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If someone had asked Subaru what he thought of Julius before his fight against the Archbishop, Subaru would have proudly answered with a wide grin and a string of insults aimed at the man he despised.
But now, he was the only one who remembered him. The only one who remembered the man who had set him straight in a duel at the cost of a humiliation, the only one who remembered his battle against the Archbishop of Sloth, and the only one who could recall who Julius Juukulius was.
So if someone were to ask him what he thought of Julius, he would probably insult him — all while keeping an imaginary tenderness in his tone, remembering what the knight whose sword could not cut anything but his own future was currently enduring.
So then, explain to Subaru Natsuki how he was supposed to feel when he saw, through the half-open door of the bedroom that Julius and Subaru shared, Julius removing the bandages from his chest. Oh god, he was not prepared to see that in his lifetime. Coughing into his fist, the violet-haired knight startled abruptly and hurriedly pulled on his shirt.
His gaze turned toward the one responsible for this interruption, and when he saw Subaru, Julius felt nothing but a mix of various resentments swell in his chest.
“Subaru…”
The other took this as an invitation to enter the room and closed the door behind him, stepping inside quietly without taking his eyes off Julius.
“So? I didn’t know Julius Juukulius was actually… a gi—”
“I am not,” he cut in, immediately refuting Subaru’s accusation.
Subaru took a few moments to observe Julius’s body as a whole. His fists were clenched so tightly Subaru thought his fingers might break. The slight tremor running through Julius’s body made Subaru start to feel bad about what he had said.
“Let it be clear, Subaru. What you just saw concerns only you and me.”
“Hey, wait, I’m not paid enough to keep secrets.” The look Julius shot him was enough to bring him back in line. “So then, what’s going on, oh Mr. Knight?”
“Behind those bandages, there is no chest or anything of the sort, to begin with. And secondly, before you tell me that as soon as I open my mouth you’ll immediately change your mind — no, I will not.”
“Wow, you’re starting to scare me, old man.”
Rolling his eyes once more, Julius sighed and began unbuttoning his black shirt. That simple gesture seemed when Julius did it like something meant to be idolized. His fingers opened the fasteners one by one, revealing more and more of his torso; who knows what women would have given to see Julius do that.
Subaru repressed the thought, putting on a disgusted expression at the idea that even in a situation like this, Julius was still trying to show off. However, his gaze settled on the bandage which, now that he saw it up close, told a completely different story. The bandage, supposed to be a pure white, was stained with red patches, it was clear to Subaru that it was blood.
Julius’s shoulders tensed as he carefully removed the bandage wrapped around his upper body, revealing a truth far more logical than what Subaru had imagined.
“Damn it, Julius, you’re injured.”
“Thank you for your admirable observation, Subaru. I never would have guessed.”
“Shut up, I’m trying to have a discussion and comfort you, asshole.”
“So be it, then.”
Subaru slowly brought his fingers close enough to Julius’s chest to brush against the still-open wound exposed on that pale canvas.
A long gash ran across the middle of Julius’s chest. If Subaru hadn’t taken a first aid course in middle school, he would have sworn the wound was infected — but no, it was just… really bad.
“You just came from Ferris’s infirmary, how the hell did you hide this!?”
“Subaru, th– this isn’t that simple…”
“Then explain to me how you, aka the strongest knight in the kingdom, thought it was a good idea to hide this!? I swear if this is some pride or ego thing-”
“No one noticed, that’s all there is to know.”
Subaru pinched the bridge of his nose and pointed at the wound as he shouted ;
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW? FERRIS ISN’T THAT BLIND, YOU IDIOT!”
“He didn’t see it. That’s all.”
“DAMN IT, JULIUS, ARE YOU SERIOUSLY MESSING WITH ME!? THIS IS A SERIOUS SITUATION!”
“He simply didn’t pay attention to me, Subaru! Is that so hard to understand!?” Julius’s usually calm temperament snapped.
