Chapter Text
His axe hits the wood with a dull thud, the sharp edge of its metal striking the tree in repeated swings. The sound echoes in the empty forest. There’s no one else around for miles, leaving just him in the midst of a giant spruce forest. Across the horizon, if he looks hard enough, he could see the tiniest hint of the camp they’ve built at spawn from atop his current tree. It’s barely past dawn, though, and the sun hasn’t been out for an hour yet, so the chances they know he’s here are slim.
Green’s glad.
He stifles a yawn as he goes back to chopping wood, tearing down the staircase he’s carved out of the tree. It’s tiring, and he’s been here for a while, the stacks of logs piling up in his inventory. It’s more than enough to go back, and if this were any other day from when things were still normal, he’d gift it to Red himself and watch him make yet another barn. But instead, he’s here, and he doesn’t plan on going back for a while.
If he’s being honest, he hasn’t exactly been hanging out with his friends lately. He knows the whole influencer thing has been resolved, there’s no reason to bring it up anymore, but something about it is still bothering him. He feels like they all moved on and forgave him way too fast.
It’s weird. He’s felt awkward around them since then, when they’re all together. Even one-on-one, he feels strangely nervous around the others, in a way he never did before. A part of him can’t help but wonder if he’s actually been forgiven sometimes or if they’re just tolerating him until he makes another mistake. It’s why he’s been hesitant to do any of his hobbies—it’s much easier to keep his pride in check when there’s nothing to be proud of. It sounds depressing but he’d rather do that then let his ego get the better of him. Again.
His mind drifts off to a few weeks ago, immediately after they all made up. They haven’t had a build battle in months, mostly because they were distracted by other more exciting activities but also because nobody wants to play when Green always wins.
“I can watch the clock this time?” he suggested. They all turned to him, surprised.
“Oh, are you sure?” Orange double-checks. And Green’s…not. He’d love to play, but given his recent actions, he didn’t think showing off was the right move. Green put on a smile that he hoped looked casual.
“Yeah! I’ve won enough of these-”
“More like all of them.” Yellow chimed.
“Exactly!” Green wrapped his arm around Yellow’s shoulder while Yellow rolled his eyes. “See Yellow, you understand! I’d be perfect for judging too! I’ll even rate them!”
“Pfft, you would know a lot about ratings,” Red joked under his breath. Blue not so subtly stepped on his foot to reprimand. “Ow! What was that for!” “You know!”
Yellow slipped out from under his arm and walked over to watch them wrestle on the ground, leaving Green by himself. Their squabble fell to the back of his mind as his smile faltered. He stood there anxiously, hand fidgeting with his jacket sleeve. Should he… do something else? Do they actually mind if he…? He caught Orange’s eye for a second, a hint of something in his expression, before he went to break up the other’s sudden brawl. Green remembers feeling thankful.
It wasn’t the worst experience. It was pretty nice not competing for once, seeing everyone so focused. Yellow seemed more than happy with his win. He hops off the last log back onto solid ground, breaking it apart and picking up the block. He rolls his shoulder around to work out some of the soreness, hissing, before moving onto another tree.
They had Alan make a survival world for them, a long-term group project to do whatever they want with. It’s a bit harder to get away nowadays, but he’s been sneaking off under the guise of gathering resources. They’re still in the early stages, after all, so at least he’s helping. Plus, it gives him some alone time, and gives them space from him. He’s restless, can't sit still half of the time, he needs to be doing something. And since he’s taking time away from things he’s actually good at, it’s a pretty good arrangement.
Maybe it’s out of guilt, but he just doesn’t want to bother them any more than he already has. He wants to—hang out, talk, anything—but at least this way, he won’t do anything to make them hate him.
So he’ll skip a few ‘noteblock & drawing’ lessons with Orange, tell the others he’s not ready to help make another movie, dump the items he’s gathered in a chest at the end of the day so he doesn’t have to hand it to them personally. It’s fine.
He just… wants to make it up to them, is all.
~
His pickaxe strikes the bit of ore, dust spilling out once it finally breaks. It spills onto the ground, clouds puffing on impact, dragging a cough from his chest. He scoops it with his hands once it settles, crafting it into blocks and slotting it away with the others.
He mines again, a different vein this time. His mind is so loud today. There’s a knot in his chest, a feeling of regret clawing at his skin. He pushes himself harder to drown it out, but the memory comes anyway.
He talked to Yellow last night.
He thought, foolishly, that the PC would be empty since everyone was spending time in Minecraft. He sat on their couch and everything, phone in hand and headphones on, but lo and behold. He should’ve known Yellow would be up. Green froze when he noticed him, but Yellow paid him no mind, sitting down with his laptop. He tried to go back to what he was doing, but he guessed he wasn’t doing a good job, since Yellow spoke up.
