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Camila thinks she's dying. She hopes that God forgot about the time she cheated on her midterms because she really wants to go to heaven. She's almost awake, but everything feels ten times brighter than it should be and there's no way she's opening her eyes. A second later she feels something sick in the back of her throat and realizes that she's about to hurl all over herself if she doesn't get her ass up.
She sways off the couch, bumping into furniture on the way to Normani's bathroom. The upside to Camila drinking is that for a solid eight hours, she'll turn into the life of the party. The downside is her waking up with a raging migraine and the world's worst morning breath. She decides that Normani won't mind if she practically uses up all of her mouthwash and toothpaste.
When she walks out with with a newly fresh mouth, she makes her way to the kitchen. Normani shouldn't mind if she steals some cereal and orange juice. Breakfast is an emergency too.
"Oh sweet. You finally woke up. Y'know last night was supposed to be a party and not a sleepover."
Camila turns around, a little too fast for her migraine to handle, to find someone already sitting on the kitchen counter with a bowl of cereal in their hand.
"How long have I," Camila starts and forgets to finish mid-sentence. "Are you here to eat all of Normani's food too?"
"Not really. Normani said I was in charge of cleaning up since the party was my idea and her family gets back in ten hours. I didn't know babysitting was part of the job." She urges, waiting for Camila to process everything.
"Oh," Camila's almost there. "Oh. Hold on, aren't you on the soccer team with Dinah? You're Lauren."
"Mhm, and you're still hungover."
"No, I'm Camila," she jokes, getting herself to laugh a little. She gives herself a mental pat on the back.
That's the lamest thing Lauren's ever heard, but she chuckles anyways. "That's cute."
Camila finds herself blushing before she can stop herself. Lauren doesn't notice and just hops off the counter to hand Camila a bowl and the box of cereal. Lauren gets close enough for Camila to notice her nose piercing. Lauren has a really nice nose. And eyes. And lips. Lauren has really nice lips. Lauren grins for a second and Camila is tempted to thank God, or whoever is up there, that smiling exists.
Lauren's beautiful.
"So, where is Normani? Actually where the hell is Dinah? I kind of need a ride home."
"They both left like an hour ago for work. Dinah was nice enough to leave the car out front though so you could drive home."
"Dope. Well, thanks for breakfast, but I should get going."
Camila's already bent over and trying to get her her right shoe on when Lauren interrupts her.
"Hey, Camila."
"Yeah?"
"I know you're kind of in a rush, but your pants are still on the floor. I mean if you want, you can leave them there, I'm not complaining." Lauren says, accompanied by subtle looks directed at Camila's waist.
Camila's embarrassed for the second time this morning, pulling on her jeans almost immediately and finding her phone and the keys in the back pocket. She only stops a second after to think, "How the fuck did I not know I didn't have pants on? "
Just as her hand can wrap around the doorknob, Lauren yells out, "Bye, it was nice meeting you, Camila."
"The pleasure's all mine." Camila calls back, "Of course the pleasure's all mine." She mumbles out the last part.
As she walks out the door, Camila realizes that you don't need to go to heaven to see angels.
* * *
It's the first game of the season and Dinah expects attendance from all of the girls.
Camila, Normani, and Ally have their own mini cheering section for Dinah and Lauren. Five minutes before the game, Ally gathered everyone into a prayer circle. If that doesn't guarantee them the win, Camila doesn't know what will.
Camila thinks Lauren looks good, even when she's sweaty and running.
The home side of the bleachers erupts in cheers when Lauren scores another goal.
She winks at Camila. It happens so quickly that she would've missed it if she blinked.
Camila's heart won't stop communicating with her cheeks and she really wishes they would both just leave her alone.
"Hey Mani, I think Lauren just winked at me," she whispers to the girl next to her, attempting to keep her excitement at a minimum.
Norman's eyebrows scrunch up at this, confused as to however Camila even got the idea.
"As cute as I think you and Laur would look, I'm pretty sure that was for her girlfriend. Lucy's been sitting on the bleachers behind us."
She nudges Camila and they both look back at the girl cheering behind them, the one with Lauren's jersey number painted across both her cheeks.
"Fuck," Camila thinks, "Of course she's pretty."
"By the way, your face is still red."
"Shut up, the heat's just giving me a fever."
"Mhm, sure."
"For real, it's hot."
"I think you just have the hots for Jauregui. Besides Mila, it's like seventy degrees right now."
