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Kris and Noelle were seated around a mahogany desk, inside of a well decorated office. Christmas lights were draped across the wall alongside green, white and red pennants. The distant sound of a soiree filtered through the door, cheerful and yet elegant music seeming to come from a mile away. If one strained their ear, they could perhaps make out Italian lyrics humming along to a melancholic solo trumpet.
Kris adjusted their perfectly tailored suit, the rose kept in their pocket shining in much the same fashion as their ruby eyes. The human’s bangs had been pulled back and combed, and yet their exposed face didn’t show any more expression than usual.
An odd calmness reigned inside of the little room as Noelle began to speak.
“I believe in Hometown,” she said, stopping to clear her throat. “Hometown has made my fortune. And I was raised in the monster fashion,” the doe continued, her voice as rugged as the paper she was reading from. She raised her eyes to meet Kris’, which showed total indifference.
“I was given freedom, but was taught to never dishonour my…” Noelle began to laugh, her muscles relaxing as she leaned back into her wooden chair. “Oh, Kris, can I drop the Godfather thing ? I just want to pull a prank on Dess to get back at her for keeping me up all night with her hard rock, fahaha.”
The self-proclaimed Godparent fiddled with their rose, the slightest traces of disapproval painted on their face.
“You may not,” they declared dryly. Noelle sighed.
“Really, Kris ? You’re gonna keep this up all night ?” She inquired, rolling her eyes. Ever since Toriel had forced Kris to dress nicely, for the Holiday’s Christmas party, they had been fixated on acting like Vito Corleone. If they kept it up, it was decidedly going to be a very long party.
For a few seconds, the human stayed quiet, as if in deep reflexion. “I understand…” They finally said, much to Noelle’s relief.
“...You found paradise in Hometown…” Kris continued following their Godfather script, very much to Noelle’s displeasure. The doe’s attempts to voice her opinion as the human rambled were all futile. Guess I’ll have to play along, then… She thought, shrugging her shoulders. Faha, it could be fun !
For a few minutes the two actors continued their satirical dialogue, Noelle holding in her giggles as she read her script. Kris had seemingly glued together some of the movie’s most famous quotes into one continuous mess.
“You see, I’m gonna make Dess an offer she can’t refuse,” Kris grinned mischievously, the doe smiling along.
“Revenge is a dish best served hot. The hot fire of passion, that is. Tonight, I’ll set up the mistletoe for her and Azzy.” A long pause was marked for dramatic flair. It was an open secret that Dess and Asriel had a gigantic crush on each other. The two lovers were seemingly forced to stay within two feet of each other, and their hands were always glued together. Their eyes didn’t fare any better — those were glued to much nastier places.
“But she’s gotta pay for what she did to my family.” Kris took a long drag out of a fake paper cigar. They thought back to the many times they were brutalised by a baseball bat, simply for playing innocent pranks and maybe for making Noelle cry every single tear her miserable body contained.
“So I’ll do it at the worst possible time, when we unwrap the presents !” The Godparent added, cackling maniacally. “Everyone will see them kiss !”
Noelle gasped at the sheer evil of Kris’ machinations. “Toriel’s gonna kill them both, you know that ?” She whispered, as if uttering the matriarch’s name out loud was enough to invoke her wrath.
“I know, my dear Noelle,” the human pretended to pet an invisible black cat as they spoke, “That, perhaps, is the point.”
“But how ? How will you sneak away to set up the mistletoe while we’re unwrapping the presents ?” She asked, eyes filled to the brim with morbid curiosity.
“That is a secret I just can’t tell,” Kris declared solemnly, staring into the distance in an italo-american manner. “But I must prepare for tonight’s events. You may leave.”
“Yes, Godparent !” Noelle giggled, strolling out of the room.
Little did she know to what extent Kris’ plan involved her.