Julius firmly grabbed Subaru’s wrist, the one that had been pointing at him and exclaimed without waiting for a response ;
“I waited in front of that infirmary for God knows how long. No one, no one noticed me. Perhaps they thought that since Subaru introduced me as the greatest of knights, I didn’t need care. Yet the Felix I remember would have insisted that I see him, even if it were just for a scratch. How could I present myself to him? I… I simply couldn’t. And it is shameful, as a knight, to place a mere feeling before need and duty. I know that, to my greatest shame.”
Julius took a breath and let his arms fall to his sides, releasing Subaru’s wrist. He lowered his head, biting his lip, which threatened to bleed at any moment.
“But understand me, Subaru. How… how am I supposed to speak to them as if it were the first time we’ve ever exchanged words? To see them look at me like a mere… stranger. How am I supposed to do that? I have no idea!”
As if only now realizing the words he had just spoken, Julius closed his mouth and let out a sigh.
Subaru was surprised to see him lose his composure like that. Why did Julius… look so desperate? The Julius only Subaru remembered would have kept fighting no matter the burden or the enemy’s power. How could this Julius give up at the first obstacle, his friends?
“But… what are you talking about, idiot? Just because Ferris doesn’t remember you, it’s the end of the world?”
“Subaru—”
“NO, let me finish, because I swear I’m two seconds away from slapping you. Sure, I’m the only one who still has the privilege of remembering you, but explain this to me, Julius. I’m the only one who still knows you, yet I could swear on anything that the man standing in front of me is not worthy of being called Julius Juukulius. The Julius I remember is annoying, audacious, even arrogant but a Julius who would never lower his weapon. A Julius who, no matter the situation unfolding before his eyes, would never decide to give up. So, Julius, how can you stand here lamenting your fate when everyone outside regrets the memory of you! You have no idea how tormenting it must be for them to see you finish speaking and not be able to meet your buried expectations.”
To say Julius was surprised would be an understatement. He had always been taught to keep his emotions in check, yet all his efforts seemed to have vanished. Subaru… Subaru comforting him? How pathetic must he be for even Subaru to set him straight? How many times would he fail to fulfill his duty-
“Stop asking yourself so many questions, idiot. If, as you say, no one remembers you, I assure you no one expects that much from you. If no one remembers you, then make them remember. Make them remember the incredible knight you are! Even if I hate you, I can’t help but praise your merits as a knight, Julius. I know no one else as devoted to their roots and their duty as you. So even if I’m the only one who remembers that invincible Julius, resolve yourself to live up to my expectations. And when you get your damn name back and everyone remembers you again, boast about your merits. Tell them what you endured and went through and when it’s all over, be proud of yourself, damn it.”
“Subaru, I never thought you would one day speak such words about me. I can only be honored.”
“Yeah, yeah, sure, go ahead and make me out to be the biggest bastard in Lugnica while you’re at it. But just know this even if everyone forgets Julius, as long as I’m here, the memory of you will continue to exist on these lands. I won’t repeat myself, so listen carefully!” Hiding a blush, Subaru blurted out, “Julius Juukulius, no one but you could bear this burden you seem to endure so well. I’ve never seen you lament or complain since the beginning, but I know you. I know you well enough to say that even without your reputation, even without your glory and your name, nothing can take away the fact that Julius Juukulius is and will remain the greatest knight of this kingdom.”
Julius’s eyes widened at such a confession. Subaru Natsuki, a boy he had once humiliated, a boy who seemed to hate him with a bitter hatred rooted deep in his soul, had just spoken words Julius would never have admitted to wanting to hear, yet might have begged someone to say to him.
His teeth released the flesh of his cheek, and his lips curved into a gentle smile that seemed to light up the entire room in an instant.
“Subaru Natsuki, if those are your words, then I shall honor them.”
“Yeah, yeah, sure. In the meantime, get over here, I’m going to stitch that wound. I don’t give a damn if it hurts, so just… sit down and shut up.”
Julius let out a small laugh as he obeyed the order given by his companion.
As long as Subaru remembered him, Julius Juukulius could continue to fulfill his duty as a knight.
One single person, that was all he needed.