Work Text:
December 24th, 11:45 A.M.:
Admittedly, pushing himself beyond his limits was a bad idea. Vergil knew that, and he knew it well. He'd spent a lot of years doing just that, fighting for survival among the laundry list of reasons his body often tired out quicker these days. He supposed he could also chalk it up to how he was getting older, nestled firmly in his late forties now. In demon years, he was still quite young and spry, much like his little brother or son. But in human terms, he was rapidly approaching middle-aged, his body flipping back and forth between feeling perfectly energized and lethargic from time to time. It had been a source of endless frustration, but he'd begun to get a handle on knowing his limitations recently.
Except lately, he'd been throwing caution to the wind in an effort to put together something special for his family. A family that, only a mere two years ago, he'd started to find endless safety around after he and Dante returned from their impromptu visit to Hell. Safety that, Vergil begrudgingly noted, he hadn't felt since before the fire.
He'd overheard Nero speaking to his lady friend, one rather polite Kyrie that Vergil had come to heartily approve of, about getting gifts for the three terrors that ran around her and Nero's home. At first, Vergil had assumed it to be about their birthdays, but he found the likelihood of three children of different ages within the same household being born on the exact same day rather impossible. After all, he and Dante were already an oddity as twins, and these three were all born years apart. Regrettably, Vergil found himself standing in the kitchen of the shop, listening to Nero talk. It was a bit embarrassing, eavesdropping on his son and his beloved this way, but he had done much worse things in his life than gather information. Just as soon as Nero had hung up the phone and departed to assist Nico with repairs on that tank of a van, Vergil had slipped out of the kitchen in pursuit of his younger brother.
He'd found Dante that day with his face tucked under a magazine, legs tossed up on the desk as per usual. After kicking his feet off the desk and snatching the magazine, Dante had finally regarded him as Vergil had laid out his concerns as plainly as possible. Admittedly, Dante had found his concern amusing, laughing at first until he'd seen the serious line of Vergil's mouth and the tense clench of his jaw. Upon seeing his brother so serious, Dante had offered an explanation.
"It's Christmas, Verge. I know we didn't really celebrate holidays like that with mom— I mean, we celebrated Yule, like… Twice? Before… Anyway, your kid celebrates Christmas. Lot of people do actually, but nobody's expecting you to participate. They don't expect me to, either. I just started doin' it 'cause it made Patty happy." Dante had told him, Vergil's eyebrow raising as he crossed his arms. Dante had sat up a little straighter, gesturing towards the small faux fir tree sitting on the corner of his desk, casting a small shadow across the edges of Dante's photo of Eva. "It's some… religious holiday, I think. I never looked too much into it. Most people these days don't even pay attention to that part, though. They celebrate it for the sake of getting and giving gifts, spending time with family, and good food. If you're lookin' for more information, you could probably go with Trish to the library uptown. She's always wantin' to learn more about humans, helps her feel less… Well, she likes learnin'. Ask her to go with you."
Vergil had done just that several weeks ago, accompanying Trish to the library where the pair had spent a good few hours thumbing through holiday-themed texts and research books. While Trish favored the tales and stories, Vergil had rather enjoyed reading about the holiday's beginnings and history. In the end, the pair of them had decided that together, they would work on decorating the shop in secret in preparation for the holiday. Granted, there was only so much the two of them could do without Dante calling them out on it, but Vergil had other problems to worry about on top of that.
Gifts, Vergil knew, were an important part of this holiday. To show the people he had come to care for that he appreciated them, he wanted to offer them things they would find appealing. It wasn't easy finding out everyone's likes and dislikes, and the mental task of cataloguing who wanted what and then finding something of the sort were heavy enough. Buying them was another level of difficult, however. Demon hunting was a niche job, after all. Dante rarely took actual payment, but Vergil had no qualms with taking what he was owed. That was one of many ways that the twins differed in their personal views, and sometimes clashed over. So when Dante wasn't around, handling jobs of his own, Vergil had stepped in to take over whatever was left. Lady had sniffed out that something was going on, but Vergil's insistence that he simply wanted to work had been reason enough for her to leave him be on the matter. He was almost thankful for her unwillingness to pry into his personal decisions, considering they were still on hesitant footing with one another, even after all these years.