Ally has to tell the both of them to shush because Dinah's about to tie up the game.
Normani notices how Camila's always cheering the loudest when Lauren scores.
* * *
Everyone's invited to after party at Lauren's house.
Camila doesn't need a repeat of her sleepover at Normani's so she decides to sit out from drinks.
Camila looks around the stuffy room and lets out a short yawn. Camila wasn't even a part of the game and she was still exhausted. Being the only sober one at a party only leaves a girl with so many options.
She's peering over some guy's shoulder to find Dinah with the rest of the team, urging her to come over. Camila offers a smile and returns to doing close to nothing.
Shirtless juniors get a little too close for comfort, so she seeks refuge upstairs, hoping she doesn't accidentally walk into something she doesn't want to see. The whole house it stuffy, bass bouncing off the walls. There are frames lining the hallway, most including Lauren and her siblings. She pays attention to one in particular, one where Lauren's probably no older than six and has a gap where her two front teeth should be. It's actually really cute.
"I look cute in that picture, don't I?" Lauren's voice comes out from the end of the hall. Her eyes haven't lost their luster.
"Yeah, you were adorable. What happened?"
"Ouch, Cabello. That hurts." Lauren feigns pain, holding her hand over her heart. "I think you just bruised my ego. I might not be able to play next week's game."
Camila thinks Lauren is still really cute, even when she's a little full of herself.
"I'm surprised you're not dancing on a table tonight."
"I'm trying to keep my pants on tonight. I think I'm actually craving a shake right now."
"Then I guess that makes two of us."
Camila finds out that talking to Lauren while sober is just as distressing as it while intoxicated. She tries to change the subject.
"Shouldn't you be celebrating the win with your girlfriend?"
For an instant, Lauren's grin falters, like she's forgotten something important, and then it's back, as if it never left.
"Lucy's is playing flip cup with the cheerleaders. I'm sure she can manage one night without me."
Being alone on the second floor of someone's house, surrounded by their family pictures is just as awkward and inconvenient as Camila thinks it is. They both let the music fill in the blanks.
"Hey, do you want to get out of here?"
"Are you actually trying to leave your own party?"
"They won't miss me that much." Lauren points at the soccer team playing chicken in the pool. Normani's on Dinah's shoulders and Ally's chatting it up with Troye and the rest of tonight's designated drivers.
"Are you coming?"
"My mom told me never to get into cars with strangers."
Lauren rolls her eyes. "Then let me take you out and get to know you. If you let me, I think it would really cool for both of us to be more than strangers."
Lauren Jauregui really is something else.
"C'mon," Camila turns back to Lauren, already at the foot of the staircase, dangling her car keys in front of her. "I'll even drive you home."
* * *
Camila's not as worried as she would be over this car ride, she knows that if it were anyone else she would have caught an Uber.
Something makes her believe that Lauren's got nothing but good intentions.
They climb into Lauren's car, Lauren even making the extra effort to make sure Camila has her seatbelt on before they exit the driveway.
"No funny business, Jauregui. If I'm not back at my house by midnight, I'm calling my fairy godmother to kick you ass."
"Sounds like a plan."
"What is the plan, exactly?"
"First, we get some shakes. Then we get to know each other. That's it. You'll be back by 11:59, tops."
At a stop light, Lauren hands her phone over to Camila. "Do me a favor and pick a song. You're great company, but I hate driving without music on."
Camila scans through her music library. Looking at Lauren, it's the kind of music you'd expect to find: Some Lana, Drake here and there, Kehlani The Internet, One Direction.
"No way, I can't believe you have One Direction. Lauren, be honest with me, are you a directioner?"
"Listen, I-"
"Shhh. It's okay, you don't have to make up excuses. I found the perfect song."
The first note comes in suddenly from the speakers and Lauren instantly regrets letting Camila choose.
"Oh God."
Stained coffee cup
Just a fingerprint of lipstick's not enough
Before she knows it, Camila's yelling the chorus directly into her ear.
Waking up
Beside you I'm a loaded gun
I can't contain this anymore
I'm all yours, I've got no control, No control
"C'mon, Jauregui. You know you want to sing along. I'm not stopping until you sing with me."
"I kind of need control if you want to get home alive, Camila."
"If you want me to shut up, all you have to do is hit a few a notes."
