Work Text:
"Don't kill me, just help me run away from everyone."
- - - -
Holly wakes up screaming.
Holly wakes up screaming, but it’s the eighth night in a row that she’s woken up screaming, so her vocal cords are raw, and the scream is more of a whisper.
Holly wakes up screaming, sitting stick straight up in her bed, staring at the poster awkwardly positioned over the gouge in the wall, and feels a tear roll down her cheek.
She lay back down, chest heaving, reminding herself that it was just a dream–all of it was just a dream.
Except, this dream was rooted in reality, rooted in Mr. Whatsit’s mansion and lies and false pretenses. It’s rooted in that awful tentacle forcing lies down her throat, and it's rooted in her skinned knees and burning lungs as she kept running.
Holly shook, reminding herself that everything was okay, that everything was over, and that Vecna was dead. There was no more Upside Down–that was destroyed.
The plan had worked–so she’d been told. They blew Vecna to bits, redistributed the kids to their homes, and by some gracious psychic mojo, the others didn’t seem to remember.
In fact, Hawkins seemed to not remember the whole debacle, leaving only the people who stopped the mess to live with the consequences. It was cruel, watching everything get explained away with “men in white vans” and “military experiments gone awry.”
Even the children–save for Derek–didn’t remember.
It was for the best, Holly reminded herself, parroting Hopper’s words back.
“These kids–they can’t live with the trauma. It’s for the best. We shouldn’t remind them.”
Holly understood, but wondered why she, too, couldn’t be spared.
Why she was left being Holly the Heroic when she was so scared.
The cobwebs of the dream faded, leaving Holly spent on her bed, eyes fixed on her nightlight shining steadily from its place in the wall.
Fitfully, she tossed and turned for another night until her alarm rang.
The sun poked its way into her room, sunlight filtering its way in like an old friend. Reluctantly, Holly swung herself out of bed and forced herself to be normal. She yelled at Mike for taking too long in the bathroom, darted around Nancy, and snagged a pancake on her way out the door.
School felt rehearsed; her friends felt boring.
Not boring. Just. Wrong.
Holly stared at them and tried to not recall their hands shoving her down the stairs, kicking her, and telling her Max was a monster.
Mike picked her up from school like normal, acted like everything was normal, and Holly ran to her room screaming because nothing felt normal.
“Holly!” Mike’s voice floated upstairs. “Are you gonna come down? Everyone’s coming over here, so just like, stay out of the way.”
“Not going anywhere!” Holly shouted back.
It didn’t matter that they’d saved the world–Mike still saw her as his annoying kid sister to stay out of the way while they played DnD.
Dustin was the first to arrive, then Lucas and Max, and finally Will with Jonathan on his heels.
Holly poked her head out of her room, hovering at the top of the stairwell. She didn’t want to be a nuisance, but something just told her to go downstairs. Max gave her a quick hug as she passed, probably looking for sodas, and Holly felt the tight knot in her chest again.
They were acting like everything was normal, and it wasn’t normal. She didn’t feel normal. Why did it feel wrong–
“Holly!” Mike called out again, this time a bit more exasperated. “If you’re gonna be down here, could you get us some snacks?”
“Do I have to?” Holly shot back, an exasperated groan bubbling in her chest.
“C’mon! It’s gonna be a long session, and Mom just bought more chips–” Mike rolled his eyes. “You’ve been moping for weeks, Holls, just get the snacks.”
Something about Mike’s tone hit an irritable nerve, and Holly was about to snap back before realizing she didn’t want to fight.
“Fine.” She mumbled quietly.
“I’ll help!” Will jumped up. “I don’t mind. It’ll be faster too–I know where all the bowls are.”
Mike waved his hand and continued setting up figures on the board and counting dice. “Just hurry.”
Holly stared at Will–really stared at him. She didn’t know much about him other than the fact that he’d disappeared and had powers when Vecna was alive.
She was vaguely aware that he seemed to have liked Mike, in a way that didn’t make sense to her ten-year-old brain. If she didn’t know better, she’d have thought it was a crush.
Something screamed at her, though. Will was taken. Will knew what it was like. Will was just like the rest of them, acting like everything was okay.
Wordlessly, she tore her eyes away, reaching for brightly colored bags of Doritos and Lays while Will grabbed several large mixing bowls.
“Thanks, Holly.” Will smiled at her.
Holly nodded, trying to smile back. She had a million questions–mainly “how are you acting like everything is okay?”–but none of them came out.
