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It all started when Padparadscha left their group for health reasons.
Padparadscha leaving wasn’t inherently a bad thing. It should have been a good thing. As one of the most popular members, it should have meant that Dia would get some of their leftover fans as they tried to pick a new bias out of the current members.
But that wasn’t what happened. Life wasn’t so sweet as to give them something as simple as that without a fight.
First things first - Padparadscha was their leader. They weren’t the best dancer, but they were second best. They were their best vocalist by far. They were calm and patient, and had been the perfect choice for leading them through their rookie years.
The company had to select a new leader for their group, but Yellow begged them to not pick them despite being their eldest. Rutile also told them not to bother. That made Dia the next possibility… but the company passed on them and asked Bort instead, who nodded and took charge without a fight.
That should have been the end of things.
Of course Dia would have liked to be the leader, but even they could admit that Bort was more technically skilled and would be a bigger help when it came to learning songs. Dia was the face of the group and that wouldn’t change. At awards ceremonies, Bort always handed the microphone to Dia without bothering saying words of their own. That shouldn’t change.
So Dia smiled and congratulated Bort on their new position. Teased them and told them that they’d better work on their expressions. Told them that they could always come to their older sibling Dia if they needed any help. Hugged them for the camera. The video accumulated half a million views in the first four days.
“……”
But that wasn’t the end of the ordeal.
Even though their manager settled the leader problem for them, their company decided that Padparadscha leaving would create a huge gap that none of the current members could fill.
It might have been the truth, or it might have been an excuse. Dia couldn’t tell.
There was a trainee at their company, see. A trainee who begged them to debut a new group every single day, and who promised over and over again that they’d make themself worth the company’s time if they only gave them a chance to shine.
They were probably tired of hearing it. Tired of them sneaking into their training room and pretending to be a member while dancing in the corner during their dance practice reels, just out of the camera’s sight.
That was how they added a new member three years into their seven year contract: Phos.
Of course Dia knew who Phos was. They’d trained together, however briefly, on top of Phos always trying to insert themself into their group activities.
Dia knew for a fact that Phos was useless. The three years after their debut was enough for any trainee to get some skills in the basement’s cramped practice room, of course, but it wasn’t enough to whip their chronic uselessness from them. Maybe that was being a little harsh, but… well, Phos was never meant to be an idol. That was more of Dia’s thing.
…Or so they thought.
Dia never in a thousand years thought that Phos would actually be their rival. They really didn’t think that their debut would change anything, even in the same group. So when Phos was announced as their newest member to fill the gaps, Dia wasn’t worried at all.
Padparadscha was popular - their second most popular member (after Dia, of course) by a huge margin. It was only natural to breathe a sigh of relief and show their fans a huge smile when Padparadscha departed the group to focus on their health. It was an even bigger relief when Rutile immediately lost interest and declared in the same video that they’d do the bare minimum until their contract ended, because really they only became an idol to get close to Padparadscha anyway. They all thought it was a joke and kept it in the video, but it wasn’t really. So Padparadscha leaving killed two birds with one stone, and helped Dia out tremendously.
Why? Because all Dia wanted was to be loved by their fans. Anything—anyone—who got in the way of that was their enemy.
So Padparadscha leaving was great.
Rutile, their third most popular member, losing interest and fans as a result, was perfect.
Yellow, Bort, and Zircon weren’t that popular anyway. It was hard to say who had the most fans out of them. Bort, maybe? They had hundreds of viral fancams where everyone said that they were the best dancer in their generation… but their expression was never any different from a dead fish, and the public was quick to comment on that. Netizens were often of the opinion that Bort should’ve been a choreographer or even a back-up dancer instead of an idol.
Still, there would always be people who fell for the cool persona and casual perfection, so it wasn’t like their group’s fans hated them or anything.
Then there was Yellow, who was more popular in variety shows. Sometimes they said the funniest things… but that was all they were: jokes. People rarely took them seriously. Sure, they tried on stages. But sometimes they forgot the lyrics midway through. It was cute the first time, but three comebacks in, the criticism got serious. Instead of practicing harder, they asked for less lines.
