Chapter Text
It had been three weeks since that party by the lake.
21 days since the green goblin attacked.
What felt like either two seconds or three years since the night Regulus Arcturus Black was murdered.
Life for James Potter has been a constant nightmare since then.
That night was meant to be fun and relaxing, a time to celebrate the coming of summer after so many dreadful months at school.
He couldn’t have known, no one could’ve known that that dreadful mistake of a monster was going to attack.
But it was James that he was after.
And it was James who convinced Reg to even come in the first place.
By the time the green goblin was gone it was too late. A poisoned dagger had impaled Regulus in the chest and he had fallen into the lake off the bridge where he was helping everyone else escape.
There was nothing James could do, he wasn’t a doctor.
Drowning and blood loss aren’t a fantastic combination you come to find out.
It was too late.
He repeated it over and over and over still.
Nothing but a miracle could save Reg.
And James wasn’t a wizard.
There was nothing to be done but hold the love of his life and watch as he slowly slipped away….
After that Jame’s memory became fuzzy, something to do with Barty Crouch Jr. coming back to look for them and seeing Spider-Man over the body of his best friend, something about James swinging away into the night sobbing all the while.
Tears and holes in a suit can be mended. Web slingers can be repaired and refilled. Blood washes off.
But the damage is always there, always in a faint memory or barely noticeable stitch.
Though the blue’s and red’s are the same as they always were, James can still see the dark scarlet of Reg’s blood staining the suit he used to so proudly present.
He could still smell that metallic odor that had tainted his costume.
He could still feel Reg’s weight in his arms and his fingers against James’ palm.
A second hand kiss, they had always called it, where one person would kiss their fingers and press them to the others hand.
A way to show they cared when kissing in public wasn’t the safest.
James still hasn't used the kiss yet. It weighed down his hand, a constant reminder of what he couldn’t do.
He couldn’t save who mattered most.
He wasn’t a hero anymore.
If he ever even was.
The second week was the funeral.
The Black family didn’t want the matter talked about more than it already was and they had enough money to get anybody to do anything as quickly as they wanted so the burial happened rather quickly after the incident.
Barty, Evan, and Pandora were the only friends of Reg’s that were invited, their parents were in good standings in the strange little billionaire world that ‘pure bloods’ lived in. Money talks, and that's mostly likely why Sirus was left out of the guest list.
He wasn’t their son anymore after all.
Suppose they forgot he was a brother though.
That day was warm, the birds sang loudly, the sky was blue.
Every other teenager from school was with their friends or sleeping past noon.
To James it all felt wrong.
The world kept on spinning while the most amazing person he had ever known was in a casket.
It was a cruel joke.
His friends had all sat on a hill by where Reggie was to be buried. The casket was black and Walburga chose red roses to decorate.
Reg hated roses, said they were overrated and conformist.
Regulus likes dandelions and daisies.
Not that that mattered to the black family, they didn’t get much right.
They buried him in a dress with a heavy golden locket around his neck.
Barty threw up when he saw it.
The third week was when Peter went to grab something from James' room.
They had gotten the Marauders together to take their minds off things but they spent the evening staring at the wallpaper and the carpet and the coffee table instead, anything but each other.
Anything but Sirius.
Everything reminded James of Reggie lately.
Maybe it was a cruel joke from the afterlife.
The world seemed to be making fun of him a lot as of late.
That day James hadn’t cleaned his room. He had been finding it harder and harder to do so. Everything just felt so pointless.
He didn’t bother going out as Spider-Man anymore. And when he did, it was mostly just to sit somewhere high up and think.
He wasn’t really helping anybody. Hell, he had already proven that he couldn’t.
That day he had forgotten to hide his suit where he usually did, under the loose floorboard in the back of his closet. His mask was resting on his bed out for anyone to see, and
Peter sadly happens to be someone.
He had rushed downstairs and announced rather loudly that he had to go home now. Something about his older sister needing him for dinner. Remus left an hour or two later, he didn’t like to walk home at night and his mother had bad eyes so driving wasn’t an option.
Sirius didn’t even say goodbye.
The next night James went on ‘patrol’. Which used to mean he would swing around and make sure all was well. Stopping various muggers and creeps.
Nowadays he just drifted from rooftop to rooftop trying to clear his head from the thought of never seeing Reg’s smile again or hearing the scoff he did when he was trying to hide a laugh.
Remembering is so painful when the past can't align with the present.
He came home through his window around eleven thirty but it could've been three in the morning. His sense of time felt so alien now.
Hours dripped by painfully slow while days seemed to pass in mere seconds.
He wore headphones that evening simply to cancel out the chaos of the city at night.
The thought of listening to music made him feel ill.
Despite the summer air, James still wore a hoodie and a pair of jeans over the suit, it made him blend in better, camouflaging the violent red that went with spiderman.
