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Steve Rogers and Maria Hill were sitting together in the Avengers tower, bored out of their friggin’ minds, watching Brother Bear. An amazing movie, if Maria does say so herself. Steve was pretty sure it was just the moose she thought were amazing. He didn’t have rock hard evidence but she did throw a punch at him when he sneezed and they were talking.
The commons have been pretty quiet lately. The science bros have been busy down in the lab, doing god knows what. Bruce appeared once in the kitchen yesterday, covered in pink glowing goo but disappeared just as quickly with a box of Cheez-Its and a six pack.
Clint and Natasha have barricaded themselves in the gym for the last three days. A treadmill shoved in front of the door and by the grunts and moans coming from behind the steel doors, whoever was going to be on the receiving end of those new sparring moves wasn’t going to be walking anytime soon.
Thor has been "busy" with Jane, I think in Asguard? New Mexico? Fucking Finland, who knows. That just leaves Steve and Maria to spend some much appreciated quality time together.
"Why do you like Canada so much?" Steve quirked his brow, a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth.
"Why do you like America so much?" she asked dryly, shoving another mouthful of maple leaf shaped pancakes into her mouth.
"So is Canada Day like the 4th of July for Canada or something?" He shifted on the couch so that he was able to hold his arm up and block any unexpected swings.
"Yeah and it's also my birthday."
The Spiderman theme song ringing out shrilly from Steve’s pocket saved him from any unwanted physical acts of Canadian violence.
"What…?” Maria put her plate on the coffee table, staring at Steve in confusion.
Steve pulls the Stark phone from his pocket and glances at the 1960’s Spiderman meme engulfing the screen. “Tony.” He sighs and taps the screen.
A text from Spider man simply read,
-SPIDERMAN IS AFRAID OF THE BLACK MAN-
Steve’s face lights up with an ever spreading grin and locks his sparkling eyes on Maria.
"Looks like we’re going to a nightclub."
"Get the address." Maria was already putting on her boots.
*One terribly long montage of fighting later*
"No escape Hypno Hustler. We've got you cornered." Captain America said, shield brandished and chin raised .
"Not today, jive turkey!"
He brought up a hand and with a strum of his guitar lightning shot out from the tip of his guitar hitting both Maria and Steve. At the exact same moment, an eagle flew out of what was seemingly nowhere and bit Steve in the neck.
"OH GOSH!" Steve screamed, grasping for his neck and flailing his arms as if auditioning for the role of the dramatic southern bell in a Tennessee Williams play.
Maria shot forward protecting Steve and ultimately absorbing most of the lightning blow. Clamping the handcuffs onto the Hypno Hustler and throwing his guitar to the floor with a loud clang as he struggled and pulled against her.
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!" screamed the bedazzled villain. He turned a menacing gaze on a patron of the nightclub. "I thought you said that eagle had a cage!!"
The frazzled attendee looked puzzled, "I-It does..." he pointed to the front door of the club where Luke Cage stood as the bouncer with the eagle perched on his arm. He shrugged and stroked the majestic bird under it’s chin.
Steve called over his earpiece, "We got him, Spiderman.”
"Thanks guys! I mean I probably could have taken care of him, but you guys seemed bored." Spiderman said, voice cracking with his pubescent hormones. He left with a sling of his web and a farewell wave.
"Are you okay, Maria?" Steve asked, voice edged in concern.
"I think so" she said looking over herself, just to be sure.
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Back at the tower, with Hypno Hustler behind bars…
"Yeah, I'm not exactly sure why he shot out electricity from the guitar, but I don't think anything really happened. Maria and I are both fine."
Clint dropped down from the rafters and yelled "Caw caw mother fucker, looks like you got bit by a bird!"
Steve raised his arms in exasperation. "Why do you say caw all the time? And how did you-"
His question was cut short when he heard the familiar bass line of a traditional Seinfeld entrance.
The room of heroes all turned in the direction of the sound as four men walked into the room.
"Oh yeah!" tony cooed, "I installed a door sensor to play the Seinfeld theme when people walk in. Classic. Ha. Holy shit are those the extremely talented worldwide rock sensation THE EAGLES?!" Tony turned to Steve, "Why the fuck are there eagles in my house, Flag Boy."
Steve looked stunned, "I-I don't even know who these people are."
Tony grabbed Steve by the front of his shirt, "YOU WHAT?"
Music started playing from the group of eagles,
♫Great expectations, everybody's watching you, People you meet, they all seem to know you♫
"I don’t think I can deal with this right now..." Maria said and headed off in the direction of her room. "I'll see you guys tomorrow.
Maria woke in her room, still very tired.
‘What time is it?'
She looked at her clock, the blinking bright red lights sending a wave of pain through the backs of her eyes. 9:30 am. Damn, she slept in. Sitting up and stretching her arms over her head, Maria heard a weird jingling. She pulled her wrists back down to her face and came nose to nose with a set of sparkling bangles. Her face twisted in pained shock.
'I haven't worn bangles in 6 months'
Last time she wore them was the day her and Fury got into a fight and she tore her friendship bangle from her wrist and threw it at his feet.
"I'm going to live with the Avengers, you titty slapping slut!"
She stood and glitter fell from her hair, littering her carpet with the craft store equivalent of herpes.
"Great. Practical jokes." She shook her head and headed to the closet to grab some clothes. In the mirror on the back of her door she saw a flash of red.
"The fuck?" She turned and saw a Bright red maple Leaf painted on her ass.
"Wooooooow, real funny..." Maria made her way to the commons to have a nice civil conversation with the others who lived here. When she made her way to the living area, she saw Tony sitting on the sofa, hand over his mouth smothering an obviously long fit of giggles.
"So it was you." she growled, fire visible behind her bloodshot eyes.
Tony stared up at her, "What was me?"
"The bangles, the glitter, and the fucking maple leaf..." Her mouth struggled to keep up with her frantic arm waving.
"Wait, what?" Tony narrowed his eyes, amusement only growing at Maria’s distress.
"I woke up covered in stupid shit, why did you do this?!" She sounded close to tears.
"Maria, I think you need to watch this video...." He made room for her next to him and she made her way to the couch looking down at the computer on Tony’s lap. It had a You-tube video open called ‘Robin Sparkles-Let’s go to the Mall’.
"It was posted last night" Tony pointed out and hit play on the video.
What was she watching.
How did this happen.
In front of her, sat a video OF HER, dancing around and singing with a Canadian accent.
TO BE CONTINUED....