The last thing Lauren wants is for Camila to shut up. She loosens her grip on the steering wheel as she sings.
Lost my senses, I'm defenseless
Her perfume's holding me ransom
Sweet and sour, Heart devoured
Lying here I count the hours
"Holy shit. I think you actually sang that better than Zayn did."
They belt out the last lines together at another stop light.
Powerless
And I don't care it's obvious
I just can't get enough of you
The pedal's down, my eyes are closed
No control
They double over in laughter, Camila fixated on just how good Lauren's profile looks against the traffic light's red hues.
They pull up to an In-N-Out drive thru soon enough and Camila pauses the next song so Lauren can order.
"What do you want?"
"Um, probably world peace, free college tuition, for Lorde to release a second album-"
"I mean, what do you want to eat? I'm buying."
"Oh, just a shake then I guess. Lauren, you don't need to get me anything."
"Too late." Lauren gives out their order to the guy on the other side of the order window, not giving Camila any time to stop her.
Even this late at night, it's full in the restaurant, so they settle for eating in the parking lot. Camila's glad she spent the night with Lauren instead of staring at pictures of her. It sounds less creepy in her head.
She prays for traffic on the way home.
It's 11:54 when they pull into Camila's driveway. She isn't in much of a rush to get out of the car.
"Hey, will you text me when Dinah leaves? I want to make sure she gets home safe."
"Sure, but it'd be kind of hard to text you when I don't have your number."
"Right."
Lauren disconnects her phone from the aux cord and unlocks it so Camila can punch in her number, which she does a little too enthusiastically.
"Goodnight, Camila," The older girls says sweetly, smiling for the upteenth time tonight.
"Bye, Jauregui." Camila waves all the way from her porch.
Camila replays the entire night over in her mind before she falls asleep.
Lauren's the last thing she thinks about.
* * *
Ally faintly remembers five things about last night.
Ally promised everyone a discount Putt Putt Palace if she actually landed the job.
So, now they're only on the eleventh hole, but Lauren's already swung more than five times and still can't get the ball into the alligator's mouth.
When Lauren was seven, her parents sent her to softball camp. In middle school, she kicked ass in volleyball and basketball. Now Lauren's almost eighteen and on the track for several soccer scholarships. So, yeah, Lauren's good at a lot of sports, mini golf isn't one of them.
That's the first thing Ally remembers about last night: Lauren sucks ass at mini golf.
She's dead last and losing isn't something Lauren Jauregui doesn't know how to do.
Her frustration is apparent by the amount of times she has to keep herself from yelling. Camila can't help but giggle, which only earns her a glare.
Ally's leading, Dinah has lost over ten balls already, and Normani's been on her phone half the time. Everyone resolves to grab some fries while Lauren gets her life together. Camila stays.
"It's because you're holding it wrong."
"Then show me how it's done, Tiger Woods."
She strides over to Lauren, standing directly behind her. Her arms are wrapped around Lauren's and for the most part, she's comfortable. She places her hands over Lauren's to grasp the club.
"Bend over." She doesn't mean to, but her breath is right against Lauren's ear. It sends a chill down Lauren's spine, but she complies.
"You could at least take me on a date first, Cabello."
"I would, but you kind of have a girlfriend."
Camila's joking, and Lauren knows she is. That's why they're laughing, or at least pretending to out of courtesy. Still, part of Lauren takes Camila seriously.
"Okay, now you just bring your arms back, and when the moment's right, hit it."
"That's it?"
"My little sister can do this in her sleep. That's literally all it takes, Lo."
Lauren turns to face Camila, who's still dangerously close. She could practically count her eyelashes.
But that's weird so she doesn't.
"'Lo'? Since when did this happen?"
"Dinah gets to call you 'Ralph' and 'Lauser', Normani calls you 'Laur', and I'm pretty sure I've heard Ally call you a little bitch once, which means I get the rights to give you a cool nickname too. Now stop stalling and hit the ball."
When the three get back, the two are on the twelfth hole laughing at nothing in particular. They stop, looking each other in the eyes seriously, and collapse in another fit of hysteria. They catch Camila's head resting on Lauren's shoulder, Lauren crutching on her golf club to keep them both from falling over.
The second thing Ally remembers is how well Camila and Lauren look together.
The three share smug looks, but decide to keep it to themselves.
All of them transition to the thirteenth hole without interruption, aside from the vibrations coming from Lauren's pocket.
