Chapter Text
Everything is fine.
It’s fine.
Bobby is alive. He survived. He fought. Both he and Athena took some time off. They don’t know when they’ll be back, but judging from the photos and videos they send to the group chat, they look happy.
Chris and Eddie are back. For good. They moved in a few months ago. Chris smiles all day, and sometimes Buck catches Eddie watching his son like he still can’t believe he’s really here — like they’re still in El Paso, unhappy, uprooted, stuck with a family they never chose.
Maddie and Chim just had a baby boy. Kevin. The tired‑but‑happy parents are settling into their new life. No storm on the horizon. The little family is healthy, and no postpartum depression is knocking at the door. A relief for the whole firefam.
Hen, Karen, and the kids are living their quiet life. No obstacles. Just love.
Even Ravi looks like he’s living his best life.
So why can’t Buck? Why does he feel so… numb?
Sure, he’s still living in an apartment full of boxes. He hasn’t found the right moment to unpack — with everything that happened… Sometimes, when he wakes up, he forgets where he is for a few minutes. He forgets why he’s not at his loft anymore, or on Eddie’s couch. Then the memories come back. The fear. The emptiness. The fake smiles.
Today is one of those days. It’s five in the morning. His shift starts in a few hours, but he can’t move. Another day without Bobby as Captain. Another day of pretending. Hen will give him that look — the one that sees right through him. Eddie’s brows will furrow again. Chim, now temporary captain, has other things to worry about, but Buck overheard Hen asking him if he knew something. He didn’t stay long enough to hear the answer.
He knows he can push through. It wouldn’t be the first time. But today… he can’t. Deep down, he knows what’s happening. It’s not the first time he’s felt this way. He knows what depression feels like, and he knows how to deal with it. When it got this bad, he used to call Maddie — she’s been his safe place since childhood — but she’s busy with her own life now. She just had a second kid. He won’t bother her.
Usually, he’d call Eddie. Eddie would show up with a movie and beers, no explanation needed. But with Bobby gone and Chim stepping in, Eddie is working with Hen.
With his two main supports out of reach… he has no choice but to get through the morning alone.
It’s not until six that he finally manages to get out of bed and take a shower. He looks awful. Dark circles under his eyes, even a hint of green in his complexion. He takes his time getting dressed. He knows he should eat, but the thought of food makes him nauseous. He’ll eat at the station. Maybe.
Hen is already there when he arrives. She’s restocking the ambulance. Eddie is working out with Ravi. Chim is nowhere to be seen.
You can do it, Buckley.
He greets everyone with a fake grin. Of course, only Hen stops what she’s doing to greet him back. She even follows him up to the loft.
“Coffee?”
“Yes, please,” he answers without looking at her. If he meets her eyes, he’s not sure he’ll be able to hold back the tears.
“You okay?”
Of course she knows. Of course she sees it in seconds.
“Yeah.”
Even a stranger would know that’s a lie.
“Try again,” she says, pouring two cups and handing him one. “More convincing this time.”
“Sorry,” he sighs. “Don’t worry about me, Hen. I just need a few minutes to get out of my head.”
“You know, Buckaroo… if you need someone to talk to—”
“I’m fine, Hen.”
“Yeah, that’s what you’ve been saying every day since the lab. Maybe even before. Buck, I’m worried about you.”
“It’s okay. Nothing I can’t handle. You don’t have to worry.” He knows he should end the conversation, but he can’t find a way out. Hell, he even considers saying the q‑word.
“You know… if you don’t want to talk to me, you can talk to Eddie or Maddie or anyone else. We’re family, Buck. We take care of each other.”
“It’s stupid. There’s nothing wrong, you know? I don’t have a reason to feel like this. Everyone is happy and alive, so… why can’t I?”
He stirs his coffee with the spoon, avoiding her gaze.
“Look… I know you’re not a therapy fan, but have you thought about it? I get that you don’t want to talk to us… but you can’t stay like this. We all see the dark circles, how quiet you are, how you fidget. The last time I saw you like this was after the lawsuit.” She sees him shiver at the memory. “I’m not saying this to hurt you. I swear. That day, I thought ‘this is it, life broke him for good, we won’t get our Buckaroo back.’ But you proved me wrong, Buck. And you have no idea how relieving that was. I don’t know what happened between your first shift and the next, but… if it wasn’t dangerous or stupid, maybe you could use it again.”
