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Nigel always made sure that Patrick was safe after dates by waiting in the parking lot. He’d watch Patrick climb out of the car and go into the apartment building, waiting until he said he was safe. Patrick thought of it as redundant; it’s not like he lived in the worst of Elwood. Yet, he found it cute.
Now, he was on winter break. The two began to go out more, admiring the scene of the holiday spirit. Red and green lights, the piles of snow that littered the ground, and the way Patrick would always manage to throw a snowball without Nigel noticing. A beautiful night to walk on the town. And Patrick hated it.
Despite everything he’s done, how could Nigel not have known that he likes him yet? Does Nigel just not like him at all? At least that’s a more understandable explanation. There would be no reason for him to act oblivious, unless he is actually stupid. How annoying.
Just being in the car like this makes them look like a couple—though in Nigel’s defense, there are only two seats in his convertible. Still, it didn’t warrant the kindness Nigel kept offering. Patrick could definitely walk home. In twenty-degree weather. All the way across town. Sure. He’d be bundled up this time.
He should say it. No, not while he’s driving—the roads are horrible. What if he loses control of the steering wheel? Then when should he say it? On New Year's? God, that’s cheesy, even for him. It’s almost Christmas, and it’s not Christmas Eve. Maybe now? At least it won’t look as pathetic. This isn’t a movie; this is real life, dammit!
“You seem anxious. Are you alright?” Nigel eyed Patrick as he began to move onto the main road. He noticed Patrick tapping his thigh in utter silence. He would’ve talked more by now.
“It’s just the cold.” Patrick shrugged off. “You know how it is; it makes my body all antsy.” A soft chuckle to release the tension.
A smile appeared on Nigel’s face. “Thankfully, we’re almost to the building. I hope your heater still works.”
Patrick groaned, “That’s if my landlord actually fixed the heaters. We’d all sue him, but we have no money. Or the courage.”
“Really?” Nigel turned to face Patrick at the stoplight. “Because I believe you have a lot of courage.”
Patrick immediately began to fidget with his hands. “You think so? Thanks, I guess.” Thank God, it was dark.
“I mean it.” Nigel pulled into the parking lot, settling in beside Patrick’s car. “Your work is utterly remarkable. It’s no wonder why your popularity has been settling into Elwood now. You make sure everything is perfect, no matter what. I believe you could solve this too. You just need to believe.”
“You sound like the main character in those terrible rom-coms I watch.” Despite the lack of humor in his voice, his lips turned upward. Belief. Courage. Is that all that he truly needed to tell the truth?
Patrick carefully opened the car door as he climbed out. “Well, I'll see you next time we meet up." He dusted the snow off his boots before finally looking back up. "Bye, Nigel."
"Goodbye, Patrick."
One last smile before Patrick turned around and began walking to the apartment building. He walked in, feeling the relaxing heat of the moment. Yellow lighting as people ran up and down the hallway. He saw as his neighbors ran around with their gifts from last-minute shopping; the elevators were cramped. Lucky for him, he was only on the third floor. He took his time climbing up the stairs; Nigel would understand the circumstances.
He waved to neighbors as he passed them by. Children came up to him asking what samples would be on the menu tomorrow. He’d been taking his own winter break for the holidays, but he could promise one treat if they passed by his door. They giggled as he continued his journey up the stairs.
Nigel loved how he interacted with children; he’d mentioned it to him before. It was during a conversation a couple of days ago:
"There’s something so special about the way you speak with them." Nigel admired. "You treat them like any other person. Even if all they want from you is chocolate.”
Patrick laughed, "They're kids. What else am I supposed to do? Insult them for being selfish? All kids are selfish.”
“You’re acting like you don’t like them.“ Nigel noted.
Patrick scratched the back of his neck, sighing. “I like interacting, but I don’t find myself the best with them for long. I’m not like you, y’know.”
“I can understand that. Kids are very unpredictable people. I only teach them for a period of their lives. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’ll miss them while I’m on vacation.”
Vacation?
Right, Nigel mentioned going on vacation over the break. Think. What did he say during that conversation?
“Patty—you know how she is—has claimed that we’ve worked too hard and deserve a true vacation. So, she’s taking Rodentia and me out-of-state for fun. I question how she found the money, but frankly? I'd rather not know."
“At least you’ll be going somewhere. I’m stuck in Elwood for the rest of the winter. When are you leaving anyways?”
“On Christmas Eve.”
Patrick would be unable to wait. He needed to tell Nigel the truth. He needed to tell him how he truly felt about him.