Instead, she blurted out, “I wanna play DnD too. Erica does, and she’s thirteen and I know I’m only ten, but I want to play Holly the Heroic because Mike said she’s a cleric.”
And she’s not afraid.
Will blinked. “Well, um, we’re kinda in the middle of a campaign right now, but I wanna run a one-shot soon, and you can probably hop in there because it’s low stakes.”
“When is soon?”
Will shrugged. “Dunno. You’re welcome to sit in as long as you can without being bored. Max does it.”
They made their way back to the group, Mike rolling his eyes.
“Took you guys long enough. Will, I got your dice set up here.”
Holly settled into the couch next to Max, flipping through her book again. She pretended not to pay attention, but all she could hear was the boys escaping to another world where no one was scared or left behind, and everything worked out in the end.
Max wasn’t even trying to hide it–she was fully asleep after a few hours, leaving Holly as a lone spectator of the boys’ world.
Eventually, she too dozed off, trying not to dream of Henry or anything. Holly startled awake with Mike shaking her, saying words that she couldn’t quite comprehend.
“And they’re spending the night because we went longer than normal, and tomorrow’s Saturday anyway, so I need you off the couch.” Mike shook her again.
Holly nodded sleepily, waving at Max as she plodded upstairs.
Unfortunately, her little nap made falling back asleep harder than normal, so Holly slipped out of bed and grabbed a random book from her shelf to read until sleep came again.
The cover of A Wrinkle In Time stared back at her. Holly swallowed, but reminded herself that it was just a story. It wasn’t real. Henry couldn’t hurt her with it anymore.
So Holly read, losing herself among the pages before slipping back into another fitful sleep.
– – –
Henry was waiting for her in her dreams, flickering between Vecna and Mr. Whatsit. His voice was dangerously quiet, and Holly couldn’t move. She was back in his web, mouth sealed.
Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes, and she screamed soundlessly.
Struggling again, she managed to tear herself free, running and running again until she tripped. Vecna plodded closer, and Holly got up and kept running, slipping towards a rift. She tumbled through it, almost escaping before something dragged her back.
She was flung upwards, Vecna’s disappointed voice filling her ears.
“Running again, Holly?” He tutted. “You can’t escape. They can’t find you. They won’t. I’m the only one who cares about you.”
He waved his hand, and the scenery changed. They were back at his mansion, just the two of them.
“You were special, Holly. I saved you first. You were supposed to understand.” He looked almost sympathetic. “They exclude you, Holly. Your brother thinks you’re a nuisance.”
Holly shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks again. “You’re the liar! You’re not real; we beat you. We won!”
Her hands flew to clutch the little cleric figurine on her necklace.
Henry shook his head. “Holly. I gave you everything. What did they do for you?”
“They’re my family!” She shoved him, running again, feet finding the path to the cave.
Unlike reality, Henry followed her without hesitation.
“Even Max left you.” He called, voice even. He was simply stating a fact.
Holly spun, tears filling her vision.
“Everyone leaves you, Holly. No one really loves you. And the ones who do get hurt.” He shook his head.
The scene changed again, and Holly was taken to the night the demogorgon came. She was frozen in fear as it attacked her mother, claws tearing easily at soft flesh.
Henry appeared next to her. “Do you think they looked for you?”
“They did.” Holly spat through gritted teeth, blood cooling on her face. “And they found me.”
“Were they looking for you. Or were they looking for Max, and you happened to be there?” Henry’s lips were twisted in a sneer. “Horrid Holly. Easily abandoned. They probably wished you stayed gone.”
Holly screamed again, shoving Henry with superhuman strength into a wall.
“The others. Don’t remember…” Henry weezed. “You’re alone, Holly. You’ll stay alone.”
She screamed and screamed until someone shook her awake, repeating her name over and over again like a mantra.
The dream faded into reality, with someone shaking her by the shoulders. She collapsed into the figure, shaking.
Why couldn’t the nightmares leave her alone?
Why couldn’t she forget like the others?
Hands clumsily stroked her head as someone was mumbling reassurance. It wasn’t Mike, she realized with a start, but she was so tired that it almost didn’t matter.
“Who–?” she managed, hiccuping slightly.
“Will.” Came the steady reassurance. “You were shaking in your sleep. Screaming too. I was just coming out of the bathroom.”
Holly sniffed. “It’s just another nightmare.”
