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In a small and brightly dressing room of a popular TV channel, Clyde, Jimmy, Tolkien, and Craig were chatting while sitting around a small table.
“Are you guys sure about doing this?” Craig asked. “Maybe it’s not such a good idea.”
“Of course it is!” Clyde said. “We’re already nineteen; it can’t be that Tweek still hasn’t gotten a girlfriend.”
“So what? I turned twenty and I haven't had one either.”
“Ah, t-that’s b-because you have a s-s-shitty atti-tude,” Jimmy added.
Craig flipped him the bird and got up to grab a soda from a small fridge on top of a cabinet.
One of the studio assistants burst the door open.
“Five minutes!” he warned before leaving the dressing room.
“Maybe Craig is right,” Tolkien said.
“Ah! Don’t listen to him! Besides, if this goes well, Tweek will be grateful to us for the rest of his life.”
“I don’t know, I’d rather stay out of this. It’s a stupid idea.”
“You can't back out now, Craig!” Clyde argued.
“Anyway, I don’t want to be on TV. To hell with it, I’m not going out there.”
“But, Craig!”
“No, Clyde!”
“We waited months for them to accept our application; Tweek’s photo was on the show’s website for a week so that girls interested in him could apply.”
“That doesn’t make it a good idea, Clyde.”
“Of course it does! They chose the best one, the one who was most compatible with him, and they already sent us her photo, she’s beautiful.”
Craig sat down, annoyed.
“Look, Clyde, what happens if Tweek actually likes this girl?” he asked, lightly tapping the table.
“He stays with her! What’s the problem?”
He remained silent, crossing his arms, irritated.
“C-Craig, we’re already h-h-here, just go out there and that’s it,” Jimmy intervened.
“Yeah, Craig, the girl is going to try to win him over, and if she pulls it off, Tweek is going to be happy,” Tolkien added.
“But they're going to broadcast it live and he has no idea!”
“You were on board with this!” Clyde argued.
“Because I didn’t think they’d actually accept him!” he claimed before taking a sip of his soda.
The assistant who had interrupted earlier burst in again.
“Ready, to the set, now,” he ordered before walking away quickly.
“This is going to be great!” Clyde said, getting up from his chair.
Jimmy and Tolkien followed him; however, Craig stayed seated with his arms crossed, so Tolkien came back.
“Let’s go, Craig,” he said, leaning through the doorway.
“Shit!” he grumbled, getting up and following him reluctantly.
The boys went in and sat down next to the show's host, in front of a small screen where they could see the image being transmitted by the girl through a hidden camera in her clothes.
After the show's intro, the cameraman focused on the host.
“Welcome to a new episode!” he said excitedly. “Today we have four guys who applied for one of their friends, Tweek Tweak, nineteen years old. He had several applicants, but you already know we chose the best and most compatible with his tastes. Beside me are his friends: Clyde, Jimmy, Tolkien, and Craig.”
The cameraman focused on them and the boys smiled, waving at the camera, except for Craig, who avoided looking at it directly, trying to hide his face.
“If the girl manages to win him over,” the host continued, “they will win a romantic dinner at the best restaurant in town as a prize, all expenses paid. As you know, the only one who doesn't know anything is the guy being pursued. Will our chosen girl be able to do it?”
The image for the audience switched to the girl’s camera, who was waiting inside a van parked outside the Tweek Bros. Coffee.
“Alright, start, go in and find him,” the host said.
The girl obeyed and entered the coffee shop where Tweek was serving coffee to a couple. She sat at an empty table, waiting for him to come over to take her order. After ordering, Tweek served her coffee, and before he could leave, the girl stopped him by taking his hand.
“Will you join me for this coffee?” the girl asked.
“No… I mean, I can’t, I’m working,” Tweek said, a bit nervously.
“Oh, come on, just one, there’s no one else to wait on.”
Tweek, worried about appearing rude, sat across from the girl, while tapping his hands lightly on the table and smiling at her, clearly feeling uncomfortable.
“What’s your name?” the girl asked.
“Tweek.”
The girl continued asking some basic questions while Craig watched in complete silence. The boys watched Tweek, excited and occasionally cheering him on to let himself be won over by the girl.
“This isn't going well!” the host said to the girl. “He’s only answering your questions; he hasn’t asked anything about you. You’re going to lose! Keep at it!”
