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Usually around this time, Shidou would be at home trying to fall asleep… and miserably fail at doing so. However, he's in Minato ward, approximately forty minutes away from his home town, Shinjuku. Why would he be in Minato at a time like this? What business does he have in a place like this in the middle of the night?
There was a beach that the entire family went to at Minato ward. It was also the place where he and Hana frequent since they met. When his family was alive, he drove everyone there. The kids were bouncing up and down in their car seats, overjoyed to go. When they arrived, the kids would always make it to sand before the adults in… hell, they would dash to the ocean the moment they got out of the car to the point where Shidou panicked and had to dash straight at them to try to stop them from rushing before handling with a few things, causing Hana to die of laughter of course.
This time, Shidou took the bus to Minato. Of course, he still didn't feel like driving because of what had happened a year ago. A part of him thought it would be faster, but when he reached towards the keys, a part of him hesitated to touch it, pulling his hand back. One touch… and he'll remember the past. He didn't want his hands to touch the steering wheel… ever again, leading to the bus ride all the way to a different city.
That place… hasn't changed much since the last time he went. As he waved the flashlight in his hand around the area of the entrance to the beach, the grass was still thriving and there weren't as much rocks compared to the last time. Shidou took a step onto the sand, shoes on. The sand was still as yellow as he remembered it to be, but it was a little hard to walk on, as the sandy floor was unsteady—just like how he remembered it to be.
A long time ago, when Shidou and Hana were in high school, they both decided to go on a beach outing—specifically on a day that wasn't extremely crowded. Shidou wore black casual swim shorts. With the encouragement from Hana, he was able to feel comfortable shirtless during the time at the beach. Hana wore a white bikini. It was brand new, not stained with anything. Her hair was also tied up into a low side ponytail, with the ponytail hanging on her right side.
Shidou remembered the first time he stepped foot onto the sand, one part was deeper than the other, with the left foot sinking in and the right foot bent as he tried to balance. Probably because someone dug a steep hole they poorly fixed before other people were about to arrive.
"Shidou, are you alright?"She cocked her head to one side as she extended a hand to Shidou. She also let out a giggle as she saw an expression—a furrowed brow on Shidou's face. "My… you look like you almost tripped!"
"It's quite unsteady…" Shidou tried to maintain his balance, his eyes locked on to his feet. "The sand… I meant."
"Oh?" Hana tapped her pointer finger against her cheek, then glanced on the sand. She seemed to notice that Shidou's legs were just fine, not shaking like a worm. If his balance were to be unsteady, he'd be in trouble, or at the verge of falling flat on his face "To me, you seem to be fine."
Confused, Shidou cocked his head to one side, trying to understand what Hana was trying to pinpoint. the next thing he noticed, was a tight grip on his left wrist. The moment he glanced up, he noticed Hana laughing, then she dragged him to the ocean so they both can have fun. Shidou widened his eyes. He didn't think he'd be dragged around this quick. Was Hana always like this, or was she full of excitement?
"Hana—" Shidou tried to utter a word or possibly ask something, but he felt himself move along Hana's path while being dragged by the hand.
"The beach is even more enjoyable if we take off our slippers and head on into the ocean!" Hana started to dash straight to an area that wasn't crowded.
At that point, Shidou endured Hana's excitement, forcing a smile to appease her charming nature. There was a spot located on the near right once you enter the beach that was not crowded, but also comfortable to stay as it was near the ocean, but not too close where their things would get wet. Luckily, both of them put on sunscreen prior to arriving at the beach, so it wouldn't be a hassle to put it on now. The moment Hana stopped running, she let her hand slide out of Shidou's hand the moment his grip loosened a bit. What was next, was setting up the area. Hana knelt down and placed her tote bag next to the spot they sat in. She pulled her beach towel out of her bag. Her towel was plain white and there were floral patterns on her towel, just like her bag. She then unfolded her towel and gently placed it down, trying not to wrinkle the towel. Shidou also did the same, but his was on the left of Hana's and it was a little messier and wrinkled. His towel was a basic white color. There wasn't much to unpack as they were already prepared to set out.
However, after the two were able to set down their things and head on out, Hana glanced at Shidou, who seemed to have hung his head low. She furrowed her brow and cocked her head to one side. "What's up? Are you still not comfortable without a shirt?" She took a step closer to find out what was wrong.