He carefully walked downstairs to grab something to eat before he watched the sunrise or simply fell asleep against his own consent.
His parents had a work party tonight and usually stayed out pretty late, Sirius and him were seventeen, they could take care of themselves.
a stale bagel had piqued his interest when the hairs on the back of his neck stood up, his left eye twitched.
He removed his headphones slowly, soft voices were coming from the living room.
James pulled off his mask and shoved it in his pocket quickly. Zipping up his hoodie as he began to walk closer.
Maybe his parents had come home early?
Through the doorway stood Barty and Moony who seemed to be in a heated discussion that was too quiet to hear.
Sirius was sitting on mom's old blue couch, his head in his hands. Pete sat quietly next to him, an arm over his shoulders.
James thought about asking ‘who died’ but it seemed distasteful.
He inched deeper into the living room, nervousness tracing cold fingers down his spine. None of his friends seemed to notice him yet so he cleared his throat slightly.
His voice seemed to spook them all and their heads all snapping to him, sharp gazes burning holes into him.
“Hi…?” He said meekly. Anxiety was wrapping around his throat, he was vaguely aware his hands had begun to shake.
“Hello Prongs” Remus answered carefully, taking a slow step forward as if not to scare off a wild animal
“What are you guys doing in my house when no one's home?” James said, trying a poor attempt at humor.
Oh god is someone else dead?
Sirius probably let them in, he thought, but he’s usually asleep by now……what time was it?
“Pad’s home” Remus countered quickly, taking another step forward. “And you’re home.”
Oh god oh god oh god please not again.
Dread pooled in his stomach.
“I just got here though……..” James answered slowly shifting his weight from foot to foot. Why were they all watching him like that? If something else had happened they would have said so already…..right?
“How?” Barty butted in, pushing Remus off to the side a bit.
“What?”
“How did you get home?”
Barty glared at him, green bits of hair falling into his pale face.
“I don’t see why this is importan-”
“Prongs we know that you’re Spider-Man!” Peter shouted from where he stood across the room. The shorter boy's eyes widened at his own statement as if he didn’t really want to believe it to be true. His knuckles were clenched into fists by his sides as he held his ground.
Were they expecting a fight?
James' stomach dropped and his heart rose in his throat. His entire anatomy was desperately trying to tear itself apart just to escape this dreadful room with these dreadful questions. James took a step back and began to stutter, to come up with some way to explain this to them. Every part of him told him to run and deflect, Every hair was on end, screaming that he was in danger, drowning out his other senses. He felt trapped.
“What makes you say that?” He managed, cringing at how high pitched his voice was.
He was going to puke.
Barty then suddenly lept forward and forced the zipper on James’ jacket down, freeing that awful spider on his chest.
It was so so red. Scarlet and wet and sticky and metallic all over again.
James didn’t have to look up to see the shock and horror that painted each one of their faces. He didn’t have to be looking to see how they all shrunk away from the logo, away from him.
The room was silent, even the cars outside decided to quiet.
The world had slowed for this moment.
Now it paid attention, James thought bitterly. Now it cared.
“It’s you,” Sirius whispered. The couch creaked loudly as he got up.
“You killed Reggie.”
James stopped breathing.
It wasn't true.
It wasn't true.
It wasn't true.
But it was.
A part of him hoped his lungs would suddenly compress into little squares and he would suffocate right there and then.
But the world was cruel.
So cruel in fact that it forced James to look up and meet his friends' eyes.
Monster.
Monster.
Monster.
He didn't even notice his hand had crept into his pocket before a familiar fabric was tightly grasped in his fist.
James looked into Sirius's eyes, it might have made things better if he had tears to match. But he didn’t.
Something in him refused to cry, something in him made everything numb in this moment. Perhaps it was the spider in him.
Time was slow again and James realized this was the first time he had looked his brother in the eyes since that day.
Regulus’s eyes were bluer and lighter than Pad’s. They were sadder and more tired.
At this moment though, they looked similar. Hard and angry.
Like their mothers.
“You killed him” Siri whispered again, a tear trailing down his cheek. “You killed my baby brother.”
Barty let out a sob, or maybe it was a scream, his voice cracked and splintered.
The hard blade of rage can shatter the humanity in someone you come to find out.
The boy lunged at James, fingers aimed for the face, mouth open in a snarl.
James blames the spider in him for causing him to spin out of the way.
James blames the spider for making him run. ‘Always running aren’t you?’ A powerful, booming voice taunted in his brain, overpowering every other thought.
His hair was standing on end, everything sounded muffled.
James ran down the hall and pulled that awful mask over his face.
He grabbed the bag he had packed for the sleepover he and Marlene had planned for tomorrow that rested by the front door.
His heart thumped through his head into his fingertips. Ratting his rib cage, perhaps it was trying to escape.
The night was colder than he remembered, sharp enough to cut his throat with each heaving breath he took.
He didn’t look behind him before shooting a web to the roof across the street.