He dropped his bags and headed back towards the stairwell. He felt his chest burn as he took two steps at a time, nearly making himself trip. He waved by as parents and neighbors greeted him, but he didn’t have time. Nigel would still be outside, and he needed to get to him.
The cold air smacked him as he opened the doors. He looked around, searching for the red convertible that always stood out. Nigel was still in the parking lot, reading some book in this weather. His legs ached as he ran over to the car, his breaths white.
"Patrick! Are you okay?!" Nigel got out of his car in view of Patrick. “Are you hurt? Is somebody following you? You can stay at my home; I do need a house-sitter.”
“No, no… Don’t get the wrong idea; I’m fine.” Patrick caught his breath as he stilled by the car. The cold air made his lungs hurt. Or maybe it was the sheer resistance that made his chest hurt. Either or.
Nigel held Patrick’s arms, checking over him. Patrick was prone to lying. “Then why did you run over here for? You’re worrying me.”
His mind was racing—will he or won’t he? Now was the time to say the truth; he hadn’t run here for nothing. But Patrick hadn’t confessed to somebody in a long time, ever since high school. The words jumbled up in Patrick’s mind, his tongue tied in incoherent thoughts.
"I… I, uh…" Patrick’s hands flew to his scarf, playing with the frayed ends. “Well, I… Something… came up.”
Why was this so hard?
“What’s wrong?” Nigel leaned down to catch Patrick’s bent body. “If that landlord still isn’t fixing himself, I have some connections I could refer you to.”
“No, no. That’s okay. It’s… not that.” Patrick took a deep breath. It was now or nothing. “I remember you told me you’d be leaving for vacation tomorrow, and I have something really important to tell you. It can’t wait for however long you’ll be gone for.”
“Okay.” Nigel relaxed in the car. “Tell me what it is.” His face was composed, but Patrick knew from that furrowed brow he was trying not to strangle Patrick from sheer anticipation.
Patrick clenched his hands, begging them to stop moving. “For the past year, you’ve been an amazing friend to me. A really amazing friend. The more we talk, the more connected I think we feel. So, that’s why I wanted to tell you that…” He shut his eyes as the words struggled to form.
“I love you. More than anything.”
The only sounds that could be heard were the traffic and Patrick’s struggling breaths. Silence so deafening that Patrick thought it was over. He finally got the courage to look up. His body shook, afraid of what Nigel might say.
“Patrick, I—“
“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way.” He quickly replied back, “I just… I just needed you to know the truth. I’m sorry.”
After a moment, Nigel reached out and touched Patrick’s arm.
“I love you too.”
The words, their sincerity, made Patrick flinch. “Wh— What?” He blinked as he attempted to straighten himself up. “Excuse me, Nigel, Did you just—“
“Patrick, I feel the same way.” His eyes crinkled as he pulled him closer. “Here I thought somebody bad was happening.” He chuckled. “Turns out you just love me.”
“You sound almost disappointed that it wasn’t something more.” Patrick couldn’t help but smile. His hands found Nigel’s and intertwined with one another. He ran his hand down his face, trying to calm the adrenaline in his body.
Nigel squeezed Patrick’s hand as the rest of the world drowned out. “I think this night is eventful enough. I told you that you needed courage.”
“Oh, shut up.” Patrick swatted Nigel’s other hand away. His chest ached for more. Something to end the night with a good note. He let go of his hand and hugged Nigel.
The moment lasted longer than it needed to. The two held each other as the snow lazily fell around them. So close that the only thing they could hear was each other’s breaths and heartbeats.
Patrick’s phone buzzed. It was already nine PM.
“I should go. We should go.” Patrick carefully pulled away, afraid that any wrong movement would break this perfect moment. “I hope you have fun on vacation.”
“Thank you.” Nigel moved a strand of hair out of Patrick’s face. “Are you sure you don’t want to house-sit for me?”
“I think I’m good.” Patrick took a step back and looked at Nigel whole. So unreal, so beautiful, he couldn’t believe it to be true. “So, I’ll see you after New Year’s?”
Nigel nodded. “Hopefully Patty’s restraints will bring us back in time.” He went back into his car. “Goodbye, Patrick. See you in the new year.”
As Nigel pulled out of the spot and drove away, Patrick waved to him all the way down. His eyes tracked the movement of the car as it escaped his line of vision. With nothing else to say, the words left his mouth before going back inside:
“Goodbye, Nigel. I’ll miss you.”