Shidou started fidgeting with his hands. He didn't know how to explain his discomfort, not because he felt like it was embarrassing, but being shirtless at the beach was something new to him. He was used to walking to the beach with a top on, but this time, Hana wanted to enjoy the ocean. It was a suggestion for Shidou to join in, but of course, he didn't deny that request and wanted to join her.
Despite that, Hana widened her eyes as she immediately knew Shidou felt a little uncomfortable. She let out a soft smile and gently placed her hands on Shidou's fidgeting hands, causing him to glance up at her smile.
"It can be hard at first, but the more you do it, the more comfortable you get," she said with a warm smile on her face. "Remember during P.E. when everyone had to swim? You felt comfortable there, right? Pretend it's class time!"
"Comfortable…" Shidou murmured. "Like… class…?
"Yes, yes!" Hana's smile widened and brightened up the atmosphere. "How about this: before we set into the ocean, we can sit down and have a little chat!"
Shidou let out a smile and made his way closer to the towel, not letting go of Hana's grasp. "Alright then."
That memory of Hana dragging him all the way to that spot was a memorable experience and being shirtless at the beach wasn't that bad as he thought it was. Of course, he still wore his usual outfit—white turtle neck, beige pants, brown loafers, and glasses because it's the winter season. He wore a blue overcoat over his outfit to keep warm as it was fourteen degrees Celsius—much colder than usual. If it were to go back to summer however, the feeling of being shirtless at the beach had already changed… mainly because the encouragement from Hana wasn't there with him. Maybe… he still felt a slight discomfort… or just doesn't want to do it anymore.
Shidou remembered the exact spot he and Hana used to sit. He remembered when he and Hana first introduced that spot to them, the children enjoyed it since it was less crowded and overwhelming. Shidou remembered sitting and watching the children play with their mother—sometimes joining the fun too. His eldest loved playing sports—mainly bringing the soccer ball to almost every trip without hesitation. His youngest liked to splash water on his parents, but it always gets enjoyable with the presence of his older brother and the joy that the parents bring to fight back… a friendly war of some sort.
A part of him wished he'd experience it again…
For safety, he held a flashlight in his right hand. The flashlight was used to guide his movements. The light was enough to blind someone in the eyes the moment they stare at it. He pointed his flashlight to the spot he remembered setting his things down. Shidou knelt down and set down his bag on the sand, but surprisingly brushed his shoes off with his feet despite the weather. A part of him wanted to take a little walk in the ocean water like how he and Hana walked together during the sunset. However, he clenched a fist near his chest, trying to stop himself from moving as he knew how cold the ocean water was at this time. If he were to step in… he was afraid that he'd fall in, causing his entire body to shiver… which he didn't want happening. Despite his slight panic, his legs had moved automatically, pacing himself to the ocean waves.
The next thing he knew… he stepped in the water. His pupils dilated when he saw his feet in shallow water.
Of course… it was freezing…
It was expected. When stepping into ocean water, a person would start to feel like they have stepped out of the shower—a sense of adrenaline down their spine. However… he immediately got used to it for an unknown reason. That's what Shidou remembered when he first stepped into the ocean water shirtless.
A few moments after setting their things down before heading straight in, Shidou felt the need to take some time to prepare stepping out of his comfort zone. The first thing he saw, was Hana in the ocean. She was the first one in, just before him. He stood still near the ocean waves, unsure if it was okay for him to go in, but Hana noticed his eyes that were unintentionally focused at her gaze. She let out a smile and signaled a nod to Shidou, telling him it was alright to step in.
Shidou noticed the signal. He took small steps into the water. The first thing he felt was cold feet. The more he moved further in, the more the water was rising. From his ankles… to his knees… to his thighs… then when the water had touched his stomach, his eyes widened and his muscles started to tense up. The water felt like a block of ice touching directly at his skin. The sensation felt… uncomfortable. He took a small step back, then cradled his arms for comfort as his body started trembling. He narrowed his eyes as he tried to calm down his nerves.
How strange… it's the summer… does ocean water really feel like this…? Shidou wondered himself as his gaze was fixated onto the water. Either way… it's freezing… I… don't like it…
The feeling of getting out… and covering his body with a towel to warm up…. he was used to being in the air conditioner back at home and during P.E. in high school when his class had to swim, so he didn't really need to. This time was different… he felt the need to turn around and head to his beach towel because upon entering pool or beach water, you start to freeze—which is the same when exiting, so that was also a problem. There was nothing he could do now… so he froze, trying to take deep breaths to calm down. Suddenly, a cold touch on his shoulders caused Shidou to wince and quickly lift his gaze just to see Hana standing right in front of him.