And Zircon? Just kind of there. But there were always people who loved the youngest, so Dia babied them just like they were supposed to.
Everything had always worked out in their favor.
That was why Dia was so sure that Phos being added to their group would work out, too. They could make it work. They’d baby them just like they’d always babied Zircon. People would see how nice Dia was and any fans that Phos might have had would naturally flock to Dia instead.
That was… what was supposed to happen.
Phos wasn’t supposed to go viral in their first introduction.
They had shot Phos’ official introduction into the group a month after it’d been decided behind the scenes, a few weeks after they began practicing as a group and preparing for their first comeback without Padparadscha. Their first comeback with Phos.
“I’m Phos!” they’d eagerly announced. They did a salute and stepped towards the camera so they’d be able to see their ‘super cute face’ easier, but tripped in their kitten heels and nearly fell on the floor first thing. “Oops! Hehe, hopefully I don’t do that on my first stage! I-I mean, I won’t, so watch my first fancams, okay? Promise!?”
Phos held a pinky out to the cameras. So close that their finger was blurry. The cameramen laughed while Dia bit their lip and forced a smile.
Even without seeing the video, they already knew that it was going to be viral. But they watched it anyway. The editing was perfect. Phos was adorable.
…Dia was supposed to be the adorable one, though…
Still, Dia knew that sulking about it wouldn’t do them any favors. They helped Phos out, just like they were supposed to. They were older. They had to baby the youngest member. People loved seeing that stuff.
Then their comeback stage came. Dia was sure to straighten the bow on Phos’ head. “You’ll do great,” they promised. “Just don’t forget your lines like Yellow does, okay? There’s only room for one clumsy member!”
“Aw, come on! I’m not gonna mess up. I’ll be sure to go viral, so don’t look so worried, okay?”
…That was the most worrying thing that they could have possibly said. Dia did their best to shine that night, but no matter how hard they tried, they watched the camera follow Phos. It kept inching closer to them. Closer and closer… even when it was Dia’s turn to sing.
Dia never slept after their first stage for a comeback. They couldn’t. Not with fancams to watch.
And even with the camera watching Phos so closely… they didn’t expect a result like this.
“……”
Phos’ first official fancam hit a million views on the first night. That was insane. People from every fandom, not just theirs, came to check them out. To check Phos out.
Full body fancams to show their lighthearted dancing off. Effortless jumping and laughing in secret, happy as could be. Shorts of their cute expressions even when they were in the background and the silly way they winked and stuck their tongue out playfully at the perfect moment.
Dia nearly broke their phone from how hard they were clenching it as they watched the views jump by the thousand in real time.
It was a cute song. It was supposed to suit Dia the best. But here they were, hundreds of thousands of views behind Phos’ fancams.
It wasn’t even just Phos… Dia was behind Bort, since it was their first comeback as leader. Their face didn’t really suit the song, but their expression was fresher than it’d ever been. It was a cute gap that the commenters loved.
Then there was Rutile, but Dia wasn’t worried about them. Their comments were mostly negative—‘you can tell that they don’t bother with these cute concepts. They don’t suit them at all, so they think it’s pointless to try and give up. It’s like they don’t even care about their own fans. And I noticed that they don’t smile that much in variety lately. Could they be missing Padparadscha that badly? I guess they were serious on that video where they said they don’t care anymore. I hope they don’t leave the group too… they were always my favorite…’
So what about Dia’s own comment section, then?
‘I always thought that Dia was the cutest, but watching this now, they’re pale in comparison to Phos.’
‘Maybe it’s because they’re older now, but I don’t see the spark that used to light up every stage anymore.’
‘I feel bad for Dia though. Imagine how hard it would be to get a new member who outshines you at your own concept. I’d look stressed too.’
‘You guys are being too harsh. Dia is cute.’
‘If Phos had debuted with the rest of them, Dia would never have gotten a fanbase in the first place, lol. The difference is huge.’
‘Maybe I should sell my Dia photo cards and buy Phos ones instead. I’m worried that they’ll be expensive. I should have sold sooner.’
“……”
Their comments were mostly negative too. It was Dia’s first time crying since becoming an idol.
