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Jack is hot. He’s on Chance’s back in the middle of January, wind whipping around him and snow falling, and he’s hot. As a doctor, Jack knows that’s not good. Bad, in fact. He might even call it concerning. As a man, Jack reckons he can push through until he meets Robby at the cabin. It’s remote, empty this time of year. Nobody ventures that far from town in winter without good reason. Jack has over six feet of good reason waiting on him that he hasn’t seen in months. Surely he can make it half a day’s ride.
Chance is a good horse, steady even in the snow. Jack clings tight to the reins. They can make it. He just has to stay in the saddle.
Even though he’s sweating, Jack pulls his coat tighter around him and his hat down low. The last thing he needs is to get even sicker.
For the next few hours, Chance carries Jack closer to Robby. Jack thinks of Robby sitting by the fire, pile of blankets and pot of coffee waiting. He doesn’t know what Robby will allow this time. Words, touches, kisses. All of the above. None of those things at all. Jack doesn’t care. As long as he can see Robby’s face and hear his voice, he’ll consider himself the luckiest man alive.
Chance keeps going with little guidance from Jack. The only things in sight are trees, snow, and mountains in the distance. Whatever happens, they can’t stop now. “We’re okay, boy,” Jack says. That’s the last thing he remembers before he hits the ground.
***
The ground is moving. Jack is wet now. He hears Chance whinny, thinks he smells peppermint. Robby loves peppermint. He carries them in his pocket. “Miss Robby,” Jack mumbles. He has a vague sense of something wrapped around him. “Need to see him.” He hopes he doesn’t get frostbite. Robby wouldn’t like that at all.
***
There’s a cup against Jack’s lips. It’s hard and cold. Tin. Water pours into Jack’s mouth. He swallows. Pain shoots through Jack, making him whine. He tries to push the cup away, but it’s back almost immediately. A big hand pushes the hair back off Jack’s forehead. Big hand. Robby? Jack misses Robby. He’s supposed to see him soon, but he doesn’t know if he can make it there now. Is he still in the snow? There shouldn’t be a cup of water in the snow. The cup is insistent, so Jack opens his mouth. Oh. Bourbon this time. Warm going down, but it still hurts. Jack grabs for his throat, but that same big hand urges Jack’s hands away. Whoever is here, Jack hopes they take care of Chance. He shouldn’t be alone in the woods.
***
Jack feels a blanket against his skin. Where are his clothes? He needs his clothes. He must be out of the snow now, except he thinks he can still feel it on the back of his neck. Is there a blanket in the woods? But his clothes are gone. He certainly can’t be naked outside in the winter. He pulls the blanket closer. That should be fine.
***
Everything is shaking. Jack is shaking. He’s not hot anymore. He’s cold. So cold. There are definitely blankets around him now, and he feels that his leg has been taken off, so he must be inside. Why is he still so cold? A cloth brushes across his forehead. That feels nice. “Need to get to Robby,” Jack mutters. He must be late by now. Robby will worry.
***
“Jack.”
Jack opens his eyes. Robby is there. Jack smiles. “You’re here,” he says. Robby’s hand cups Jack’s cheek. Jack loves Robby’s hands. He’s so glad Robby’s here. He loves Robby. “Love you,” he says, then covers his mouth. He’s not supposed to say that. It makes Robby sad. Jack turns his head, hiding his face against something soft and warm. “Sorry,” he whispers. Jack feels Robby’s fingers in his hair. He also feels the soft thing moving. Oh, that’s Robby’s shirt. Robby’s chest. Jack snuggles closer. Robby doesn’t always let him get this close.
“Shhh, baby, just sleep,” Robby says. Jack feels warm again, inside his chest this time. Robby hardly ever calls him baby. Jack is happy, even if his throat still hurts. He thinks he hears Robby say “Love you,” but that can’t be right. Robby doesn’t say it out loud, not for a long, long time. Not since Jack got married, except for the one time at Katie’s funeral. Jack doesn’t like to think about that. He misses her so much. He rubs at his eyes. Robby’s arm tightens around him. Robby. Jack still has Robby.
“Woulda married you too,” Jack says. Then everything turns black.
***
The next time Jack wakes up, he smells food. Robby isn’t next to him anymore, which makes sense. Robby never was one for staying still. Neither of them are, but Jack doesn’t have much choice right now. Jack aches. His throat and his head and his muscles. Even his eyelids hurt. Opening them seems like too much trouble. Things make more sense now, though. His fever must have broken. Jack smells woodsmoke, and he’s warm, so Robby must be nearby. He wouldn’t have gone far with a fire burning.
“Robby?” Jack calls.
Jack feels the bed move almost immediately. Robby’s hand is on his forehead, checking his temperature.
“Better,” Robby says. He sounds so relieved.
“Can you open your eyes, baby?”
It takes a second, but Jack manages. He’ll do anything for Robby. Robby, whose face is creased with concern. His neck has a few days’ worth of stubble, and his lips look bitten. Jack frowns. “Are you alright?” he asks.
That startles a laugh out of Robby. “Sure,” he says. He smoothes his thumb over Jack’s brow. “Why wouldn’t I be? I only found you half dead in the snow with Chance circling around you to protect you from predators. I’m completely fine.”
Right. That was a stupid question. “Sorry,” Jack says with a frown. He’s always worrying Robby.
Robby shakes his head. “Don’t need to be.” He pulls the blanket up to Jack’s shoulders. Now that Jack is more aware, he recognizes it as the quilt Robby’s had for years. In another world, it would be their quilt. He rubs his cheek against it. It smells like Robby. “You carried this all the way here?”