In the end, Vergil had succeeded in obtaining gifts for everyone, and Trish had gradually convinced Dante to decorate the shop with small reels of amber lights and a plastic garland wrapped around the stair banisters. Vergil had even scrounged up enough to cater to the wiles and whims of the three children Nero and Kyrie looked after that he'd begun to think of as grand kids, and miss Lowell couldn't be forgotten, either. He'd even managed to find something relatively decent for Morrison, which he'd carefully hidden within his room along with everything else. It was a whole beast, on the morning of Christmas Eve, to wrap everything in the small time frame he had before everyone else returned from last-minute jobs and shopping. Considering they had no real Christmas tree— only the small faux tuft of a thing on Dante's desk— Vergil had decided that that would simply have to do.
It wasn't what it was made for, but carrying everything at one time was significantly easier with his Trigger active; all four wings and a tail curled protectively around gifts wrapped in shiny blue paper, small silver bows rustling and crinkling together as he moved them from his room to the front of the shop. He arranged everything carefully, ensuring that nothing would be too close together or too far apart. He focused far too much on the presentation of the gifts, tail flicking back and forth with his focus as he tilted his head this way and that, turning and angling some of the wrapped gifts with careful claws. Finally, when he was satisfied, he decided he had nothing else to do but wait.
Slowly, his Trigger faded, the tail sticking around as the rush of trying to put everything in place left him feeling strangely exhausted. Or was it the constant hunting? Perhaps he'd never noticed how tiring his Trigger left him afterwards, or a combination of all of the above. He'd barely slept in the past few weeks since his research with Trish at the library, after all. Regardless, he dragged himself away from the pile of presents, his body connecting with the couch as the worn cushions cradled him as he decided he would sit and wait for the family to arrive.
Family.
His family would be back soon. He hoped they would like the things he got them, or at the very least, appreciate the effort he'd put in. Sighing, Vergil allowed himself to lay there, tail lashing back and forth with impatience as the cushions seemed to sap the last reserves of his energy. The cushions were lumpy and sunken in, the throw pillow under his jaw hard and flat at the same time. Still, his eyes began to droop involuntarily, his body relaxing against the furniture under him as his tail draped over his hip, the appendage curling against the floor as the sharp tip tried and failed to balance on it's end. As his eyes slipped closed, he only had one thought about his current predicament.
When did this thing become so comfortable?
December 25th, 1:23 A.M.
"God, Verge is probably thinking we died." Dante groaned, rubbing a hand over his face as he approached the front entrance of the shop. He could feel the scruff of his sprouting beard digging into his palms, his other hand wrapped tightly around the newly acquired Devil Arm. Beside him, Patty was dragging herself along, yawning so hard it brought tears to the corners of her eyes. She hadn't gotten used to the absolutely insane hours that came with hunting just yet, but she was getting there. Dante had watched her in action today, working in tandem with her cousin Nero and giving him more than one heart attack when she nearly got cleaved in half by Red Queen before she'd dropped to the ground, just barely avoiding the blade at the last second as Dante's body had coiled, ready to act.
"Yeah, well… If he's still awake at Ass O' Clock in the morning, I think he's got bigger problems. Like untreated anxiety. Or helicopter parent… sibling… uncle-dad'ing." Patty retorted, earning a sudden cackle from Nero a few feet behind them. Dante couldn't help his grin as he shook his head, nudging Patty's shoulder with his free hand before Nero picked up the pace, trotting ahead with his sudden burst of energy. In recent months, Nero had taken a liking to checking the shop wards himself. Dante had encouraged it, Vergil helping him get a feel for testing them for cracks and lurking threats without spending his entire night circling the building. Together, Dante and Patty stopped, letting Nero do his thing as he placed his human hand against the side of the building. A faint, teal glow rose where his fingertips sat, pulsing out across the entire building as he carded through the layers. The whole shop lit up like a beacon, the intricate wards layered on top of one another each pulsing softly at Nero's touch before the light faded out.
"What's the verdict, kid? All good?" Dante called, resting his hand on his hip as he hefted the rather large Devil Arm in his other hand up onto his shoulder. After a brief pause, Nero retracted his hand from the brick of the shop, turning around to shoot a small thumbs-up with his prosthetic hand. Lopsided grin plastered across his face, Nero nodded towards the front of the shop as Dante and Patty approached him.
