, knowing they would need to go through all those people.
“Let’s pick up the presents first,” said Remus, taking Sirius’s cold hand and making their way through the crowd. Sirius wanted to say something, but he knew the gesture was valid in that situation. The feeling of Remus’s warm hand sent his thoughts in another direction again, toward the unspoken question: who were they to each other if this was definitely not just friendship? And Sirius was determined to find out soon.
Sirius was so deep in his thoughts that he almost hit a person walking in the opposite direction. Remus dragged him aside just in the last moment.
“Hey, Pads, are you okay?” asked Remus with concern, because Sirius had been acting really weird since that morning.
“Yeah, sure, I am. Don’t ask stupid questions, mate.” Sirius smiled, trying to joke it away because he wasn’t really prepared for this conversation right here and now.
After a few minutes of trying to survive in the mass of people, they finally reached the Owl Post. The building was surprisingly empty relative to the other places.
They didn’t waste much time and stepped into the warm accommodation, which was filled with soft, warm light and a lot of different types of boxes and envelopes everywhere. In the center of the room, a worker stood talking to an owl which was sitting on a shelf.
“No, Row, you can’t do this every time you don’t want to talk to people! No, that’s stupid. You could at least deliver letters! Yeah, of course it’s too cold for you, and you’re not a delivery owl.” The worker noticed Sirius and Remus’s questioning gazes and turned to them, making it look as if it were something ordinary and nothing had happened.
“Oh shit, sorry… ah… Welcome to the Owl Post. Unfortunately, because of the snowy weather, we can’t send anything right now.” The man sighed and continued, murmuring more silently this time as if he were just telling this to himself: “Please don’t scream at me; I listen to all possible insults all day. Ahem… So, what did you want?” With more enthusiasm now, he asked.
“Our friend said we could pick up the package that he wanted to send, but you weren’t able to deliver,” said Sirius with a little smile after seeing everything that had happened before. Remus tried to hide his smile as well, but he couldn't help himself.
“Yeah, of course. So you are…? I need the names to find the box or whatever it is,” said the guy, moving to the big pile of boxes in the corner of the room.
“Sirius Black and Remus Lupin,” answered Sirius without hesitation.
The worker used some kind of searching spell, probably one used only at their post office, and said, “Yeah, it’s here. One big box for Sirius and Remus Lupin, and one small one for Sirius Black.” Sirius was a little surprised after the mention of an extra package. He picked up the boxes with Wingardium Leviosa and placed them on the table. “A few minutes, please. I need to document that these boxes were technically ‘delivered.’ There’s no charge for them since Owl Post messed up, and we’re really sorry for this.” That guy sounded like he’d spelled that speech more than a thousand times that day. They just continued to wait patiently while the guy was busy with his business.
“Here, all done. You can take them. Thank you for visiting us,” said the guy, sighing as he looked at the mounds of undelivered orders all around and laid his head on the table in desperation at all the coming work. “If you see other clients outside, please say that we are closed. I wish forever.” He said the last sentence quietly, with exhaustion.
They decided not to bother him anymore, to leave the poor guy alone, and left the Owl Post. Remus picked up the big box and made it smaller to fit his bag, and Sirius took the other one, wondering what could be inside.
“Will you open it?” asked Remus, who was also excited to find out what was inside and from whom.
Sirius stopped and started to open the mystery box. Inside it was a black envelope and a small green ring box. Sirius opened the box and saw a black ring with silver stars and constellations. He knew exactly who had sent it to him. Sirius put the ring on his middle finger, and it fit him perfectly. He smiled, looking at his own hand with the pretty jewelry.
“Regulus?” Remus clarified.
“Yep. Who else would choose those funeral colors?” Sirius took the envelope from the box and put it into his pocket to read later when he had time.
“Where should we go next?” Sirius looked at Remus with a questioning gaze.
“I have an idea. Let’s go.” Remus turned on the spot and started to walk in the opposite direction.
“Lead the way, then.” Sirius smiled and went after him.
The rest of the day they spent having fun together and sneaking into Muggle London. Sirius had found the vinyl record he wanted so damn much. That was genuine happiness for him. Remus chose something for himself, too, and a present he thought Lily would like a lot. After that, they reached a small, cozy, decorated café with mulled wine and a lot of people everywhere. On their way home, they found themselves in the middle of a Christmas market and spent a little time there as well.
It was already dark outside when they finally reached their room.
Sirius fell onto the bed from exhaustion, burying his face in the soft pillow. Remus settled on his own bed, seeing the Chocolate Frog he had left there since that morning. Even though he wasn’t hungry, he wanted something sweet after the long day. He took the little box, and before he could open it properly, a note fell into his lap. He took it carefully, without any trust, he had been living with the Marauders for almost six years. It was a simple piece of paper, without any suspicious signs. Remus gently unfolded it. The short but capacious note contained all the unspoken words Sirius wanted to say.
Moony,
I really don't know how to say this to you. We have been friends for years, but the truth is, for the last few years I just can't stop thinking about you, and it's not in a friend way. I care about you so much that it almost hurts physically. Remus, I love you, and this feeling makes me feel like a damn fool. I don't know if you feel the same, but if you don't, please let's pretend you never saw this note. I'll be fine if your feelings are not mutual, but I can't lose one of my dearest friends.
Sirius
Remus lost his breath. Thousands of thoughts were in his head, changing one after another. He definitely knew the answer, but not how to say it, especially out loud. Sirius was still lying on the bed, paying no attention to Remus and having no idea what had just happened.
But, noticing that Remus had been too silent for a long time and hadn’t answered his question, Sirius moved his head to look in Remus’s direction. He saw Remus looking at him with eyes a little too wide and a barely opened mouth, as if he wanted to say something but didn’t know how to speak. Sirius noticed the small note and froze on the spot. Both of them didn’t know how to start.
Before Remus could speak, the box started to move, and the Chocolate Frog jumped onto his face, trying to run away.
Despite the seriousness of the atmosphere, Sirius couldn't help but start to laugh until a few tears ran down. Remus removed the frog from his face and locked it back in the box. He didn’t really know whether he should cry or laugh, or do both at the same time, just like Sirius was doing right now.
“I’m… ahem… I’m sorry, Moony… ahem. You should have seen your face with that frog on it.” Sirius tried to collect himself together but failed miserably.
“It’s mutual,” said Remus suddenly, looking at Sirius with unreadable emotions on his face. Sirius stopped at that moment and looked back into Remus’s eyes.
“What?” asked Sirius with hope in his voice. He prayed to himself that this was really happening.
“I love you too, Sirius.” Remus stood up and caught Sirius in a tight embrace, falling back onto the bed with him. Sirius buried his face in Remus’s chest, trying to hide how happy and excited he really was.
“This is the best Christmas present ever.” Sirius and Remus softly laughed together. Sirius lifted his head to look into Remus’s face. Without any questions, both boys moved closer, leaning into a gentle, clumsy kiss. Sirius’s lips were soft, while Remus’s were rougher because of the winter cold and because he constantly bit them. The kiss was filled with warm love and gentle fondness for each other. Sirius pulled away for a moment just to say:
“Merry Christmas,” murmured Sirius against Remus’s lips.
“Merry Christmas to you, too,” said Remus and leaned into another kiss.
Soon, the fatigue after the busy day took advantage of them, and both of them fell asleep cuddling in Sirius’s bed.