The girl pressed Tweek with more questions, and seeing that he showed no interest in her, she decided to flirt.
“You’re very cute,” she said, playing with her hair and smiling at him.
Tweek remained silent, focused his attention on the girl’s coffee cup, and took a deep breath.
“You know? I’m flattered, really, but I’m interested in someone else, I’m sorry.”
“Oh, no!” the host shouted excitedly. “You already lost! Get information out of him! Have him tell you who it is and we’ll give you a consolation prize!”
The boys looked at each other at that moment.
“No, let’s just leave it here,” Craig said, standing up.
“What are you talking about?! The audience wants to know!”
“But I don’t think he’d want to and…” Craig continued talking, but his microphone was muted for the audience.
“Sit down, Craig,” Tolkien interrupted, pulling on his hoodie.
“But he’s going to say it on live TV!”
Motivated by the consolation prize, the girl continued.
“And can I know the name of the lucky girl?” she asked, taking a sip of her coffee.
“Hmm… Well, you don’t know him anyway. It’s not exactly a lucky girl,” he said, blushing a little. “Actually, it’s a guy.”
“Tweek i-i-is g-gay?” Jimmy commented, turning to look at the boys.
“Shh! Let him say who it is!” Clyde encouraged.
“No, don’t…” Craig was muted again.
“Aren’t you going to tell me his name?” the girl insisted. “After being rejected, I think it’s the least I deserve.”
“You’re very pretty, seriously, don’t take it the wrong way. At the risk of sounding like a stereotype, it’s not you, it’s me.”
“Haha. I won’t be mad if you tell me his name.”
“His name is Craig.”
“Craig?!” Clyde asked, excited.
The camera focused on Craig at that moment.
“It can't be!” the host said excitedly. “We have his Prince Charming right here! How do you feel?”
Craig remained silent, still shocked; he looked at the camera and got up quickly, retreating to the dressing room.
“Shit, shit, shit! What did we do?!” he grumbled, leaning against the door.
He sat on the floor, took off his hat, threw it away, and held his head in his hands.
“Buddy, are you okay?” Tolkien asked as he opened the door, but Craig held it shut with the weight of his body.
“No! We humiliated him on live TV!”
“Let me in.”
“Do you know how long he’s going to stop talking to us?!”
“Craig, let me in.”
Craig stepped aside, leaning against the wall, and Tolkien came in to sit next to him.
“Craig…”
“Shut up! How are we going to fix this?!”
“You were right, it was a stupid idea,” Tolkien lamented, leaning his head against the wall.
“Do you think he’ll be mad?” Craig asked, distressed.
“Mad? I think that’ll be an understatement.”
“I’ll tell him the truth, that it was all Clyde and Jimmy’s idea, that they’re a couple of idiots, and we'll get ourselves off the hook.”
“Craig, all four of us were on the show.”
“I only came so they wouldn't get suspicious!” he wailed, almost shouting, lightly banging his head against the wall.
“Suspect what?” he asked, turning to look him in the eye.
“Nothing! Forget it.”
Tolkien stood up, excited.
“You like him too!” he claimed, pointing at him.
“Shut up!” Craig pleaded, jumping up immediately and looking toward the door.
“You seriously like him? And why haven't you said anything?”
“Because…! Because… I don't know!”
“You know what? I have a great idea to get him to forgive you.”
“Let’s see, let me hear your plan; I don’t think anything could make this worse.” Craig went to pick up his hat and drank a bit from his soda bottle on the table.
“Confess your feelings in front of the whole town.”
“What?! Forget it.”
“Tweek practically just confessed on national television and he doesn’t even know it yet; it’s the least you could do.”
“And how would I do that?”
“Tomorrow is the town anniversary party; everyone is going to be there.”
“No, no, no, I’m not doing something like that.”
“Do you want to apologize?” Tolkien asked, grabbing him by both arms.
“Yes.”
“Do you want him to forgive you?!” he insisted, closing the distance even more.
“Yes!”
“Do you want him to be yours?!”
“Yes!”
Tolkien pushed him back a bit, still holding his arms.
“Then humiliate yourself; make it the mushiest and most pathetic confession anyone has ever seen.”
“And how?”
“I don’t know, think of something,” he said, letting him go and taking a sip from Craig's bottle.
