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Kyouko felt overwhelmed, felt like eating and putting the music on and letting it wrap around her like a blanket. This night wasn’t good. First, Sayaka... the little magical girl who reminded Kyouko so much of herself, the young woman who Kyouko may have been a little bit in love with... had finally burnt out and vanished, just as they were starting to trust each other. To trust their feelings for each other.
Then, as she slammed her fist into the wall and moved her head so Mami and Homura didn’t see any tears running down her face, Homu said, quietly and with a sob in her voice, “Madoka.”
“Madoka?” Mami repeated, a question in her tone.
Kyouko wiped her eyes, then looked up. “Who’s Madoka?”
Turns out, Homu had amnesia. Of some sort. They couldn’t really figure it out.
Homu knew she was a magical girl, but none of what it entailed. She knew she could transform, but forgot her wings. She knew Mami and Kyouko, but not any of the random quirks and details that she had learned in the half year they had cohabited. When the two older girls took their friend to Kyuubey for advice, she started screaming and trying to kill him, and Mami and Kyouko’s combined strength almost wasn’t enough to restrain her.
So they took her home and Mami showed her to her bedroom (which she hadn’t remembered was hers, though she knew where it was). Mami tucked her in with a smile and a promise that it would all be better and she’d remember everything soon.
Then she retired to the living room, sitting next to Kyouko and frowning. “This could be bad for us,” she noted.
Kyouko picked a cookie up from the table and bit into it with a lovely little crunch. “No dip,” she said, her mouth filled with chocolate chips. “Sayaka’s... well... and Homu’s lost her memory. How’re we gonna get on now?”
“We don’t know if Homura has lost her fighting ability. And we can help her memory along.”
“She hates Kyuubey. She doesn’t seem too fond of us, either, if ya hadn’t noticed.”
Mami closed her eyes and lifted her teacup to her lips. “We’re her best friends. We must be patient and help her along.”
“Easy for you to say. You’d be patient and friendly with the demons if you could.”
The older girl smiled slightly, her mouth barely twitching upwards. She set her teacup back on the saucer and sighed. “Maybe we should just be ourselves, then. Just let her remember, and answer her questions.”
The room was quiet for a moment, bar the sounds of Kyouko chewing. Then Mami added, “Should we maybe take her to a doctor?”
“An’ say what? That she bonked her head and remembers us and herself and how to eat and stuff, but nothing important? That is to say, nothin’ about fightin’? Or magical girls? Like any doctor’ll be able to help us there.” Kyouko snorted.
“I suppose you’re right.” Mami served up another piece of cake to Kyouko. “Did we ever figure out who Madoka is?”
“Nah. Maybe someone from her family or her old school? Doesn’t seem like a big issue considering she’s got friggin’ amnesia.”
“True.”
They finished their snack in silence, then Mami rose. “I think I’m going to turn in for the night. I’ll see you in the morning, Kyouko.”
“See ya.”
Mami cleared her plate and headed to her room, and Kyouko stayed out in the living area. Taking her cell phone from her pocket, she flicked to the list of mp3 files and shuffled them. The volume was low, something that she hated, but that stemmed from necessity- she wasn’t going to wake up Mami and Homu, and Kyouko absolutely refused to put on headphones or earbuds. No way was she ever going to compromise her sense of hearing for the sake of music. With headphones, things could sneak up on you and you’d never even know it. It was surrendering to use them, and against all the instincts Kyouko possessed.
So her music was quiet, maybe a good thing considering she had an almost-embarrassing love of American pop music. To the point where she knew the translations, and despite her English being incredibly rusty, she could sing some songs perfectly. Not like she’d ever admit it. Music was Sayaka’s thing, like Kyouko’s thing was food and Mami’s thing was... well, being Mami, the big sister with the sad eyes and calm demeanor. Like Homu’s thing was being the little sister, the angel girl- but now, did that Homura exist? Would she ever again?
Kyouko would never, ever admit that she already missed the little fighter that she could tease and defend and tease some more. Maybe more than she missed Sayaka, despite how crazy and awful it sounded. But Sayaka, though she had disappeared, was still herself... even if she wasn’t herself here. Would Homu ever be herself again?
She swallowed hard. Sayaka or Homu, either way the wound was still fresh, and it hurt. Hurt too much, more than Kyouko was used to hurting from her emotions. Damn it, it was times like these that she wished she was still closed off like she was before Mami took her in, emotions stung. She blinked back tears and listened to the music.
“Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found.
Just know you're not alone
Cause I'm gonna make this place your home”
She bit her lip. Sometimes she did hate music, when it hit too close to home and sparked more feelings inside of her. She shut off her phone and tossed it onto the table. Then, Kyouko stood and headed for her room, running a hand absently through her red hair and trying to ignore the pain. She’d sleep this weakness off and tomorrow would be better. Maybe Homu’d remember everything. Maybe Sayaka wouldn’t be gone. Maybe Kyouko was sleeping now, dreaming now.
No, too deep, not a fun thought. Not a true thought. Denial. Everything was real. The only thing that you could do was survive in it.
Kyouko shut the door to her bedroom as she went inside.