“Oh, yeah, that party ! I remember, Toriel just hurled—” Rudy’s cheerful reminiscence was cut off by an explosion of yells and laughs. Toriel gave a quick prayer before continuing her protests as Asgore hugged his hurting ribs.
“Let’s not talk about this in front of the children,” Carol affirmed calmly, much to Toriel’s satisfaction and the children’s now fully awakened curiosity. They knew better than to ask, however — no one wanted to make the church’s most minute attender turn the jolly feast into a terribly boring sermon. Asriel tried to forget about it, while Kris stored the juicy gossip for future teasing.
“Dude, can you pass me the cheese crackers ?” Dess called out to the little human, who had been not-so-secretly hoarding the snacks. They stopped right in their tracks, and put on a deadpan expression. Should I call her sister-in-law…? The idea really tempted them, but they eventually decided against it — they’d prefer not to get beaten up this early into the party, it might mess up their capabilities for the night’s main event.
“Of course, December,” Kris nodded, as they methodically folded their napkin, aligning it with the perfectly parallel cutlery. Slowly, precisely, and with polite refinement, they handed the basket of cheese crackers to an annoyed Dess. The gesture was ended by a sudden and firm handshake. Toriel squinted, able to tell that this was deliberately exaggerated, and that her child was unfortunately still an utter menace.
Rudy let out a snort at Kris’ antics. “Real gentleman over here ! Try not to shoot anyone staining the family’s honour, alright ?”
“I’ll leave the gun, and take the cannoli,” the Godparent said bluntly as they served themselves some more pastries, eliciting a few laughs from the adults around the table. Asriel shrugged his shoulders, indifferent to Kris’ incessant acting. As far as he was concerned, it was a completely harmless antic, compared to what his sibling usually got up to.
Like the time they barged into my DnD session with Dess and knocked all the figurines over… Or when they installed the 1/10000 chance for a ICE-E jumpscare mod onto Catpetterz, almost killing Noelle… Or when they swapped my notes for my presentation on human-monster relations with a copy of their adoption papers… Decidedly, Asriel thought, that adorable little shit never gave him a break.
“So !” Rudy cleared his throat, ready to ask an important question. “You guys prepped good gifts ?”
“I think so, honey,” Carol smiled as she took another sip of red wine. Toriel eyed the bottle intently, but knew better than to drink this early. She did not have the stomach the Holidays had, and was acutely aware of it.
“I am sure everyone will be satisfied by my presents !” Toriel assured, wholly confident in her gift giving abilities. Everyone else exchanged more or less subtle glances, expressing either fear or repressed hilarity. While the older lady was certainly a loving and thoughtful person, she wasn’t a particularly good gift giver.
“I bet five on socks,” Dess whispered to Asriel, who let out a barely controlled squeak at the acknowledgment of his existence by the doe he was over the moon for. Rudy kicked Asgore under the table, twice, to communicate what everyone knew already. Toriel sighed internally, wondering for just how long the two love birds would continue beating around the bush. That poor plant was certainly long dead.
Rudy coughed, diverting the conversation’s subtextual topic. “What about you, Dess, are your gifts any good ?”
The doe nodded vigorously, smiling brightly. “Yeah ! I’m sure y’all will like them.”
The statement would have been innocuous if she wasn’t staring directly into Asriel’s eyes, as if the meaning of life was hidden inside of them. The boy had turned so red under her stare that it was hard to look at him without being blinded.
Angel, Dess, your dad put the train of conversation back onto its tracks and you’ve immediately derailed it down a chasm ! Kris thought, rolling their eyes internally. It was particularly hard to maintain a mob boss facade with those two pricks around you.
“Um, yeah, haha !” Asriel giggled, everybody else flinching at the awkwardness that was to come. He spoke with the tone of voice of someone who’d just run a marathon and was now negotiating a peace treaty in the Middle East — which indicated he was talking to Dess, or thinking about her, or just that he was in her vicinity, really.