“Why do you keep looking at me?” Yellow looks up from his screen. It catches Green off guard.
“I uh,” Green stumbles, diverting his attention back to his phone, “Dunno. Didn’t realize, sorry.”
Yellow studies him a bit further. Green tries hard to ignore him, leg bouncing with nerves. God, he never used to be this anxious!
“Why’re you even up so late?” Yellow asks, “Normally you’re right after Orange, so something’s got you up.” He teases.
“I’m…” Green can be honest with him, right? “I’m thinking of deleting the videos I made.”
“Oh,” Yellow says, clearly not expecting that answer, “Why?”
“I mean, I never really liked them?” he voices, “I just kinda made them to get views and stuff...” He trails off at the end. “And honestly, they’re just really bad.”
“Not ours though, right?” Yellow laughs.
“No, those ones are actually good,” he smiles.
“Put one on. I wanna see,” Yellow moves his laptop to the cushion next to him and moves to sit next to Green. He pulls up the video on his phone and positions his arm so they can both see it. Yellow leans against him, laughing. It’s nice.
The video ends and Green catches a glimpse of the statistics. The numbers he focused his whole life around for a few weeks and cringes. He opens the comments and scrolls, Yellow tenses beside him, watching. Green finds the comment he liked all that time ago.
“yellow is pretty useless here lol”
He deletes it.
He closes the comments and turns his phone off, glaring at it. His reflection stares back. Yellow continues to watch him.
“I… You’re not..” Green fumbles with his words, trying to sort all the thoughts swirling in his head, “I’m sor-”
“Green,” Yellow interrupts curtly, “It’s fine.”
“B-But…”
“It’s behind us now,” Yellow dismisses, “No point mulling over it.”
Green pauses. His tongue refuses to work, to get any of the words he wants to say out.
“Still,” his grip on his phone tightens, “I’m sorry.”
Yellow sighs. He feels a pressure on his head where Yellow is ruffling his hair.
“You’re a bit of an idiot, sometimes,” he teases, jokingly, an attempt to go back to their normal dynamic, “It’ll take more than a few words to get me down. And I know you didn’t mean ‘em. So, it’s fine.”
He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. The bags underneath become more obvious, the circles darker than they should be. Yellow leaves after that, making some excuse of having a project to tinker on, but Green knows the truth. He saw the strain in his smile, expression held tight trying to look casual; the tenseness of his body as he walked past, leaving him alone with his thoughts.
Yellow doesn’t talk about it often—only a few times total—but he hates the fact that, out of all of them, he’s the weakest. It makes him feel helpless, so he pushes himself to make up for it. Sometimes too much, sacrificing his sleep and well-being to provide the others with projects.
They’ve known this- Green’s known this! Yellow’s not useless, he doesn’t have anything to prove! He’s his friend!! Yet he still...
His pickaxe strikes another vein, more force than necessary. It gets stuck in the stone, and he tugs the handle to try to get it out. He hunches over, hanging his head as he pants, before yanking it out with one last pull. His body aches.
He mines again. He still needs to get quartz, Yellow might need it.
It’s not good enough for an apology, but it’s something.
~
The salt lingers on his tongue as he downs another regen potion, drying his mouth while he waits for his hearts to replenish. It’s tedious, actually waiting for his body to heal instead of the instant relief health potions bring, but he’ll gladly box himself in the corner of a Nether fortress again if it means Blue has more for himself.
Ever since Blue told them about the lava incident, they’ve been trying to make things easier for him. Small things, really, like walking at a slower pace or picking things up so he doesn’t have to move around as much—nothing that would make him feel patronized. Check ins, too, mostly to gauge how much they have to adjust and watch Blue so he doesn’t overexert himself. He has a habit of that.
Green casts the line to his fishing rod towards some blazes, hooking one and pulling it in his direction. It fires wildly trying to escape, alerting the other mobs and he barely manages to dodge the onslaught of fire shooting towards him. He switches to his sword with his other hand and quickly works through the ones in the room before more spawn, picking up their rods afterwards. He still has a few more to go until he has enough, so he moves to the other room to wait again. He hopes that, once he’s done, Blue won’t have to go to the Nether for a long, long time.
Health potions help on the bad days. They dull the pain the same way weakness does, except without the added tiredness that comes with it. Health potions, however, require blaze powder to be brewed. And with the amount Blue needs, combined with the many other types he tends to make, he’s going to need a lot of it. Especially if they plan to work on this project long-term.