"The more you stay in the ocean, the sooner you realize it's not cold!" Hana smiled as she still held onto Shidou's shoulders. "Try feeling it now, Shidou."
With the smile on Hana's face, of course… he would have to trust her. Shidou relaxed his muscles and positioned his hands on his side.
She was indeed… right…
It wasn't so bad at all. At first it was a freezing sensation, but he's been in the water for more than thirty seconds and he was already used to it. What a surprising twist of events… he let out a chuckle.
That memory of his didn't fade. To him… it was quite a funny scenario that caused him to form a tight-lipped smile. Though his feet felt like an iceberg partly because his shoes were off, mainly because of the weather and temperature of the water, he still felt like walking for a bit. For safety, he took a few steps back so the waves wouldn't hit him. The moment he continued walking in the sand—leaving footprints that would eventually wash away and positioning the flashlight in front of him so he wouldn't hit anything, he remembered soothing memories at the beach with his family.
He remembered when his eldest ran around the sand, Shidou had to chase him around—even trying to get through crowds until he felt exhausted.
He remembered Hana laughing when she first took a walk at the beach while she held onto Shidou's hand.
He remembered his youngest learning how to swim with the help of his older brother and Hana.
All of those memories were clear—easy to remember… he wanted to experience them again if he wanted to. However… he isn't here to grieve… he's here to reminiscence and have a good time. He walked a far distance from his bag, roughly twelve feet away. It was time to turn around and walk back…
A wave had splashed on his knees, causing Shidou's eyes to widen. To think he'd expect a rough wave that would end up splashing onto his knees, wetting the bottom of his pants. He must've gotten a little too far into the shallow waters.
It wasn't really a high tide according to the weather. However, just like when he first entered, he felt a freezing sensation on his knees. It wasn't all that bad as his knees weren't fully submerged into the ocean water. Just walking was a calming sensation for him. It was like strolling on the sidewalk during the nights feeling a cool breeze.
Shidou still kept walking, sloshing the shallow depths of water around his feet… but noticed how much the water was rising. He was at a point where he found himself deeper into the water… the water touching his knees…
It was strange… he didn't feel anything. Has his body adapted to the cold that fast? Surely it must've done that… or he just didn't feel it. Shidou extended a hand, but noticed his glove had almost gotten wet. He slightly curled his fingers and pulled it back. If his gloves were to be freezing cold, then it may be bad for his hands. That grinding sensation was more than enough to handle…
None of the less… he kept wading—legs slowly creating ripples in the water. Waves had hit. He wasn't freezing, but still smiling. He recovered a few memories… with Hana sticking her hand into the water and splashing it straight towards Shidou. Surprisingly, he felt the sensation. The moment he looked up, a white transparent ghost lit up straight into his eyes. The appearance was a familiar girl with long hair and a long white sleeveless dress. She seemed to be showing a radiant smile—bright enough to light up the skies.
Hana…
In his mind, it seemed like Hana was there with him at the beach and encouraged him to enjoy himself despite how freezing the water is. However, he also believed he shouldn't stay too long or he would die of hypothermia… but he seemed to adapt to it that quickly… so it should be fine…
However… Shidou transitioned into a state of panic, causing his hands move automatically. He felt a cold sensation in his hands, causing his pupils to dilate. He glanced toward his left hand and noticed it had touched the water. The glove was slowly absorbing the water as it was made out of cotton. The next thing he saw was that his left hand had swung, splashing the water forward. Shidou slowly took one step back with his right foot, his left stuck in position. His trembling hand moved closer to his stomach, he saw his glove was quite soaked on the fingertips. He quickly flew his left hand towards his chest, quickly turning the flashlight off and stuffing it into his pocket with his right and covering his left to warm it up.
Not getting warmer…
That's when the one thing he did not want to do when he first came into the water: take off the glove that got wet and warm it up with the gloved hand…
His right hand trembling, heart racing, he shut his eyes, touched the cuff of the glove, and yanked it off of his left hand. He shot his eyes open and stuffed the wet glove into his pocket on the overcoat—the same pocket where his flashlight was located. Shidou narrowed his eyes. That grinding sensation was still there… and he desperately wanted that sensation to be gone but it wasn't important. His left hand had relocated itself back into he water and made another move, splashing the water again… to no one.
