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“Hot chocolate?”
Gunwook appears in front of Taerae, holding out a cup of hot chocolate that he just bought for him. A thin trail of steam wafts up.
“Oh my god, I was looking for you!” Taerae’s lips pressed into a line, brows furrowed, obviously annoyed.
Gunwook grins, can’t make any excuses. He slipped away from Taerae without letting him know, as they walked around this Christmas market.
“Sorry, it just smells so good… Here I bought one for you.”
Still looking annoyed, Taerae accepts the drink. After all, it’s a winter night on the East Coast. A hot chocolate on one hand, while their hands intertwining on the other, is such a perfect date night. Tonight, Taerae and Gunwook are visiting a Christmas market not too far from Taerae’s house. It’s been a while since they have some time to go on a date just the two of them. Because most of the time, they always spend it with their tiny bear, Kim Hana. Tonight, Hana is at home with the babysitter because today isn’t just a simple date night. They have an important mission to do.
To find presents to bring to Korea for Gunwook’s family.
“Now that Hana isn’t here, you’re the one acting like a kid.”
“That’s the taste of younger guys, hyung. I know you love it.” Gunwook wraps his arms around Taerae’s, pulling him closer.
The silence from Taerae is loud, obviously not denying it.
They both walk hand in hand around the market. Warm yellow fairy lights illuminate their paths. Green and red decorations adorn the market booths. It finally smells like Christmas. Gunwook loves the Christmas season, but he hates spending it alone. Just a year ago, he was supposed to spend the entire Christmas to New Year alone with a dog, but instead, he met two angels.
Gunwook met Taerae and his daughter, Hana, last year during his university winter break. Who would’ve expected, while pet-sitting his best friend’s dog, Gunwook would end up meeting the love of his life.
“Do they sell the powder for this chocolate? Maybe we can buy some for your family.” Says Taerae after taking a sip.
But no response from Gunwook. At this point, Taerae knows Gunwook’s habit. If there’s no response, it must be because Gunwook’s inside his mind, pondering over something.
“Jagiya”
Now that brought Gunwook back to the surface. It always works.
Taerae chuckles, “What’s on your mind this time?”
“I think Hana was mad at me.” Gunwooks slouches.
Taerae laughs, especially after looking at Gunwook’s lips pouting, the corners of his mouth curve downward.
“I thought you were thinking about your exams.”
Right now, Gunwook is still on his exam period, but even so, he still comes over every weekend to Taerae’s house. Actually, more like whenever possible. While on the weekday he stays on campus.
“I keep making mistakes, but today I don’t know what I did wrong. She suddenly avoided me.” He sounds dejected.
There are times when Gunwook doesn’t understand Hana enough, and it’s making him frustrated. Like that one time, when Hana didn’t want to eat anything and kept asking for juice. Gunwook thought she was being picky and continued to persuade her to eat until she ended up crying. It turned out that one of her baby teeth was loose, so she didn’t want to eat. Gunwook still feels bad about it.
“It’s hard, isn’t it?”
“It’s not hard,” Gunwook has thought about this before. “I think it’s more because I have these expectations of myself that I can’t reach, so I end up frustrated.”
Taerae suddenly shifts into Gunwook’s path, turning his body to face Gunwook, which causes Gunwook to walk right into him. Out of reflex, Gunwook catches Taerae, wrapping his arm around Taerae’s body to keep him from stumbling back. They stay in that position, unmoving, as Gunwook draws him closer.
Taerae glances up towards his tall, younger boyfriend with an ear-to-ear smile. “You’re so cute…”
Gunwook is trying hard not to fold then and there. He’s confiding his worries right now, yet Taerae’s acting all cute with his sparkly eyes staring at him. It’s distracting! “Ah, I’m being serious right now…”
“My god, you geniuses are always in a rush… You can’t be great at everything right away, you know.”
Gunwook pouts, “I just wanna do better for her, hyung.”
