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It should be easy. Isn’t that the whole point? Being free should come naturally. If you had a chain around your neck for years and then you don’t, there’s nothing more to fight against. Nothing more to do, just live happily ever after. Right?
Apparently not, because Angel couldn’t get a fucking break. What was he doing, crying silently in his room when this was the best time he ever had in both life and death? His friends were downstairs, he and Husk were clearly becoming a thing, and most importantly, he could come and go as he pleased with no one to tell him off.
It’s been months and he still could barely believe it was true. Husk got Valentino to bet on Angel’s soul, a very stupid decision even for the usual level of Val stupid. It took a while to butter him up to the idea, and Angel heard something about Alastor helping — which, what the fuck? But then again, making the Vees weaker by any means brought Alastor a lot of joy, so Angel knew it wasn’t a charity case.
The most surprising part is that it worked. Valentino lost, and Angel’s soul was Husk’s. No, actually the next bit was the most surprising: Husk immediately set him free. Angel wouldn’t mind being tied to him, if he was being honest. He wouldn’t mind doing whatever Husk wanted him to. He knew it would never be as bad, or bad at all. But Husk wasn’t comfortable with it and frankly seemed disgusted with the idea of taking control like that.
Angel would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt him a little. He knew he didn’t have the best soul out there but he could make it work. He always did.
But no, he was one hundred percent free. And he wasn’t liking it so far.
He heard knocking and tried to dry up his face. Without waiting for a reply, Cherri walked in, spotting him on the floor by the edge of the bed.
“Okay”, Cherri said, crossing her arms. “Husk is miserable down there, and you’re miserable up here, and I was sure you guys were fucking before, so tell me if I need to blow his face off and I will”.
Angel shook his head, giving up on hiding because new tears were threatening to show up anyway. Cherri sighed and sat down next to him.
“What’s going on, then?”
Angel fidgeted with his fingers. “I think I’ve been rejected”.
“Uh, what.”
“I know, right”, he chuckled with no humour. “That’s a first. If you don’t count, like, anything from when I was a teenager”.
“No, rewind. What do you mean rejected? You two have been all over each other for weeks!”
Angel’s smile was a bit more genuine this time. It was true, they have been making out and going on dates, if he could call it that when it was mostly drinking in a different bar and Husk watching him sing twice a week. His sexual advances were always cut off, though, and it was starting to get to him.
“Tell me exactly what happened”, Cherri demanded.
So he did. A few hours before, he and Husk were finally getting somewhere; clothes were mostly off and the kissing turned lewd fast. And then he fucked it up by pushing away and asking “where do you want me, daddy?”. Husk blinked at him, still looking like he wanted to devour Angel — and Angel could spot that look on anyone —, but a shadow crossed his face immediately.
Angel felt a tinge of panic in his chest. He turned them around and landed on top of Husk, wearing his best smile. “Or maybe you want me to ride this one out?”, he said, moving his hips to emphasize. Husk gave him a shallow dry thrust, but the doubt in his features grew bigger. That, in turn, made Angel panic even more. Looking down, he tried taking Husk’s underwear, quickly so that they could start fucking already and leave this weird moment behind.
But Husk stopped him, saying “baby, baby, wait”, and Angel watched him and he knew he looked scared, because Husk’s expression broke down completely. They hugged, and Angel sincerely didn’t understand why he was crying. He said he wanted to be alone. Husk denied it for a moment, but Angel turned away and ignored him until he left.
He didn’t really stop crying for too long ever since. It was bad again, now, replaying it all for Cherri, who stayed silent for a minute, allowing him to catch his breath.
Then she wasn’t so kind anymore.
“Well, first of all, that wasn’t a rejection, so fuck you. Second of all, I’m sorry I have to ask this, but… don’t you think you were performing, hun? At least a little?”
Angel did think that, actually, It wouldn’t be the first time he brought work to his personal life, but it never seemed to matter to the people he slept with. Not that Husk was just anyone. And he wasn’t performing anymore, not like that.
“Old habits die hard, I guess”, was all he replied.
Cherri reached for his hand and squeezed it.
“If I was totally in love with you, I would wanna make sure you’re being real with me. That’s probably why the cat is being weird.”
“What if that is the real me? It’s not like I was faking it.”
Cherri shrugged.
“How can he tell?” she asked, and after a moment, “how can you tell?”
Angel tried to think of something to say, but his mouth was dry. He and Cherri kept quiet for a while, his head on her shoulder, her fingers caressing his knuckles. Eventually, she squeezed his hand again and stood up.
