Chapter Text
"My therapist thinks I find comfort in darkness." he admits, standing there. it's quiet, he's quiet. though you saw the amount of bodies coming in last night. you both had been on shift, it had been a tough night for everyone. tonight was better by all means, and slower. so you came up here, lit up a Marlboro and just let yourself relax. that was until jack found you.
"my therapist thinks I work with dead people because I'm unsociable." you smile over at him, always quick with a joke. he catches your eyes then takes the cigarette from between your fingers. making a face as he inhaled the smoke.
"you know those will kill you? bad habit, don't try em." you quipped, taking your cig back from him. which he gave away easily. a small chuckle falling from his chapped lips as he leaned on the roofs railing.
"robby knows," he says it like it burns. his face turned away from yours. like he'd just dropped a bomb.
"robby knows what?" you inquire, confused with his vague statement. You didn't see much of robby. whatever the man knew wasn't gonna bother you. but it was obviously bothering jack.
he's silent for a moment. his hands clasped in front of him as he looks down off the roof. you can feel the cold Pittsburg air blowing softly.
"he just explained it, and it all just fell out of my chest." he went on again, leaving your question unanswered. running a hand through his ever graying curls. "Robbys seen me through some shit. but man, this is something else."
"jack, seriously, what are you-" you start, your worry climbing up your throat and settling on your tongue with a bitter aftertaste.
"I haven't dated since my wife died." he still doesn't look at you. "but you- you confuse me. you hit on me, then talk me off an edge that half the time I don't even realize in standing on. I let you stand on the roof with me because I know if you go I'll follow." it all spills out of him, and it takes a second for it to click.
that was a confession. jack abbott just confessed. to you of all people. you just stared at him dumfounded.
he stared right back like he'd made the worst mistake of his life. which in his head he had. sure military, not his best idea. but fucking things up with you? the one person who didnt pity or fear him. the one person who understood him in some way.
"did you just- me?" you cocked your head at him. he did it right back like you'd just asked him the stupidest question ever.
"what do you mean 'me'?" his tone held a layer of defense. still readily bracing himself for rejection all while carrying the hope that maybe this one thing would work in his favor.
"I thought you and robby were..?" you trailed off, realizing you had read it wrong. jack was into you. there were about a million reasons why you should shut it down right here. HR violations, basic morals, the fact that you now owed princess thirty dollars because robby and abbott aren't together.
"no, im not with anyone." jack looks appalled, shaking his head softly. god, this was all going south. "I let you sit on the roof either me, I let you smoke around me. had I not made myself pretty clear. this isn't dead poets society, im into you." he gets quieter as he goes on. like maybe if he just slowly backed away and acted like this never happened he would forget about this and tonight entirely.''
"jack," you start before he shakes his head, cutting you off again. swearing that the pity in your voice would kill him faster than jumping.
"no, no just forget-" the impure rasp of his voice is odd. but this time you take the reins and interrupt him.
"jack, im not saying no. im saying that down the line this might end up bad." because of course it would. this could lead to a pact, which would only cluster up. but that was an if and not a when. but you didnt trust yourself with nice things. you only broke what you wanted to cradle. so why try?
maybe the soft look in his eyes. maybe the way he just listens when you need it. maybe because he bought you a pack of reds. but they were all maybes. you wanted to try to love him. you really did. but you'd never been good in the past.
"might end up bad?" his tone is almost hurt. "I'm not a risk, what do you take me for?" the defensiveness builds. his hands clench as they fall at his sides.
"jack were on a roof, the roof has been deemed 'our spot'. were both risks for fucks sake." your irritation is a slow rise, but it rises nonetheless. you look at him. your lips just barely curled into a snarl.
"the doesn't mean we'll jump." he crosses his arms. turning his body to face you. he's glaring, his eyes squinted harshly.
"no, were just thinking about it every time." you retorted, it was cruel, sure. but it was necessary. "jack were risks, admit it. I will, hell, every time I finish a pack I come up here. and I think 'hm todays the day I won't be a coward' and then you find me. and you talk me down." you flicked the ask of the end of your cigarette. taking a slow breath of the smoke. looking over the city instead of at him.
"I talk you off and you listen. doesn't that count for something?" he stands there, hope in his eyes. something he'd sworn he had lost ages ago. he reached for your hand, and to his surprise you let him. "give me a shot at this. you won't regret it."
"I might," you laughed, trying to add humor to the situation. his hand gentle around yours. its obvious he didn't find it as funny as you did. but that was the least of your issues. the pleading in his eyes wore at your resolve.
"you might." he confirmed, his hand tightening around your own. he stepped closer to you. watching your expression, moving slowly. you didn't say anything. your scowling softened, if only a little you were letting him in.
he stood inches away. his thumb rubbing over the back of your hand. waiting, for something, anything. the city quieted around you.
"I can't fix you, jack. you know that." you whispered, your free hand clasped tightly around the cold metal railing. the slight still grounding you in the moment.
"I know." his tone was boardering on cold. shutting himself away. still waiting on the finality of a rejection.
so you both stand there. letting the bitter night air run over you. his hand still a gentle reminder of his presence.
"so why try?" you added, the guilt like a heavy weight on your chest. practically ready to cave in.
"why not? you know I'm into you. I am too damn old to start that situationship shit." his answer came smooth like honey. lifting the overbearing weight from your chest in an instant. both of you letting out a few quiet giggles.
"think on it." his hand withdrew from yours. he pulled back, not like a scared animal. but like a man who already knew his fate. as if he was so sure you would turn him down.
and with those few words he left. the rooftop door closing with an almost silent click. and you were left there, alone, with your thoughts.
maybe it wasn't as terrible an idea as you thought.