Taerae chuckles, “You’ve got nothing to worry about, Gunwook… Stop fixating on your mistakes. You taught her how to ride a bike, and now she’s already a master biker. You watched plenty of tutorials so that you can style her hair. You baked her birthday cake and prepared all the decorations, so she could decorate her own cake. She really enjoyed that, remember? She loves playing with you. She always gets excited whenever she hears that you’re coming. You’re doing perfectly fine.”
Gunwook’s mind rewinds the things they went through this year. There’s one particular day that he can never forget. Gunwook did teach Hana how to ride a bike, but one day while practicing, Hana pedaled too fast, and Gunwook couldn’t catch her in time, so she fell quite hard. She had a huge scratch on her knee and elbow, and even some little ones on her face. Taerae wasn’t there, so Gunwook panicked and rushed to the emergency room. She ended up getting her wounds cleaned up by the nurse, but other than that, Hana was fine. At night, after she was asleep, Gunwook cried as he repeatedly apologized to Taerae.
The feelings from that day come back, but it’s true, Hana is now great at riding her bike. Sometimes kids fall to learn. But Gunwook is happy knowing that Hana gets excited whenever he visits.
“Why was she angry at me today then?” Gunwook can’t help but keep dwelling on it.
“Hmm, I don’t think it was you. She was feeling down today because I told her earlier she couldn’t come with us.”
“Maybe we should’ve taken her with us.”
“It’ll be too distracting. We still need to buy some more things for your parents and hyung… besides… we can’t do this if she’s here.” Taerae pushes himself up on tiptoes, his lips hovering over Gunwook’s lips. “Let me have this one night with you.”
Gunwook’s body instantly melts. He closes his eyes as their lips meet. He can taste the sweetness of the hot chocolate they both drank, perfectly sweet and comforting. Kissing Taerae feels like home. It’s a soft kiss, but Gunwook’s deeply lost in it. Even when people are hustling and bustling around them, both of them feel like they’re in a world of their own.
When Taerae pulls back, Gunwook's lips follow, trying to get more of it.
“And I get jealous too, you know, when it’s just you and Hana playing together,” Taerae whispers.
Gunwook hums delightedly after hearing that. When he tries to kiss Taerae again, Taerae stops him, blocking Gunwook’s lips with his cold hand.
“Let’s focus back on looking for your parents’ gifts… I should be the one worrying right now!” Taerae steps backward, freeing himself from Gunwook’s embrace.
Gunwook laughs as he grabs Taerae’s arm, linking it with his. “Oh, baby, they love you already, you know that.”
Gunwook already introduced Taerae to his family. Taerae had talked to them through video call, especially Gunwook’s mother, a couple of times already. They seemed fine with Gunwook’s decision, even with Taerae’s situation. Their youngest son is dating a man 9 years older with a daughter? That’s definitely not something easy to digest. But thankfully, they’re not against it. Although Taerae rarely talks to Gunwook’s father or his brother, of course, he is still very nervous about meeting them all directly.
So Taerae makes sure to get them the things they would like as a gift. Hoping for a good first meeting impression.
࣪ ˖ ❄️ ₊˚⊹ ᰔ
Taerae is standing with his hands on his back, staring at a picture of a cute kid with chubby cheeks, his upper lip jutting out like a beak. The kid he’s looking at indeed grew up well. Smart, handsome, with a beautiful heart. He grew up in a loving family.
Gunwook was right, Taerae had nothing to worry about. Gunwook’s family welcomed Taerae and Hana warmly. After arriving in Korea yesterday, the three of them went directly to Gunwook’s family's house in Osan. And today, Taerae and Hana spent the whole day with Gunwook’s family.
He had fun. Taerae was nervous at first, but they made him feel comfortable in no time. Hana had a blast as well. Now that it’s 10 PM, she’s already deep asleep on Gunwook’s bed. Gunwook lets Taerae and Hana take his room, while he sleeps on the sofa in the living room.
“You should show me your baby pictures, too, next time.”