Lost in thought, he barely registers what he whispers next. “Lucy cheered me up.”
Hen frowns, not understanding at first.
“Lucy? Donato?”
“No. Lucy. My Lucy. Maddie called her. She was worried and didn’t know what to do.”
Hen takes his hands gently. “What do you think about doing it again?”
“Yeah, I could call her.” Hen releases his hands and waits.
“Do it.”
“I will.” He won’t.
“Now, Buck. Do it now.”
“She’s working. I can’t disturb her. I’ll call her tomorrow. Promise.”
“Fine.” She doesn’t believe him. That’s why she adds, “If you don’t, I’ll ask Maddie and Eddie to take care of you.”
“You won’t have to. I promise, Hen. We just… we have our own lives, you know? I can’t just show up and mess with her plans.”
Hen knows most of the story, but not everything. Buck overshares, but Lucy is different. Eddie and Maddie are his safe places, but Lucy… Lucy is his heaven. She’s the only one who can reach him when it’s too late. He knows he’ll call her. Just not now. Not at eight in the morning. Because the moment he presses “send,” she’ll come. She always does. And it goes both ways.
Thinking about seeing her again after months is enough to clear some of the fog in his mind. Hen must notice, because she smirks.
At that moment, Eddie and Ravi walk in, chatting about a TV show Buck only knows by name. Hen pours two more cups. The conversation is over, but the day is just beginning.
Buck’s last thought before the call comes in is, Please, a quiet shift.
Quiet is always a cursed word.
A kid stuck in a tree during hide‑and‑seek. A woman thrown off her bike into a rose bush because she was looking at her phone. A man who put nonstick foil in the microwave — kaboom, as Ravi says. Two teenagers playing truth or dare with lighters, toilet paper, and a dog defending his home.
The 118 barely has time to eat or breathe. Their shift is almost over when the alarm rings again. Dispatch says officers were arresting a suspect when he tried to escape through a too‑narrow shortcut.
“According to Officer Chen, the suspect is stuck but fine. She’s waiting for you next to the—”
But Buck isn’t listening anymore. Hen is grinning. She knows. She knows he’ll see Lucy today. Fucking q‑word.
They arrive quickly. Lucy is with a young Black officer — a boot, judging by the long sleeves and clumsy stance. She’s talking to him. The suspect, a tall man dressed in black, is wedged between two walls. If Buck were mean, he’d say the guy should slow down on the beer and chocolate.
Lucy briefs them. If she notices Buck isn’t okay, she doesn’t show it.
“This dumbass tried to escape after robbing the cashier at the Farmer’s Market,” she sighs as Eddie and Hen check the suspect’s vitals. “We don’t know his identity yet. I didn’t want to touch anything before you got here.”
Buck and Ravi get to work, cutting the bars.
“Buck, Ravi, make it quick,” Hen warns. “I don’t like the sound of his breathing.”
“We won’t know the damage until he’s out,” she adds.
They work fast and carefully. The suspect is freed. Buck stays closest to him. Lucy and her boot, Miles, stand nearby.
“So… two bad choices in one day,” Miles says.
“I know I should’ve stayed in bed this morning.”
“Yeah, well, sometimes you need to listen to that little voice in your head. She’s here to help you.” For anyone else, it would sound like generic advice. But for Buck, it’s a message. Lucy knows he needs her. And she’s telling him she’s here. Again.
“And if that’s not enough,” she adds, “you call for help.”
“I called. But no one listened.”
“So you thought breaking the law was the solution?” Buck asks.
“You don’t get it. She was about to break up with me. I had to do something. She deserves a queen’s life. You’re a golden boy. People fight for you. No one fights for me.”
The words hit Buck harder than he expects. He almost steps back. Everyone is cleaning up. Lucy is talking into her radio. Miles is distracted by a speeding car.
Only Buck sees the knife.
“KNIFE!”