Maybe Zircon’s comments would make them feel better. Zircon wasn’t that good at any concepts. They had what the fans sometimes called a ‘resting crisis face’ on stage. So this time too…
‘Wow, Zircon’s gotten good lately.’
‘I think Bort becoming the leader was exactly what they needed.’
‘After three years of never improving, it seems they’ve finally taken their lessons seriously. I’m glad.’
“Ah… uu…”
The lights were off. They’d already told everyone that they were going to sleep, so nobody should interrupt. But… well, that was the case before. Things were different now.
Their door cracked open. “Diaaa, can I turn the lights on?”
Dia fought to catch their breath. They wiped at their eyes to rid them of tears, but even so, it’d be obvious that they were crying if even the dimmest of lights went on. “No,” they whispered. Any louder and Phos would hear that they’d been crying in their voice. “I’m trying to sleep.”
“You have a couch in here, right? Can I sleep on it tonight?”
What!? “You have a bed! Use that!”
“I want to use it too,” Phos whined, “but this whole time, Rutile’s been threatening to kill me if I sleep in that bed.”
…Right. It’d been Padparadscha’s. “Where have you been sleeping, then?”
“The couch in the living room.”
“You can sleep there tonight too.”
“What’s wrong?” Phos asked and took a few steps into the dark. “Dia, you can talk to me.”
Dia sighed. They tried to make it sound sleepy instead of angry. “Nothing, I’m just tired.”
“From the concert?”
“Mm-hm. So I really want to sleep. You can use the couch out there.”
“But the others are dancing in the living room.”
“You can dance too.”
“I’m sleepyyyy.”
Dia rolled over. “I’m done talking. Good night, Phos.”
“…Okay, I’m moving in for now. Bort said I could, you know.”
Seriously? That traitor…
Their room arrangements had made perfect sense in the past. Yellow and Zircon, Padparadscha and Rutile, Dia and Bort. But things had gotten a little tense since Phos came.
Apparently Rutile had been refusing to let Phos sleep in their room this whole time, and honestly, Dia could see that. Rutile was really possessive of their things sometimes. Of course they’d refuse to let Phos room with them… maybe Yellow on a good day, but Phos? Never.
“……”
Dia eventually fell asleep. When they woke up a few hours later, it was to Phos snoring on the couch across from their bed. So they sighed again, gathered their pillows, and left for the couch in the living room.
Bort was there… Apparently, Phos’ snoring wasn’t just Dia’s problem.
“I can’t sleep like that,” Dia groaned. Bort was like their younger sibling. They weren’t someone who Dia wanted to share their problems with. Not really. But as their new leader, there were problems that they had more room to fix than Dia did. “Can’t we do something about Phos?”
Bort shrugged. “They have to room with someone. We only have six beds.”
“What about the pantry? We could clear it out and stick their bed inside…”
“They don’t usually snore. I think the bigger problem is Rutile refusing to let them stay in their room. It’s annoying waking up early and having to deal with them sleeping out here. I’ll have a meeting about it this morning.”
So an hour and a half later, when everyone was awake, that was exactly what they did.
“From now on, you have to sleep in your own room,” Bort said.
Rutile immediately opened their mouth. “But—”
“No exceptions.”
“…But—”
“Rutile. No. Exceptions.”
Zircon raised a nervous hand. Bort nodded and motioned for them to speak, much to Rutile’s annoyance.
“Um, I know it’s been a problem the way things are now, so, um, we could change rooms around?”
“How so?” Bort asked.
“Like… moving Yellow into Rutile’s room instead. That would work, right? Rutile, wouldn’t you be more willing to give Padparadscha’s bed up for Yellow? I think, um, that’s what Padparadscha would’ve wanted…”
“I’m not sharing.”
A collective sigh filled the living room. Rutile was legendary in their stubbornness, so this was a predictable result.
Even so, Yellow raised their hand to give their own input. “I can ask Padparadscha to come over and help mediate.”
Rutile grimaced. “Why would you bother them? They’re not a part of the group anymore.”