"Laur, can you pick up your phone. It's been buzzing for the past five minutes. I need all the concentration I can get if I'm gonna beat Ally." Normani doesn't take her eyes off her ball as she asks.
"It's just Lucy. I'll talk to her when I get home."
Normani rolls her eyes. "What a Casanova."
"Ralph, let's get serious. What do you like about Lucy?" Dinah doesn't mean to sound rude about it, she just can't help her curiosity.
It even messes Normani up, who gives up on her turn and passes it off to Camila.
Ally actually has to smack her arm because Dinah's never been know to wait for the right time to ask questions.
Lauren's eyebrows furrow as she adopts an unconfident expression.
"I mean, I don't know. She's super likable and genuine. She's always being supportive and she texts first and she's easy to get along with and talk to. She gives me this nice warm feeling in my stomach, and that has to account for something."
Lauren talks herself out and at one point she's not sure she's still talking about Lucy.
"Obviously she's beautiful, no doubt, but what caught me was just how nice she is. Like she's nice without expecting anything in return to everyone and I know that's a super basic thing to ask for in a decent person, but she makes me wanna be a better person, less selfish and more trusting."
It's not Lauren's fault that she's talking about her girlfriend, she's fairly entitled to. Still, it is her fault that she was standing too close during Camila's backswing.
Ally's third memory: Lauren's black eye.
It's funny for about ten seconds until they actually notice the flesh around Lauren's eye begin to turn purple. Being the amazing friend that Dinah is, she takes pictures. For the memories, she insists. Normani's just amazed that Lauren's still conscious.
Camila hasn't stopped aggressively expressing how sorry she is, so Ally pulls her away to grab ice.
She laughs it off as they turn to walk to the ice dispenser. "Golf definitely isn't Lauren's thing."
"I'm a terrible person."
"It's a black eye, Mila. Do you know how many times Lauren's broken her nose and sprained her ankle during soccer? She's just going to wear her leather jacket and lie to sound like a badass. Don't worry abou-"
"I wanted to kiss Lauren and she was talking about her girlfriend."
"Oh," Ally almost stops walking altogether. "That's...different."
That's the fourth thing. Ally appreciates the honesty.
The both of them come back, with ice cream instead because the soda dispenser ran out of ice and the food court employee doesn't get paid enough to change it.
Lauren's just the luckiest girl in the world.
Camila gets to keep the ice cream against Lauren's eye to reduce the swelling. Dinah tells her that she should stick to soccer.
Dinah tells Lauren that she's benched for the rest of the game. Camila joins her, partially because she still feels guilty, and partially because Lauren would look stupid holding ice cream against her eye alone.
"I'm sorry." And she is.
"It's okay, I'm used to girls hitting on me." Lauren says, offering a wink with the eye she can still open.
The last thing Ally remembers is Normani winning mini golf. Son of a bitch.
* * *
Lauren does call Lucy back like she said she would, but when she does, she can hear irritation seeping through the other end of the line.
"Lauren, it's late. I called you five hours ago."
Lauren explained honestly. "I know, I'm sorry. I meant to call back, but my phone was dying and
I would've called back sooner, but going home took longer than I thought it would."
"Yeah, I bet it's hard driving with a black eye."
"How'd you know about that?"
"This is exactly what I'm talking about. I would've known that if you just texted me. I had to find that out on my own through Dinah's snapchat story."
"It's just that it feels like we haven't been talking as much lately. I haven't seen you since the party and you ditched out on that, I mean, seriously, your own party. And then I saw how you were out with everyone again and, I don't know, Lauren. I just miss you."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to end like this tonight."
"It's getting late, I think I'm going to call it a night, " Lucy replies profoundly. "I love you."
"Love you too."
Lauren intentionally leaves out the "I".
* * *
They break up a week later and most people are surprised; most people don't know Lauren.
Normani doesn't participate in gossip, but that doesn't mean she can't indulge in it.
When you're a senior in high school, it just comes and goes naturally like the tides.
Normani never really has time for the tides, she hates getting her hair wet and a sun bath is more appealing. Still, every now and then she can't help but let the tips of her toes touch the water until she's eventually dragged into the ocean.
So when she hears about the rumors from Kendall and Gigi, she involves herself. Her friend, her business.
She lets the girls know, but no one talks about it. They don't need to because Lauren makes it easy for them.
