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Aki Hayakawa didn’t fall in love. He was a calculated, precise person. He did not take chances and he didn’t place bets on things he wasn’t sure that he could win.
It’s not a conscious choice that he makes not to show emotion. He doesn’t hold back because he’s scared to do so. His calculation comes first, his feelings second.
Somehow, that damn devil had broken his walls. There is more for Aki to hate than to like, but somehow, he had infiltrated Aki’s mind, and there’s nothing he can do about it. He doesn’t work, he doesn’t clean, he doesn’t cook and he exerts the minimal amount of effort into everything he does. Aki doesn’t mind cooking and cleaning, but a bit of appreciation would be nice.
Still, though, Aki can’t help himself. The way he cocks his head, confused why anyone would say no to buying him his 4th ice cream cone. The way he has no problem lounging around Aki’s apartment in tiny shorts and Aki’s shirt, far too big for his own body. The way he shamelessly stares at Aki, making him unsure if he’s being judged or admired. All of this just makes Aki’s mind run. He thinks of Angel in ways he’s never thought of anyone before.
And Angel doesn’t mind. Angel likes the rise he gets out of Aki, as he follows the cycle of getting mad and confused with himself over the confusing feelings he has. Silly boy, he just doesn’t know what being in love is like.
Angel remembers the work trip in Okinawa, where they were put in a room with one bed. After some muttering about “this is the start of a bad porn” and a smoke break, Aki crawled in bed with Angel. Angel woke up in the middle of the night, with him being a light sleeper, to Aki holding him tightly. In the morning, a sleepy Aki drew him closer, mumbling about how warm he was. When Angel giggled at him, he really woke up, jumping out of bed and rushing to the restroom. He walked back out, stiff as a board, and he proceeded to throw himself onto the floor, apologizing as profusely as a bleeding wound, on the verge of tears. Angel, in a big sweater and underwear, just giggled. He was starting to see another side of Aki, and he loved it.
Aki remembers the long car rides, Angel’s hand trailing around Aki’s thigh, too scared to touch him but too uncomfortable to be so far from him. He remembers how natural it first felt to rest his arm on Angel’s shoulder, and stand that way as they both partially listened to whoever was talking to them. Feeling the gentle bumpiness of the road from the backseat of whoever’s car, Aki allowing his body to rest against Angel’s, drifting off to sleep on long drives back to the public safety office.
Now they’re on the couch, Angel curled up in Aki’s arms, tracing circles on his chest. One of Aki’s hands is on Angel’s hip, the other is brushing through his soft hair. Aki runs his hand over the slope of his thighs and hips, into the dip of his stomach, and back to his hip again.
“It’s amazing how much it took for us to get here, my love.” Angel draws out, sleepily. Aki can feel the vibrations on his chest, twirling Angel’s hair through his fingers.
“Mmm.. Whad’ya mean..?” an equally sleepy Aki answers, allowing his eyes to close gently. A moment of silence is shared between the two as Aki continues to gently caress Angel. He thinks of the look he used to give Angel, hating him for being the only one who could break down his walls. “Nevermind.. I know exactly whatcha mean…” He whispers, kissing him on his forehead.
“To be honest… I'm glad we’re dead. I love being able to feel you…” said Angel, gently brushing his fingers on Aki’s arms, tracing his scars. “I’m glad we’re here.”
“I never thought… I’d love you as much as I do…” Aki smiled. “But holy fuck, Angel, you’re addicting.”
The two laughed and shared a little peck before drifting off to sleep, holding each other close and thinking of their memories, wondering if the other had the same memory in mind.
There was no one in the world, dead or alive, that either of them would trade each other for.