Gunwook’s voice made Taerae’s body jolt a little. He was deep in his thoughts, not even realizing that Gunwook was already standing behind him. His hair glistens with water, fresh out of the shower.
Taerae isn’t sure if he has his childhood pictures in his house. They’re mostly in Taerae’s parents' house.
“I’m sorry that I still can’t bring you to my family. I’ve told you, they… won’t be as welcoming as yours.” Taerae’s head hangs low.
“Oh no hyung, that’s not what I meant!” Gunwook steps forward, hugging Taerae from behind. “I’d never ask you to if you’re not ready. I was thinking maybe you have them in your phone or social media or something.”
Taerae snorts, “My childhood pictures aren’t digital, Gunwook.”
“Ah…”
Taerae burst into laughter, practically vibrating in Gunwook’s arm. Embarrassed, Gunwook buries his face in the crook of Taerae’s neck, smelling the same body soap on his skin.
“Mmm,” Gunwook sighs against Taerae’s neck, “so what did you think?”
“About what?” Taerae asks as he watches flurries fall outside the window. They’re in an apartment building so Taerae can see the ground from above. Snow in Korea doesn’t pile as much as in the US, but it still fills the entire land.
“Meeting my family.”
“It’s everything and more, Gunwook, thank you... And I think Hana loves it too, she’s completely worn out.”
They both turn to look at Hana, who is sleeping soundly.
It’s Hana’s first trip abroad, and Taerae wants her to have a good memory in Korea. Because he also visited Korea way back then when he was a child, and he remembered that he had a great time. But since he lived his whole life in the US, to him, this country still feels foreign. So he wishes Hana could get an even better experience. Thankfully, Gunwook’s family definitely made things easier.
“I’m glad… What did you talk about with mom?” Gunwook asks. He had been thinking about it while he showered. He was a bit worried. At one point, they looked like they were having a serious talk away from Gunwook, so he couldn’t hear them.
“Mainly you and Hana, of course.”
“What about Hana?”
“Hmm…” Taerae hums, a bit reluctant of saying it. It’s quite funny now that he thinks about it again. But Taerae can’t lie, when he heard it for the first time, he got choked up for a bit.
“She said, thank you for bringing a pretty granddaughter into the family. She wants us to come often so that she can experience taking care of a daughter, too. Funny, isn’t it? She talks as if we’re married already. It was cute.”
Hearing that, Gunwook perks up. “Well then, let’s get married, hyung!”
“Whoa, slow down ferrari, you fell too quickly for me.”
“Nothing is too quick about falling in love. You're just someone I've been looking for for a long time.”
“Sappy… Step by step, Casanova. You still need to graduate first. You might change your mind after that.”
“I would never…” Gunwook emphasize on never. Once he sets his mind on something, he commits to it. “I’ll graduate well, get a good job nearby so that I can live with you and Hana, and then we can finally get Hazel.”
“Who’s Hazel?”
“Our future cat.”
Taerae snickers, “I can’t believe you’re still hung up on that.”
Gunwook chuckles. No, it’s not about a cat. To Gunwook, it’s more than just having pets. Gunwook still remembers that day, Christmas Eve last year. He jokingly mentioned having a dog like Gyuvin’s family. Taerae said they can just get a cat, probably just as unserious as Gunwook was. They never got one, of course, since pets are long-term commitments. Especially since Gunwook still lives away, he’s not going to let Taerae end up taking care of it alone.
So until that day comes, until they finally live together, until Taerae can fully trust Gunwook, Gunwook will continue to work hard to convince Taerae that he is committed. Because he knows that deep inside, Taerae still has a fence around himself and Hana, which is understandable. Gunwook would’ve done the same if he were in Taerae’s position. So this trip is also one of Gunwook’s efforts to prove that he is serious.
Step by step, unlocking the gate into Taerae and Hana’s fortress.
Gunwook kisses Taerae’s temple softly, “Sleep early, we have a long day tomorrow.”
“You still won’t tell me where we’re going?”
“Nope, it’s my Christmas present for you both. Good night, let me know if you’re cold.”