She shows up at school the following Monday and follows her routine- AP Psychology with
Normani, practice with Dinah. If anything, she's stays at practice longer and is does better during games. Coach Payne tells her to keep up whatever she's been doing. She and Camila even text each other during AP history, even when they're only sitting five rows apart.
cabaeo: how are u feelin
jauregross: when u texted me my crotch vibrated
jauregross: ngl im a little turned on
cabaeo: gross
jauregross: jk
jauregross: learning about the patriarchal customs of 17th century england really ruins the mood
There aren't any tears, no over emotional group Skype therapy sessions. It's just Lauren. It's Lauren before the breakup and it's the same Lauren before Lucy. It's always been just Lauren.
* * *
A week later, it's ten at night and Camila is nestled into a pile of pillows on her sofa with a half eaten bowl of popcorn, five hours deep into season five of Gossip Girl.
She could easily keep this going until morning, but she gets an incoming call from Lauren.
Lauren only calls when it's important.
"Hey," Lauren huffs over the other end of the receiver, "Can you meet me on the field?"
Camila already has her jacket and her keys in hand when she replies, "Be there in fifteen."
When Camila gets there, the lights are dimmed down and she can faintly see Lauren striking out free kicks.
When she hears shoes shuffle over, Lauren wanders back towards the center of the field and meets Camila's fixed stare before subsiding onto the grass. Camila follows suit, lying down with her face staring up at the stars.
Maybe when she lies down, she sees a tear streak down the side of Lauren's face. Maybe she pretends it's sweat and never mentions it.
Lauren's chest heaves until it ends up at a steady pace. She looks like she wants to say something, but her hands stay preoccupied with the grass between them.
Her voice is still gravelly when she speaks up.
"Do you think anything can really last forever? I mean, even stars explode eventually."
The smaller girl isn't sure where Lauren's going with this, but she complies. "When a star dies, it
becomes a supernova. Metaphorically, it changes for the better."
"Supernovas lead to black holes, then everything begins to suck- literally."
"There's always other stars."
"But there's only one big dipper."
"Houston, we have a problem. You lost me Jauregui, I don't know what the fuck that means."
"Like, if one star in the Big Dipper explodes, how is it gonna be the Big Dipper anymore?
"Constellations aren't relationships. And if we're talking about you and Lucy the way I think we are, then I hope you know that we can't just compare everything to the stars." She sighs. "We're people, Lo. Sometimes, we fall in love with people, and if we're lucky enough, they love us back. If they don't, it's their loss. You're not losing anything. You can live without her- breathe without her, laugh without her. You're allowed to feel happy even when it's over."
"But if you wanna be a star for tonight, then I'd tell you that the sun shines well enough on its own and I think it's the most beautiful thing out there."
Lauren nods.
Camila doesn't really know what to do with her hands right now, so she just kinda keeps
Lauren's company.
"Camz, I think I have a bigger problem than just stars."
"What is it?"
"I think I really like you, but I don't even know a damn thing about you."
The whole thing is sudden. The call, the questions, the break up. Lauren is an instant.
Lauren is right now and everything else is an afterthought. It makes camila want to linger here forever.
"I like it when it rains and you can see your reflection in the streets."
She wants to say, "I like the way you say my name because you're the only one got it right the first time."
She doesn't.
"I like the feeling of washing off paint and then seeing all the color from my hands sweep into the sink."
(I like it when you tease me about literally everything.)
"I like hearing a song for the first time and instantly falling for that one line."
(I like when you make me start to feel like all my bad habits are good things.)
"I like sitting on my bed and eating Chinese take out leftovers."
(I like it when my heart feels like it's pushing it's way out of my chest and I like how I feel when I'm with you, like maybe we actually have a chance at something nice. Like maybe you actually like me back.)
"I like who I am when I'm with you."
Camila's easily running out of things to say, so she quits while she's ahead. And then it's quiet again.
"Lauren."
"Camila."
"Hypothetically, if I asked you to, would you kiss me?"
Aside from a slightly rushed heartbeat, she does her best to stay still, keeping her eyes focused on anything except Lauren.
"And, hypothetically, why would I do that?
"Because, I might just want you to."
Lauren pretends to think about it for a bit. "Then hypothetically, yes."
"Hey, Lo?"
This time Lauren turns to face the other girl, even props her head in her hand to look Camila in the eyes. "Yeah?"
"Can you kiss me?" She whispers and narrows her eyes, staring back deeply into Lauren's.