"Wards are still good. I can sense dad's still inside, too. Seems a little foggy though, not sure what's goin' on… Kinda like when you got knocked out earlier, Dante." Nero explained, earning a laugh from his uncle as the son of Sparda lightly punched his shoulder. Turning on his heel, Dante walked up the front steps with his daughter and nephew in tow, pushing the door to the shop open only to stop dead in his tracks. Apparently, his freezing sent off alarm bells in both his companion's heads, their hands instinctively reaching for their weapons before Dante stretched a hand out to signal they were fine.
"Quiet. Your old man's asleep, kid." Dante said, voice barely above a whisper as his gaze fell upon the shape passed out on the worn red cushions of the couch. His body relaxed at realizing Vergil was breathing, the slow rise and fall of his body punctuated by the slow, sleepy scrape of his Trigger's tail against the rickety wooden floor as he napped. Oblivious to the new occupants, Vergil didn't stir when Dante slowly moved into the shop, holding the door open as both Nero and Patty shuffled inside. Nero clamped a hand over Patty's mouth suddenly, causing Dante's head to snap in their directions. Patty's hand was outstretched, pointing across the room towards Dante's desk, where he found—
Presents?
"Did… Dad put those there?" Nero asked, finally releasing his hand from covering Patty's mouth when she tried to lick his palm in protest. Groaning in vague disgust, Nero jerked his hand away, wiping the spit off on the leg of his pants as he glared at her while Dante looked over the rather plentiful assortment of gifts. From where he stood, he could make out Vergil's perfectionist handwriting on ribbon-tied tags, the elegant and practiced folds of each blue and silver present ironed out into perfect seams by repetitive motions. It made something inside of Dante's chest break and stitch back together all at once, his footsteps light as he crossed the room to inspect them closer. Patty hurried over as quietly as she could, Nero not far behind as Dante turned over tag after tag in his investigation.
Nero, Patty, Trish, Lady, Lucia, Morrison, Dante—
"Nobody writes in perfect script typeface but your dad, so yeah… I think he did, Nero." Dante said, fingers hesitating on the tag with his name scrawled out in elegant cursive, Vergil's flair for emphasis on first letters causing the "D" to take up half the space afforded to his entire name. It made his heart squeeze in his chest, memories of their childhood floating just behind his small smile as he remembered the days spend together, their mother telling them all about the importance of unique signatures. Dante's had always looked a little lopsided and scratchy, a little more like their father's notes in the study Eva often scolded them for messing around in. But Vergil's was so much like Eva's, all large loops and then tightly contained scrawl immediately after.
Dante cleared his throat, tearing his eyes away from his brother's handwriting to look at Nero and Patty. Apparently, he'd been lost in thought, as both of the youngsters were looking at him with concern etched on their faces. Grinning, Dante gestured towards Vergil's sleeping frame on the couch with his thumb, shaking the memories out of his head for now as he fixed them with an almost childish excitement.
"Patty, Nero, why don't you two go make some calls? Get everybody rounded up, have Nico haul 'em all back to the shop quietly. Don't wanna wake the beast, at least not 'til everyone's here and ready to see what he got 'em." Dante said, earning an eager grin from Patty who skittered off to the other room, hot pink cellphone in hand as Nero hummed. He crossed his arms, eyes lingering on Dante for so long that Dante started to feel a little uneasy.
"Why would dad get everyone gifts, Dante? He doesn't seem like the type… does he even know what Christmas is?" Nero questioned, accusations hanging in the air as Dante sighed, hands resting on his hips as he looked back at his nephew. He couldn't blame Nero for being suspicious, but he really didn't have any answers beyond how both Vergil and Trish had been adamant that they decorate. Honestly, the gifts were a surprise, even to him.
"All I know is your dad asked me some questions, Trish bit my damn head off about not decorating, and now we find your dad passed out on the couch with half a month's rent worth of gifts wrapped up on my desk and his damn tail scratching grooves into the floorboards. Hell, there's even gifts for the rugrats sitting with you and Kyrie's. I'm just as clueless as you, kid." Dante admitted, the mention of the three orphans he and Kyrie had taken guardianship over making Nero's expression soften. If there was one thing that would always make Nero back down, it was someone thinking of his partner and their kids. Dante often wondered if Vergil would've been the same at that age, assuming he'd been around to take care of Nero. Sometimes, Dante could see it— the way Vergil would faintly bristle when someone confronted Nero and the way his eyes would blink slowly, like an overgrown cat, when his son was gracing them with his presence outside of work business— and it made his heart ache. Teen dad or not, Dante often thought that Vergil would've been a good father if he'd had the chance to try. "Honestly, Nero… I don't know what the hell has gotten into him. I just know the longer we talk, the more likely it is he wakes up and pulls a disappearing act in the hopes he doesn't have to deal with a bunch of questions. We're… both kinda bad about that."