She’d had so many that her mother, drunk and exasperated, told her to just go back to bed. She’d had so many that she couldn’t remember the last time she had a good night’s sleep. She’d had so many that her heart hurt and her head hurt, and she didn’t know what was real or not.
“Sorry.” She sniffed again, trying to sit up. “I have them often.”
Will just nodded sympathetically. “Vecna?”
Holly nodded, hollowly.
“I had a lot of those for a while. Still do.” Will admitted. “He scares me. Still. I just remember the ages I spent there alone, and it all comes flooding back. It was. Scary.”
He trailed off, trying to comfort her again.
“Do they get better?” Holly whispered.
“Yeah.” Will nodded. “Crap–Holly, you’re like. Two years younger than when I was taken. It hunted me–he hunted me. I hid and ran. But it got me. Like it got you. Had the thing over my mouth and everything.”
Holly gagged at the thought.
“And the Mindflayer got me too, and I just remember being so weak and helpless, but anything I did didn’t help.” Will paused, tears pricking at his eyes.
“Mr. Whatsit got me before the other kids,” Holly whispered. “And they wouldn’t relieve me that Max was gonna save us. Called her Max the Monster. Then I woke up, and I ran and ran, and then I fell, and then he took me back.”
Will grimaced sympathetically.
“In my dreams, he tells me everyone’s gonna leave me and that everyone hates me.” Holly shook her head. “And it’s not just him, it’s me too, because it’s my brain and my fears. And it’s coming true.”
“Vecna does that. He preys on your deepest fears.” Will gave her a tight hug. “He did that to me, too.”
“It’s real, though.” Holly sobbed. “My friends think I’m a freak because I won’t go on the merry-go-round or talk about A Wrinkle In Time with them. They think I’m a freak because they see my drawings in my notebook of demogorgons and Vecna. And I don’t even remember making them, my hands just move.”
Will hesitated, looking Holly in the eyes. “He told me that everyone would hate me. That they’d leave me because they hated me so much.” His voice was softer than Holly’d ever heard it.
“No one would ever leave you. Everyone in Hawkins looked for you. Everyone likes you, Will. They all care so much. No one would stop looking. Not Lucas or Mike or Dustin. Not your mom or El or anyone.” Holly said quickly. “They were always looking. Nancy and Jonathan, too.”
Selfishly, Holly remembered their hunts for Will by the boxes of microwave dinners she made for herself. It was almost like she didn’t exist.
Will chuckled, hollowly. “Yeah. They care. And I know that now. But, Holly. I–” he hesitated. “I’m different.”
Holly tilted her head. “But not like. A freak, different. And coming back and being scared isn’t being a freak–being a freak is being the only one who remembers what everyone went through.”
“Not like that, Holly.” Will shook his head.
“I like boys.”
The words hung in the air for a second.
“Me too.” Holly shrugged. “I liked Josh until he pushed me down the stairs in Henry’s mansion.”
And Will laughed a deep, genuine laugh because Holly was only ten, and didn’t quite grasp everything wrong with that statement.
“But it’s kinda a secret right now. I’m not supposed to like them.”
“Oh.” Holly nodded. “I can keep secrets.”
“Vecna told me that they’d all hate me and leave me for that. That they’d call me names and cut me off.” Will’s voice broke. “I know that’s not true, but it still haunts me, sometimes.”
Holly leaned against Will again, suddenly bone tired. “He said they didn’t look for me. That they only found me because of Max.”
“That’s not true.” Will shook his head. “We all looked for you. Pinky promise.”
They linked pinkys and the knot in Holly’s chest loosened.
“I don’t wanna be alone,” Holly mumbled. “But my friends hate me, and Mike treats me like I don’t exist, and Max is busy with Lucas.”
“I don’t want to be alone either.” And Will winced in sympathy because elementary and middle school are cruel, and it really sucks to be excluded.
Holly yawned, vision slightly swimming from exhaustion. “I’m tired.”
Will nodded, getting up to go, but Holly clung a little tighter to his arm.
“Don’t. Please. Please don’t leave me alone,” she whispered, eyes filling with tears again.
And Will, because he was also tired, and not expecting to have a heart-to-heart with a pseudo-little sister, scooped her up and carried her downstairs to the couch where everyone was sprawled out.
Mats and pillows covered the floor, and the coffee table was pushed off to the side. Holly settled between Max and Will, and for the first time since Vecna was killed, she did not dream.