They back up into silence, sharing subtle glances at each other's lips. It's a loaded question.
When Lauren leans in, their lips glide over each other smoothly. Their noses bump and Camila feels her cheeks flush. Lips match, top to top, which only makes their teeth click and the whole thing is clumsy.
It's clumsy until it isn't. It becomes natural and Lauren leans over her. She pulls back briefly, only to take it all in.
Camila opens her eyes, gaze half-lidded with content. Her cheeks can't help but split into a grin.
It feels like the stars are falling.
And then Lauren's lips are back on hers.
She can feel her tongue trace over lips, then her own tongue, and it takes Camila everything she has not to moan.
Camila's hand meets the nape of Lauren's neck and pulls her closer.
She hears the gentle 'pop' when they pull apart, because Lauren's lips are wet and warm and soft.
"And I like you. I really like you."
* * *
Dinah hasn't started her English essay.
Dinah hasn't typed out a single word for her homework for a number of valid reasons.
They include: attempting to hit Mariah Carey's high note in 'Emotions', tweezing her eyebrows, and keeping up with all of her snap streaks. Dinah wants to say it's because Mr. Sheeran hates her, but that's not going to work because according to Dinah, everyone loves her.
(Ally and Normani confirm that every day for her.)
So really, there were a number of explanations, but now she she's got a blank space on her screen where a five page narrative outlining the definition of love should be.
It's only seven in the afternoon, so technically she has time but just... she doesn't want to. And she knows what love is, she just doesn't know what love is.
She calls Lauren.
Lauren takes her time in picking up, and when she does, her voice is all muffled and breathy.
"Hey, D."
"Lauser, it's time to get romantic. Dinah flops down onto her bed, following the rotation of her ceiling fan. "What are you doing? "Where are you? Why do you sound like that? What is love?"
"I'm trying to get my pants on," Lauren huffs, "wait a sec." There's the sound of something falling, then her voice comes through again, stronger and clearer. "You call at the worst times."
"I know, but I already asked Ally and I think she was about to give me the sex talk. Now, what is love? And I'm not talking about Beyoncé-drunk-in-love kind of love. I'm talkin' 'bout that text-in-morning, real love."
"Um, I mean love is..love is like the way you care about Seth, it's unconditional. It's like- Shit, give me a second to think. I think it's when you start enjoying someone's company more than your own. I think that when you fall in love, there's not this single moment where you fall because love is plural. You fall for them day after day and it's this same person you keep falling for and it's new things that you fall in love with. You are always falling."
"Do you get what I'm saying?"
"Yeah, yeah keep it coming Lauser, I've still got four and a half pages to fill."
"As much as I'd love to help, I've got to be at work in twenty. Good luck though."
Lauren hangs up without another word.
After what felt like forever, Camila came back from her shower and into view of the FaceTime call.
Dinah doesn't even wait for her to sit down, she just goes for it. "What is love?"
"What is love?" Camila echoes the question back at Dinah. "Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me- no more."
Dinah rolls her eyes, lets her head hang over the back of her chair before spinning around.
"I'm being serious. I've got a deadline in six hours and something tells me I can't bullshit this one."
"To be honest, Chancho, someone could pull a Noah from the Notebook and confess their love to me every day and I still wouldn't be able to explain what love means to me."
"It's not something that's easy to put into words," Camila speaks up, and Dinah groans. Hey, it's not my fault you're doing this last minute again. Why do you keep doing this to yourself?"
"English isn't something I do, Cheech."
"Okay, so, um when you ask people to write about love, they tell you about heartbreak. I don't know anything about a love like that, but if you asked me about a crush, I'd tell you about how my heart feels like it's beating too slowly. I'd tell you about how many times I've had to wipe my clammy hands on my jeans when she's around."
"Are you talking about Lauren?"
"No, I'm talking about a crush."
"So, Lauren."
This isn't a battle Camila's going to win, so she doesn't bother fighting anymore. "How'd you know?"
"Because when you were dealing with her black eye, the ice cream wasn't the only thing that was melting."
Even through her laptop screen, she can see Camila blushing.
"Y'know, she's into this fake deep romantic shit. I bet if you just tell her all of this, she'll be putty in your hands"
"I don't want her to be putty, I want her to be my girlfriend."
"How sappy."
"Shut up. Don't you have an essay to finish?"
"Yeah, so hit me with it."