He shouts, lunges, and grabs the suspect’s wrist before he can reach Lucy. The blade slices his hand, but he barely feels it. Lucy reacts instantly, cuffing the man and barking orders at Miles.
Eddie is the first to reach him.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.” But Eddie knows him too well. Buck is bleeding.
“Put him in the shop and wait for me,” Lucy orders sharply.
Eddie is already stopping the bleeding.
“Sorry we didn’t see the knife.”
“Don’t wo—”
“You should’ve checked. It could’ve been worse.”
“Yeah.”
Lucy doesn’t answer, but she doesn’t take her eyes off Buck until Hen steps beside her and rests a hand on her shoulder.
“You’re not hurt?” Hen asks.
“No. He stopped him before.”
“Okay. Eddie, what do you think?”
Eddie sighs. “Stitches… Buck, what were you thinking?”
“I didn’t want him to hurt anyone.”
“Great job, then, since he hurt you. You can’t keep going like this. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you need to wake up.”
Lucy sees the flicker in Buck’s eyes. He’s hurt. Emotionally. She exchanges a meaningful look with Hen before speaking.
“Thanks for stepping in. I have to go, but it’s always a pleasure working with you.”
She leaves without another word.
That evening, after her shift, she texts Buck to say she’ll be there in an hour with dinner. She chooses pizza. When she arrives, she hasn’t received an answer, but the Jeep is there. She frowns, anxiety rising. She knows Buck is struggling with all the recent changes, and he never handles change well.
It’s her first time seeing his new place in person. Until now, time slipped by too fast. Ironic, considering how many messages they exchanged about the layout and decoration.
She knocks. No answer.
“Evan! Open the door! I brought pizza!”
Nothing.
“Evan! Either you open up or I’m opening it myself.”
The door finally opens. Buck stands there, eyes swollen, face red. He’s been crying.
“Oh, Buck…” She pulls him into her arms and guides him to the couch, noting the state of the apartment. She’s going to need to take a few days off. The last time she saw him like this was during the lawsuit against Bobby. The same Bobby Buck saw as a father. The same Bobby he thought he’d lost back then. The same Bobby who is now dead.
She puts the pizzas in the oven to keep them warm and hands him a beer.
“Did you take anything?”
“No. Nothing.” She believes him.
“What’s going on, Buck?”
“I don’t know.” There’s no point lying — Lucy can read him like a book. “I just feel… empty.” He wipes a tear. “I tried, you know? I’m trying. But sometimes it just feels too hard. Why Bobby? Maybe I should’ve left the 118 like I planned. Everything feels so different… Chim is captain. Hen and Eddie work together. And I’m with Ravi. Ravi’s great, but it’s not the same. With Eddie, we understood each other without talking, and Ravi…”
He stops, realizing he’s sharing too much.
“You should’ve called me sooner, Evan…” Lucy says softly. “You know what? I’m staying with you for a while. I think you need it. We could even travel a bit?”
“No. They need me.” Another tear falls. “I promised Bobby I’d be there for them.”
“Okay. No problem. I’m here. I’m not leaving you.”
Lucy doesn’t know much about what really happened that day. She knows Bobby almost died. She knows Chim almost died. She knows Hen almost died. And most of all, she knows Evan was stuck outside, hands and feet tied, unable to help the people he considers his family.
She also knows that thanks to Buck, Tommy, and Athena, everyone made it out alive.
And she knows, more than anything, that Buck did not walk away from that day unscathed.
She should have been there.
For better or for worse. In sickness and in health.
Because Buck was sick — not physically, but deeply, silently. He has been fighting his mental health for so long.
The whole situation with Dr. Wells didn’t help. Since then, he refuses to see a therapist and isn’t followed by anyone.
So she’s here. She tries to be present, the way he has always been for her.
She eventually tucks Evan into his bed, exhausted, and heads to the guest room to do the same for herself. Tomorrow, she’ll drive Evan to work, then stop by her apartment to grab clothes for a week. After that, she’ll figure things out. She also needs to call Grey to arrange something for the next few days.
Yes. She’ll do all of that.
Because Evan Buckley has spent his whole life saving others. And tonight, it’s his turn to be saved.