“Come on, Rutile. They’re our friend,” Yellow insisted. “And if you won’t listen to anyone else…”
That was if Rutile listened to Padparadscha…
Still, a vote showed that everyone was willing to try it, so they called Padparadscha over. By the time they arrived Rutile had made a breakfast themed feast for them. For context, Rutile never cooked. Not for anyone else, anyway. This was all just a show for Padparadscha.
“So you’re having problems with rooms?” Padparadscha asked, then took a bite of pancake. “Oh, Rutile, this is pretty good.”
“Thank you. But yes, rooms have been a problem. Phos is very messy. I don’t want them destroying your space.”
“What about changing the rooms up then?”
Phos raised their hand. “That’s what we suggested, but they didn’t listen.”
“That’s no good,” Padparadscha said and sighed the sigh of someone who had been saying the same thing for years on end. “Rutile, you should be more cooperative. Okay?”
Rutile nodded despite the annoyance clearly plastered on their face. It was actually pretty cute, the way they acted when Padparadscha was there. The shippers were right about them. They’d make a cute couple. The problem was that Rutile stopped listening the second Padparadscha left…
Padparadscha must have known that Rutile wouldn’t follow their word if they left it at that, though, so they continued. “And if the messiness is a problem, then we can redo the rooms based on lifestyle.”
…Ah. Dia’s smile froze on their face.
“Who’s the next messiest?”
“……”
Nobody said anything, but they all looked at Dia.
“I-I’m not that messy!” Dia protested.
“You have clothes everywhere,” Bort said. “Including on your bed.”
Yellow nodded. “I always wondered how you could sleep like that.”
“It’s not hard! And, and clothes don’t count as messes. They’re all clean.”
Bort scoffed. “Half the time at best.”
Padparadscha smiled. “Sorry, Dia. They’re right. So you can room with Phos. That leaves Bort and Rutile without a roommate. We can put them together. Does that work for you two?”
“Absolutely not,” Rutile quickly, before Bort had the chance to agree. “Bort dances in their sleep. The sound of blankets moving back and forth is annoying. And I hate white noise so I can’t cover it up with anything.”
“…Hmm… that is a problem. Is there anyone who likes white noise?”
Zircon raised their hand. “I sleep with rain sounds…”
“Then you can room with Bort, if they’re okay with that.”
Bort nodded. Apparently they didn’t care at all, because they didn’t have a single complaint about being moved from Dia’s room.
“That leaves Rutile and Yellow.”
Rutile groaned. “I’m not sleeping with them!”
Padparadscha laughed. “They’ll be in a different bed. It’s not like we’re asking you to share. Besides, I was roommates with Yellow when we were trainees. They’re neat and quiet. What more could you ask for?”
“Well… um…”
“I know that they’re not me, but I’m not in the group anymore. Yellow is the closest that you’ll get.”
“…Ugh… Can’t you have stayed? Four more years of this is going to be torture.”
“Rutile…”
They kept talking, but Dia zoned them out. Because this was the worst possible outcome.
They didn’t hate Phos or anything. Really. But they absolutely did not want them in their room. Bort was like a sibling to them. It couldn’t be helped if they had to share a room. They’d never had any real problems. Yes, Dia was messy, and yes, Bort sometimes danced in their sleep. But it was never a big issue, because they’d been roommates since they were trainees too, and it was fine. They were fine.
So why was Phos butting their head into it? They didn’t belong in this equation.
But… when Dia looked around, everyone else had moved on. Everyone else was okay with what Padparadscha suggested. Sure, Rutile was sulking, but it was probably just so that Padparadscha would keep their arm around their shoulder like they were doing now. It was cute. But even so, Dia didn’t have it in them to be happy at such a scandalous display of affection.
Phos gathered their stuff up and moved into Dia’s room just as Bort finished packing theirs and moving. Padparadscha helped move Yellow’s stuff into Rutile’s room to prevent another fight, and with that, everything was finalized.
Phos wasn’t the worst roommate in the world or anything. Dia was a pretty heavy sleeper, so their giggling at memes at three in the morning rarely woke them up. The only thing was that Dia couldn’t cry from frustration at three in the morning.