“I’ve also figured out some, some great pr— presents for you, D— Dess !” He continuously gasped for air as if he was on Mars without a space suit. Silence weighed upon the table like a semi-truck. Everyone stared intensely at Asriel, waiting for him to back-peddle into a slightly less embarrassing statement. Kris nudged Noelle, who marked another tally onto a neat sheet of paper. The Dess/Azzy catastrophic conversation competition now had a score of 57 to 295.
“Uhm, and for everyone else too, of— of course !” Asriel blabbered suddenly, his brain having caught up to his mouth. Kris, who somewhat pitied their brother, decided to break the awkward silence. They fiddled dramatically with their rose, sitting straight.
“I have also prepared some presents for the family,” they assured calmly, “and I am quite certain that you will all appreciate them.”
Kris let a little mischievous grin form on their face. Especially Noelle…
Asriel and Dess stood by the fireplace, taking in its warmth and each other’s burning love. The wisps and sparks of the flame danced like leaves in the wind, yet the fire was nowhere near as fascinating as its reflection inside of Dess’ eyes. Asriel gulped, and moved his hand closer to the doe’s. She grabbed it instantly, and a squeak emerged from the boy’s mouth.
“The fire’s nice,” Dess remarked, Asriel nodding along like a dictator’s favourite yes-man.
“Y—Yeah ! I could stand by it forever !” He added, smiling. I could stand by you forever… He thought, blushing intensely.
“And it’s so warm, too…” Dess continued, smiling even wider. You’re so warm, she thought, blushing a little less than Asriel, which was still an impressive amount of blushing.
The two love birds’ disastrously sappy flirting was interrupted by a few well placed piano notes.
Kris hummed along to their beautiful symphony, which was the Love Theme from The Godfather by Nino Rota. Their rose was stuck in between their teeth, and the human made sure to exaggerate every single one of their movements as their fingers danced across the keyboard.
Asriel cleared his throat. “Erm, I—”
plink plink plink dink…
“Yeah,” Dess replied, “It’s—“
do do doo…
“Can you stop !?” The doe roared, turning towards the pianist. Kris stopped, surprised, then immediately continued playing. Asriel tried to interrupt their sibling, but was shushed by a carefully raised finger.
“Before speaking, wait for the timing to be right,” they murmured through the rose stuck in their teeth, their two hands once again running across the keyboard.
“Seriously, Kris, you’re gonna wake Noelle up !” Dess whisper-yelled. She had almost forgotten that her sister was sleeping on the couch. Indeed, Noelle had quite an odd Christmas tradition. She liked to fall asleep after dinner, but before the unwrapping of the presents. The doe would be awakened by the excited sounds of everyone receiving their gifts, and she’d then join the celebrations.
As a direct consequence of her tradition, Dess always set her gift right next to Noelle. Her sister would immediately see the gift when she woke up, and swiftly unwrap it.
“Sorry !” Kris apologised, jumping down from their stool and immediately running to Noelle’s side. A blanket rested over the peacefully sleeping doe and a little box was laid out right next to her head.
Dess’ eyes turned into minuscule slits. I hope that little shit isn’t planning to prank her… She thought, getting within a few feet of the human.
“Don’t you dare try anything funny,” Dess threatened, mere inches from Kris’ face. They held their hands behind their back, having placed themself between the two does.
It’s now or never, they thought, taking out their own ‘present’ from the back pocket of their pants. They prayed that Dess didn’t notice their frantic searching for the original gift.
“I would never do such a thing,” Kris lied, the older girl eyeing them suspiciously. Much to their relief, their hands finally fell on Dess’ present, which was swiftly replaced by their own.
“I sure hope so,” the doe cracked her knuckles as the little human ran to the opposite corner of the room. Dess quickly inspected her sleeping sister. No cuss words had been drawn in sharpie over her face, no strands of hair had been tied into ribbons. She was still resting peacefully, her present right in the place where Dess had left it, although it seemed oddly smaller, and slightly off-colour.