Craig stood there pensively, at which point Clyde and Jimmy walked in.
“You should have stayed to hear the rest!” Clyde said.
“H-he s-said he’s l-l-liked you for y-y-years!”
“Alright, drop the subject,” Tolkien said, “Craig isn’t taking it very well.”
“I can imagine, but Tweek said he wouldn’t do anything about it, that he’ll keep it to himself and that he saw you more as a platonic crush. You have nothing to worry about. Friends as always, though now we have to see how he’s going to take it.”
“I told you guys it wasn't a good idea,” Craig scolded.
The host entered the dressing room, annoyed.
“You ruined the show!” he said, pointing at Craig. “The audience wouldn't stop sending in questions for you. You have two minutes to leave.”
He left the dressing room, slamming the door.
“Well,” Clyde said with a sigh, “we’re lucky his parents don’t watch TV at this hour and Tweek doesn’t watch much.”
“Let’s just try to make sure he doesn’t find out anything until tomorrow,” Tolkien suggested.
“W-why until t-t-tomorrow?”
“For no reason!” Craig said with a nervous laugh. “Invite him over to sleep tonight and… tomorrow you take him to the town party,” he said on his way out of the dressing room.
“But aren’t you going?”
“No, I have something to do,” he said, leaving quickly.
“What’s up with him?” Clyde asked Tolkien.
“Nothing! Leave him be, you know how he is. Clyde, Jimmy, you guys call Tweek, invite him to your house; I’ll talk to his friends so they don't say anything to him, and then I’m going to the coffee shop to make sure he doesn’t turn on the TV. We’re all staying at Clyde’s.”
“At my house? But…”
“But nothing, this was your idea,” Tolkien claimed, leaving the dressing room.
Each carried out their part and, as agreed, they stayed over at Clyde’s house.
“Pizza’s here!” Tolkien announced, entering Clyde’s room with Tweek.
“Hi, Tweek!” Clyde said in a suggestive tone, receiving a lethal look from Tolkien.
“Hi,” Tweek said, a bit confused, seeing Clyde and Jimmy.
They both went in, settling on the floor, sitting in a circle beside the bed.
Tolkien tried to distract them by opening the pizza box.
“How was your day at the coffee shop, Tweek?” Clyde asked, taking a slice.
“It was… strange, but other than that, normal.”
“St-strange b-b-because w-why?”
“A girl came up to me and asked me out,” he said before eating a slice.
“Really? And did you say yes?”
“No, you guys know I’m not interested.”
“Why, do you like someo…?” Clyde was interrupted by a nudge from Tolkien’s elbow.
“No, it’s not that, I just don’t want to.”
“But if you like someone else you should t-tell u…” Clyde insisted, before Tolkien forcibly shoved a piece of pizza into his mouth.
“Don’t listen to him, Tweek, if you don’t want to, that’s your business.”
While they laughed, Tweek reached for his phone to check the time, but sighed in annoyance as he remembered he didn't have it anymore.
“What time is it, Clyde? My phone is broken,” he grumbled, looking at Tolkien.
“I already told you it was an accident.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know, you dropped it in the toilet,” he complained, rolling his eyes.
“I’ll buy you another one, I promise.”
“Eleven fifty-seven,” Clyde answered.
“Is Craig not coming?”
“Oh, you’d like that, righ…?” Clyde was interrupted by Tolkien, who pushed the hand holding the pizza back into Clyde’s mouth.
“Enough, Clyde!” Tolkien snapped. “No, Tweek, he’s not coming, he had something to do.”
“Oh, okay,” he said, a bit disappointed.
“B-but you h-h-have us.”
Tweek just smiled at them and continued eating, trying to hide his disappointment, but he decided to change the subject to make the night go by faster.
“Hey,” he said, standing up, “did you guys see about the Latino boycott of Coca-Cola? I heard it was going to be on the midnight news.”
Tweek grabbed the remote from the nightstand.
“No!” Clyde and Tolkien shouted, lunging to take it from him.
“Why?!” he asked, startled, dropping the remote.
“Because… Mexicans might come and attack you,” Tolkien claimed, picking up the remote and throwing it far away.
“Mexicans? Why?”
“They’re the ones who consume it the most, and if they find out we’re watching something about the brand, they said they’d launch a missile at us.”