Maybe that was a good thing, though…
Promotions continued as if nothing had changed. Did anyone else even read the comments on their comeback stage? It was hard to say… Even Phos didn’t say anything unexpected about the public reception. Instead, their fixation was on the radio. On how they heard their songs when they went shopping. About how someone even recognized them in public.
They were just so happy. Dia knew that they should have been happy, but instead, resentment built under the surface and threatened to pour out at any moment.
Yet promotions continued. Award ceremonies continued. It was just… normal, but at the same time, their whole world had been flipped upside-down.
They went on three variety shows. Phos exceeded everyone’s expectations there, too. The cameramen were laughing so hard at their expression when they lost a game that they wondered if they’d have to cut the footage. But they kept it in, and it went viral, because of course it did.
Phos was the talk of the forums. They were received just as well as their original debut with Padparadscha had been, and they were only one person! There were even people who were confused about their addition and said that Phos should have been a soloist… but of course that wasn’t a good idea, because the whole reason they shined was because of their chemistry with the members (ha) and their memorable stages (even if they sometimes weren’t all that skilled of stages).
Usually comebacks were Dia’s favorite times, but despite their nine wins, it dragged them through the mud and down to hell… the hell known as ‘second best.’
Technical skill wasn’t the be all, end all of being an idol. It was only the beginning. Their job wasn’t to be good at singing or dancing. It wasn’t even bringing in a lot of money. It was to be loved. And right now, they couldn’t feel any love at all.
No matter how hard they tried to shine on stage, Phos always managed to shine brighter.
Before long, they had another comeback scheduled. The other members complained, but when they saw the concept, most of them stopped.
It was a sexy concept, something that they’d never done before.
Dia tried to picture themself in garters and stilettos, and all they could do was frown. It wouldn’t suit them at all, but that meant that it wouldn’t suit Phos either. So that was fine. Even if Rutile stood out the most, they’d gotten a lot of negative press lately for their laziness on stage, so it wasn’t like they’d be the most popular overnight.
It wouldn’t suit Dia, so it wouldn’t suit Phos either.
That was what they wholeheartedly believed.
But when Phos came in one day with a haircut and heels, their heart dropped deep into their chest.
It… suited them.
“……”
What would change their current situation?
What did they have to do for it to change?
They practiced and practiced, but everyone just laughed and called them cute. Their comeback stage came without them ever mastering their new concept. And just like they thought, Phos looked amazing on stage. Their fancam went viral alongside Rutile’s.
Dia, on the other hand?
‘I feel gross looking at their expression. It’s like a kid trying to grow up too fast. Dia, just stick with the cute concepts. I hope this era will end soon.’
‘I was hoping they’d show us a new side, but I guess not.’
‘I already forgot why they were so popular, lol.’
‘Oh, Dia…’
They tossed their phone onto the floor and rolled over in bed. They always read the comments after a comeback stage. Always. And they didn’t regret knowing. The only thing that they regretted was not doing anything before things reached this point.
They had to do something.
There was something they could do, wasn’t there?
“……”
Little by little, Dia’s mind warped into something new.
They’d been Phos’ lovely older sibling up until now. They caught the trophies when Phos’ hand slipped and they almost fell to the ground. They had done it so that Phos wouldn’t go viral for breaking it, because they knew they would. But that sweet and lovely Dia wasn’t cutting it anymore.
So what would get them what they wanted, then?
What would get them the love that had been stolen from them?
There had to be something… something that they could do…
They watched Phos carefully. They read comments carefully. Of course they continued to act in front of the camera. They even acted at home. Nobody said anything to them. Nobody noticed their internal change at all.
In the end, Dia was the only one who could take their destiny back. They were the only one who could fulfill their dreams. They were Dia’s and nobody else’s.
So if Dia wasn’t enough as they were now.
If Phos was taking their dreams by force.
If Phos was taking them from Dia… then all that Dia had to do was take them back.
It was so simple.
There were all kinds of things they could do to change their situation. They varied drastically in method and severity, but there were so, so many things…
They could put open bobby pins in Phos’ clothes. Thumbtacks in their shoes. They could drop their bracelet on stage and let Phos trip over it and hurt themself. The longer they were out, the better.