Eh, probably just a weird impression, she shrugged, getting back to work — which consisted in flirting catastrophically badly with Asriel.
Kris finally allowed themselves to breathe. The hardest part of the plan had been perfectly set up. All that was left was the execution.
Noelle was dreaming. It was one of those odd, half-real dreams, where one could hear reality slowly seep through. The blurry details of her imagination mixed together with the jolly laughter of her family, gathered around the Christmas tree. Voices were seemingly calling out to her, and she asked them for five more minutes. Coherent thoughts slowly began to assemble themselves, and the veil of fiction was lifted, showing reality to the doe.
Noelle opened her eyes. It was Christmas, and it was time to unwrap the presents. She was suddenly filled with energy, and she almost bolted upright. Her mind was still anchored by sleep, however, so the doe’s eyes simply fell onto the little box, right by her side on the edge of the couch. That gift was surely Dess’, and her sister’s gifts were always the best. The wrapping had been shoddily done, or perhaps ingeniously made to be shoddy, so it flew off upon the slightest touch. The box’s lid was thrown meters away by a mechanical spring.
Noelle’s eyes grew wide in fear. A terrified frown formed on her lips, tears already running down her cheeks. What… is… that ?
A severed ICE-E head, whose neck was coloured with blood red sharpie, had emerged from the box. It sat mere inches from the little doe’s face, and a note was stamped onto its forehead. It read: I’m coming for you, Noelle !
“EEEEEEEEEKK !” She screamed, stumbling over the couch before she began running in circles. “ICE-E’S COME TO HAUNT ME !”
Everyone’s face turned towards the panicked girl, whose tearful sobs filled the room. She shoved herself into her father’s arms.
Goddamnit, Kris ! They all thought at once, attempting to find the little brat.
But the mafioso had already ran away: the diversion had been planted, now was the moment to act. The human hid at the top of the stairs, overlooking their search party. They fiddled with the mistletoe hidden in their pocket.
“Asriel, come with me, we’re gonna beat their ass !” Dess yelled, grabbing her friend and dragging him along. She ran towards the chimney, Kris shadowing her from the second floor.
The two lovers stopped, catching their breath. Where the hell are they ? Asriel thought as a branch of mistletoe fell between him and Dess. Slowly, very slowly, he looked up. The grinning human waved at him.
Asriel wasn’t quite sure whether he wanted to put Kris through the firing squad or gift them all of his material possessions. The strangely grateful rage which coursed through his veins dissipated, when confronted to the reality of his situation. His sibling had placed mistletoe above him and Dess. Thus, the two lovers had found themselves under the mistletoe. Thus, they had to kiss.
Oh Angel… Asriel felt his legs failing him. He risked a gaze in Dess’ direction. The doe was devouring him with her eyes, licking her lips. The lips he’d taste in a few seconds. Oh Angel, I can’t ! I don’t know how to kiss a girl, I don’t— I’m gonna die, and I haven’t even written my will, and— how do you obtain a marriage license !?
“Uhm, I err, I don’t…” He stuttered incoherently.
“Well, you know the rules, Azzy !” Dess giggled, cupping the boy’s face. His adorable bleat was cut off by an even more adorable kiss.
He leaned into it with all of his strength, placing his hands firmly onto her neck. Hot fire spread in their mouths as they felt each other’s touch. The world faded into nothingness, burnt to ash by their passion. Nothing remained except Asriel and Dess, two actors engaged in a furious demonstration of love. They had waited their entire lives for this moment, and those countless years of yearning felt worthless in comparison to this singular instant.
Asriel let himself be overwhelmed by the sensations. He let Dess do her handiwork with her tongue, as he resigned himself to a state of pure bliss. Every touch, every caress was perfectly gentle and yet felt with more strength than any punch. Everything else paled in comparison to their love, and Dess’ soft moans deafened Toriel’s quite audible yelling.