“I’m going to tell him to come here and you’re gonna talk about it like adults.”
“Cherri-”
“Not optional. See you later.”
She left just like she had arrived, and Angel groaned, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. It didn’t take long before the door opened again, with no warning, and footsteps followed. Angel kept his eyelids down even after feeling the pressure of someone sitting close to where his head was propped on the bed. He stayed on the floor.
“Hey”, he said, because Husk could keep quiet for an eternity if he wanted to and it drove Angel mad.
“Hey”, a deep voice answered, close and yet far enough that Angel felt like he was still alone.
“Cherri wants us to be adults.”
Husk puffed. “Rich from someone who acts like she’s a fifteen year old runaway with access to grenades”.
Angel laughed quietly and opened his eyes. Husk was staring at him already, a smirk on his lips.
“She can be pretty wise, okay?”, Angel said.
“Kids can be wise sometimes, yeah.”
They kept watching each other for a few seconds. Husk extended a hand and Angel took it, allowing himself to be pulled to the bed. He sat cross legged, facing Husk, but his eyes were down.
“I’m sorry about earlier”, Husk spoke first. He raised a hand to stop Angel from interrupting. “I know you’ll say I don’t have to be, but if I didn’t suck at expressing what I feel you wouldn’t get yourself into whatever fucked up conclusions your head comes up with”.
Angel thought that was a bit unfair. He pushed away a lot of bad conclusions, like the one about Husk realizing he didn’t actually like Angel anymore now that he wasn’t a poor little slut needing to be saved. Because if that were true, they wouldn’t be kissing all the time. See, he could be logical.
“And I didn’t really know what to say, anyway”, Husk continued. “Because… Damn, I… This is not any news to you, but you’re fucking hot, legs”.
Angel raised his eyebrows and smiled. Might have even blushed a little. He knew, yeah, but it was different hearing it from Husk. Hearing it like that.
“So I wanted to keep going, I really did”, Husk said. “But I didn’t know… it didn’t look like you were actually into it. Or, I couldn’t tell. I realized I couldn’t tell”.
Angel sighed, thinking back to the performance thing. He swallowed before replying.
“I know I look like I’m on camera, or showing off or whatever. I don’t know if I can stop doing it, and I feel good, you know? Of course I was into it, no one was making me do it.”
“That’s a low bar, baby.”
Angel rolled his eyes. “I know, but I like it. I like fucking, you know that!”
“I do. But do you want it?”
Angel opened and closed his mouth. His brain short circuited for a moment. He wondered if he was dumb or Husk was.
“If I like it”, he spoke slowly, “why wouldn’t I want it?”
It was the wrong thing to say, because Husk’s eyes did that thing where they got big and sad. Angel hated to be the cause of that, cute as it was.
“Those are different”, Husk explained, swaying and apparently resisting the urge to come closer. “Did you always want to have sex? Everytime?”
“Of course not”, Angel snapped. “But I’m not being pimped out here. It’s you. That’s a huge fucking difference, if you couldn’t tell”.
“It’s not the same, sure, but maybe you’re playing the same role without realizing it.”
“Well, what do you expect me to do, then? Act like a virgin maiden? That’s not who I am, Husk, sorry to disappoint.”
Husk stopped fighting his urge and took both Angel’s hands in his. His grip was stronger than Cherri’s, which is saying something.
“I don’t want you to change who you are. I want you to be sure of who you are. It’s important to me that you’re sure.”
Angel hadn’t realized he wasn’t crying anymore until the tears were falling again. He barely understood what Husk was asking of him, because how the hell would he do that? He didn’t want to be the same person that was Val’s playtoy. Or the same person who sold his soul for drugs and fame. He couldn’t revert back to when he was alive, which also wasn’t a great option. He hated all of it, and he couldn’t be any of it anymore.
“What if I’m never sure?”
Husk pulled him into an embrace and Angel cried harder. Husk shushed him gently.
“We’ll figure something out. You just have to try. We can work with that.”
Angel nodded and buried himself even further in Husk’s shoulder. They stayed like that for hell knows how long, until they both dropped down onto the mattress and slept.
When Cherri found them in the morning on top of each other’s limbs, she decided she could ask about it another time. She made a mental note to tease Angel about how it was the first time she found him on a bed all dressed up. And yet, he seemed more relaxed than she had seen him in a long time. Maybe the cat could keep his whiskers on, after all.