The sooner Green gathers ingredients from the Nether, the sooner Blue doesn’t have to look at another lava lake again, and the sooner he won’t be at risk of falling into one. It’s the least he can do for that… prank.
He enters the room again and is immediately greeted with fireballs. They graze him as he runs past, scorching his arms as he casts his line again. He took his jacket off hours ago, the heat becoming too much, crawling up his skin with beads of sweat, leaving him vulnerable as he fights without armor. He’ll be fine, though. The burns act as a reminder. He lets his mind drift while he works on autopilot, losing himself to the practiced motions.
Blue stubbornly—and by that, Green means stupidly—tried to start their new world without his potions. ‘It’d be cheating,’ he said, promising that he’d be fine, that getting everything ready wouldn’t take long, so why bother? Fortunately, this sentiment only lasted a few days. Unfortunately, it took a particularly bad flare up to snap him out of it, leaving him crying in pain, clinging to Yellow while Red searched for some back at the PC.
Orange stood by as moral support, offering help in any way he could, while Green... Green watched. He didn’t know what else to do. Looking back, he should’ve done something—he’s still not sure what, but anything would’ve been better than staying still—yet he didn’t move.
He can’t help but feel somewhat responsible. The others weren’t nearly as affected when Green pranked them. Shocked, sure. In pain, yes. But Blue… Green was too focused on Orange at the time, but when he looked at him—how he dipped his feet in cold water, desperate to cool the burning; how his legs shook when he stood—he felt regret. He still does, so much. He hates himself for it and he thinks he always will.
He could’ve used water! Or better yet, not done it at all! Falling in lava once is bad enough, but twice? To his own friend, too, and for what? Green doesn’t think he could forgive himself. The guilt gnaws at his insides, he feels sick.
One of the blazes manages to hit him, causing him to stumble back and lose his footing. He lands on his back, rolling over just in time to dodge its next attack. The burn stings in the hot, ashy air. Sweat rolls down his face and there’s only a few hearts left before he respawns. He reaches for another regen but finds nothing, so he runs.
It’s not enough. It’s still not enough even after hours. He should go back—the burn’s not that bad, just a mild injury—yet Green finds himself hesitating. The air is thick, it’s hard to breathe, he’s panting.
He needs to go back. He needs to do something. Yet he doesn’t.
He’s a terrible friend...
A ghast cries nearby. Right. Ghast tears, regen ingredients. Just- a detour, is all. He’ll finish gathering what he’s missing later. For now, he can focus on something else. He can still help.
It’s something, at least..
~
He’s exhausted.
That’s the main thing he thinks about once he steps into the little town they’ve built. Five houses for each of them surrounding the center. There’s light coming inside of Blue’s. It’s close to dinner time, the sun preparing to set. No one should notice him then.
He places chests outside each of their houses, filling them with their respective gifts. It took a week to gather it all, but it’s finished. He doesn’t uh..
He doesn’t know what to do now. He looks at Blue’s house—breath hitching. Dinner, right. He grimaces. He doesn’t think he could... Would they really want him there?
That feeling comes back again, twisting his stomach in knots and sending a chill through his body. The nerves. He’s still not used to it, not when it comes to his friends. He always used to be so confident, but now…
He’s unsure.
He needs to do something. Something to keep him busy- keep him focused on anything other than his thoughts. He forces his feet to move and tears his gaze away from that house, walking in a random direction. He doesn’t know where he’s going, all he knows is that he can’t see them. Not yet. He wants to. So badly, he does. But he just… can’t.
He walks mindlessly. In the back of his mind, he wonders if anyone will come for him. If he’s… worth it. The trouble of being looked for. He wants to be, even after everything, but he can’t shake the uncertainty of not knowing where he truly stands with them. They never had a talk about it. Didn’t mention it beyond his poor excuse of an apology. And he’s so worried about being cast out again. How far is too far? How can he function knowing what kind of person he can be with just a little push? How can he live knowing it could happen again?
He wants to go far, far away from this place. Somewhere they can never find him, somewhere he can’t hurt them. But he’s so tired. His feet drag behind him, each step slower than the last, until he stops altogether. It’s not like he can continue anyway, he’s reached a cliff.
Cherry blossom trees litter the area, petals blowing in the soft breeze. Just like his burnout announcement. He laughs at the irony. Looking over the edge, he sees the forest continue on the ground. Green sits, legs dangling over, and watches the sun descend.
He’ll wait until it’s over. It’s not the first time he’s skipped dinner this week. He’ll just eat something else.
He’s just busy, he tells himself. It’s just a walk. He’ll go back later. It’s fine.
It’s all fine.