Work Text:
Most angels who lose their mates react in one of two ways. They either harden their hearts into ice and dedicate themselves to their mission more than ever, or they eventually die of their grief.
Lucifer was the first type. Sam, as it turned out, was the second.
‘Luc, please, don’t leave me, we don’t have to do this. Just let me come with you, let me follow you,’ Sam begged Lucifer, desperate. There wouldn’t be another chance to plead with his mate, he knew.
But Lucifer just shook his head. ‘No, Sam, you don’t believe as I do. You don’t deserve to be cast out. Stay in Heaven, forget about me. I won’t be responsible for you Falling for a cause you don’t believe in.‘
Lucifer spread his wings and took off, flying away from his mate at a speed far greater than the seraph could match.
Sam watched him leave and sobbed quietly to himself. He could feel Lucifer unraveling their mating bond, and it hurt like the other angel was dying.
That was the last time they saw each other for a very long time.
Sam gasped as he woke from the dream again, one of the memories of his mate that replayed over and over every time he slept. Sam's neglected, shabby-looking wings twitched where they were curled under and around Lucifer’s place in their nest, as if his mate was still there with him. While angels didn’t require sleep, many chose do so anyway during the long gaps between missions. Falling asleep here, though, in his and Lucifer's former home, where it would be so easy to be caught, had been ill-advised.
No one was allowed to mourn the Morningstar, on Michael’s orders. Not even Lucifer’s former mate.
But Sam had a habit, during his downtime, of sneaking into the nest he and Lucifer had once shared and soaking up the fading reminders of the lost archangel.
'Hey, kiddo.'
Sam gasped in alarm and sat up to see Gabriel watching him.
'Thought I’d find you here. I know how much you miss him.’
Sam looked guiltily away, wings lowered to the ground in a gesture that was supposed to show deference to the Archangel addressing him, but in reality looked more like defeat.
'I can help you, Sam,’ Gabriel said. 'I can sneak you out of here, take you back to him. You’d never be able to return to Heaven. But you’d have him.’
Sam stated at the Messenger, disbelieving. 'You would betray the host… To help Lucifer’s abandoned mate?'
Gabriel shrugged his wings, feathers rustling together as he moved. 'I can see the state of your wings, kiddo. You’re not going to last much longer up here anyway. And I always liked you. Luci chose his mate well, you’re clever, funny, and most important of all, you keep him together, sane. He probably needs you back just as much as you need him.’
'He doesn’t want me anymore. He left me here, he broke our bond. He won’t want me down there, Gabriel.’
'Sure he will.’ Gabriel walked closer to where Sam was kneeling in the old nest. 'He left you here because he thought it was better for you. Not because he didn’t want you with him. Besides, if you were the one who was going to break with the host and declare war on our father, would you have forced him join you if you weren’t sure he shared your convictions? He was trying to protect you, Sam.'
Sam looked doubtful. He moved a hand distractedly over his wing, soothing one of the inflamed patches where his feathers were falling out. The wings were some of the shabbiest Gabriel had ever seen. There were more bald patches than remaining feathers and there were bloody wounds all over them, probably where Sam had scratched. It was heartbreaking to see, especially contrasted with how radiant Sam's opalescent wings had once been.
'Michael has the gates locked up tight to prevent defections. And I’m already under suspicion. How can I get away?' Sam asked.
Gabriel grinned. He'd worried about how to help Sam for years, ever since his brother had fallen and left the younger angel behind, and this had been his only idea. He was glad Sam had lasted long enough for Gabriel to prepare himself for his own desertion, because there would be no going back for either of them. 'Well, that’s why you need me, isn’t it?'
Sam frowned. 'And what do you get out of this? You’re joining Lucifer too?'
'No,’ Gabriel’s smile faded. 'I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m getting out, for good.’
Sam stared at him, but accepted the answer. 'Alright,’ he agreed.
With no further ado Gabriel grabbed Sam around his midsection and flew off, as the seraph could barely even take off anymore. Fortunately they were in their true forms and Sam was easy to hide behind Gabriel's much larger form.
No one tried to stop the Messenger from leaving Heaven. Gabriel was above suspicion, like Lucifer once had been, and his missions were unknown to the rank-and-file. Gabriel had carefully chosen a time when neither Michael nor Raphael would be around to witness their departure. And no one saw Sam with Gabriel. The seraph's disappearance went almost unnoticed in the wake of Gabriel’s and it was later assumed he’d taken advantage of the chaos caused by an Archangel defecting to sneak out.