He heard Barty slamming open the front door though. Screaming and sobbing for James to stop.
It wasn’t something anyone would want to see.
James didn't stop.
He swung as fast as he could and ran along buildings when that didn’t feel fast enough.
He wasn’t even quite sure why he was running.
He had nowhere to go after this.
He didn’t even want to get away, he wanted to be screamed at and punished and put in prison for the rest of his life after what he did.
So. Why. Couldn’t. He. Stop. Running?
The city began to slowly gain back its noise as he got farther and farther away from his home, but he kept going. Maybe he would run himself to exhaustion and die.
He focused on each step.
The way his feet thumped against the graffitied wall he stuck to.
The way his red converse that were tied to his backpack thumped in rhythm to the rest of his body. The way wind rushed through his hair, pulling it back out of his face.
Everything seemed to be urging him forward. Just one more step.
But the next step was not met with a building.
It was met with nothing at all.
James gasped and looked down to where the solid wall was meant to be.
His gaze was met with a swirling vortex of vibrant colors and strange shifting patterns.
Whispering flowed out of the portal, latching onto him dragging him deeper and deeper. He was already up to his waist when it hit him that this was probably something bad and not to be stared at like he was some deer in the headlights.
He tried to shoot a web at the closest street light.
Nothing happened.
He was all out of web fluid.
“Shit” he hissed, panic rapidly rising.
His fingers scraped against the rough brick walls around him desperately for purchase but the pull of the portal was stronger.
He was falling and he was panicking.
Then finally, the one hand connecting him between home and the unknown suddenly slipped and James fell back into a free fall.
Watching helplessly as the London sky line disappeared and the portal closed.
Bright colors and patterns flooded his vision even after he closed his eyes in an attempt to block everything out.
The world was suddenly a kaleidoscope of fractured shapes and spirals.
Invisible hands clutched him, his very atoms, and dragged in every direction.
James felt like he was being pulled apart, piece by piece.
Voices and sounds assaulted his senses, like a thousand TV channels being clicked through at random.
“-I’ll get you out! Sirius got out, you can too! I promi-“
“-love you but I can’t let you drink that monster, it’s three in the mor-“
“-uddeeee you knowwwww I can’t cookkk. Can we pleaseeeeee get McDonal-“
“-Time continued to pass. He never did fall in love again-“
“-what if we watch Finding Nemo but we kiss every time we see a fish!? Don’t scoff I’m seriou-“
“-you got the mark? Reg, we promise-“
“-f course you're a black cat, literally nothing else makes sens-“
“-i’m sorry-“
James was tossed around carelessly. His screams being stolen away into nothing, blending into the noise around him.
His head pounded and his heart beat ricocheted through his body.
He fell this way and that with seemingly no rhyme or reason.
James hugged himself tightly trying to keep himself together. He doubted it would do anything.
Everything was so loud, so bright, so much.
God please let it stop please please please.
Then he started to hear screaming. His screams, he could finally hear himself again!
The invisible grasp on his matter suddenly gave away and he was finally falling in a set direction. There was once again an up and a down.
A feeling he never knew he could miss.
When he finally hit the ground it was hard and cold and wet. He inhaled deeply, finally tasting oxygen again. It smelt like rain.
He stood up quickly, which probably wasn't the best idea. Bright lights danced in the corners of his eyes and the world around him spun. He blinked quickly, wishing the world to center itself. A headache pulsed behind his eyes and bile had begun to rise in his throat. His fingertips felt raw and there was a strange buzzing under his skin.
He was on a rooftop at night, he assessed.
Above him stars winked softly. There was less pollution, you could see the sky better here on some random building than you could from any point at home.
He glanced up, searching for a quick moment, Regulus the star, was out tonight.
The human Regulus used to take James to go see it all the time when his home got to be too much.
He taught James how to find it.
A tradition, Reg would always say, the one good thing that came out of the strange and terrible family which was the Blacks.
They each got something in the sky just to themselves.
Something embedded in the very fabric of the universe that they were connected to. Something to prove his existence wasn’t a giant error.
Cars buzzed quietly below him.
A few civilians walked the streets.
It was London, he could see that easily enough.
But not his London.
The hair on the back of his neck stood up.
Chills crawled all throughout his body.
His left eye twitched.
James whipped around, his eyes meeting gray ones.
They were older than they should have been for a teenager.
Plagued with anger and sadness that no one should ever have to know.
The person had short curly black hair that had been cut by themselves.
He had sharp, pale features dotted with moles.
He had naturally pink lips that James knew he hated but everyone else envied.
He cocked his head to the side just a bit, like a cat would when it spotted something it had never seen before.
It was a face James knew very well. A face he had studied every second he could.
It was a person he loved more than almost anything else in the world.
It was something that shouldn't be possible. Couldn't be possible.
James couldn’t breathe.
“Regulus…….?”