"Alright… I'll go call Kyrie and tell her to go ahead and get the kids up and ready. Pretty sure Patty is already halfway done sending out the invitations." Nero muttered, finally moving his ass to head to the kitchen. Dante waited until Nero had disappeared, finally letting out a breath of relief now that both his daughter and nephew were out of earshot. He'd never felt so glad that Patty had bugged him about getting more than one phone in this place, the sound of Nero picking up the other landline in the kitchen barely registering in his ears as he looked back over at Vergil, sitting the Devil Arm down beside the desk as he observed the image in front of him.
His tail had stopped moving, a single blue eye peering at Dante from where his arms were folded under the throw pillow. Exhaustion was still heavy in his stare, but Dante could tell he'd been awake for a while now, likely listening to him and the kids talk. Shaking his head, Dante moved over to the couch, using the cushion for support as he sank down to the floor, legs stretched out in front of him as he leaned his head back. A curtain of silver hair concealed the movement of Vergil's tail, the heavy appendage resting over one of Dante's shoulders protectively. It almost made Dante laugh.
"You're not gonna up and disappear on us, are you?" Dante asked quietly, earning a low hum from his older brother. Dante turned his head, looking over to find Vergil's one eye staring off into the distance. He wasn't looking at anything in particular, but he seemed unwilling to move from his spot. Sighing, Dante lifted a hand, awkwardly reaching back to pat Vergil's middle back, careful not to disrupt the length of spine where the tail jutted out from. "Good. You wanna tell me what got you wanting to do all this, Verge?"
"… Trish and I went to the library. I found texts on the holiday, about how this time of year, gifts are used to show affection of many kinds. I am… not good at this, Dante. But I wanted to show that I… care. That I do listen. You are my family, but so are they." Vergil admitted, words still gruff with sleep. Dante had half a mind to ask if Vergil's exhaustion had really worn his walls down that badly, but he bit his tongue. His brother sounded sincere, but then again, Dante knew that Vergil was always a softie. He was just a lot better about hiding it than Dante was. "I can only hope they think of it as such, and not that I have ulterior motives."
"Well, I can't say how they're all gonna take it, but… For what it's worth, Vergil, I'm proud of you. You're really trying." Dante told him, and for a moment, the room lapsed into complete silence. Then he heard it— a deep, guttural sound, almost like a growl except it didn't trigger Dante's alarm bells. He'd never heard Vergil purr before. He'd heard their father do it when they were younger, and often times, Dante did it to comfort Patty during her more formative years. But Dante couldn't remember the last time he'd heard his brother do it. Had Vergil ever actually purred? Had he never learned, and that's why it sounded so off-key and unsteady? A smile began to pull at the corners of Dante's mouth, his chest rumbling with his own steady, comforting purr. It sounded much smoother than Vergil's, a muscle that had been exercised more often in comparison. In the largely empty front room, the pair sounded so much like a pair of motorcycles that it was a wonder Nero and Patty weren't coming to see what was going on.
December 25th, 4:50 A.M.
The front room of Devil May Cry had never been this full.
Dante and Patty were crammed into the corner of the couch next to Lady, Nero and Kyrie carefully placed in the middle of the floor as their three kids played excitedly with the toys their uncle Vergil had gotten them. There was hardly room to breathe, much less move too much. The kids had gotten their gifts first, toys that Nero and Kyrie had been discussing getting them, except the pair hadn't quite been able to afford them yet. Nero had looked at Vergil like a saint when Julio had torn open a remote-controlled monster truck, batteries included. Kayla and Carlo, much older than Julio but still young enough to enjoy childlike wonder, had opened their own gifts consisting of fantasy novels for Kayla and pretend swords for Carlo, who had taken quite a liking to Nero and Uncle Dante's stories about hunting demons.