“We needed blankets,” Robby says, voice rough. He reaches behind Jack’s head and fluffs the feather pillows. Robby must have brought those too. “Almost never get a real bed.”
Jack hears the ache in Robby’s voice. He knows how hard this is on Robby, how much it hurts him to only have Jack in bits and pieces. Jack would give him everything, every day and night and all the in between, if Robby would let him, but they both know it’s not safe. Jack doesn’t care. Robby does.
“Miss when we used to ride together,” Jack says. He reaches for Robby’s hand, smiling when Robby lets him keep it. He feels like a boy with a prize. “Wish we never stopped.”
Robby squeezes Jack’s hand. “You had Katie, and I had to learn to get by on my own.”
For a moment, they don’t speak. The fire in the wood stove crackles. There’s something cooking in a pot. Soup, Jack thinks. The cabin is small, rough-hewn, but comfortable. Snow is coming down. Jack hates to break the quiet peace.
Jack tugs at Robby’s hand until Robby meets his gaze. Robby’s big, brown eyes are warm, full of care. Maybe getting sick enough to fall off his horse wasn’t so bad after all.
“Who said you had to get by on your own? We wanted you to stay,” Jack says.
He never told Katie, but she knew. She had an uncle who was like them, and she didn’t much mind. She was awful fond of Robby.
Robby sighs. “Jack,” he says. He gets up, fiddles with the pot on the stove. He fills a bowl and brings it back to bed with him. “You need to eat.” He holds out a spoonful and looks at Jack expectantly.
Resigned to his fate, Jack opens his mouth and lets Robby feed him. The soup is good, hearty and salty. Tastes like Robby used a ham hock.
“How much stuff did you pack in with you?” Jack asks between bites.
Robby shrugs. “A patient gave me a mule as payment a while back. His son had a long illness that required a lot of care, but the boy’s doing better now. Thought I might as well make us comfortable.”
They both know how to live without creature comforts. They go where their help is needed, and they know how to make do with what they have. Jack smiles. Robby brought these things for him. To take care of him. So they could be comfortable together.
After Jack finishes the soup, Robby gives him more water. “Drink,” he says in his Dr. Robinavitch voice. Jack listens.
After, Robby helps Jack take care of his bodily needs, sitting him up to relieve himself in a bucket, then washing the sweat from his body with a basin of water and a cloth. After Robby makes sure Jack is dry, he dresses Jack in warm clothes. Robby’s clothes, Jack realizes. He lets Robby lay him back down, snuggling happily into Robby’s clothes and Robby’s blanket. Jack feels better after all of Robby’s ministrations, but he still hurts.
“Mike?” Jack asks. He reaches for Robby like a child. “Lie down?”
Robby comes to him without protest, getting under the quilt and pulling Jack to his chest. “Are you still cold?” Robby asks.
There are at least two other blankets under the quilt, and Robby’s covered the windows with canvas. The fire is burning, and Jack feels warm. Pleasantly so, not the burning heat from before.
“No,” Jack says. He presses his face to Robby’s neck. “Just wanted you.”
Robby doesn’t say anything. He kisses the top of Jack’s head and holds him close. Jack drifts off to sleep.
***
When Jack wakes, Robby’s still there. He’s paging through a book with one hand and stroking Jack’s hair with the other. Jack takes the opportunity to kiss Robby’s neck. His skin is smooth now. He must’ve shaved sometime while Jack was asleep. “Hello,” Jack says.
Robby huffs out a laugh. “Hello, he says.” He puts his book down and wraps his arms around Jack. Jack lets out a surprised sound and burrows closer against Robby. Robby’s given him so much closeness with so little effort.
“Did I almost die?” Jack asks. He slips his hand under Robby’s shirt, testing his luck.
Robby sighs. He leans down to kiss Jack’s forehead, his beard brushing Jack’s skin. “Yeah, baby. Yeah, you did.”
Ah. That explains it. This is temporary, then. Jack swallows hard around the lump in his throat, then lets out a pained groan. He still hurts.
“What’s wrong?” Robby asks. His hands are all over, feeling Jack’s forehead, his lymph nodes, taking his pulse. Normally, Jack would bat Robby’s hands away, but right now, he’s enjoying the attention.
He takes Robby’s hands in his anyway. “My throat hurts. It’s okay. I’m okay. I’m also a doctor, you know.”
Robby glares at him. “And yet I still had to find you passed out in the cold.”
Jack knows Robby’s not really angry. If he was, he would take his hands away. Jack searches Robby’s face.
“You were scared,” he says.
“No shit,” Robby snaps. He takes a deep breath and pulls Jack in until they’re chest to chest. “I was fucking terrified. I’m not letting you out of my sight until spring at the earliest.”
Jack’s head snaps up. “Do you mean that?”
Robby’s face goes soft. “Yes, Jack. You think I’d leave after that?” He brings his hand to the back of Jack’s nape and squeezes.
Jack bites his lip. “Honestly? I thought you’d stay a couple weeks and then light out.”
“No,” Robby says. Firm. Certain. He kisses Jack’s curls. “No, baby. We can wait out the rest of the winter here with a few supply runs. Then, I figure it’s high time we started riding together again.”
The elation that flows through Jack almost makes him lightheaded. He clings more tightly to Robby. He’s been homesick for him for years on end, and now he’s allowed to return home. “Promise?” he asks.
Robby tips his chin up and gives him the briefest kiss. “Promise. You can sleep again, Jack. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Jack lets himself slump down onto Robby’s chest. He’s tired, sore, experiencing general malaise. Robby’s arm wraps around his back. Jack can hear Robby’s heartbeat. “I love you,” Jack says.
For the first time in years, Robby says it back.