"Well, I don't know what happened. I can't focus on what I used to like because all I know is what I like now, and now I'm always thinking about the next time I'm going to see her. I think at some point, Cupid forgot to take a vacation. Everyone else has never been anything more than a second glance."
"Does that make sense?"
Dinah's struggling to jot down bullet points on her laptop.
"Geez, Shakespeare. Uh, yeah. I think I get it now."
Camila changes the topic to about how Sofi used up all of her tampons for her science project. Dinah catches a break to laugh and then realizes she really needs to finish if she wants to graduate. The call goes quiet and Dinah doesn't hear ranting. She looks up to find Camila dancing around in her underwear. Camila is so weird.
Dinah's almost to the end of "her" essay, and all she needs is a conclusion. She texts the one person who she knows she can rely on. (Besides Camila.)
dinah pain: hey you
norMAMI: what do u want
dinah pain: mani tell me everything u kno about lovin
norMAMI: nah u thought
***
Normani has Ms. Frangipane for English. The upside to this is that she doesn't have to define love in four thousand words or more. The downside to having Ms. Frangipane is that she has to write about what makes a monster a monster is in an analytical essay outlining ethics and morals and variations thereof.
Literature has her fucked up.
Camila's a little better at this than Normani is.
She initially answers the prompt by thinking of Lauren. Camila swears that Lauren is a monster in her own way.
Eyes like jade and gorgeous teeth, she's got a voice that makes bones vibrate. She's beautiful, but her nails are sharp and her hair is long and messy. She could lure people with her attractiveness and thick voice.
Normani tells Camila that she's pulling some "weird Twilight typa shit".
In Calculus, Camila finds out that math actually kind of matters. Apparently everything that happens to us is a result of mathematical reasoning made real by favorable outcomes. So, basically fate and luck are nothing but mathematical probabilities led by series of events that lead up to a moment between numbers.
She wonders what the probability is of Lauren and her ever getting together. She assumes the chances are slim, so she doesn't bother to even attempt solving that equation.
She was never good at math anyways.
Chemistry: In the same sense that fate is all math, love is purely scientific. Love is a formula, comprising of dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. All of these are manufactured in labs, but an overdose of any single one could easily lead to paranoia and insanity.
Yikes.
Camila doesn't want to know what happens with all three at once.
When the bell rings, all she wants to do is munch on some stale cafeteria pizza and curl up into Lauren's side.
* * *
The next victory party is held at Zendaya's house.
Camila finds Lauren in the kitchen dipping fruit snacks in Nutella. It's like Lauren's in her own
little world.
"Oh god," Camila thinks. "This is the the girl that I'm so in love with."
"That's disgusting." She says out loud.
"Maybe, but everything tastes good when you're drunk," She says in between bites. "Hold on."
Lauren goes diving back into the pantry and comes out with another pack of fruit snacks. She takes one out of the pack and puts it between her lips.
"Try it."
"Well, I mean are you going to get me one too or are you gonna feed me like a mother bird?"
Lauren chuckles before pushing it into her mouth and chewing it. "You really know how to ruin a moment, Camz."
"Oh, were we having a moment? I thought I was just entertaining your drunk ass."
Lauren shrugs, a grin resting over her features. "I mean you could entertain my drunk ass another way."
Camila can feel a rush of air leaving her lungs. Lauren's closer than she was a minute ago. Both of her arms are on either side of Camila, who's digging her nails into the counter. She can feel Lauren's eyes on her, poised and confident as ever.
She wants to look up at her, but she knows if she does, she'll be screwed.
And the next thing Camila recalls is Lauren leading her past bodies and Dinah shooting her a thumbs up from across the room.
They're fumbling to find an empty room. They make it backwards onto a bed with Lauren's lips making their way down Camila's jaw. Camila reminds herself to apologize to Zendaya for whatever damage they're about to do to her room.
Ringing. Lauren's ass is ringing and it's such a mood killer.
She's holding her phone up to her ear with one hand while her other hand is undoes the button on Camila's jeans.
"Uh, hey? I'm kind of really busy right now. Can this wait?"
She's close enough that Camila can hear Keana over the phone. Her hand finally introduces itself with Camila's hips and Camila lets out a soft whimper.
"Who's that? Are you with someone?"
"Oh, It's just Camila."
And maybe she was right. It was just Camila. Maybe she was Lauren and Camila was just
Camila. Maybe they would never be Lauren and Camila.