"Who's next?" Trish asked, blonde hair pinned beneath a rather ridiculous Santa hat. The pompom at the end swung when she walked, taking the next gift from Vergil who was patiently passing out each gift, Kyrie's fingers snapping away on her camera as Trish took it.
"Nero. And Kyrie, as well." Vergil said, handing Trish an extra present for her opposite hand. She carefully stepped over people and children, handing the shiny papered gifts to the pair sitting on the floor, surrounded by the three kids eagerly playing with their toys and reading. Kyrie's eyes widened as she took her gift, looking to Vergil with uncertainty as she held it. Nero, for his part, looked stunned that Vergil had thought to get him something. At their faces, Vergil shook his head, unable to hide the small smile pulling at the mouth. "I did say the children were first, didn't I? That means the two of you are included. Ms. Lowell, patience please, you're next-"
Vergil leaned his hip against the desk, watching as the two lovebirds hesitantly tore open their gifts, Kyrie a little daintier than Nero as his prosthetic arm caught in the ribbon. Vergil made a mental note not to include ribbon or string on Nero's gift next year, watching as Nico snapped a few photos after stealing Kyrie's camera. The pair paused, eyes lingering on their partially obscured gifts, only to break into gleeful smiles.
"Well? What he get ya?" Dante asked, grinning from ear to ear as Trish continued to pass out gifts, carefully maneuvering to the couch to hand Patty her gift next. Kyrie lifted up her gift, a rather beautiful dress that she'd been eyeing since last spring. She'd never confidently decided if she'd wanted to spend the money on it, her fingers holding the thin paper receipt as she stared at it, awestruck.
"If it doesn't fit, the shop will honor a return or an exchange. I wasn't certain on the correct size, and Trish did her best to assist me." Vergil said calmly, Trish's eyes squeezing closed as she smiled, nose crinkling with her glee as Kyrie gave Vergil a thankful look.
"This is perfect, Vergil. Thank you. Now I have something to wear for New Years." Kyrie said, giggling as she glanced over at Nero. The faint flush that rose to her partner's cheeks earned a round of snickering from the entire room, the kids pretend gagging at their parent's sappy exchange. Nero lifted his up next, a sleek box held in his human hand as he grinned from ear to ear.
"Hell yeah! I can always use a new pair of headphones! Especially since someone dropped a torque wrench on my last pair, Nico-" Nero said, shooting Nico a playful glare as the woman rolled her eyes. He tore into the box, pulling the headphones out to place them on his head. After a few rounds of adjustments, he nodded, lopsided grin plastered across his face as he pulled them down to rest around his neck. "These feel great, dad. Thanks. Gonna be using these next time I got a job, keep the rattle and chatter of the demons from buggin' me too much!"
"Uh! Hello! Vergil, did you seriously manage to get me one of these?" Patty cried, excitement evident in her voice as she brandished the gift she couldn't contain herself from tearing into while Nero and Kyrie were talking. In her hand, she held the vinyl for her favorite band, it's limited edition colorway a splatter of sharp pink and charcoal black. Dante looked at Vergil, eyes wide as he mouthed how fucking expensive was that?? Vergil simply hummed, nodding slowly as he offered a faint smile.
"Again, I offer my thanks to Trish for doing the investigating to tell me what you wanted. Otherwise, none of this would have been a surprise." Vergil replied, passing out the gifts for Nico, Lady, and Trish herself next. A new heavy-weight stock for Lady, custom-fitted to Kalina Ann to replace the one that had been destroyed during the Urizen incident. A box of specifically 1/16th ratchet fittings for Nico, who always seemed to lose the one size she needed most often for the RV. And for Trish, a fine leather journal, complete with time-stamp slots and dates for her to record her own unique experiences and memories or information she'd learned— however she decided to use it for herself, Vergil mentioned.
"What'd ya get for Morrison? He's not gonna show 'til Saturday, family stuff of his own." Nico asked, watching as Vergil huffed out a small laugh in response.
"A new hat. One that doesn't smell like cigar smoke yet. And, of course, a pack of cigars to ruin it immediately." Vergil told her, Dante's own voice breaking into a hearty laugh as the rest of the group couldn't help but join in. Whether or not Morrison would find it as funny as everyone else did, he didn't know. Vergil shifted to move two gifts to the side, humming a small chuckle as he shook his head. "And Ms. Lucia has a new pair of swords awaiting her the next time she visits, too."