There weren’t just violent methods, either. If they could cause a controversy—a huge one, the kind that ended careers—that would be the easiest way to finish this. But there were cases where accusations were quickly proven incorrect and the accused became more popular as a result.
There were so many ways that they could alter their fate that it made Dia dizzy. So many… so many things they could do…
“…Dia?”
“Huh!?”
Dia snapped out of it at the sound of their name. It was Phos… of course. They were roommates, after all. If anyone came to see them at this time of night, it was naturally Phos.
“I’m turning on the light.”
“Wh—no! I, um, I still have my make-up on, and…”
Too late. Phos was staring at their bare face. They blinked, confused. “No? You don’t… You just look really, really upset.”
“Oh… ahaha, I must be tired,” Dia mumbled. They covered their face with an arm. “What did you need, anyway? I was about to sleep.”
“I heard you throw your phone.”
“I didn’t throw it. It just fell.”
“It’s on the other side of the room… oh, and the screen’s all cracked. Ouch.”
Dia gritted their teeth. “Don’t touch my stuff.”
“Huh? Ah, um, okay. Sorry.”
“…No, I’m sorry, Phos… I’m just tired. Don’t worry about me. Just let me sleep and I’ll be fine by tomorrow.”
“……”
Phos didn’t leave. They just stood there. Staring.
“Fine,” Dia mumbled. Something about that pissed them off. They lowered the arm that they’d been using to hide their face. Stared back. The expression that their eyes met was so precious that it made them sick. “You win.”
“Huh?”
“You win! But not for long.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’ll take back everything you stole from me.” Dia didn’t mean to say anything, but it all broke free at once. “I can’t stand you. Always acting so pretty… so cute, so sexy, so funny, what aren’t you!?”
“Wh…”
“If there’s something that you’re not, then by all means, let me know. But there’s nothing, right? So I have no choice. I’m taking it back.”
“Dia, I don’t…”
“Everything. Every single thing. I’m taking it all back. Just wait and see, okay? See what I’m really capable of.”
---
Phos didn’t say anything.
They didn’t say anything when they were pricked by a bobby pin mid-rehearsal. They didn’t say anything when they took a thumbtack out of their shoe before putting it on. They didn’t even look at Dia.
They must have known. Dia couldn’t keep their mouth shut, so they had to know. But… they didn’t say anything, and that just made everything that much worse.
Dia had nobody to talk to about this. Everyone in this world was their rival. Their enemy. Phos was, of course, the most successful of the lot, but that didn’t mean that they couldn’t trust everyone else.
Dia did whatever they could. They did live after live. Placed thumbtack after thumbtack. Danced as hard as they could, sang as stably as they could. They did it all, but even so, they were only second best.
What would it take?
How could they make Phos just… disappear?
“……”
Of course there were ways to do that, too.
It couldn’t be their room or a back alley or something. It was pointless if it was just Phos failing all alone, wasn’t it? Because even if Phos fell, it didn’t mean anything if they were still the only one that anyone ever talked about.
Their company asked them what they wanted to do for their next concept instead of just presenting something for them to sing and dance to.
Rutile wanted to do horror. They all agreed. Yellow asked Dia if they’d be okay with something like that. They just nodded, so it was decided.
Phos drew the ‘victim’ card, and they all tried out for the ‘murderer’ role. It looked like they were going to choose Rutile for it, but as they reviewed the footage, everyone decided that Dia’s (second best) murder face was too fun to pass up on.
They took concept photos. They filmed a music video. They recorded the song. They learned the choreo.
The dance had them pretending to choke Phos, their pretty nails grazing Phos’ clear skin. When they met eyes, they smiled. A long time ago, Dia probably would have found it funny. But they didn’t laugh. Neither of them did.
They danced to it countless times every day. Phos’ skin had soft red lines that they had to cover with make-up.
Two months after they heard the demo, they had their comeback stage.
In the moment that their fingernails grazed Phos’ neck, their eyes met just like always. Dia smiled their sweetest smile.
And right then, right there, on the world’s stage… listening to cheers so loud that they could hardly think… they made history in a way that no idol had ever done before.
From then on, nobody would ever forget Dia’s name.