It’s another warm Christmas for Taerae.
Warmer since Hana is with them this year.
࣪ ˖ ❄️ ₊˚⊹ ᰔ
Taerae’s bag slides off his shoulder to the floor. His eyes scan the room around him, can’t believe what he’s seeing.
“You’re crazy, Gunwook,” says Taerae lowering his voice not wanting Hana to hear him say bad words.
Gunwook lies on his side on the king-size bed, propping his head up with a grin on his face.
“It’s nice, isn’t it?” He pats the soft bed.
They arrived in Seoul, not expecting Gunwook to bring them to a 5-star hotel, and apparently, he booked a family suite too for the three of them to stay.
“On Christmas holiday?! Gunwook, how much did you pay for this?!!” Taerae walks closer towards the edge of the bed.
“It’s my Christmas gift.” Gunwook grabs Taerae’s arm, pulling him until he topples over on top of Gunwook’s chest, and now Taerae’s face hangs close on top of Gunwook’s.
A smirk grows on Gunwook’s face, his eyebrows raise, “and Hana has her own bed.”
“Oh my god!” Taerae slaps Gunwook’s chest. “Her bed is literally beside ours!” He’s squirming, trying to get off him, but fails. Gunwook already wrapped his arm around Taerae’s body.
Gunwook bursts into laughter. His laughter makes Hana, who was busy checking the view outside, turn around to look at them.
“Me too! Me too! Hug me too!” She says as she runs, then jumps on top of the bed to join them both.
“Come here, Hana bear, I was born to have long arms to hug you both together.”
Hana's giggle bubbles as she joins them. Taerae slides a little to the side to make space for Hana, but Gunwook still isn’t letting him off.
“Hana-ya, do you want to see lots of fish?” Gunwook asks.
Hana gasps in excitement. “Where?”
“There’s a reeeally big aquarium in here! Do you want to see?”
“YES!” Certified animal lover, Hana chimes in excitedly.
“Great! Let's go see some fish and then get dinner.”
Taerae watches them two from the side, something grows inside his heart, making his cheek muscles rise.
They arrived at the aquarium. Hana skips around from one side to the other. She loves animals, and Gunwook knows exactly where to take her to. Taerae had no idea about Gunwoook’s plans in Seoul, he kept them a secret the whole time.
“Baby, look! It’s Nemo and Dory!” Taerae points at a tank filled with various small fish inside.
“They’re called clown fish and blue tang, appa!” Says Hana with a serious face.
Taerae’s lips turn into a line, trying to hold his laughter. He slowly moves away from Hana, approaching Gunwook, who is standing on the back, observing them.
“She’s just like you now, correcting me with animal facts.” Taerae shakes his head.
Gunwook laughs, putting his arm around Taerae’s shoulder, “She’s a smart kid.”
They continue to walk around. Most of it, Gunwook had to hold her up so that she could see the exhibit closer, as he explained the animals one by one. Meanwhile, Taerae teaches her to read hangul little by little every time they come across easy words. Once they reached the kids' zone where the tanks are easily accessible by children, they let Hana walk around by herself, as they followed her from behind.
“She’s going to sleep so well tonight,” says Taerae as he watches Hana go around the place from side to side.
Taerae doesn’t expect a long answer, but Gunwook is the type to at least chuckle or give some sort of response. This time, he’s too quiet, staring dead ahead, brows furrowed. Taerae follows Gunwook’s line of sight. Apparently, he’s focusing straight on Hana and the boy beside him.
“Gunwook, stop shooting lasers at the poor kid.” Taerae nudges Gunwook’s arm with his.
“Hyung, he’s been following Hana for the past 5 minutes,” Gunwook whispers. ”Look, look! There he goes again!”
The boy indeed walks whenever Hana moves, and stays beside her whenever she stays. He looks a bit smaller than Hana, maybe the same age or younger. But Taerae finds it cute.
Gunwook, on the other hand, doesn’t.
“So, you’re one of those protective dads, huh...”
