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Everything was blurring together.
Laughter was ringing in his ears, and it was just so fucking loud. He stumbled away from the living room clutching his own head.
Z stood at the entrance to the kitchen, having half a mind to cry. The laughter was getting louder. He couldn't comprehend it but it rang in his ears and shook him to the bone- His hands were shaking as he mindlessly paced the house. He couldn't control the tears that started rolling down, and he attempted to set himself straight, but it was just so loud- and it was in his head. It had to be.
Loud noises had always startled him. Light was dancing beneath his eyes, and his head started feeling unbearable agony just hearing the laughter repeat. He felt insane. Nobody would believe him.
He backed himself into a corner, breathing raggedly. He couldn't control his breathing, and his mind traitorously replayed the same terrifying events that had happened to him just a few minutes ago. He just wanted it to stop- but he kept remembering, remembering, remembering.
He was walking down a bedrock hallway, back and forth- screaming at who he thought was Regect, playing a prank on him. God, he wished it was Regect, Z mused, tears building up in his eyes.
Z stared at the photo hung up on the wall. Moe had called it a "family" photo, but he had the urge to black himself out from the picture, remove himself from their lives completely, because he had no idea how he'd be able to be himself after this.
A little voice in the back of his mind reminded him that he was overwhelmed, and he responded by pulling at his hair until the pain somewhat drowned out the noise in his head.
He remebered what happened next. A doorway had opened, and Z had no choice but to walk through, and then he was somewhere else entirely.
Vibrant grass, rain that somehow managed to stab him and fill him with a sense of melancholy. When he turned around and saw the house, his first instinct was to open the door. He just wanted to know what was going on- when a loud sound that physically pained him teleported him somewhere else.
There were eyes. Staring intently at him, staring through the walls he had built up, staring through his mind and staring through himself. Eyes everywhere, staring so deeply at him he didn't understand his own body anymore.
He was sure it didn't even have a soul behind those pupils. They just stared until he figured out that it was living in his screen.
Z couldn't even describe how horrifying it felt- and it made him feel even more helpless. The laughter was still ringing in his ears, and he let out a desperate sob out of sheer frustration. It was so loud.
He didn't feel himself. Those eyes were going to come for him, and they were going to hurt him and scrutinize him- they'd take Regect and Moe away from him and Z would sob-
Z could feel his heartbeat in his ears. He could understand that he was drumming his knuckles against the wall repeatedly, attempting to ground himself. It hurt.
Z remembered Moe telling him something about "breathing in for four seconds, breathing out for six" when he was stressed, checking his surroundings- and he faintly wondered how Moe was so intelligent with things like these.
He breathed in. Five things he could see? He- He saw the christmas lights? He saw his own body, heaving up and down. He could faintly see AM in the corner, and he let out a hysterical laugh, sniffling into his hands. He saw that family photo- and he saw..
His eyes trailed to the fruitcake Regect had made for the christmas party. He was honestly surprised Regect didn't fuck up the cake, considering both he and Moe fucked up his birthday cake. That thought enough calmed his thoughts by the very slightest.
He breathed out.
He reached over to it, hands scrambling for a spoon, and sunk back to the floor, scooting to the wall, fruitcake plate in hand.
Z didn't even like fruitcake. He took a bite anyways.
"God, Moe, you are so funny! Z is gonna love this, I'm telling you-" Regect let out a laugh, opening the door for the both of them. It was a great night. Regect had gone to take Moe to see the circus in town, and Moe with a strike of luck, had gotten inspiration for a new act- kicking the actual performers out and doing her own thing.
They entered the house, Regect flipping the light switch on and ruffling Moe's hair.
He was so distracted by the thought of her performance, giggling to himself- that he didn't notice that the house was silent. Moe tried honking her horn a couple of times to get Regect's attention, before tugging at his arm insistently. "Yeah, yeah, what is it?"
"HONK?"
Regect paused his rambling. Did he see Z anywhere? He squinted his eye, scanning the room. "No, I don't see him." Moe let out a couple of curious honks, stepping forward and checking the house. "Any sign of that fucker?"
"HONK HONK."
"Okay, let me try calling out for him?" Regect stepped back, speaking louder. "Z- Z, are you there?"
No response. Regect tried not to tense his shoulders in worry. Z might've gone to sleep. Or something.
Moe let out another honk. "HOONKK?"
Regect didn't want to admit it, but he started getting a little worried. Z always waited for them, no matter how long it took. He waited by the front door and greeted Moe with a head pat and Regect with a middle finger.
It was unusual of him to not continue the familiar ritual tonight. Moe looked back at Regect, and he pushed those thoughts away. Moe was surprisingly intelligent, and he didn't want to worry her with something that probably wouldn't happen.
"You know what, Moe? You should head to sleep, it's pretty late."
Moe let out a few complaining honks, but Regect's unrelenting stare did the trick. "HONK." She crossed her arms, walking up the stairs.
Regect watched her disappear upstairs, and tried not clenching his fists. "Okay, Z, where are you?"
He crossed over to the kitchen, looking around frantically. "Z? Come on, you couldn't logged off for the night-"
The kitchen lights were on. He had to be here. Regect scanned the room again.
