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It's official, Calvin thinks. He'd like to know just when he lost his mind, but he has definitely officially lost it.
He had known something was up long before Juliet stumbled into the monastery. He'd been off his game all day, distracted for no reason that he could fathom. He had tried to push it aside, pretend that he was pining for Juliet or something, but he knew it wasn't that.
He'd been shocked to hear Nikko had been arrested, too shocked to comfort Juliet like he should have done if he really meant it about trying to be a boyfriend to her. All he'd been able to think about was Nikko in the grip of men who only cared about power and control, and how that smart mouth of his was going to get him beaten up badly this time.
The look on Dr Zond's face after he'd been to the police confirmed Cal's worst fears. Solomon was angrier than Cal had ever seen him. That didn't auger well for Nikko's health, even though Solomon wouldn't say anything more than finding the Wheel was the price of Nikko's release.
Cal doesn't really remember the next couple of hours too well. He walked through it all in a daze, unable to concentrate on anything, saying comforting things to Juliet as much for himself as for her. What he wouldn't have given for one of Vincent's sarcastic comments to ground him again — but Vincent's attention had been all on Dr Zond, leaving Cal to help Juliet through it. Vincent didn't know how much Cal needed comfort himself.
Cal comforts himself with the thought that when he totally lost it, no one noticed.
He got it together enough to pull out the drone once they found the maze, but that was about it. He couldn't concentrate enough to pilot it and study the statues at the same time; Dr Zond kept having to call him back to look at this one or that one, hunting for the warrior that looked like Buddha.
Now that the old monk has found them, Cal doesn't know what to think. Vincent's grinning like a mad thing at seeing his old teacher again, and Cal's trying to look pleased for him, but inside everything's as mixed up as ever. He's so proud that Nikko's grown up enough to have made that choice, to use himself as a bargaining chip, but he's even more scared now of Nikko being alone in that place.
He's scared of what he'll do when they get Nikko out, too. He's always told himself that his crush could never go anywhere because Nikko was just a kid, and a bratty, self-centred kid at that. He'd be better off flirting with Juliet, something that he's almost totally failed to even think of today, because even if Nikko felt inclined to experiment with men, Cal would end up having to kill him for being an asshole, and that's not worth getting fired for.
But this deal Nikko's struck, that's not the action of a self-absorbed child. Nikko's growing up, Cal realises, and that gives him the unkindest surprise of all. It gives him hope, hope that Nikko is becoming someone worth loving.
Cal can't allow himself that hope, because it undermines every reason he's ever given himself for not falling for Nikko. He knows that he can't let himself really fall for Nikko, he can't destroy everything that he's worked for with Dr Zond, so he's going to have to keep his distance. Only he's going to have to do it himself now, because he can't rely on Nikko doing it for him any more.
He only hopes that it'll be enough.