Camila feels sick.
She pushes Lauren's hand away and zips her jeans back up. She's out the door before Lauren can hang up the phone.
Camila doesn't even have to beg Ally for a ride because when Ally sees the look on her face,
Ally just gets it. The ride is mute aside from the radio. She doesn't pick up the phone when Lauren calls.
"Did you get home safe?" and "Are you okay?" texts fill her phone until she gets home.
* * *
Camila really hopes that Lauren considers them more than friends because friends don't sneak off into empty rooms at parties and Camila's never been the kind of person to wait around after soccer practices to make out with friends in the back of their car.
And if they are just friends, then Lauren's the best fucking friend Camila's ever had.
She knows they're not just each other's fuck buddy because Lauren holds hers hand sometimes when she walks Camila to third period and she kisses Camila on the cheek and she smiles at her like Camila's the reason she's breathing.
She doesn't know what they are.
* * *
jauregross: are you doing anything later
cababeo: no
cababeo: are you?
jauregross: spending time w a pretty girl
cababeo: oh that's cool
jauregross: camz its u,, you're the pretty girl
cababeo: oh
jauregross: meet me at the movie theater downtown later
Camila's phone gets hot from texting Lauren so often. It keeps her hands warm.
* * *
Movie theaters, now that Camila really thinks about it, are strange.
You're essentially paying money to sit down in a dark room with a crowd of strangers just to watch other people. You're not just you, you're a part of something bigger.
For two to three hours the outside world doesn't exist.
"You're seriously taking me out at midnight to watch a movie where no one's around?"
"Yeah, if you let me." Lauren says it like it's the simplest thing in the world, like she isn't using her manager's keys to sneak both of them in to watch a movie and raid the snack counter. She wonders if Lauren knows Netflix still exists.
Camila sees it as another chance for Lauren to ruin her, but, for a few hours, she's willing to let her.
"How do you feel about horror movies?"
"The last time I watched one, I was fifteen and I had to beg Sofi let me sleep in her room for two weeks."
"Perfect, there's this movie about a couple that gets stranded in the woods, typical horror. Don't worry, Troye said it doesn't suck as much as it sounds."
Camila gives her an unimpressed look.
"If the movie scares you that bad afterwards, you're free to sleep in my room for two weeks."
Lauren's stupid smile is really persuasive.
"Besides, we've got the whole room to ourselves, no crying kids or tall people sitting in front of us to make this date any less romantic than I already have."
"Are you saying this is a date?"
"It could be more than just date if you want it to be, but I'm not planning on just sleeping with you, Cabello."
"I even bought pizza a while ago. So, you can say yes to this- yes to me- and we can have a cheesy movie date where I putty arm around your shoulder while we eat pizza. Your call."
"You don't even like pizza."
"No, but I like a girl that likes pizza."
The opening credits open with a jump scare which admittedly scares the shit out of Camila. She's glad the amount of people she's capable of embarrassing herself in front of is dialed down to one.
"I can make you scream in other ways too, yknow."
Camila smacks Lauren's arm, but it even in the pale lighting Lauren can see the pastel spreading across Camila's cheeks.
"If some psycho comes out and I end up dying, can you tell Dinah she still owes me twenty bucks?" She whispers until she's reminded there's only empty seats surrounding them.
"I mean sure, but if they kill you they're probably gonna kill me too."
"And what if you're the psycho slasher?"
"Lucky you then, I'd save the pretty ones for last."
Camila rolls her eyes before looking back at the screen.
Forty minutes in and Camila's paying less attention to the movie and more to how close Lauren is because every five minutes she's searching for her hand in the dark. She acknowledges how little it has to do with how scary the movie is on her own.
When she turns to look at Lauren, Lauren's already staring back adoringly. She doesn't know how long Lauren's been staring, but she knows.
She knows Lauren is the type of person her parents would love to meet, the type to tell her that she doesn't want fries and then eats half of hers, the type to show Camila off constantly to her friends (even when her friends Camila's friends too), the type to wake her up at five in the morning to ask if she want pancakes or waffles for breakfast.
And it's just a look, but Lauren's known for saying a lot with her eyes.
So, Camila responds by not saying anything. She just kisses her.
For the next two hours, it's Camila letting herself fall. For the next two hours, it's Lauren catching her.
For the next two hours, it's just Lauren and Camila.