“Yeah, like the Koreans. They’re crazy, man!” Clyde said dramatically.
“And how would the Mexicans know I’m watching the news?”
“With their magic!” Clyde looked around, leaning in to whisper. “Don’t you know they perform rituals to bring the dead out of their graves on Halloween? If there’s ever a zombie apocalypse, I wouldn’t hesitate to blame them.”
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous,” Tweek scolded, sitting back down. “So we just sit here and do nothing?”
“Yes,” Tolkien said, “doing nothing is the best.”
“D-do M-m-mexicans have m-m-missiles?”
“Don’t believe them, Jimmy.”
“Well, we better go to sleep before Mexico attacks us,” Tolkien said, getting up.
“Great idea!” Clyde said, standing up.
“But there’s still pizza left.”
“W-we’ll eat it t-t-tomorrow.” Jimmy closed the box.
They all lay down in their sleeping bags on the floor.
The next day, Tolkien took charge of staying by Tweek’s side and making sure he didn't see anything until the time of the party.
They arrived at the spot in the middle of town, where there was a large stage with background music, and little by little, the townspeople were arriving.
They met up with Jimmy, Clyde, Francis, Bebe, and Jason.
Meanwhile, Craig was waiting behind the stage, tightly clutching a half-drunk bottle of vodka; he peeked out from the side, and as soon as he saw the guys arrive, he hid behind the stage, drinking straight from the bottle.
“Take it easy, man,” said a guy crouching a few inches away, connecting cables.
Craig swallowed a good amount and wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his hoodie.
“It’s just to give me some courage,” he said before continuing to drink.
“You’ve already finished half the bottle.”
He ignored him and kept drinking, until he pulled the bottle away suddenly to breathe and wipe the spill from the corner of his lips with his sleeve. He drank a bit more and, feeling a gag reflex, he tossed the bottle to the floor and turned to the guy.
“I’m ready. On my signal.”
“Give me a minute. Good luck!” he cheered before running to his position.
Clyde pulled Tolkien a bit away from the group.
“Why isn’t Craig answering his phone? What was he doing that he still hasn’t shown up?”
“Don’t say anything. Craig is going to confess to Tweek.”
“He likes him too?!”
“Shut up! That’s why I didn’t tell you anything. He told me yesterday in the dressing room.”
“No way!” he said, excited.
“Yeah, so shut up, please stop with your insinuations.”
“Hey, and is he going to do it here? In front of everyone?”
“What?!” Tweek shouted, agitated, interrupting the boys.
Both of them turned to look at Tweek, while Jimmy approached them.
“B-Bebe t-told h-him!” he announced on his way over.
“Tweek, listen to us!” Tolkien said, stepping closer.
“You guys knew?!” he asked Francis and Jason.
Both shook their heads.
“Calm down,” Jason said.
“Yeah, I bet nobody saw it,” Francis added.
“Bebe!” Clyde complained.
“Nobody told me it was a secret,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.
“Is that why you guys were acting so weird?!”
“Well...”
“How could you think of doing something like that?! It was live and I said... Oh, no.” Tweek put his hand over his mouth, terrified.
“Take it easy!” Jason insisted. “You only said he was your platonic crush, I don’t think Craig is going to take it the wrong way.”
“Tweek, I’m sorry,” Clyde said, “we never thought you’d say something like that, we just wanted to help you get a girlfriend.”
“Go to hell,” he said, turning around and starting to walk away.
“Wait!” Tolkien shouted.
Tweek kept walking, annoyed, but Tolkien and Clyde stopped him by grabbing both of his arms.
“Don’t leave yet,” Tolkien pleaded.
“Let go of me!” he shouted, jerking his arms away.
Francis stepped into his path along with Jason.
“Tweek,” Jason said, “you just need a little bit of... Grab him!”
With that, the four of them held him, dragging him across the ground in front of the stage. As they struggled amidst Tweek’s shouts and insults, the streetlights went out, the music volume was turned all the way down, and the center of the stage lit up, where Craig was standing, holding a microphone.
“Can you hear me?” Craig asked, tapping the microphone with clumsy movements.
The guys stopped and Tweek, still on the ground, focused his attention on Craig.
The crowd nodded, and Craig signaled the guy in charge of the lights, who shone a spotlight on Tweek.
“See that guy right there?” Craig asked.