Everyone sat with their gifts, basking in the glow of familial affection and the warmth of the string lights wrapped around the room. It was almost perfect, as if nothing terrible had ever truly befallen their little family. But there was still one very important gift left to give, one Vergil had agonized over for weeks in the middle of putting together everything for everyone else. Vergil picked it up off the desk personally, carefully weaving between children and adults alike until he stood in front of Dante's seat on the couch. He held it for a moment, it's flat rectangular shape wrapped with care. He'd spent countless hours on it, and now, anxiety was bubbling in his chest. Was this really a good idea?
"Last one. I… tried my best, Dante. If you'd rather, you can open it in private." Extending his hand, he held the gift with care, watching as his little brother eyed him. He could see the energy crackling around Dante, the hesitance in his gaze when Vergil offered him an out if he thought he might need it. Everything so far had been relatively tame, things people needed or wanted. But here Vergil was, offering him a present with those mirror-image eyes looking back at him, full of unspoken sentiment and brotherly love.
"Oh, hell. What did you do, Verge?" Dante muttered softly, reaching out his hand to take the present with faintly shaking hands. He carefully took the gift, Vergil waiting until he had a good hold to let go. There was a moment of understanding between them as Dante pulled the gift into his lap, the room going completely silent except for the children still enjoying their toys. Holding his breath, Dante pulled the ribbon off, peeling the layers of wrapping away corner by corner until he was met with a thick leather cover. Vergil tightened his jaw as Dante pulled the book free, flipping open the cover to find… "Vergil, this is… perfect."
Looking at the first page, Dante found their mother staring back at him. Her soft smile and gentle eyes looked up at him, willing him to turn the page. Flipping through, Dante found photo after photo of his family— from Nero and Patty to Lady and Trish, Morrison and Vincent, Kyrie, Lucia, even their father. Though it was a photo of their father from many, many years ago, the corners yellowed and singed, as if Vergil had fished it out of the wreckage of their home somehow.
"You… cherish people. The memories you make with them keep you going, even I know that. But… you so often think of yourself as inconsequential. I put this together to remind you of all the people that care for you, that look at you and see someone they love." Vergil explained, voice wavering ever so slightly as Dante flipped slowly through the pages. People Dante hadn't seen in years smiled back at them, lives he'd saved, people he'd failed at keeping in touch with, though the photos looked as recent as yesterday. Lady's two-toned eyes stared back at him, Nero's crooked grin. And on the very last page, Dante's eyes began to water, his twin brother's face looking back at him on one half of a photo they'd taken together at Vergil's annoyance. They'd just returned from Hell, and they looked like absolute shit, but Dante's grin was so wide and Vergil wore an exasperated smirk at his brother's pestering. Vergil hadn't even realized at the time that Dante's fingers had put bunny ears up behind his head, but now, there was no hiding it.
"Vergil… You sap." Dante croaked, unable to hide the glossy sheen to his eyes as he looked up. Vergil found himself suddenly held tight against his twin, Dante's arms squeezing him so tightly it was a wonder his ribs didn't crack from the force. Vergil's body relaxed after the initial shock, his own arms circling Dante to hold him just as tightly, Dante's hands gripping into the fabric of Vergil's coat. For the second time that night, the room lit up with the deep revving of the twin's mismatched purring, a sight that left the audience surrounding them in various states of empathy and joy.
"That's one hell of a Christmas present." Lady commented, though nobody could deny she was right. There were few things in this world that could mean more to Dante than a declaration that he was loved, by everyone here and everyone who couldn't make it, his brother included. Eventually, the pair separated, Dante's sleeve furiously wiping at his tear-stained face as he cleared his throat. Looking around the room, Dante fixed his face, a content smile settling on his lips as he gestured towards Vergil.
"Look at this guy, mister big and bad, playing Santa Claus. Bully him for me, I gotta… I gotta step out for a sec. Take a minute, you know how it is." Dante said, earning a slight roll of the eyes from Vergil as his little brother skirted the crowd, disappearing into the kitchenette the next room over as the room filled with soft, understanding laughter. Shaking his head, Vergil looked after him, raising an eyebrow as he called after Dante's speedy exit.
"If you're going to hide in the kitchen from your emotions like a coward, at least bring a trash bag back with you. There's wrapping paper and tape everywhere, Dante!"