The air was cold. It was winter, of course, but it nevertheless made Regect shiver. "Z?" He called out again, letting some fear paint his voice. He wouldn't admit it, but he had been growing worried about Z recently, especially after that christmas party. He'd been acting weird.
"Come on Z- where are you?"
"Down here."
What?
Regect whipped his non existent head back, looking downwards. "Down wh- Oh."
Z lowered his face, pathetically shuffling himself to the corner of the wall. He hunched over himself, like he was afraid. Afraid of what? To show himself? Regect felt another wave of confusion wash over him. Z had always been confident.
He sniffed, taking shuddering breaths and wiping his eyes constantly. Regect hitched his breath.
He turned back to check the table. His fruitcake was gone. "Z?" He studied Z again. He was holding an empty plate with crumbs scattered over it.
"You don't even like fruitcake." No response. "Is that why you were crying?" He tried to hide the fact that he was getting increasingly more concerned for Z. He couldn't control himself from sitting down across Z, attempting to catch his gaze. A valiant attempt, but Z's stare stayed trained on the ground.
Z stayed silent. "Too much?" Regect asked. Great job, Regect. Overwhelm your protagonist further.
Z wiped at his eyes, letting out a quiet, hysterical laugh. He shook his head at Regect's question, burying his face into his hands. "Z?" Z didn't answer, the laughter turning into a quiet crying as he sobbed into his own hands.
"Z, what's wrong?"
"Nothing's fucking wrong, Regect."
Regect winced, hearing his voice again. Yeah, Z had definitely been crying. His voice cracked, and he couldn't speak more than five words because he was taking a shuddering sob every few seconds. Regect felt some aching sympathy, somewhere inside him. He reached his hand out, one hand grasping Z's, pulling them away from his face.
Z stared at him, tears streaking down his face and dripping to the floor.
"Well, um- " What could Regect even say? "You shouldn't cry. It doesn't look good on you."
Why the fuck would Regect say that? That's not what you say to a person who's sobbing, especially someone like Z. They'd never appreciate that.
"Fuck you." Z let out a breathy laugh, his shock getting the better of him. He wiped his face, shoulders shaking with the intensity of his laughter.
"That wasn't even funny."
"Yeah, well. You fuck a lot of things up."
There wasn't any heat behind Z's words, not any that Regect could tell. He relaxed his shoulders, letting go of Z's hand.
"Well, fuck you! I'm just- just giving you advice, you know-"
"Your advice is shitty!"
"I'm just saying! You look shitty!"
"You can't be the one who's talking, you have one cheek and it like, shows your true colours-"
"Why are you bringing my cheeks into this?"
"I have every right to!"
Before Regect could respond, a honk sounded from the entrance to the kitchen. Z and Regect turned their heads in unison. "Moe?"
Moe stood at the doorway, hands on her hips. She raised her horn to honk at Z angrily, and it was only then Regect realized Moe had tears in her eyes. Had she missed Z that much?
Z had this guilty smile on his face, waving weakly at Moe. So he had heard the two of them calling out for him... Regect couldn't blame him for not answering. He wouldn't have wanted anyone to find him like that.
"HONK!!!"
"Well, Moe- you see-"
Moe barrelled into the two of them, effectively shutting both of them up. She let out a couple of sad honks, pushing Regect away to hug Z. "What the hell, Moe!" There wasn't any real bite to his frustration, but he figured Moe would like play aggression.
Z let a sad smile quirk on his face. He looked calmer. "I missed you too, Moe." More honks. "I'm sorry! I was just- I was just tired, you know? I couldn't-" Moe smacked Z's forehead with her horn, shutting him up. "Yeah, yeah, you're right."
Regect watched the two of them bicker. He smiled faintly. He liked watching them bicker like this. Sometimes, it felt like they were family, just arguing with eachother normally- then Regect would be brought to the realization that Z was a college student awaiting his finals, Moe was a circus performer they had adopted, and he was an entity who was supposed to scare Z.
Z quirked an eye open, watching Regect. He gestured Regect to join the two of them, refusing eye contact after Regect realized Z was staring.
"You look sad and lonely. Come here."
Regect pretended like his non-existent heart didn't jump.
"Fuck you. Like I'd associate with someone like you." Yeah, that's how you flirt, right?
"Moe is right here."
Ah. Like he'd reject a Moe hug. "True."
Regect joined the two of them "reluctantly", feeling Z's heartbeat slow. He wrapped his arms around the both of them, smiling as they watched Moe fight to keep consciousness. Regect knew she should've gone to sleep earlier.
He glanced back at Z. He'd been acting different lately, and not because of whatever happened today. He'd been acting more maniacal, more.. absurd. More like he was fighting to keep his own sanity. Regect knew he was stressed with his "college stuff", but he couldn't help but think that it ran deeper college stress.
Regect pushed the thought away that his presence might've caused Z all of this.
He took a deeper look at Z. Now, he looked like he was at rock bottom. Like he thought the world would be better off without him. Regect felt a pang of sympathy, but he pushed that away, too. Z didn't need pity.
It was silent when he heard Z murmur something.
"What was that?"
".. It's quiet." Z responded, shifting to cradle Moe's head. She was already dozing off. "It was really loud for a while."
"And now?"
"Now it isn't."