Tweek stood up, confused and a bit embarrassed, looking at everyone around him.
“Yesterday, we did something stupid,” Craig continued, “but thanks to that, I found out that he likes me. The truth is, I like him too.”
Craig unzipped his hoodie, showing a T-shirt with a heart print that said: "Tweek."
Tweek watched him open-mouthed, completely blushing and even more confused.
“You can come up now,” he said before losing his balance a bit.
Two Asian girls walked on to the stage next to Craig, who sat on the floor, swallowing hard.
“That is why,” Craig continued, “I’ve decided to get my first tattoo, right here and right now.”
Craig rolled up his sleeve and one of the Asian girls began to get everything ready, setting up the machine while the other prepared the inks.
Tweek hurried to the front of the stage, standing on his tiptoes to speak to Craig.
“I don't know what the hell you’re trying to do, but stop.”
“No,” Craig said, moving the microphone away, “I should have never done something like that.”
“It’s okay, I forgive you, but just get down now, you don’t need to embarrass me like this.”
Craig leaned in a bit.
“It’s just that I really do like you.”
“Have you been drinking?” Tweek asked, pulling his head back.
“Of course, I wouldn't do something like this sober,” he said, smiling at him.
“Craig, get down, now.”
Craig returned to his position.
“Tweek, will you be my boyfriend?” he asked through the microphone.
The guy shone the spotlight on Tweek again, and he stood motionless, blushing completely.
“Craig, just get down,” he insisted, avoiding eye contact.
The Asian girl turned on the machine and Craig brought his arm closer.
“Write: I am an idiot, in all caps!”
“Craig, no!” Tweek pleaded.
“You’re right, Tweek,” Craig said, “it’s not enough.”
Craig took off his hoodie and T-shirt.
“Write it here,” he said, pointing to his chest.
The crowd began to cheer him on, motivating Craig even more to keep going.
“Just say yes, Tweek!” Clyde shouted.
The people began to join Clyde, chanting: "Say yes."
The Asian girl brought the machine closer to Craig.
“Wait!” Tweek shouted to stop her. “If I say yes, will you get down?”
Craig held the microphone out to Tweek, who covered his face with both hands, closing his eyes tightly.
“Yes, Craig.” Tweek, embarrassed by the cheering crowd, moved the microphone away from his face and spoke to the Asian girls. “Don’t do it, he’s drunk.”
"But he payed yestelday, yestelday he no dlunk."
“Keep the money, but don’t do it.”
The girls started packing everything up while Craig insisted they continue, earning him boos from the annoyed crowd. One of the girls snatched the microphone from Craig.
"You money ouls! Baka!" she warned before throwing the microphone to the ground and heading down with the other girl.
Craig flopped over to one side and turned to look at Tweek.
“I really like you,” he assured with a clumsy laugh.
“Alright, get down now,” Tweek said through laughter, feeling more relieved. “And get dressed.”
Clyde and Tolkien went up to sit Craig up and, with clumsy movements, put his T-shirt on him, dragging him to the side of the stage.
Tweek approached, followed by Francis, Jason, and Jimmy, finding Craig asleep.
“Is he drunk?” Francis asked.
“Completely,” Tolkien said. “Can you guys help me get him home?”
“How embarrassing,” Tweek commented, turning to look at the crowd.
“Let them eat shit. I bet you didn't expect that,” Clyde joked.
“Did you guys know he was going to do this?”
“No, I mean, yes, but not that he’d do something like this,” Tolkien said.
“You guys are such idiots.”
“Wait until we show this to Craig,” Jason said laughing, “I recorded everything.”
Between Clyde and Tolkien they grabbed Craig by his arms, while Francis and Jason took his legs, and they carried him to a taxi where only Tweek, Clyde, and Tolkien got in, while the rest stayed at the party.
They got him out and took him to his room, where they laid him on his bed. The guys said goodbye, leaving Tweek sitting next to Craig, and they went back to the party.
Tweek watched him sleep, still laughing as he remembered everything, and took his hand.
“You’re such an idiot, Craig,” he commented, shaking his head, his gaze fixed on that T-shirt that looked so ridiculous to him.
He leaned in to kiss him on the lips, but the stench of vodka wouldn't let him, at least not the way he wanted, so he just kissed him on the cheek and left the room, heading back to the party with the guys.