Gunwook finally turns his head, now staring at Taerae with rounded eyes. “… say that again?”
“What? Protective dad?”
It’s like stars appear in his eyes, Gunwook's eyes sparkle, his lips pout.
“What is it?” Taerae asks, still confused.
“Dad… you’re calling me a dad.”
“Do you like it that much?”
Gunwook nods. He likes the way it sounds.
“You’ll be a good one,” says Taerae with a smile, patting Gunwook on the back.
“Appa! Wookie! Let’s go! I want to see the bigger fish!” Hana suddenly stands in front of Taerae and Gunwook, pulling both of their hands to go see the next section. Gunwook’s legs follow along, but his mind stays on their previous conversation.
He can’t help but notice the future tense.
He will be a good dad.
Yes, until then. Until Taerae acknowledges that he is a good dad, instead of simply a Wookie.
They finally arrive in the main section with the largest tank, where big fish like sharks and stingrays drift through. The glass extends wide and tall from the floor to the ceiling. The room is dark, only lit by the blue light refracting through the water. Everyone around takes pictures as it is a popular spot, and so does Gunwook. His hand holding his phone, legs squatting, his body crouching, as he records Hana from the best angle. Taerae watches from behind, finding it both funny and adorable. Hana doesn’t even realize what’s going on around, her eyes sparkle blue, focused on the fish, fully mesmerized.
“Taerae hyung!” Gunwook stands up, his hand motioning for Taerae to come over. He shows his phone screen towards Taerae. “This came out really well!”
A beautiful photo of Hana.
Gunwook’s photography skill is undoubted. Taerae knows he takes great photos, something that he couldn’t do. Hana wouldn’t have such high-quality photos without Gunwook here. But then again, Taerae wouldn't be here without Gunwook in the first place.
“She looks so happy, Gunwook.”
Hana looks genuinely happy in it, smiling, beaming. Taerae's eyes glisten in awe. For some reason, he feels a lump forming in his throat.
“Appa! Did you see that? The shark came THIS close to me!” Hana suddenly comes over. She puts her hands together just with a little bit of space in between, reenacting the distance between her and the shark.
Taerae swallows down his feelings, distracted. He picks her up, settling her on his side. “Oh, baby, and you weren’t scared?”
“Nope!” Hana shakes her head, “Wookie is here!”
Taerae didn’t expect that answer.
“Wookie said he will protect us, appa, don’t be scared!”
Taerae looks over towards Gunwook, who’s just as surprised. Definitely not expecting Hana to remember his words. They talked about this quite some time ago when they were watching some animal documentary where there was a scene showing a papa penguin protecting its child. He didn’t expect Hana to still remember his promises.
Taerae whispers something in Hana’s ear. Feeling left out, Gunwook comes closer.
“Hey, I’m nosy, I wanna know too!” Gunwook protests.
“Okay, come closer, lean in to Hana,” Taerae answers.
Gunwook brings his head closer, leaning his ear closer to Hana, fully expecting to hear something, a secret, a confession, anything.
Kiss.
Hana pecks Gunwook’s cheek instead.
“And say…” Taerae reminds Hana.
“Thank you, Wookie!” Hana smiles, beaming with energy.
Gunwook can’t handle the cuteness. He ended up pulling them both in a big hug.
“I love you both so muchhh,” says Gunwook as he’s squeezing giggles out of Taerae and Hana.
“Wookie, can I get a piggyback? I want to see the shark up there, too!”
“I can do that for you, too, baby.” Taerae cuts in.
“No, Wookie is taller!” She says as she climbs onto Gunwook’s back off Taerae’s arms.
“Heyyy!” Taerae protests.
Gunwook laughs, running away with Hana on his back, giggling along.
Watching them, Taerae can see his future. A future full of being teased by both. But Taerae doesn’t mind, as long as he can see Hana smiling, laughing, being just as happy, and more.
He realized, after spending a year with them, that he would love to spend all of his cold winters, warm springs, hot summers, and chilly autumns together with them both.