“What the hell are those two doing !?” She shrieked in utter shock. Of course, the mother knew they were in love, but seeing them kiss so violently and so suddenly was unexpected, to say the least. Toriel honestly thought that she might die of old age before her son worked up the courage to admit his feelings to Dess.
“Kris set them up using mistletoe,” Rudy shrugged, softly caressing Noelle’s hair. The young doe was still quite terrified.
“I guess their little prank was a diversion to sneak away,” he continued, sighing. Kris came up with a smart plan, but Angel, couldn’t they just have asked to go to the bathroom !?
Toriel let out an even larger sigh, eyes still fixed on the two kissing teenagers. Considering the places their hands were adventuring towards, their innocent love could quickly degenerate into something much worse than a kiss. Toriel frowned, watching her son wrap himself like a clam around Dess’ waist. She’d probably have to tell Asgore to give his son ‘the talk’ as soon as possible.
“I should probably go break them up, before Carol or Asgore do it for me,” she said, rolling her eyes.
Rudy took a sip out of a can of beer, nodding. “I don’t know if they’re gonna be even more insufferable than before, now that they’re official.”
“That seems hard to achieve,” Toriel replied, standing up.
“Dunno. You and Asgore were quite clingy the first few months... Oh my dearie Asgorie, sweet cinnamon pie, Fluffybuns, do you want to nose nuzzle outside of the exam hall again ? Rudy’s still got a smidge of will to live we can crush !” He quoted with a sickeningly sweet tone of voice, the older lady giving him a death stare.
“Do not bring that up with the children, ever.” She ordered vehemently, walking towards the newly formed couple. The reindeer simply gave a thumbs up. Toriel was mere feet away from the two lovers, waiting patiently with her arms crossed, and they hadn’t noticed at all.
Yup, Rudy thought, taking another swing of beer, they’re definitely gonna be insufferable…
Noelle, frowning, entered the office in which Kris sat. The two friends stared at each other for a few long seconds, both expecting the other to speak first. The doe finally gave in, sitting down next to the human. She crossed her arms in annoyance. Right as she opened her mouth, Kris cut her off.
“Before you ask, yes, I’m grounded, no, mom won’t make an exception for you, yes, Azzy and Dess are official, no, they won’t admit it’s thanks to me, yes, he’s absolutely mortified that he kissed her in front of everyone, and no, Toriel didn’t disown him, surprisingly.” They enumerated, counting every proposition on their fingers. Kris waited for a reply, fiddling with their rose, before remembering they’d forgotten the most important statement.
“Oh, and, I’m sorry, I have to say that—”
“Or Dess will beat you up, I know,” Noelle said offhandedly, finishing the human’s sentence. They nodded, satisfied.
“But don’t think I’m not mad !” She yelled, pointing an accusatory finger towards them. “You scared me ! And you didn’t even buy me a real Christmas gift !”
The Godparent sighed, pulling a box out of their pocket. They opened it for her, knowing that the doe wouldn’t trust one of their gifts for a few days.
“Here,” Kris said, throwing the present at its recipient, “Ear muffs. So you won’t hear Dess singing at 3 A.M.”
Noelle whispered a surprised ‘thanks’ before raising an eyebrow, giggling. “Or her and Azzy kissing !”
Give it a month, and they’ll probably be doing a lot more than kissing, Kris thought, laughing internally. After sharing a few more chuckles, Noelle settled down, still slightly annoyed towards her friend.
“Still, did you really have to scare me like that ?” She asked, rolling her eyes.
Kris leaned back into their chair, as they unconsciously fiddled with their rose. Their ruby eyes shone with a piercing disinterest. If they owned a ring, they’d have readjusted it so that the diamond directly faced the imaginary camera filming the scene. Perhaps a crucifix hanging ominously above their head would have been good, too.
The Godparent sighed, weighing their every word.
“It’s not personal, ‘Elly. It’s strictly business.”