Having stopped only twice, to acquire a vessel for each him and Sam, Gabriel landed outside Lucifer’s base and dropped his companion on the ground. The wards prevented Gabriel from getting closer. Some of the small host of fallen angels, Lucifer’s loyalists, were already coming to meet them.
With just a wave of his hand, Gabriel took off in a flutter of wings, leaving Sam to his fate, as had been the plan. Lucifer's soldiers would have fled the second they noticed Gabriel's grace, anyway.
Sam manifested his sword, only to drop it and surrender.
Less than an hour later Sam was bring marched into the center of his mate's base.
Lucifer was there, arguing with an angel Sam didn’t recognize, but who must have been the garrison commander. Sam almost froze in place, transfixed by the sight of his mate after so many years. The tall, blond vessel was unfamiliar, but Sam barely saw it, preoccupied with studying Lucifer’s grace, once so familiar to him. It had changed, Lucifer had changed, but not as much as Sam had expected. He was still Sam's mate, the angel he loved, bond or no bond.
Sam’s captor addressed his Commander. 'Sir, we found this seraph outside. He flew right up to our border and surrendered. Probably a defector.'
Lucifer glanced up, and his eyes caught on Sam. The shock was visible on his face, and in the way his wings twitched. 'Sam?’ he whispered.
A murmur ran through the room. Sam’s name was obviously known among the group, even if his grace signature was not.
The angels holding him let go as if burned. Sam rushed forward to Lucifer, wanting to finally be in his mate’s arms again, but he was stopped by another one of the soldiers.
Lucifer snarled at the angel who’d used his grace to pin Sam, and moved forward himself, taking Sam’s arms in his hands. 'I thought I told you to stay in heaven, little one,’ Lucifer murmured. His eyes were searching Sam, looking into his mate’s grace, as Sam had earlier, for changes, for what had remained the same through their long separation. Lucifer didn’t seem to like what he found, his brow furrowing.
'Come with me,’ he told Sam, pulling the seraph closer into his arms, and without a word to his garrison he flew Sam out of the command center.
Lucifer landed them in a nest, his nest, clearly, and put Sam down on the feathery lining. Sam immediately clutched at a handful of Lucifer’s shed feathers and inhaled his mate’s scent.
'Sam… You can’t return to heaven now. You know that, right?’
Sam nodded. 'I know. I don’t care. If you’d given me the chance I would have fallen with you, and never looked back. There’s nothing up there for me, now.’
Lucifer sighed. 'This isn’t what I wanted for you.'
'Separation wasn’t what I wanted.’
'I know. I know, Sam. But I couldn’t force this on you.’
Lucifer’s arms and wings were wound protectively around Sam, their legs tangled together and their faces close enough that they would be sharing breath if they needed air. 'Show me your wings. I can’t imagine you’ve cared for them properly since I left,’ Lucifer demanded.
Sam froze. It may have been silly to wish for, but he’d hoped to avoid Lucifer seeing them until the damage was healed a little, until the feathers had started to grow back in at least.
Slowly, Sam sat up, pulling away from Lucifer as he did so. He manifested his once beautiful wings, the few remaining feathers so dark and earthen compared to Lucifer’s pure mother-of-pearl. Even at their best Sam didn’t think his wings, dull brown streaked with shimmering greens, blues and golds, compared to the Morningstar’s.
But Lucifer had never agreed. His fingers and wing-tip trailed over Sam’s outstretched limb, tracing the edges of the damaged patches.
Lucifer looked at Sam’s face. 'I did this? By leaving you?'
Sam wouldn’t meet his gaze. 'It isn’t your fault.’
Lucifer’s jaw set into a line. 'Let me fix them.’
'Do you really still want to? They’re so broken.'
Fury flashed in Lucifer’s eyes. 'Samuel…’
It had been so long since Sam had heard his full angelic name, the sound of it made him halt his protests.
'You are my mate. I want to look after you, I want to care for you. I want to give you everything. Whether we’re still bonded or not. And believe me, I intend to fix that soon, too.’
Lucifer leaned forward and kissed Sam, at the same time pushing his hands into the seraph’s wings as Sam reached his own hands up to touch Lucifer’s bright, pearly feathers.
And they both knew they were going to be alright.