Why does it feel like he's having fun?
Shidou… couldn't understand. It was more like… he was unable to understand… how much fun he was having. Right now, he considered splashing water to nobody a waste of time… yet there was Hana's ghost doing the same… yet he can't feel anything being splashed. Maybe he felt numb… or emotionally cold. He doesn't know how to feel doing this again, even though the reason he came was to reminiscence. He turned his back to the ocean and made his way out, pulling the flashlight out of his pocket and turned it back on, pointing it downwards to see where he was going.
Suddenly… a strong wave hit his knees… he felt his body tilt forward, but he was too late to catch the fall. With his hands in front of him, his entire body splashed into the cold shallow water, the flashlight falling out of his right hand, and his glasses slid off of his face the moment he hit the sand... then another strong wave hit… soaking his entire body. Although the flashlight wasn't impacted and Shidou caught it just in time, his glasses had drifted further from his reach. Luckily, Shidou's hands were just in front of him, so he crawled his way to his glasses before the waves washed it away. The moment it was closer to his reach, he gripped tightly on his glasses with his left hand and crawled to a place where another wave wouldn't hit—closer to a dry area. Finally, he laid down and he twisted his entire body, making it so he was lying down on his back, then stuffed the flashlight back into his pocket where his glove was stored.
Getting most of his clothes soaked wasn't even the plan. He wasn't freezing… either. He was supposed to cover up to warm up his body… and he even felt both of his hands trembling… but his pupils were dilated and he was still staring at the sky without sitting up and cradling his arms for comfort. Shidou then noticed that Hana's ghost had disappeared. He didn't see it fade… but he sensed that she had disappeared. He remembered a time where a similar situation like this had happened. Shidou was facing the sky after that fall… Hana knelt down and smiled, extended a hand so he could get up, and there goes the day. That memory was also clear. With his bare left hand, he curled his fingers and placed the back of his hand on his forehead. The next thing that happened… was that he shut his eyes and let out a cheerful laugh.
Now he finally understood how much he was having fun…
It has been so long since he last went. Despite all the trouble and the cold temperatures he unintentionally suffered through, he was laughing and smiling… just like what some of his co-workers wanted him to do… just like what Hana wished for. A sense of warmth started to spread all over his body. He never thought something like this would return. He believed that ever since his family passed, nothing of the sort would ever return—especially fun. He believed that everything had faded away after he lost everything…
However… that spark didn't fade… it was still shining like the stars he saw on the way to the beach. Bright… sparkling… and beautiful…
Shidou let out a long sigh and slowly let his eyes open as a smile formed on his face. It's been a while since he last had a good laugh. How long has it been since he last laughed like that? Was it two years ago when the entire family were alive? Maybe… he wanted to experience it again… just one more time.
Suddenly… a chill ran straight down his spine, causing him to jolt up from the ground, pupils dilated. That freezing sensation… had finally entered his body.
Of course that was to be expected, but he probably didn't notice because he was absorbed into the missing fun that he suddenly discovered, to the point where he didn't even realize he was freezing, leading up to the point where he finally relaxed. Everything that he wasn't feeling when he was almost halfway into the ocean started to kick in. He pulled his coat tighter to warm up, but expected that it wouldn't work, as it was also soaked—sending shivers all over his body like ice crawling all over his skin.
How did he manage to survive fourteen degree weather while having fun at the same time?
That bit wasn't important. As long as he had fun, he felt the need to be satisfied. Shidou was lucky enough to have a towel with him. He remembered packing it, but for half a day, he didn't remember why until it came to now. He was able to slowly stand on his two feet and felt his legs move faster until he reached his bag. He knelt down and rummaged through his things and noticed the towel was all the way on the bottom of his bag. The middle of the towel was exposed, showing the same basic white color like his older towel—possibly the same one. The towel was hard to get out at first, but the more he yanked at the towel, the more easier it got to pull it out of the bag. He wrapped the towel around his body and positioned himself into seiza. He can't appear at the bus stop soaking wet, so trying to dry off now instead of suffering would be the best bet. Suddenly, another smile melted on his face.
He didn't care about the risk of hypothermia. As long as he was satisfied… he could go home without any regrets…